Nothing about her pain
was poetic.
She broke poetry.
She bled in red and
died in black.
-VàZaki Nada
My father moved out when I was seven, my mum used to cry every night holding her Bible to her chest, while my brother and sister were sleeping I would go to her and weep away her tears, I was too little to understand God's plans, so I used to stand there with her telling her that everything would be alright.
At the age of eight I took charge of all the masculine chores, so that no men had to approach our household while my mother was so heartbroken and vulnerable, I then started to play all games with my brother so that he didn't miss our father. One day as we were walking to the park, my brother spotted a child playing with his father, he told me "I wish I had a father like that", which made me cry a little but I said "You'll be great without him, trust me you won't need him" and that became true. At school I would go against whomever dared to mistreat my brother.
At the age of thirteen I taught my brother how to ride a bike again after his major surgery to treat his flat feet. My father was the first person to cause me a heartbreak in my life, I silently cried blood for years, then one day I decided to paint something beautiful with those tears, just now I realised that every masterpiece comes from a sad tragedy.
I had taken a leave so that I could spend some time with Adaline and Violet, once the two weeks passed I had to go back to work. "Good morning beauties" chirped Rajiv while holding Adaline, "Let us sleep" suggested Violet, I reached towards Rajiv to pick up Adaline "Did you sleep well?" I asked staring at her in awe "Yes, our Babushka had a good night sleep" claimed Rajiv "Babushka?" repeated Violet uncovering herself "Yes, it's her nickname, don't you like it?" he asked "No, of course it's not that, it just sounds russian, we are going to end up confusing the kid" she joked. "Come on, get up" insisted Rajiv. We had breakfast and then both Rajiv and Violet left "I told that guy, Aaron to pass by so that he can help you catch up with your patients" notified me Rajiv before leaving.
Later that morning I decided to do the dishes, the laundry, and make my bed, while doing these chores I spent fifteen minutes for a break to play with Adaline. I was bathing Adaline when the doorbell rang, "I'm coming" I shouted wrapping Addy with a towel, and popping a pacifier in her mouth. "Hi" greeted me Aaron, he didn't look that good.
"Take a sit, I'll be out in a minute" I said going in the master bedroom to get Adaline dressed up, once I was done and went back to the living room, to find Aaron almost asleep. I cleared my voice gaining his attention, "Sorry, Could I have some coffe, please?" he croaked straightening himself up, "Yes, of course". After the bath Adaline was sleepy so all I had to do was to giver her her bottle. While I was looking at my patients' charts Aaron fell asleep, feeling too bad to wake him up I let him sleep.
Later, in the evening Violet came back home, "Where have you been?" I asked her as soon she arrived "Don't worry momma bear, I was at work?" she said jokingly "You found yourself a job?, why would you do that?" "Because I live with you the least I can do is find a job" she explained. "Have you eaten?" I questioned "No, I'm not hungry" " Here have some porridge then" I said displaying a fuming bowl of porridge in front of her. The morning after, me and Violet woke up before Aaron, "Is he still asleep? Shouldn't we wake him up?" Violet asked changing Adaline diaper, "Yep".
Suddenly Aaron jolted awake from the sofa "Good morning" greeted him Violet laughing "Oh my gosh, I fell asleep didn't I? I feel so ashamed..I should go... yeah" said recollecting his jacket "Wait, why don't you have breakfast before leaving..." I proposed hesitant "No, I don't want to disturb" "I'll feel offended If you don't accept" contested Violet "Okay then, thank-" "Violet" finished off for him.
While eating I heard Adaline whining so I excused myself and went to get her "Good morning, regina" (...Queen), I then brought her in the kitchen so that she, too, could have breakfast. "Aaron this beauty, is my daughter, Adaline" I introduced her smiling brightly. "Oh, oh" he mimicked, me and Violet giggled silently, " I wasn't pregnant, I was going to adopt her" I explained to him. " That's a great thing, you did" he than broke the silent.
Adaline interrupted us, "I know sorry let's get you some breakfast" I said to Adaline.
Another week passed and the time to go back to work arrived.
"Let me see, wet wipes, pacifiers, diapers, toys, bottle, did I leave something?" I checked out loud "Stop worrying, I got this" commanded me Violet. "Are you positive?" I asked her "Yes, now go I prepared you a lunchbox, hurry up and don't be late" said Violet kicking me out. I got so anxious about leaving Adaline, that was the very first time leaving without her.
I got at the hospital a little later because there was traffic "Isa, here you are, we received an incoming call about a woman in her late twenties, found unconscious..." Rajiv couldn't finish when the ambulance arrived.
As soon as I saw the doors opened I felt like I was having a nightmare, there lying on the stretcher was Violet, one of the paramedic was holding Adaline. My heart started to beat as if it was trying to come out from my chest, I felt Rajiv's grip on my arm, but I got free from it and ran towards the paramedic who was performing the cpr on Violet, I took his place ignoring every other voice around me, at a certain point I was even sweating.
My arms, chest, head, ears they all started to ache but I kept going, when the noise got less louder . " Time of death 8:47" announced someone. A hand tightened around mine, waiting for me to crush on that person's shoulder, that's what I did. I spent the following ten minutes embraced by Rajiv, I shed no tears.
After that I went looking for Addy, "Here's your mommy" said Aaron handing Adaline to me "Is everything okay?" "No" I said smiling, there's this mechanism of mine that makes me smile and laugh whenever the pain and sadness is too much, "Let me take you home" he offered.
"Stay" I sighed not letting go of him once arrived home, he did so, Aaron stayied and kept silent, there was no interaction between the two of us, but just his presence made me less sad.