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"It was two days after my fifteenth birthday, the last time me and my mom had a careless day together. After a lot of convincing, my father agreed to let us leave leave the house and celebrate, so we had a mother daughter spa day. Manicure, pedicure, massage, all that jazz." I pause and smile at the memory that so vividly plays in my mind. "We got back and he was drunk as always, but didn't abuse me or her that night and the next day he was gone. The day after that and he still never came back, so we thought maybe, just maybe, the torture would end."
My breath catches in my throat when the dream I just had comes rushing back. Only it wasn't a dream, it was a memory.
Braiden hugs me tighter rubbing small circles on my back to comfort me, which usually helps.
"We planned on running away that night, but were pretty hesitant because we did it before and he found us. I thought my mom came in my room so late to tell me that we could leave, but it was to tell me that he came back." A tear slides down my face and drops into my mouth leaving a salty taste behind. "Just as I got out the window he broke down the door wanting to kill me."
Braiden's jaw tenses when I mention this, but he remains silent, allowing me to finish.
"My mom stepped in the way to save me, which caused him to focus on her instead. I've never seen someone with so much rage in their eyes before. It was almost like someone lit a fire inside him, that could only be put out by letting go of the anger. Within seconds he grabbed her by the neck and started choking her right in front of me. He threw her into the wall a couple times and squeezed her throat until-" sobs cut off my sentence and hot tears roll down my cheeks.
"Ryan, I'm so sorry." Braiden murmurs into my hair. "No one deserves to go through that."
"But what if I do?" I cry out to him, but mainly to myself. "I should have saved her, but I couldn't, it should have been me, not her! I should have died!" I scream, letting out everything that's been building inside me for years.
"Ryan Hunter, look at me." Braiden says sternly, lightly tilting my chin to look at him. "You did not deserve that, and should not have been the one to die. There's no way you could have saved her, your mom wanted you to live, Ryan. Don't ever think for a second that you shouldn't be here, because people need you. I need you."
He rests his chin on top of my head, lightly rocking me back and forth to calm down the sobs wracking my body.
Once the tears flowing down my face like a waterfall finely slow down, I'm able to choke out another sentence. "I'll never be able to forget her face. The look in her eyes that was begging for someone to save her, begging to continue to live her life."
"Sometimes we're not meant to forget, because that makes us who we are. Remember her for the strong-" he kisses a tear off my cheek with each word, "kind, loving person she was, Ryan, because that's what she would want."
I slowly nod my head which is buried into his chest. It feels so safe in his arms making me wish I could stay here forever and escape all the problems we have to face.
"Why don't you go change into some dry clothes, but be careful with your leg." Braiden suggests, brushing the hair from my face.
"Oh yeah, you had to wake my up with cold water. I mean at least warm it up first." I tease, trying to lighten the mood, even though we both know that's going to be hard.
A forced smile crosses his lips, and I know he's still processing all the information. If I'm being honest, it feels so good to not be hiding anything from him anymore. I haven't talked about that with anyone since she died, sure, Mike knows bits and pieces, but nobody knew the full story. The closet door lets out a loud creak when I pull it open as I search for my grey sweats and black t-shirt. My hands land on the soft material, so I pull them out and head to the bathroom to change. The doors closes and I turn on the dull yellow lights which illuminate the room.
The girl looking back at me in the mirror is someone I don't recognize.She looks broken, depressed, anxious, but also... lighter... free. Her hazel eyes are now a brighter color, almost green, but bloodshot on the white parts. Her shoulders which were once hunched over, are now pulled back and instead of her lips turned down in a constant frown, they twinge upwards. The sadness will be there forever along with the memories, but not weighing down on everything, they're just... there.
I take one last glance at myself then turn on the shower, washing away the tear stains on my red cheeks, wash away the guilt of not being able to save her and accept the fact that I was able to keep my life and I'll live it for her. The warm water starts to turn cold against my skin, so I turn it off and slip on my clothes.
When I open the door, Braiden is already sleeping, so I limp over to the bed and lay down next to him. I feel a warm arm drape across my waist as Braiden pulls me closer.my eyelids get heavier and heavier until finally, they close and for once, I fall into a dreamless sleep.
Braiden's POV~Age Eighteen
My heart shatters into pieces when the words I wish I never would have heard leave her mouth.
"But what if I do?" She cried out to me, the pain and fear burning like fire in her eyes. "I should have saved her, but I couldn't, it should have been me, not her! I should have died!" Ryan loudly screamed the words and after she collapsed into my arms, almost as if they knocked the wind out of her.
I've never seen her look so broken before. Ryan's always putting up walls around her that she thinks people can't see through, but every now and then I see through the cracks and get a glimpse of what she's really thinking. Only now, it's not just a crack in the wall, the whole thing came crashing down.
Her tears wet my shirt, but it doesn't matter, the only thing that does it the fact that she has to know how much she does.
"Ryan Hunter, look at me." My voice comes across as harsh, so to lighten the situation I lightly tilt her chin up to look at me. "You did not deserve that, and should not have been the one to die. There's no way you could have saved her, your mom wanted you to live, Ryan. Don't ever think for a second that you shouldn't be here, because people need you. I need you."
Every single word that leaves my mouth holds so much truth that I even surprise myself. After her tears finally subside I realize that her body is lightly shivering from the water I dumped on her. It was scary how much she was reacting to the dream and the fact that water was the only way to wake her up. No matter how much I shook her or yelled her name she remained stuck in the nightmare.
When I suggest that she should change, she agrees and gets up to grab some clothes. Immediately I miss the way her body fit in mine, making it hard to not pull her back next to me. The bathroom door closed and she disappeared leaving me alone to process all of the information she just told me.
The kiss from tonight runs through my mind. Never in my life has anything felt so right, and there was no ignoring the fact that my body literally felt like it got electrified. Ian's face flashes through my head not shortly after, along with the gash he left in her leg. Man I'm glad that son of a bitch is dead, but he was only one of many. The other scars on it were I can only assume from her father.
Rage courses through my veins as I picture him doing god knows what to my girl. If I could lay a hand on him I swear-
The door swings open and interrupts my thoughts. Ryan steps out so I close my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping. What's weird is the fact that she looked different... almost like telling me everything lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. Adoration for her surges through me when I take in the fact that she trusted me enough to tell me her story. If I'm awake she might make me go back to my room and right now all I want to do is hold her in my arms while trying to take away some of her pain.
The bed lightly dips down when she crawls in next to me. I can feel the warmth radiating off of her into the cold room. Screw being asleep. Almost instinctively my arm reaches out and wraps around her. I gently pull her closer to me and bury my head into her hair which smells like cocoa and honey from the shampoo she used.
Her whole body relaxes and her eyes flutter closed. After about five minutes I realize that her breathing is at a steady pace which means she probably sleeping. Instead of Ryan's face being scrunched up with worry, it looks peaceful.
She's so beautiful, but has no idea. I love the way her hair falls into perfect waves when it dries from a shower, I love how she isn't afraid to speak her mind, I love the fact that when she smiles it makes me smile from how bright it is, or when she's angry I can see the fire and passion in her eyes, I love how she fits perfectly in my arms and the feeling I get whenever she touches me - kisses me. I love the fact that I'm falling in love with Ryan Hunter.