(JJ's POV)
"Hey Jay..." Jake looked at me, and smiled. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I just stood there. Actually I stood there in shock for a little too long, because things got a little awkward. "Well, uh, usually when someone says hi you respond, but I'll let you off easy this time." He winked and walked around the truck to the drivers side and stood right in front of me. His arms awkwardly wrapped around me, and he gave me the most awkward hug I had ever been given. The whole situation could be described in one word... awkward!
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"You didn't think I'd miss an Ackles Halloween party, did you?" He smirked, and I could tell he was trying a little too hard. "So, where's everybody at?"
"Uh, um, there inside." I was still trying to process the fact that he was right in front of me... and that he'd be here all weekend. I had skipped school on Friday to help plan for this party. I couldn't have been more excited, and I didn't want him ruining this weekend.
He grabbed Tom's bag, "Hey Jay, will you grab his phone?" and he walked inside. I hurried to follow him inside and as he walked through the front door and into the kitchen, he yelled to everyone, "What's up everyone?"
Conversations immediately stopped. The whole room was so awkward. I could see Odette and Arrow whispering to each other. My Dad leaned over to my mom and tried to whisper, but he's the worst whisperer ever, "Am I allowed to say hello, or would that be wrong."
Everyone stood in silence, and didn't know what to say when Kim and Katy walked in surprisingly early. "Well who died?" Kim asked trying to lighten the mood, obviously not having any clue as to what was going on.
"Kim! Welcome!" My dad said hugging her, and trying to lighten the mood. "How was your flight?"
"Well, it was great!" She whispered to my dad, "Seriously what's going on."
"Long story... I'll tell you later."
"Jake come get some pizza!" Jared said, trying to avoid the mood that was surrounding us. Everyone slowly started up their conversations again, and Jake and I joined Tom at the table.
Mark started walking over to us and sat across the table from the three of us with a beer in his hand. "So, you're Jake?" And before he could answer Mark cut him off, "As in the bloody bastard that broke our JJ's heart?"
"Mark! What are you doing?" I asked defending Jake for some reason.
Jake sat completely stunned. It was almost as if he couldn't move. "Um, I guess you'd be right. Yeah that's me." He muttered.
"Well, you won't be offended if I do this then." And from under the table he kicked Jake right in the shin, and then leaned in close to him, "Hurt her again, and I'll hurt you worse." He glared at Jake and then stood up to walk back over with my dad and Uncle Jared.
The party continued for the rest of the night, and everyone drank and enjoyed the evening together. Us kids loaded up on egg-nog, and when the sun went down we were surprised with how warm it still was outside.
"You wanna get out of here?" Jake smiled and wrapped his arm around me.
"Um, what are you doing?" I was so uncomfortable.
"Okay, this is obviously not working. I'm being so weird, and making you uncomfortable. The only thing I really want to do is talk. Can we go somewhere?" Thankfully Hallie just walked in the door. She had been with her Aunt tonight, and didn't see her much ever since she moved in with us after Tom moved out.
"Hey guys! What's going on?" She walked around the corner and saw Jake, "Oh..."
"Hello to you too." He tried to smile and be friendly, but the two of them hadn't gotten along since we were with them at the University when everything went down.
"I wish I could say it's nice to see you too." She grumbled.
"Hallie?!" I sort of snapped.
"What? Just him being here makes me mad."
I grabbed her hand and took her outside. Once we were on the patio with the rest of the family, we sat down together. "Hallie, what are you doing?"
"Jay, I'm just looking out for you. Please tell me you're not going to go back to him again?"
"I don't know Hal, part of me really wants to. I miss him."
"Girl you can't just give in like that. He obviously isn't mature enough to have the relationship that you want yet."
"It's been two months since I moved back home. I think he's had enough time to mature, wouldn't you? I mean he practically begged me to take him back right before you walked in the door."
"All I'm saying is, he's trouble. A lot of trouble. And I don't want to see you hurt yet again."
"I hope that doesn't happen." We walked inside and got the guys. "Hey why don't we take the horses out for a night ride?" I asked them.
"I'd love to." Jake agreed quickly. "I'll come help you saddle them up."
"Saddles? You to chicken to ride bare back?" I said smirking. Hallie glared at me, obviously keying in on my flirting. She gave me the look that said what the hell are you doing?
Jake and I walked out to the barn and saddled up the horses, on his request, and met Tom and Hallie out back. We all saddled up and road through our property onto the trail that would take us up the mountain.
"So, how's your senior year been Jay." Jake asked trying to start a conversation.
"It's been alright. Nothing like I hoped it would be, but I'll be fine. It'll be over soon enough."
He looked disappointed, "JJ, you can't think that way! Senior year was my favorite year! You have to enjoy it while it lasts."
"I guess I'm just ready to move on with my life, you know. Leave all that high school baggage behind." He knew exactly what I was talking about but didn't argue.
"I'm sorry you feel that way. Did you go to Homecoming?"
"I did actually. We had the Homecoming dance a few weeks ago and my friend Brad took me."
"Brad? The guys name is Brad? Could his name be any douchier?" Jake laughed thinking he was funny but Hallie gave him the death glare that immediately stopped his laughing. "Well, uh I'm glad you went. What did you guys do?"
"It was a last minute thing, and we just wanted to have fun. So we went to dinner, the dance, and then to his house to watch a movie after."
"Oh, you guys watched a movie?" He asked. "What movie?"
I laughed, " why does it matter what movie we watched?"
"I don't know, I'm just curious I guess."
"We watched Dear John, and then he took me home. Any other questions dad?"
I could tell that made him mad, "I guess not."
I tried to lighten the mood, because I felt bad for making him feel uncomfortable, "So, what about you? What have you been doing this fall?"
"Just football practice and studying." He said bluntly.
"Really? That's it? You don't go to parties, or go out, or-," and I hesitated, "or date?"
"Nope, there's only one girl I want to be with and I'll wait for her forever." My heart completely melted. Part of me wanted to jump on his horse with him and ride off into the sunset, and the other part wanted to run from any feelings I had for him.
I avoided continuing the conversation and for the rest of the ride it was mostly Tom and Hallie who would talk, while Jake and I just listened to them.
We made it to the top of the mountain and only stayed for a few minutes before heading back. I had forgotten all of the memories we had up there, and it was hard to stay much longer. We hurried down the mountain and were home right as everyone was getting ready for bed. Tom and Hallie put their horses in their stalls, and they wanted to get in the hot tub, so Jake and I said we'd clean the horses up.
He helped me take their shoes off, and put the saddles away. We gave them some more hay, and filled their water buckets before leaving the barn. I shut the door and as I turned away Jake stopped me and grabbed my hand. Every instinct in my body said to pull away, but I just couldn't.
"Jay, I meant what I said tonight." He smiled, "You're the only girl for me, you always have been."
"Jake..."
"I know, you can't trust me still, but how much longer am I going to have to wait?"
"I don't know Jake. What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to say that you'll take me back. Please Jay, please."
"Let's just get through this weekend before we talk about anything regarding us getting back together, please."
"I'm okay with that. Can I take you out Sunday night then?"
"We'll see."
We walked back to the house and saw Tom and Hal in the hot tub, "You guys going to join us?"
"I think I'm going to go to bed." Jake said as he walked in the house.
The looked to me and tried to get me to stay, "I'm pretty tired too. Y'all have fun though. I'll see you in the morning."
"Alright, suit yourself." Hal said, "Goodnight Jay."
"Goodnight you guys." I smirked awkwardly leaving them outside.
All of the lights in the house were off except for the low lights in the kitchen, and the light in my dad's office was on. I walked passed it to go upstairs and heard my dad's voice, "Jay, is that you?"
"Yeah it's me. Why aren't you in bed yet?"
"It's only like 9:00 in Vancouver, so I'm not quite tired enough yet to go to bed." he said shutting his laptop.
"I see. So what are you doing?"
"Just reading some scripts, I have to be ready for Tuesday morning."
"Oh, that makes sense. Where's Jared?"
"I think he ran off with Gen somewhere. They wanted to be alone I guess." He answered, "So, how was riding with Jake?"
"It was great! We made it to the top of the mountain."
"Did you guys talk about anything?"
"Dad, come on." I grumbled, "Don't make me talk about this."
"Jay, I want to talk about this. I feel like I never get to help you through things like this, so I want to now. Jake's called me many times over the last few weeks asking about you. He seems pretty shaken up, did you guys talk about it tonight?"
"Yeah, he asked me when I'd be ready to make things official again."
"And what did you say?" he asked.
"I said I didn't know. I don't know what I want."
"Can I give you some advice?"
"Sure. I could use some advice."
"Forgive him. I know what is in his heart, and he's a good man. Jay, I don't want you to ever have any regrets, and I know you sis. You need to forgive him."
"I just don't know if I can."
"Well, why don't we talk about this? You tell me everything you're feeling. And we'll figure this out together."
"Dad, I know I love him. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but there's just something holding me back."
"Do you think that maybe the thing holding you back is your own fear? You're fear of being hurt again?"
"I don't know, maybe?"
"I think it is. I think you two have been through hell together, and I think you even know yourself that the two of you are better together than apart."
"You're right again, but I don't know what to tell him. I can't just go up to him, kiss him, and POOF have things back to normal again?"
"Jay, relationships take a lot of work, and a lot of trust. Your mom has been going for more than twenty years, and we both trust each other with absolutely everything. I love her more than life itself, and she's the one person in this world I can not live without. I think you need to think about how you feel about Jake, and what you want the future to look like."
"You're right. Thanks dad."
"You're welcome Jay. I love you. I hope you know that. It stresses me out thinking that we'll probably be planning a wedding here in about a year, but I'd do anything for my little girl."
"Oh my gosh you're nuts. We're not even together right now." I laughed.
"Not yet," he joked and winked smirking.
"So what's your supernatural advice for me this time?"
"This time it's some advice from Dad, not Dean." He smiled.
"Come on, you two are practically the same person now." I joked with him.
"Well, I said this once on a panel and I think it will really help you. Life itself is worth living for. If you're not living the life that you want, you fight for that life."
"Wow Dad, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you."
"I just want you to be happy darlin. Someday I'm going to have to give you away to some other guy, and part of me is hoping it's Jake because he's the only one I can trust and..."
"Dad," I interrupted, " You're rambling."
"Right. JJ, I love you. Please don't ever worry about coming to me."
"I don't worry dad, sometimes it's just hard to find time to talk to you."
"Trust me, in a few months, I'll be home for good."
"Good. I'm excited for us to just have a normal life."
"I am too." He smiled and looked almost relieved.
"Well I'm going to go to bed. Thanks daddy."
"Goodnight sis. Just know that I'll stand by whatever decision you make. I love you."
I smiled and hugged him before heading up to my room. I started thinking about what he had said. What if the only thing holding me back, is me? I really wanted to figure this all out soon, because I didn't want to keep living life like this.