-Sirius Black-
Stella Hart has always been a mystery.
From the day the Sorting Hat took one whole minute to decide where she belonged, to the day we realised she had known about Remus' Werewolf curse all along, to the day Peter and I caught her kissing a sexy Ravenclaw girl at a party and she told us that 'lips are just lips until they're not anymore, to the day she sent an anonymous letter to my mum telling her to 'piss off' after she found a collection of bruises on my back after the Christmas break in third year, to where we are now.
She's a ghost.
For the first couple days of our sixth year at Hogwarts Stella Hart is no longer a mystery. She's a god damn paradox box keeping all of her secrets, thoughts, emotions locked up inside with no way in and no way out.
After that fleeting moment of contact in the hallway- well, I wouldn't call it contact since we didn't touch, not once- we haven't spoken since. Remus managed to corner her in the bathroom and seemed to get a fair bit more out of her than I did, but he hasn't spoken to her since then either. None of the others have spoken to her either, not even Lily.
She's like a stranger, she's liker her mother. Respectable, formal, distant and the emobodiment of Slytherin with her gorgeous hair tucked away into a tight bun. And where there's Stella, there's Bellatrix and Narcissa which makes Lily want to actually hurle and I don't blame her. But through it all, she's still Stella, our Stella and we can't give up on her, now more than ever.
Voldemort is closing in.
I don't know how I know, but I know. The others feel it too. It's like this darkness, lying in wait around the heart, threatening to consume. That's the only way I know how to describe it. I wonder if Stella feels it too? She must, it can't just be her mother that's making her this way, because her mother has always been this way, always been cruel, but she's never turned away from us before, not like this. She must feel it too.
And that's why I have to save her. We. Why we have to save her.
So now we're at the bottem of the steps leading to the astronomy tower at about half eleven at night. We're saving Stella. Because she didn't go back to her room with Bellatrix and Narcissa tonight, no, she went to the astronomy tower.
Now, here's the thing about Stella Hart and the astronomy tower. It's her place. The place she goes when the world is falling apart and when it isn't. The place she goes to think about things and the place she goes to stare at the sky and not think at all. That's why when Lily came rushing into the Common Room, just in time for curfew, saying that Stella didn't go to her room tonight, we realised there was still hope left for our shooting star of a girl.
So we snuck through the castle, all five of us which was an achievement in itself, and we made it all the way to the pull ladder that would lead us to Stella before we hesitated.
"You sure she's up there?" Lily asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Yes." I whispered back.
Lily took a deep breath in.
"Okay then." She said, more to herself than to me.
It was turn to take a deep breath.
I mounted the ladder first and pushed up through the trapdoor, Lily right on my heels. Just before I moved through the open door, a shadow of doubt crossed my mind, what if she's not up there? What if I really don't know her anymore? But I move anyway and it's a good thing too, because she's there.
She's sitting on the very far edge of the tower, her feet dangling off the edge. Her head turns to me and her eyes grow wide and almost... afraid? Like a doe that's ready to spook, or a dove that's about to take flight, or a girl about to jump.
I get to my feet and the rest of them come up through the trapdoor, carefully. No one speaks at first, it's almost as if they realise how precious this moment is and how we musn't waste it.
Lily steps forward slightly.
"Hey Stell."
Stella's trembling.
"Hey Lil."
Lily moves again. Stella doesn't wait for her to speak.
"What are you guys doing here?" She asks.
"You didn't think you could miss Bonfire Night, did ya?" That was James, speaking up with his easy smile and relaxed posture.
Stella frowned.
"They're still doing Bonfire Night? What with..." She trailed off and I tensed, that was new. It's not like Stella to be afraid of saying Voldemort's name. It's not like Stella to be afraid of anything.
"Na, but we're improvising." James replied.
The frown softened but didn't go away alltogether.
"And you still want me?" She asked, everything about her drowning in vulnerability. "To come, I mean?" She added.
"Of course we do Stell." Remus spoke up, offering her a kind smile.
"Despite, everything?"
Lily stepped forward again.
"Despite everything." Lily smiled, one of her special smiles that she only saves for Stella.
The ghost of a smile crossed Stella's face.
"C'mon."
Lily boldly walked over to Stella and held out her hand.
"Let's go be psycho's together."
Stella really did smile then. It was slow at first, hesitant, but then when she took Lily's hand, it blossomed into a full blown grin and I realised just how much I had missed that god damned smile.
Lily pulled Stella to her feet and they walked over to us, still holding hands. James, Peter and Remus climbed down the ladder and I followed to, but not after lingering my gaze on her face, searching it for secrets.
All the while as we walked through the silent castle, I was memorising every detail of that smile because I wasn't sure when I would see it again. Stella was a few steps behind me, whispering questions as we slipped through the corridors.
"So by improvisng Bonfire Night, you mean...?"
James answered.
"I mean that we wanted to go ahead as normal but the rest of sixth year pussied out. So there's no Bonfire really but there's still the night."
"Pussied out? Really Potter?" Lily hissed and I smirked. Their bickering never got old.
"And why aren't we pussying out? Being that we're the ones he wants?" Stella asked and my smile dropped.
"Ah that's all theoretical, and besides Bonfire Night's a tradition." James laughed.
"Didn't seem all that theoretical in that forest. When we found Mathieu's body and we almost joined him." Stella said sharply and we all faltered. The moment grew thick and I turned to see Stella's finally unguarded expression. She really was afraid.
"Stella..." James' voice was softer than I expected when he finally broke the silence.
"We're not in the forest anymore. We're together. All of us. And we can't live in fear, not of the forest, or death, or Voldemort," James spat the very word out, "we can't be afraid and we can't lose each other."
And with that he turned and marched down the corridors.
We stood, stunned, for a moment. Lily's cheeks pink, Stella's lips parted, Remus' eyebrows raised, Pete's eyes wide and even I couldn't hide the wonder from my face as we all took in the moment where James Potter showed that he's more than just an arrogant asshole.
Slowly but surely we moved after him, through the castle and out, across the moonlit grounds into the forbidden forest.
No one noticed that before we steeped into the looming woods, Stella faltered, for just a second, her breath catching in her throat. But then she carried on and I pretended that I hadn't seen anything, even though it replayed in my head over and over as we moved through the forest.
Lily moved to walk beside James, their eyes locking for a split second. Something strange passed between them, something unexpected, but then it was gone and they were looking away again. All I can say is that, I have lost hope for the two of them yet.
That reminds me.
I fell into step beside Stella and snuck a look at her out of the corner of my eye.
Under the moon's light, she's beautiful. Truly beautiful like the star she was named for. Her eyes seem to glow in the darkness, still their ocean green. But her hair, usually tossled down her back is smoothed back off her face into a neat bun at the nape of her neck. If I close my eyes I can still feel how soft it was when I ran my hands through it in the broom closet of transfiguration class.
God, that seems like a million years ago and I 'spose in a way, it was.
"Have I got something on my face, Black?" Her eyes were teasing when they turned to me but there was an unmistakable carefulness to the way she said 'Black'. Black, not Sirius.
"Not at all, Hart." I answered, smiling, then I decided to be bold. "But you do have something in your hair."
She faltered, her hand reaching up to smooth her hair, but I was quicker. I reached over and pulled the sparkling silver pin out of the bun and it fell to pieces, curling down her back, framing her small face.
Before she could say anything I launched the silver pin, deep into the forest.
"Hey! That was my mum's." She protested, glaring at me, but I couldn't pay attention to her anger because I was trying to keep my hands from reaching out to touch her hair.
"Who cares? It was your mum's." I shrugged, smiling cheekily but there was still a careful undertone to our words as both of us tested what we could or couldn't say to each other.
"She's going to be fuming. That was expensive." Stella groaned, running a hand through her waves.
"Who cares? She can buy another one." I said, and it's true. It's no secret that Stella's family are rich.
"Yeah." She replied, looking down at her feet as we continued to walk through the eerie forest.
"Why do you care?" I asked and her eyes moved to mine.
"Careful." She whispered.
"No, I don't want to be careful." I growled, taking her arm and holding her in place. The others continued to walk, oblivious.
"I don't want to go on pretending like I..." I trailed off not knowing the right words to say and not knowing the wrong words to say.
"Like I?" Stella breathed her eyes wide and searching.
"Like I don't want to take you in my arms and kiss you." I finished huskily.
Stella looked down at her feet, her face an afliction of emotions that I couldn't place.
"We can't." She mumbled unconvincingly.
"And I still don't understand why." I pressed, my hand skimming down her arm. She shivered.
"Thing's are messed up right now." She whispered looking up, her ocean eyes watery. "I'm messed up right now." She took in a shuddering breath that seemed to shake her entire body.
"We all are, Stella." I said softly but she shook her head and stepped out of my grasp.
"No, you don't get it!" She cried
"Then help me to." I urged but she was closed off. Her guard was up and I had lost those fragile moments.
"I can't." Her voice was barely above a whisper when she spoke.
"This, how I am, has to be enough because it's all I can give."
And with that she turned, muttered a quick 'accio hairpin' and took off after the others, running to catch up.
I let out a long breath before I went after them too. I had just caught up when James let out a whoop and announced that we were 'here'.
I had almost forgotten about our make-shift Bonfire Night. James wasn't lying when he said that the rest of sixth year 'pussied out'. Usually on the first friday of each new school year, our Gryffindor class plus a few tag alongs from the other houses that wanted to be rebellious for a night would sneak out into the woods for some reckless use of firewhiskey around a magic infused Bonfire.
Because we were the only ones that were keeping up with the tradition, and because the teachers were on high alert we had to modify Bonfire Night slightly. Instead of partying around a Bonfire we were going to see the border.
"What is that?" Stella asked amazedly.
My gaze locked onto her, and the first thing I noticed is that she had put her hair back up.
"It's the border. You know, the magical border keeping us and Voldemort separated like star crossed lovers." James answered.
"Not funny Potter." Lily growled but James only laughed.
"No but seriously, how do you not know about it?" He asked.
Stella's eyes searched every inch of the silvery force field.
"I skipped the first feast and I guess people don't really care about magical borders in Slytherin." She answered, walking foward so that she stood inches away from it.
"Of course they don't" James scoffed, always ready to gripe about Slytherin.
"It's kind of beautiful." Stella sighed. She lifted her hand out to it but then hesitated. "Will it hurt, if I touch it? Will it zap me?"
"No Stella, it won't zap you." Remus couldn't contain the smile from his words.
She reached out to it, expecting to touch it like glass but instead her hand went straight through.
"Woah." She breathed.
"Now if you did that, on the other side, you would dissolve into a million pieces and float away." Remus told her and her lips parted in wonder.
"In other words, it would zap you." James added and Stella laughed breathily.
"So, theoretically, If I reach my hand through, could I pull someone onto the side?" She asked, her voice was ligh but there was a serious undertone that made my gaze snap onto hers sharply.
"I supose so." Remus mused, nodding his head slightly.
"Oh." She replied simply.
There was a moment of silence as everyone wighed her words.
I spoke up.
"But why would you want to pull someone through?"
Stella lowered her hand and watched as the the surface of the force field rippled like a stone being thrown into still water. It was rather mesmerising I supose, but I wasn't paying attention to it, I was paying attention to her.
Her eyes never left it.
I felt something strange between my ribs.
It took her a while to answer.
"Just curious."
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AUTHORS NOTE
Let's play a game called Spot The Perks of Being a Wallflower Quote ;)
Thoughts? Dn't forget to vote and comment because it means the world to me!!
*loves*
-J xx