Three nights later, Liam came in the bedroom to find Niall sitting up in the bed and waiting for him. Niall patted the mattress.
"What? No school tonight?"
"Nope. Not tonight."
"Why not?"
"I wanted to talk. Remember?"
His expression changed. "Right." He sat down on the bed and looked at Niall who took hold of his hand.
"Don't be nervous. I just want to be honest with you about why I've been afraid to go further with you because I know constantly stopping you is making you frustrated with me."
"No. Not with you. Only with the situation. If you're not ready, you're not ready."
"But it's not just that I'm not ready. It's more than that."
Liam caught his breath. More than that? He knew he had been wanting an answer but now that he was about to get it, he wasn't sure that he wanted it anymore. "Okay."
"First of all, it's not you. I know you thought that it was you but it isn't. It's just... It's not that easy to let go of the past when it's with me every second of the day. And it's not that I'm lying to you either. I just didn't tell you the whole truth."
"About what?"
"About my life. You know that I'm adopted but it's time you know why. Just please... Please bear with me."
"I'm listening." He assured.
Now Niall took a deep breath, deciding to just dive right into it. "It was when I was five years old. One night, I was sleeping in my bed and I woke up to something burning my back. I screamed out loud, fell to the floor and rolled around. At first, I wasn't sure what it was, but then I saw my brother Greg standing over me and smiling with a match and a matchbox in his hand. He had set me on fire."
Liam gasped. "What? I didn't know you had a brother. And he set you on fire? On purpose?"
"Yes. And it wasn't his first time setting something on fire for fun either. He used to set small things on fire. Like my mother's handbags and even the dog's old doghouse. That second one actually set the yard on fire and the fire department had to come put it out. My parents told them it was an accident but they got fined for burning in the city."
"Wow, really?"
"Yeah. But luckily when I rolled over, I put out the fire so it didn't have that much time to spread to other parts of my body like it did in the yard."
"But what about your parents. Did they know he did that?"
"Yeah. When I screamed, they came running. But they loved Greg. He was their first child and they knew that with his impulse disorder, he'd be sent to a mental hospital. They were scared for him because he was only twelve."
"You were only five then. So... he's seven years older than you."
"Right."
"That is young."
"It is. By the time they rushed me to the hospital, I was unconscious because I had gone into shock. But while I was getting treatment, they lied to the doctors. Since it was wintertime, they told them that I stood too close to the fireplace and one of the fire embers popped on me and set my pajamas on fire. And when I woke up, they told me I was supposed to tell the doctors the same thing."
"Did you do it?"
"I did."
"And they believed it?"
"Yep. And I had to explain it a lot of times because they suspected child neglect. I know it was wrong for them to deny Greg help and put me at risk but they were scared to lose him and I didn't want to be the reason he was taken from them. They'd been keeping Greg's illness a secret for quite a few years up to that point. I couldn't mess that up and make them mad at me. So I suffered through first, second and third degree burns and it took me months to fully recover and go through rehab but I felt better, knowing they didn't lose either of their children that night."
Liam rubbed his shoulder tenderly. "I'm glad they didn't lose you either. Because I can't imagine what life would be like without you now."
That brought a small smile to his face. "That's sweet. Thanks."
"So is that it?"
He shook his head and the look on his face looked as if he was recounting a painful memory. "I wish it was. Three years later, when I was sleep in bed once again, I heard the fire alarm go off. It wasn't me that was on fire this time but I did get a whiff of smoke in the air." He took his glasses off and it was the first time tears started to form in his eyes. "Prior to that, my parents had taught me what to do in case something like this had ever happened because with Greg in the house, there was always that possibility more often than normal. I kept a knife in my dresser and what I was supposed to do was open my window, use it to cut the screen loose and climb out. The house was only one story so I couldn't get hurt jumping out of the window."
He started to choke up and Liam let go of his hand to rub his shoulder.
"I knew not to go looking for them so I did what I was supposed to do. By the time I got out and ran around front, Greg was already outside and he had matches in his hand again. I knew by the look of gleam on his face that he was the cause of it. I remember bawling so hard and waiting for my parents to come out but they never did. They died in the house fire because he started it in their room and trapped them so they couldn't get out."
"Oh, Ni." Liam pulled Niall in for a hug. "I didn't know any of this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
"Me too. Obviously we needed matches in case of emergencies. And they thought that they could just hide them from him and it would be fine. But somehow he kept finding them. Sometimes I wish they had just not bought them at all. Then they'd still be alive."
"Or if..." Liam changed his mind. He didn't want to say anything to offend him right now. "Never mind."
"I don't hate them for it because I know they did it out of love. I just feel like they cared for him so much that they never realized what kind of danger they were actually putting themselves and their children in. Because as much as they wanted him to be normal, he was never going to be normal without the proper help."
He wiped his eyes and suddenly felt himself getting angrier.
"Ugh! I was so mad that I just blurted out the truth when the emergency responders got there. I told them he did set the house fire and I even told them how I got set on fire when I was five and about the doghouse that sat the yard on fire. Before and after extensive study and investigation, it didn't take them long to find out what was wrong. He was diagnosed with with a rare mental illness called Pyromania. Then they sent him away to a mental hospital. I went into an adoption home after that and I never saw him again. Not until a few days ago when I visited him at the mental hospital."
Liam was confused. "A few days ago? You mean when you were supposed to go shopping? Is that why you forgot the milk? I thought you said you never lied to me."
Niall sat up frantically and looked at him. "I didn't lie. I did go shopping and I really forgot about the milk. I just didn't tell you where else I was going besides that."
Liam was disappointed.
"The thing is, I just needed to see him before I told you. I had to face my own fears first and seeing him was the only way to get the courage to tell you because I was scared."
"Scared about what?"
"What you'd think of me. I never worried about telling you the truth because I was only supposed to be your housemate. But we kissed and now I'm in love with you... Arhh, I'm the boyfriend with the crazy murderous brother. I could understand why no one would ever want to be with me."
"Except you're not like him. Just because he's your brother, it doesn't mean you're the same. I would never assume you're like him."
"But I still have flaws. And not just any flaws. I have ugly flaws. They're hideous."
"I'm sure that's not true. Nothing about you is hideous. I love every part of you."
"How? How can you love every part of me when you haven't even seen every part of me?"
Liam went quiet. That was true. He hadn't seen every part of him. How did he know he loved every part of him? "Well, I can't if you don't show me what they are. Cause I do want to see them and I do want to love them. Whatever they are, they might not be as bad as you think."
He nodded. "They are."
"Maybe to you. But you can't make that decision for me. Just show me what they are, babe. Just show me."
He hesitated a bit but not for too long because he knew he had planned to do this tonight anyway. "Okay. But I'm warning you. Once you see it, you probably wouldn't want to touch me anymore. But that's okay. I won't be mad. I'll understand."
After saying that, he reached back and grasped his shirt by the collar and pulled it over his head. Then he situated his body so that his back was to Liam.
"See?"
When Liam saw his back, he leaned forward to study it. He saw there were some discolored blotches, wrinkly patches and places where the skin looked as if it were being pulled. White spots appeared in some places and the skin was shiny like leather in other spots.
"Wow... from when you were five?" He asked quietly?
He nodded.
"Wow..." He repeated. "Does it hurt?"
"No." He said in frustration. "Why would it hurt? It's been fifteen years. It's completely healed."
"Right. I don't know why I asked that. I can tell how painful it must have been just by looking at it, though. You didn't even have a skin graft."
Suddenly, Niall buried his hands in his face and cried harder than he did before.
Liam frowned. "Niall."
"It's ugly, isn't it?" He blurted out.
"No. It's not ugly."
"Then why did you say that?"
Liam groaned inside. Why did he have to point out such a stupid thing? He just made things worse. "I'm sorry. I was just speaking the first thing that came to my mind. I didn't realize how insensitive it was."
Niall couldn't even look at him. "I tried but this is it, Liam. This is as good as it's getting. Some of the scarring is gone because of the treatment I had but everything else isn't going away. This is how you have to except me if you want to love every part of me. If my past and everything makes you change your mind about me, then that's okay. I just couldn't make myself hide from you anymore. Not when I saw the way it was making you feel."
Liam swallowed thickly. That really hurt him. He never expected to get a backstory like that from Niall. And he also never expected his reason for never taking things farther had to do with being embarrassed by his body scars. "Niall. Please look at me."
"No."
"Yes. I'm trying to sympathize with you but it's much easier for me to do that when you're looking at me. Please look at me."
Niall slowly readjusted his body so that he was facing him again.
"Nothing changes. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
He shook his head no.
"I'm saying I love you because of who you are and the way you make me feel all the time. The reason I loved you in the first place was not because I thought you didn't have burn scars. So why would I suddenly change my mind because you do. If I were to stop loving you, it would have to be a real reason. This is nothing to me."
"It may be nothing to you but it was everything to me. Fire has ruined my life. Therapy sessions up until I turned eighteen is the only thing that kept me from running from it now. But I missed so many opportunities. I never participated in sports at school because I was afraid to take a shower and risk the other boys walking in on me and seeing it. I turned down every pool party invitation I received from friends. And I never take my shirt off at the beach either. I feel trapped all the time all because I'm afraid to be judged. It's so frustrating!"
Liam put his hands on the side of Niall's face and wiped his tears away with his thumbs. "I know. I know. But you know what? Sometimes we understand people's past because it's written in their actions and in the way they carry themselves in everyday life. Yours is no different. Yours just happens to be written on your skin. It's written in scars."
"But that's not attractive."
"It's unique. And uniqueness is attractive. I love you as you are and seeing this won't make me love you any less. It actually makes me want to love you more because you loved me enough to tell your biggest secrets just so that I wasn't left wondering anymore. You're special to me and I'm happy that I can love one hundred percent of you now. I've been waiting a long time to get to do this."
Niall chewed his lip. "Really? So that's it? Things will go back to normal for you?"
"Yes. They already have."
"And you don't care how it looks?"
"No. Who cares how it looks? That doesn't matter." He took his hands from his face and let them fall in his lap. "I'm not saying that you're wrong to feel self conscious because that's natural and I know it takes time. But even if it still takes you a while to show your skin to the world, I'm grateful you're comfortable enough to show it to me. It means the world that you wanted to be honest with me."
That last sentence brought a smile to Niall's face and he leaned forward to hug him. When Liam rubbed up and down his back without a pause, an untold amount of joy entered his heart. He knew then, just how much Liam meant what he said. This really was nothing to him.
For a while, they stayed that way. There were no words. Just silence and a few sniffles here and there. But the relief they were both experiencing now that the truth had come to light meant everything. It was the first open door to complete honesty. And quite frankly, that newly opened door may have just revealed the way to a lot more good things to come for them.