Months passed and I didn't leave my bed, I was in so much pain. I could see that Ivar felt guilty, so I didn't told him about the pain. I know that Aslaug was in constant pain when she was pregnant with him, he is terrified at the thought of having a child like him.
"Steena, are you feeling better?" Ivar asked me, he couldn't sleep, I was starting to get worried.
"Ivar, you barely slept this night, please get some rest." I was trying to hide my pain, but Ivar saw right through it.
"You are still in pain, I need to take care of you." Ivar crawled to the bed and kissed my forehead, he sat next to me and put his arms around me.
I was in so much pain that I couldn't think straight, Ivar was saying something to me but I couldn't hear him.
He starts to rub my belly, it's not too big yet, but it's visible.
"You look so beautiful with my child on your belly." He kissed my cheek, I was so much cold.
"Ivar, can you grab some furs for me? I am cold." My eyes were closed, I have no energy.
He crawled and grabbed the furs, he puts on my body and comes back to the bed.
"I love you so much." He whispers in my ear.
"When did you discovered that you love me?" I asked him, hearing Ivar's voice it's the best thing to me now.
"Well, when we were kids and I killed that little boy, every child started to run, they were terrified of me. But you did not, you came with my mother and both of you calmed me. The only person that cared about me, was you and my mother. I was a kid, but I knew that I loved you." He chuckles and kissed my forehead again.
"I was so jealous of any boy that came talk to you, I would always scared them away." He plays with hair.
Despite the pain, I love being so close to Ivar like that. I could be in his arms forever, he makes me feel better.
"Ivar, if you loved me, why you were always distant from me?" I asked him.
"I thought that you were never going to love me, you were the daughter of Kaya and Brynjar. You deserve so much more than me, someone that does not bring pain in your life. I thought that I could kill you, I thought that I was not enough for you. And my heart would feel with anger and sadness, I could never speak too much with you, I remembered that you never would be mine." He smells my hair.
"But here you are, in my arms, having my sons and carrying my child. You are everything I need, I crave for you my Steena." This is the last thing I hear until I feel asleep.
I was sleeping the whole day, I didn't have the strength to leave my bed. The healer came to me every day, the baby was fine. The problem was with me, I don't know what's going on and I'm scared.
I was always crying too, I don't know why. I just wanted to cry and sleep all day, I was getting weaker. I didn't want to eat, or do anything else. Brynjar, Eirik and Halstein were always next to me on the bed, they were always talking to their new brother or sister.
"Mother, I was inside you before?" Halstein asked me, he was confused.
"Yes, and Brynjar and Eirik too. They were here first, this is why they are older." I was sitting on the bed with my back on the headboard, Brynjar, Eirik and Halstein were on my legs.
They were caressing my belly when Lagertha entered my room. She sits next to me on the bed and kissed my cheek.
"I was so worried about you, why you did not tell me that you and Ivar were together again before? I could have helped you." She whispers to me, so my sons couldn't hear.
It was time that Lagertha knows that Astrid said those things to me, she maybe plotting something against Ivar and Lagertha.
"Because of Astrid, she lied to me and Ivar wanted to find out why. But when he found out that I was with child, he did not care anymore." I looked at her and she frowned at me.
"Astrid? Why would she lied to you? She must pay for this, she lied to my child, I will make her pay." I could see the anger in her eyes.
"Lagertha, do not do anything without think." I warned her.
"Do not worry Steena, I never do. I will handle this problem and I will be here with you, you need a mother, even if I am not your mother." She kissed my forehead.
"Lagertha, since my mother died, you are my mother. You love me like a daughter and I love you like a mother." I smiled at her.
She kissed my sons and left my room, Ivar entered right after Lagertha.
"Are you feeling better?" Ivar crawled to the bed and hugged me.
"In a way, yes. I told Lagertha about Astrid, she said that she will handle Astrid." I said to him.
"Steena, she maybe behind all of this. You did not need to tell her." Ivar said softly and it made me angry.
"Ivar, Lagertha loves me like a daughter. She helped me when I had anyone, she helped with Brynjar and Eirik. Do you realize that I could be dead now? Me and our sons? You were not there, but she was. You did not help me, you did not hold me when I was in labor, you did not help me when Brynjar and Eirik were crying at night. So do not talk about Lagertha like that, she was more present than you." I said angry.
Ivar looked at me with guilt, I knew that this was hurting him, but right now I don't care.
"Steena...."
"I do not want to hear, leave this room. And do not bother to visit me, I do not want to see you, at least for a long time." I didn't look at him, he left and I signed.
How dare Ivar say something bad about Lagertha? Even knowing that Ivar wanted to kill her, she always hoped that I was together with him.
This made me feel more pain, I hope that everything is alright with my child.
................................................
I was with huge belly already, and even more tired. I didn't saw Ivar since that day, he made me really angry, and I don't want to be angry anymore.
I was sleeping, and I felt a huge pain. My child was coming, it was ready to born. I started to scream, I woke up my sons.
"Mother, what happened?" Brynjar said to me scared.
"Go find Lagertha my son, your little brother or sister wants to come out." I said with my eyes closed, I never felt so much pain.
Brynjar and Halstein left our room, and Eirik stayed with me.
After some time Lagertha entered with the midwife, and right after Brynjar and Halstein entered with Ivar.
The midwife prepared me, and Lagertha puts herself behind me. I was relieved that Lagertha was here with me, but I don't want Ivar here.
"Go away, I do not want you here." I screamed at Ivar.
"My love, I want to be here." He said to me.
"Go away." I said and I closed my legs from so much pain.
"Please, she needs to be calm." The midwife said to him.
Ivar left and sign relieved, I love him more than anything but I don't him here. He made me really angry and I don't that affect our child.
After some time the pain stoped, but I was really weak. I didn't have the strength to ask for my child, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl.
"Bring him in." I heard someone saying.
I didn't recognize the voice.
"My love, please. Do not leave me." I saw Ivar.
My anger towards him, went away.
"Ivar, I believe that I will die." I said to him, I closed my eyes and put my hand on his face.
"No, you can not leave me, leave us. We need you." I heard him crying.
"Ivar, promise me that you take care of our sons. I am sorry for being angry at you, it was stupid of me." My breath was short, I thought that he didn't heard me.
"No, we will raise them together. Please, do not leave me. I just found you again, I can not loose you again, I will go crazy." I could hear the pain in his voice, it broke my heart.
"I love you." I whisper to him.