Louis played with the sleeves of his sweater, the sleeves of it a little too big on his tad too small frame. With Harry's arms firmly around his waist, he felt secure but scared because being in such a position made his stomach flip. He didn't have an idea of where the two of them stood, if Harry even liked him or if it was all a stupid game that everyone but him got to enjoy. Were they friends, mates, or what? It was killing Louis, not knowing was eating his insides out.
He thought about it while they sat in comfortable silence, cuddled up into one another (well, Harry was doing all the cuddling but he did not mind) and it was then that Louis realised Harry had been here for him, slowly but surely erasing Louis' need to cause himself pain, erasing the need to draw lines on the surface of his wrists. The itch wasn't there anymore, the craving was put to sleep for the time being.
Louis felt a small shuffle behind him, and his head was lifted by Harry just a little bit. Harry looked at his watch around his left wrist and murmured quietly into Louis' feathery hair, "Lou, it's quite late," Louis blinked, not realising how long they had been sat on his bed doing nothing, "Are you hungry?"
He shook his head no, because the position in which they were in was not worth spoiling, he wanted to lay against Harry forever and a big longer because it was that nice.
"Don't lie to me, Lou," he warned softly, breathing steady and although Louis had no idea how Harry knew he was lying, he sighed.
"Are you hungry?" Harry repeated himself quietly, his fingers tracing patterns on top of Louis' bicep, sending chills down Louis' spine.
In response, he signed, "A little," not wanting to spoil this comfortable situation. Sure, he could do with some food, but Harry's presence was enough to fulfill his hunger in the most non sexual way possible.
Harry yawned, a baby dinosaur noise escaping his lips, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand and placed his arm safely back around Louis as if to say 'I've got you' to make the older lad feel more secure and comfortable in Harry's presence, the need to gain Louis' trust higher than ever before.
"Do you want to go down to the cafeteria and grab some dinner?" Harry's voice faintly filled the room. He felt Louis' small body shake along with his head, answering almost immediately. Louis really didn't want to be around other people at the very moment, he wanted to enjoy the dimpled fucker's presence. He didn't want for other people to interrupt their bubble or to ruin whatever was between them at the very moment.
"You have to eat, Lou," Harry prompted, fingertips still tracing patterns on Louis, the slightest touch sending the butterflies in Louis' stomach crazy.
Louis untangled himself from Harry's safety grip and sat on the bed, his legs crossed, face faintly red, facing Harry, a small smile playing upon the younger boy's lips. Louis instantly felt guilty, knowing that he was stopping his company from eating; Harry might've been hungry after all. He bit his lip, knowing that Harry might hate him. He looked up from his eyelashes, to see Harry ruffling his apple scented hair to get rid of the strands which were in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Louis signed once Harry looked up and Harry's heart fluttered like the wings of a butterfly because Louis was stepping out of his comfort zone; even if this was one of the first times where he chose to sign something to Harry rather than write, it made Harry all warm and fuzzy at heart and he was glad that he read the book his mum gave him about sign language. It felt wonderful and he felt so proud, so damn proud of Louis and he just wanted to pepper his whole face with light kisses to show his feelings, to show Louis how much he meant to Harry.
Just as Harry stepped out of his daydream, he realised what Louis had signed and bought his face to mere centimeters away from Louis' and grabbed hold of his hands, drawing circles on the back of Louis' small hands with his thumbs, a comforting gesture which meant so much to both of them, as if it was signifying something which they had blossoming between the two.
"What are you sorry for?" He panicked, eyes wide. Harry wanted to understand so badly what exactly was going on in Louis' head; he'd pay a million pounds to enter the land of mysteries and solve the missing puzzles, to help Louis win the battle in which he's taking part in. Harry wanted to help so bad, he wanted Louis to be okay and maybe, just maybe to know if Louis liked him back (but he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the real answer). He wanted to be Louis at least for a day so that Louis didn't have to face the challenges he himself faces within his head, he wanted to take away the pain from him.
Louis looked out in front of him, his gaze brushing over Harry's prominent features to then drop to the quilt on which they were sat on, and began to pull at it with his fingers in attempt to occupy himself. He shrugged as an answer to Harry's question because he didn't know why he was sorry, he simply was and wanted to apologise. Was that so wrong?
Louis searched for a notepad and a pen or a pencil by leaning over the bed, reaching to the floor, his hands scanning the surface. When he had found the paper, he quickly scribbled down a few words and then passed the note to Harry, hoping that he would be able to read his fucked up handwriting,
Can we grab something to eat, actually? It said. Louis felt bad and he couldn't stand the thought of Harry being sad with Louis, mad at Louis or annoyed with Louis; he wanted to avoid these for as long as possible, maybe even for eternity.
Harry motioned for Louis to pass the pen over and as soon as he did, his face beamed with a smile and he wrote his response back, the corners of his eyes seeing Louis' features quite clearly. He felt so much closer to Louis like this.
From the cafeteria or would you like to go somewhere else? He answered the question with a question and smiled when Louis' eyes flickered back up at Harry.
Louis' cheeks reddened once again, for an unknown reason and he shrugged twice, not wanting to be the one making the choice. As long as Harry was with him, he was fine with whatever. Although he really didn't want to go down to the cafeteria to face all the other disabled people that are so much less fucked up than Louis.
Seeing Louis' small response, Harry lifted himself up off the bed and stood up straight, stretching his limbs, joints popping in certain places, a sigh of relief flowing out of his plumb lips. His long arm then stretched in Louis' direction, offering him a hand which he gladly took. Harry pulled Louis towards himself with little strength and as they were standing chest to chest, or more like chest to shoulders, Harry quickly leaned in to press his lips against Louis' temple, Louis' blood rushing to the surface of his cheeks almost immediately.
"Come on then," Harry picked up his hoodie off of the floor and put it on over his head, Louis following his actions. Both of them slipped on their shoes and when Harry again reached his hand out to Louis, Louis took it gladly and gripped the bigger hand in his own, "Let's annoy Janet and sneak out, what do you say?" Harry rhetorically asked because before Louis had the chance to even shake his head no, because he didn't want to be in trouble with the mean lady, they were already halfway down the stairs, Harry in front, looking like a kid running up to the new candy store in town.
They slipped out through one of the back doors of the building, not wanting to be seen down the main corridor and made their way across the parking lot in front. Louis constantly turned his head back around, trying to see if they were being caught or not and each time it happened, Harry would give his hand (which he still was holding) a gentle squeeze to reassure him.
Reaching the main road of the village in which the institute was located at, they slowed down their steps, hands still holding on to the other. Harry's other hand was located in his trouser pocket, keeping it warm while the other one was embraced by the heat radiating off Louis' skin. He felt like skipping, the feel of the smaller hand against him making him warm and ecstatic and all he wanted to do was to hold that hand forever, forget about his responsibilities, forget about university and the assignments and focus on Louis and Louis alone, not analyze anything within the lad but to simply sit there and pepper him with lingering gazes.
"This way," Harry guided Louis into a chip shop, the bell by the door ringing when the two stepped through the frame, the smell of oil empowering the air, "Would you like the oh-so traditional fish and chips or something else, Lou?"
Quickly processing the question, Louis knew that signing the answer back wouldn't make any sense of Harry, so he instead nodded his head lightly. Harry pressed himself against Louis and Louis' heartbeat quickened; they were out in public, surely, this wasn't allowed, Harry shouldn't have done it, oh God.
"Okay," He whispered before ordering their takeaway from the man behind the counter, all the while holding on to Louis from the previous moments, promising to never let go. Not even after the assignment was done.
The man behind the counter handed Harry a plastic bag with two wrapped up portions of fish and chips along with some Coca Cola cans and cheerily said, "Thank you, enjoy!" and Louis' eyes widened; nice people weren't that common in his world.
Clouds darkened in the time the two spent in the chippy, the entire village filled with dark colours and light but unpleasant wind. "Let's head back, yeah?" Harry politely asked. Louis seemed to do a lot of nodding, he was aware of that but repeated the action anyway, hoping for Harry to join him in his room again.
*
The shuffle of the plastic bag and the paper in which their food was wrapped was so loud, Louis was scared that someone outside of his room would hear; specially Janet with her magnificent but stupid hearing.
The boys were sat criss-cross on the floor, facing each other, their food laid out in front of them, cans of coke put to the side in case they were to spill on the floor and leave a permanent stain. Small laughs escaped Harry's lips when Louis would bite down on a hot chip and his lips would become a darker shade for a couple of seconds, a look of concern alongside Harry's smile was bought upon them whenever Louis would try and break off a piece of the fish, the heat radiating from it burning his fingertips.
It was adorable, really, how the two sat there, doing absolutely nothing else but eating their dinners away from everyone, Harry making small talk to which Louis could not respond anything other than a shake or a nod of his head due to his busy hands, feeding himself.
"Is this better than sitting downstairs in the cafeteria?" Harry asked once and to his surprise, Louis had put the chip he was holding down on to the paper, placing both of his greasy hands on top of his knees, his upper body leaning towards Harry with an enthusiastic nod.
Harry chewed on the food, eyeing Louis' moves, a blush forming its way on the smaller lad's cheeks because he could sense the gazes he was receiving.
After some time, with the papers and the plastic bag discarded somewhere in the corner of the room, both cokes already flat in their cans which now stood on top of a desk, Harry and Louis resumed to their previous position before they left to go and grab food.
"Tired?" Harry asked, his voice muffled by the way his lips were pressed against Louis' feathery brown hair.
Louis yawned before he could answer, sweater paws going up to his face to rub his eyes to get rid of the sleep stuck to them. He then searched the surface of his bed for the notebook and the pen which he knew were somewhere.
Very. He wrote on top of the white paper, doodling after Harry had read the small writing. He drew a cloud, a few music notes and a cartoon flower (his artistic skills weren't the greatest, okay?). Harry grabbed Louis' hand, intertwining their fingers, the warmth against his own sending chills down his spine; he loved the feeling.
"I should get going then, Lou," Harry murmured, his voice deep but made no attempt in moving. Instead, he sat still with Louis' face on his lap, their hands holding on to each other, steady breaths escaping their bodies.
After a while, Louis softly picked up the pen from his lap and wrote a note, again. His handwriting was messy and lob sided but he was too tired to care; Harry wouldn't care either, right? A sense of panic embraced him because what if Harry thought Louis was a fuck-up? The thought was put to sleep for the time being when Harry answered the question written on the piece of paper.
Stay with me? Please? Louis had asked and Harry could not resist saying no, although he had so much to do, so much of his university project to finish.
"Okay," It was a tad above a whisper but Louis heard it, his stomach full of butterflies.
Harry's hand touched Louis' hair which fell against his forehead, sweeping it back so that the forehead was exposed and leaned down to plant a careful kiss on top of the soft skin. Without really realising, Harry's fingers began to tangle themselves within the strands of Louis' short hair, such a comforting gesture causing the older lad to lean into the warm touch. Harry's heart swelled when he felt Louis' presence even closer than before.
"Hey angel," Harry breathed, "Night."
It wasn't necessarily late at night but Louis' crying session earlier on worn him out more than usual and the relaxing gestures were surely putting him to sleep. His eyelids felt heavy and the only comfortable position he could find was after he snuggled into Harry's lap, cute murmuring noises escaping his plumb lips.
Once Harry could feel the heavier weight of Louis against his lap, he knew that he had fallen asleep. Slowly lifting him off his lap, he placed his head against the fluffy pillow and covered his small frame with the warm quilt under which he snuggled with into Louis' body.
Closing his eyes, Harry felt Louis' sleeping figure snuggle into his body, arms around the bigger boy's arm and Louis was definitely Harry's angel, fallen from heaven, with such a beautiful face and angelic personality, the only thing lacking were the large wings.
*
It was adorable, really, how both of them woke up in the morning. Louis felt refreshed, his eyes, however, still droopy and noticing his arms loosely thrown around Harry, his eyes widened in shock but seeing Harry's longer arms around the middle of Louis' waist, his eyes went back to normal.
He still couldn't see the green eyes, small breaths escaping from Harry's lips and wanting to see the gorgeous colour of them, he squeezed his arms, embracing Harry into something alongside a hug. The green eyes appeared in front of him a few seconds later, when the arms around him started to squeeze as well.
"Morning love," Harry greeted in a deeper voice than usual, a loopy smile plastered on his face.
Louis smiled also. Seconds or maybe minutes passed and the low murmur of Harry's voice against the pillows was all that was filling the silence, talking about sweet nothings to make Louis pay attention. What he didn't know was that Louis always paid attention to the not so curly lad because Harry was all he could think about; crazy, really.
"Care to join me for breakfast, angel?" Harry's own angelic voice asked and Louis could do nothing more but swallow some air and nod his head lightly against his own pillow upon which his head was placed.
What Harry didn't realise was that Louis didn't think he deserved to be called 'angel'. He did nothing to deserve that holy title, he was nothing more than a depressed screw up and he really could not wrap his head around why Harry was still around. Harry was Louis' angel because although he didn't realise it, he was saving him, day by day. The scars upon his wrists have been untouched for quite a while, a finger hadn't been shoved down his throat in some time and Louis felt kind of better when around the green eyed dimple.
Harry proudly shoved on the hoodie he wore the previous day on top of his quite smelling white tshirt which no-one would notice anyway and did the button up on his black jeans which no, wasn't undone because anything happened between the two but because it was more comfortable sleeping that way, without pressure of a button on your penis.
"Mind if I leave to use the bathroom for a few minutes?" Louis didn't wait to respond, he nodded immediately and with that, Harry left his room, closing the door behind him quietly, in hope of not waking anyone up or making Janet aware of his presence in Louis' room.
While in the bathroom, Harry tried to hurry up to get back to Louis as soon as possible and while staring at his reflection in the small mirror hung above the sink, he splashed some cold water on his face, hoping to wake him up a little bit more and grabbed the mouthwash, knowing that it'd have to do until he got to use his own toothbrush again. Washing the hands after using the toilet, he wiped them from the excess water on his jeans and made his way back to his angel.
Meanwhile Louis took the small amount of time to get changed; he swapped his boxers for a fresh pair which gladly did not stink as if a dead body was rubbed against them and put himself into a comfortable pair of old jeans along with a hoodie on top of his bare torso. He pulled at the strings of his hood and breathed out in attempt to calm his breathing down because Harry was still beside him, well, unless he ran away and, yeah-
"Hi," the door opened and Harry peeked his head in, "Your turn?"
Louis nodded his head and closed the room door behind him, making a trip to the toilet where his essentials already were, Harry's footsteps followed him until they came to a stop a few meters away from the bathroom door.
Locking himself in, he quickly made his way towards the mirror and gasped when his reflection stared back at him. There were bags under his eyes, his cheeks slightly red, hair a bit too messy, eyes dull and his own appearance scared him. How did Harry even sleep next to that?
He rubbed his eyes with his fists, desperately trying to fight off the sleep and misery from them, breaths escaping his 'o' shaped lips. He knew, he was fully aware that Harry was right outside, probably guarding him like the angel he was and that Louis really couldn't take ages crying over his reflection. He had to break away from his own eyes and carry on with his bathroom routine.
Harry was about to knock on the wooden door separating the two after countless minutes when the door softly opened and Louis' figure appeared from behind it. He looked at Harry apologetically and gazed at his feet straight after.
"Ready?"
Louis nodded his head, still avoiding Harry's eyes. He made his way towards the staircase, back facing Harry when the younger lad suddenly grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together, and it surely felt as if a puzzle had been solved.
Their hands together, they walked down the stairs taking each step carefully, Harry always in front of Louis to lead him and to guide him; it was a metaphor really. Once they reached the end of their stairs, they walked side by side, hands still holding on to each other, arms brushing, butterflies flying in both of their stomachs.
Although Louis never spoke to the people at the institute before, it felt weird for him to walk into the cafeteria where all the patients were, holding hands with the therapist's son. It was simply odd, and receiving a few looks from a couple of older men from the queue, they lined up behind them, Louis' cheeks reddening from embarrassment.
Their hands let go of each other when they neared the counter but their bodies remained close while they were picking their food. Louis, deciding that he didn't want to look worse by eating a huge meal after the greasy one they had last night (the calories still sitting in his stomach, ready to be thrown up), he opted for a fruit salad; kiwis, strawberries, bits of apple and bananas, a few grapes, surely it was healthy? He also grabbed a bottle of water and with a quick glance towards Harry's direction, he saw that he was already waiting for him, tray in hands.
They were sat opposite each other, on a small table made for two, their trays right in front of them. Harry began to swallow his baguette, downing half of it before Louis had the chance to open his water bottle to take a large sip to calm his nerves down. He picked at his fruit with the plastic fork and as Harry began to slow down with his eating, his eyes diverted to Louis and studied him for a couple of seconds.
"Lou," Harry spoke after he swallowed the bit he was chewing mere seconds before, "Why aren't you eating?"
Louis wanted to, he really wanted to tell Harry that he felt full and it was all his fault, those fish and chips the previous day made him feel fuller than he already felt on a daily basis but instead, Louis shrugged, avoiding the answer, avoiding the look of guilt and pity he would see in Harry's eyes if he was to know the truth.
"Please, eat your breakfast," Harry put his baguette down and reached over to grab Louis' hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze of reassurance, for what ever Louis needed it, "Please, angel."
Harry's eyes were big, staring right at Louis, a gentle smile playing upon his lips, hoping to have Louis listen to him. Nothing would hurt Harry more than to see Louis starve himself; it wasn't healthy and something in Harry's eyes told the feathery haired lad that he couldn't not eat in front of him.
So, instead of refusing to, Louis nodded his head and stabbed a piece of apple with his white, plastic fork, bringing it to his lips and chewing it slowly, so slowly to take as long as possible and fill himself up as quickly without eating much.
"Would you like some of my baguette?" Harry questioned, pointing to his food with his pointer finger.
"No, thank you," Louis signed and although Harry's food looked amazingly good for the cafeteria food, he was eating carbs and they were the last thing Louis needed in his system after feeling so full already. Louis' response did put a downer on Harry because it hurt him knowing that Louis was avoiding food right then, to some extent anyway and he couldn't help, he couldn't help his angel even though he wanted to.
A few eaten pieces of fruit later, Louis dropped his fork when the familiar voice sounded from behind him.
"Harry," they both heard, "Harry Styles."
It was Janet.
"Eh- He- Hello," Harry stuttered, cleaning his mouth area with a napkin, placing it on his tray soon after.
"Where were you yesterday? You have chores to do here, remember?" She raised her voice and Louis winced. She needed to stop shouting at Harry; he didn't deserve it. Her eyes were piercing a hole at the side of Harry's head and damn, that must've hurt, or at least it look like it to Louis.
"I," Harry paused to think, "I-I got caught up with my university assignments?"
"Is that a statement or a question, mister?" Janet laughed humorlessly, arms crossed over her chest, trying to look more intimidating than ever.
"A statement, Janet, sorry," he quickly answered.
The older woman shook her hair, looking in front of her with a stern look in her eyes, the corners of her eyes seeing Louis' figure and his scared face.
"Washing up duty after breakfast, Harry," she pointed her finger at the curly lad and walked off.
"Sorry," Louis signed because he knew it was technically his fault for what had happened, he shouldn't have made eye contact with Harry when he walked out on to the field because then, Harry would have finished his duties; and so Louis felt guilty.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Lou," Harry smiled, "I'll just go and wash up after this and then she'll have nothing against me for the next six minutes."
Although Harry's smile was comforting, Louis' stomach still felt weird and the guilt was still present. Thinking about it quickly, he came up with a small idea that surely, wouldn't completely pay back for wasting Harry's time and all that, but it could help, right?
He signalised for Harry to hold on for a minute by sticking up his pointer finger in his direction and went off to one side of the cafeteria from where he picked up a piece of paper and a pencil, bringing them back to their small table.
Can I help you with the washing up? He wrote messily, eyes pleading, wanting to help Harry out because after all, it was Louis' fault.
"Lou, it's okay-"
But before Harry got to finish his sentence, Louis already held the pencil in his hand and was writing a quick response.
Please was what he wrote, pen tapping against the table impatiently.
"I suppose I'll get to see you, so yeah, sure, why not," Harry's dimples came through, "I won't let you do anything though, they're my duties, Lou."
So, once Harry made sure that every last piece of fruit was in Louis' stomach and he had his own baguette eaten, tea which he made himself last minute all gone, their hands interlocked again, palm against palm, fingers closer than ever, Harry led them to the kitchen where dirty dishes already lay next to the sink.
Dimple rolled his sleeves and turned the tap on, letting the water fall into the sink. He carried on with his washing duties until Louis poked his head over his shoulder, stood on his tiptoes, barely seeing what was in front of Harry and a mere second later, stood beside him, reaching over to the sink to grab some bubbles into his palm.
Harry's eyes widened and the quick and sudden realisation, "Lou," he warned playfully, his voice not stern at all, "Don't even think about it."
Louis felt unfamiliar confidence running through his veins and a goofy smile was plastered on his face and Harry was already in a fit of giggles, all that intensified when Louis blew the bubbles right into Harry's face who grabbed some more from the sink and did the same, blowing it right onto Louis.
Louis' mouth agape, his finger reached into the source of bubbles and poked Harry's nose, leaving white dots, already dissolving slightly. Dipping both of his hands in the bubble mixture, Harry stepped closer to Louis and wrapped his wet arms around his waist, his laugh causing some weird feeling in Louis' stomach.
Leaning his head in, their lips were nearly touching, Harry's breath tickling Louis' lips, his blue eyes already closed shut, the tip toes on which he stood adding some height so that Harry didn't have to lean in as much. They kissed, again, and the thought of that left Louis shocked and wanting more.
"We're not done yet," Harry whispered, their lips a centimetre apart.
He let go of Louis' waist with one of his hands and reached over for the bubbles, grabbing a large palm full and the proximity of the two allowed Harry to blow it slightly, bubbles already landing on Louis' rosy cheeks and for once, Louis didn't mind having something on his face, because, this, it was fun.
Standing on his tip toes for the nth time, his lips pressed against Harry's warm cheek and lingered there for a few seconds, the thought of wiping the bubbles back on his face in he back of his head.
"No soap fight then?" Harry pouted with a chuckle and Louis shook his head no, his head fitting perfectly between the crook of Harry's neck, "Okay, this is so much better anyway." Harry shrugged and squeezed Louis' frame between his arms, their chests pressing against each other, Louis' feet moving from the floor to stand on top of Harry's boots; perfect position really.
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