"Balloons are like friends. If you stab them they die."
Me when I was probably around 7?: "Daddy are you crying?"
Dad: "No son, my eyes are just sweating."
"I fell for your mother at a cafe.
I tripped on her laptop charger."
"Everything is funnier when you're not allowed to laugh!"
"I woke up with dread because I realised it was Monday and I had to go to school. Then I realised I was a grown man.
Then I realised I had to go to work."
"I hate it when you go to the store and someone you know asks what you're doing, 'I'm hunting pandas, Dave.'"
"Son, trying to embarrass you is unnecessary, you do that just fine by yourself."
<<suddenly snaps out of staring into space when reading the newspaper. Looks at me worriedly>> "I CAN'T REMEMBER MY FIRST LANGUAGE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPEAK IN ITALIAN."
He said this in German.
He's Flemish.