001.
ROMANTIC TRAGEDY
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It was a chilly opening to the brand new year, that passes by me, a shiver running down my body. My face numbs in the cold, pushing my chin into more warmth my scarf can give.
Yet again another crispy breeze, hits me. My arms lock against my chest as I desperately roam my gaze for something that can give me a slight chance of warmth, well, preferably long lasted heat, and that's when my eyes find a bench covered by a ray of sunlight.
Although it's a rather cold day to be having a walk in the park, I just seemingly conclude that indeed, it can truly be beautiful regardless what weather brings.
My feet walk me towards the heated bench. Well, in my defence, it's better than being frozen the whole time so I assume it's heated compared to this blizzard.
I rest my bottom onto it, sinking into the beautiful sunlight on this early morning and absorbing the vitamin D, I lack so on.
Fresh air, just exactly what I needed.
I close my eyes, the bird chirping giving me every right too. And it feels for almost a split second, all my worries have completely vanished. But then I open my eyes back into reality, because the worries and painful thoughts, bobble back up again.
And boy, does it hurt.
My eyes dangerously watch the sun peaking through the white balls of mystery—I never understood what clouds were made of—and I squint my eyes gazing out of the box of sunlight and more further towards the grass.
My heart race rapidly picks up and my swarming pain, fumes inside of me. There's a decent couple ahead of me, but I cannot bare to look away, and I seemingly don't know why. I can't exactly outline their facial features nor do I even think I know them, because they're quiet far but I cannot help to get out of my cosy seat, losing a lot of sun, to have a closer look.
Am I being a stalker? I ask myself, abruptly shaking my head in disagreement. No, just a tad bit nosey.
I finally arrive at a reasonable place, close but not too close.
And it's as if, my whole life takes a drastic turn—in which I can no longer return too.
It's my boyfriend. My, boyfriend. My love, my precious, the one I'd sacrifice my life for, my everything. My insignificant other that has questionably, shattered my world of love, in pieces.
His hands wrap around onto her waist, his lips marking hers with the same lips he kissed me with. His chest is pressed against hers, the same place I laid my head against too, to hear the mellifluous sound of his heart beat. The heart beat that picked up, every time we touched.
But now, your being touched by someone else. I don't know who she is, but it feels like I do, it feels like I should do.
Is this why you weren't home with me everyday? Or am I overthinking. Should I be overthinking? When you see your beloved lover, making love to someone else, is it okay to overthink? To judge too quickly? To hurt too quickly?
This brings back moments of us—of me, of you and me, always overthinking.
I remember the days were it was just you and I. We were like kids in adults bodies. Our love was like two teenagers who had just madly fallen in love and wanted to do anything and everything, with each other.
If you loved me, I would love you too. If I broke my leg, you'd help me walk. If you lost your memory, I'd be your montage. If you were in pain, I'd be your reliever. If I was angry, you would sing me too happiness. If you cheated on me, I'd battle the love I have for you and leave you. If I cheated on you, you would leave me without thinking twice.
And that's exactly what you did, only I didn't cheat, you did.
Which now vaguely makes more sense. I now understand why you came home so late. It wasn't because of work, although I understood perfectly that your job was tough, but more of it was from fleeing from me.
In a way where you had another person when you didn't want me. How was I so stupid? How could I have been so oblivious?
So oblivious to the answer, that distanced ourselves from eachother. I thought we were actually going to start that business we always wanted to begin, get married and build a family. A family that signified love and equality.
But too bad you cheated.
Yet you knew, how much I loved you. How much I still love you, yet seemingly, you repay me like this. Denting the image of our family I always wanted, breaking my heart and stabbing me in the back all while, looking dead straight at me.
Crucial. It's a shame. A shame that I wasn't good enough for you.
• • •
Days passed painfully slow, and coincidentally there was no sign of Jungkook. It seemed rather clear he didn't want to see me. Perhaps he knew, that I knew, that he was cheating?
And all along these days, his presence was never found. I waited and waited, but there was no call, no text, no don't worry about me sweetheart, I'm running a bit late from work, or, if you go to sleep, who's going to kiss me goodnight?
What really happened to us? It's like all of our memories were apart of my dream and I've only now woken up into reality. One in which I don't belong in.
I frustratedly washed my dishes, still hoping for him to come home. His home, our home.
It was bothering me how he didn't contact me once—I knew I had seemingly grew hatred for the guy, but my heart still aches knowing I don't know where he could be right this moment.
As soon as I reminisce a memory of him, the front door rattles before I hear footsteps. Footsteps that welcomed their way into the kitchen.
I turn around, my eyes meeting a devastating view. One that burns my eyes but I can't do anything but bear it.
If looks could kill, that would have been him. I felt my heart sink as his clothes were as clear as ice. His appearance just said, I-just-had-a-one-night-stand, as he walked closer to pull me in a hug, which I refused.
Of course I'd refuse. His zipper was down, his hair looked as if someone had been digging their fingers through it, and he didn't even have the decency to sort out his tie or shirt (which was buttoned incorrectly) and dared to embrace me in the arms he held another woman in?
He stumbled back, skeptical with one brow up—obviously not understanding what I was doing so he tried again, which again I refuse.
"What's wrong, love? I missed you so much. Our kisses, our hugs. Your beautiful smile." He dazedly speaks, almost as if he's a bit tipsy.
Although he was drunk, a good reason that what he said had no utter meaning to him, reflected the same on me. It was weird, but my heart hadn't budged a bit, his words were complete lies.
I grimaced at him, suddenly feeling nauseous. "Where have you been this whole week?" I said sternly.
His eyes widened, taken back. "You know the usual," he nervously avoided my eyes, "I went Japan for some business trip that's why, I couldn't answer your calls, I was so busy. But even so, I didn't stop thinking about you."
I smiled bitterly. What a bad liar. "No call, no text, nothing Jungkook. Do you really think I'm willing to believe that excuse?"
He was clearly lost. His mouth kept opening and closing, not sure what to say. "E–Excuse?" I nod, "well, the trip wa—"
"What—the trip didn't allow you to use your own god damn phone? Christ sake Jungkook, it's the 21st century. Who you trying to fool?" I was beyond irritated now.
He narrowed his eyes, slamming his hand onto the counter. "Why are you being so, bitchy today. Are you, okay or is something wrong. Have I done something wrong because the last time I've checked, I didn't." I glared at him, are you serious right now? "You know what?" He slams the counter again."I'm done. I'm done, I'm just sick of this."
I narrowed my eyes, "sick of what?"
"You."
"Me?" I snapped. "How dare you say your sick of me, when you don't know how much I have been suffering lately because of your existence!" I poked mid air, trying to get my point out clearer.
He scoffed, "suffering? You don't suffer. You have everything when you want it, how you want it." He chuckled sourly.
"I'm sorry, is this really the time to fight against a woman who has seen so much, she doesn't even know how to adequately describe her life anymore." My voice wavered by the intense pressure I built. "Don't you wonder why our relationship has gotten nowhere these past few months. Nowhere Jungkook, nowhere. And how you have the nerve to testify whether I'm suffering or not." He remained silent as I carried on.
"Day and night I waited for my beloved boyfriend to come home so I can shower him with love, kindness and show how much he means to me. But how could I, when I saw your true colours Jungkook—you were always god damn it, with her."
My vision blurred, I was seconds away from crying a rainfall.
"You didn't need my kisses or my love and comfort. Because you had her. For god knows how long, but you had her. Did you think I was stupid enough to not know that you were cheating on me behind my back? Was I some kind of toy for you? Did you ever really love me or was it just a complete mistake?" I cried out.
And the rainfall, began.
"Must you need me to say everything for you to understand that I was and am truly suffering?" A loud, broken sigh left my mouth.
I stare at him emotionless. Mesmerised by my words. Astonished by my state of mind. Intrigued by my unwelcoming tears. Yet broken from my tone and truth that impregnates his mind.
His eyes softened, "Im so sorry." He cried out, "I never knew, you'd feel like this."
A raspy laugh escapes my mouth, "oh, and how did you think I was going to feel?" He looked away, mumbling, "different."
My fists clenched, my nails digging into my flesh. "Now I want you to let these words sink in real hard Jungkook, because I swear. If I ever see your face again, I promise you will regret everything."
He gulped, gazing at my form he had never seen until now. "Pack everything, I want you to leave this house. I can't love a man who can't seem to love me back." I said before escaping from that room. But just before I can leave, he grips onto my arm, and for a split second, my heart races.
But I shook it off, I didn't want to believe what we had, still existed nor did I want to cycle that attraction I still had for him.
I locked my gaze with his, not believing that I actually fell deeply into them the first time I saw them. Too bad that nothing good ever lasts forever.
And with that thought, I yank myself away from him and leave him to be. Locking myself in our room, correction, my room
I touch my belly, glancing at my reflection through the mirror with a tear rolling down my cheek and a smile across my face. The corner of my belly pokes out and I catch its touch against the palm of my hand—beautiful.
"You did it." I reassured myself.
He was gone for good. It will be hard to move on but easier than to see him everyday.
Jeon Jungkook was gone, and took a part of me with him.
But our baby, was worth living for.
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I'm crying in the club rn