I hit the snowy ground with a dull crunch, the powdery, soft substance giving way easily in my wake. For what felt like a small eternity, I could do nothing but lay there, face down. Barely conscious, the frigid air burned against my near-feverish form, and even with my eyes closed, I saw white. The chill seeped into my bones while warmth crept out of me in return. I could imagine the crimson blooming across the snow without even seeing it.
Ugh... where am I now? I wondered sluggishly, my thoughts murky and difficult to piece together coherently. I pulled my head up, the effort seeming monumental to my broken form. The only thing I could really tell from my position was that it was night, and, considering I currently wasn't being torn to shreds by Vaermina or my sorry excuse of an ancestor, I was free. Despite everything, I had, to the best of my knowledge, escaped the Dreamstride with my life and my free will.
By the gods... I did it. My lips broke into a wide, wild grin as I overcame my initial shock. A giggle escaped me as I yelled at nothing in particular, "How's that 'total control over my kin' working out for you, Vaermina? Looks like you can't have everything you want. I'm proof of that!"
A wave of relieved hysteria wracked me and my laughter escalated into manic cackling, completely unrestrained by civilized customs as the fear within me dissipated. But my rather obvious mental breakdown was cut short, as red suddenly sprayed from my open mouth and splattered across the frozen earth beneath me.
Remembering I was close to death was enough to shut me up. I had not escaped that hellish plane of Oblivion just to go out this unremarkably. Especially not in a place I had not had the presence of mind to try and identify. I finally lifted my head to look at my surroundings, and noticed that I was on a hill, the ground on an obvious decline from where I lay. I seemed to be near its crest, and, hefting myself up to my feet unsteadily, I turned to look behind me, grateful that the cold and the shock were currently working well to dull the former agony of my wounds. Through greyed vision, I noticed a structure that stunned me, relief and vigor surging through me as I recognized it. Nightcaller Temple... I'm back! Who would've thought...
Now that I knew where I was, however, I was faced with a dilemma. Did I return to the Temple, or try and make it back to Dawnstar? Moreover, did I have enough time to try to get to Dawnstar before I blacked out? I had no way of telling how long I'd been away. It could've been seconds, it could have been days. Would Erandur still be where I'd last seen him, or would he have moved on? And back in town, it was quite possible my new companions were long gone too. Either way, neither choice was looking particularly 'safe'.
Swaying, I stumbled forward, in the direction of the tower, feet freezing as skin met frozen ground with each step I took. At the very least, if I did die, at least I would be leaving Vaermina yet another reminder of who destroyed one of the more influential sects of her cult, even if that victory would be somewhat pyrrhic.
It was hard to stay upright as I continued the relatively short walk to my destination, the hazy mist of blood loss making it more and more difficult to think clearly. My legs buckled, more than once, and I staggered as I pressed on, much like I imagine a drunk might after downing one too many flagons. I pressed an arm against my abdomen in an ineffective attempt to make the journey less taxing on my battered form, letting out a bloody, wracking cough that nearly brought me to my knees.
I'm not going out like this... Not when I'm this close, I told myself crossly, bullying myself into moving once more. One foot forward, then the other. And the other. And the other. I dragged myself before the great doors to the front of the fort, breathing heavily, vision bouncing dizzily as I internally begged it to settle. As I stood there, I noted with dismay that the door pulled outwards. Well, tough. I steeled myself for the pain I would soon be unintentionally inflicting on myself. Taking a deep breath and gritting my teeth, I lifted my uninjured arm and, with every ounce of strength I had, yanked open the door.
Stumbling backwards as the world flashed black, I could make out the low murmuring of a voice, one which quickly cut off after my intrusion. The imminent darkness abated only slightly as I urged myself forwards, into the temple, moving with a pronounced limp as my brutalized form begin to thaw out, allowing me to - unfortunately - feel once again. I was unsure of who else was here, but barely dared to hope it was the same individual with whom I had first embarked upon this hellish quest.
By the grace of the gods, it was. The moment I identified the orange-and-yellow robed figure standing by his makeshift shrine of Mara through my heavily blurred vision, rigid with surprise, relief and fatigue hit me with the ferocity of an enraged frost troll. A lopsided smile crawling onto my face, I half-raised a hand in greeting, saying, "Sorry if I was gone long. I'm afraid I was forced to take a rather nightmarish detour."
I laughed at this, the sound cynical but with an almost manic edge. Erandur's expression had shifted into one of extreme concern, and he moved towards me, seeming to be saying something, yet I found I could not hear whatever it was he said. As the floor rose to meet me with sudden celerity, I was not allowed the chance to try and decipher his reply. Grey flagstones filled my vision and after, there was nothing.
~~~~~
Warmth broke through the grey void that had consumed me slowly. Barely perceptibly at first, it blossomed in my core, spreading to my bones and returning feeling to my muscles and nerves. I floated in this semiconscious state for an indeterminable amount of time, though this advent also brought back about the sensation of near-unbearable pain. Even so, curiously enough, I found it diminishing as I surfaced from the depths of insensibility. A feeling I could only describe as the sun on a cloudless spring day choked out the agony with a vengeance, a peculiar feeling of safety accompanying the relief it brought. Though, suddenly, that warm feeling came to an abrupt halt, making me wonder why it had stopped, and where I was.
With great difficulty, I forced my eyes open, blinking rapidly as light assailed my senses, finally deciding to settle on a disoriented squint. Misshapen figures and smudges of colors pulsed in my vision, but slowly, these distortions began to abate, and finally a round iron chandelier came into focus, though the soft glow of candlelight that actually lit the room seemed to be coming from elsewhere. I could still feel the cold flagstone floor beneath me, but I slowly realized that someone had turned me over so I was no longer face-down. As that registered in my heavily-fogged brain, I struggled to prop myself up on an elbow, letting out a pained grunt as the world suddenly went off-axis. I felt oddly light, and hollow, though I wasn't sure whether that was from having been brought back from the brink of the void, or the knowledge that, as it stood now, I did not have so much as a prayer of successfully vanquishing Vaermina - or even her favored champion.
Seemingly from a distance, I heard a brief exclamation of surprise, and someone gently but firmly placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me. "Careful," I heard them say, their voice worried and almost remorseful, "Don't overexert yourself. You lost a great deal of blood on your way here, and, despite my best efforts, I'm afraid I was not able to fully heal you. Even with my Lady's help, destroying the Staff nearly took more power than I had. But for now, you are out of any immediate danger, at least."
It took me a moment to recognize who was speaking to me as the fog that had held my brain hostage receded, much less to respond. But, when it finally clicked, relief overwhelmed me. "Oh, thank the gods, it's you," I breathed, my voice sounding unpleasantly weak and hoarse. "I didn't know if you would still be here, but thank you. I'm sorry I returned in such a state."
"You're sorry?" Erandur's incredulous response caught me off guard, "After all the harm I've caused to befall you, you would not be remiss in detesting me. I should never have involved an outsider in my quarrel with Vaermina-"
I cut him off with a humorless laugh, effectively stunning him into silence. "No, I chose to get involved, and that's on me. And for that matter, it's not my first time tangling with the Prince of nightmares. To a degree, I somewhat knew what I was getting into."
"But - what? How?"
I saw no harm in telling him everything, at this point. Considering all we'd been through in the past however many hours it had been, he was as good a person to share my plight with as any. "She's only been encroaching upon my dreams for the past month or so, and, more recently, has been wearing away at my perception of the waking world. When I heard about Dawnstar's plight, I saw it as an opportunity to end my own suffering, as well as perhaps to better the lives of others with similar woes. I know it's hardly the most altruistic motive, but I hoped that it would convince Vaermina I was more trouble than I was worth. Although it appears all I have succeeded at is encouraging her to try and do away with me completely."
"I... I see," he replied, his tone having shifted to sound more pensive than guilty. At the very least, I seemed to have lifted some of the burden he felt with what I told him. "Nonetheless, your disappearance was something I didn't expect, and from the way you looked when it happened, neither did you. I do not wish to overwhelm you with questions, but do you remember anything past your disappearance from the inner sanctum?"
"A good deal, unfortunately. Turns out, one of my ancestors sold out our entire family line to the daedra in exchange for power, and Vaermina's finally come to collect. They've already got one of my brothers under their thumb, and my actions here were the final straw. I was drawn into the Dreamstride yet again, if I'm not mistaken. I believe they intended to enthrall me. Or, at the very least, Rivanon intended to. As long as I couldn't hinder any of her machinations further, I don't think Vaermina particularly cared what fate befell me. Oh, and they're using the attempted genocide of the Reachmen by the nordic peoples to encourage the Forsworn to take that same course of action against the Nords, all under the guise of vengeance, while they're really being used to expand the Prince's sphere of influence," I noticed the look of near incredulity on the dunmer's face as I explained what I had been through, and I could not really fault his skepticism. "I can see how this might sound somewhat ridiculous, but I have no motive to lie to you about any of this. The Forsworn have been after me almost since the moment I first set foot on this province's soil, with even my own twin out for my blood at this point, and now, finally, I have a clear idea as to why. I apologize for not mentioning my... for lack of a better word, 'connections' to the Prince earlier, but I was not sure it was wise to disclose that information, considering that, in the beginning, I wasn't sure what to make of you."
The irony of our situation was not lost on Erandur, and an amused but slightly bitter smile flitted across the tired mer's face. "I don't suppose I could expect you to be fully open with me without branding myself a terrible hypocrite. But, though the idea that Vaermina would have the Forsworn under her control is not one I would have ever considered, it does not seem altogether impossible. Besides, it would do neither of us any good to continue to mistrust one another, considering that our motives are much the same. I understand your reasons for not being open with me, considering the underhanded way I initially my past from you. I suppose we've both learned something valuable from this."
"Indeed. We make quite the pair, don't we?" I laughed slightly, though it came out as more of a slightly pained wheeze. "And, speaking of... What do you plan to do, now that the Skull is gone?"
"I..." Erandur frowned slightly, almost as if he had not thought that far ahead himself. "Initially, I intended to remain here, tending to the Shrine of Mara I set up within this room and praying for Her forgiveness. But it sounds as if your troubles with the Prince have only just begun, so, if my services or knowledge would be of use to you, I would be more than glad to assist you in whatever ways I can."
"Oh," I remarked, my eyebrows shooting up as I he shared his extremely depressing plans for his future. Seeing how little the priest seemed to think of making much use of the rest of his life was worrisome to me, especially considering that he intended to stay in a place that had held a terrible history for him. Not asking him along was not even an option in my mind a that moment.
"If that offer was too presumptuous of me, I apologize-" the dunmer began, but I was quick to cut him off, not wanting to give him further opportunities to put himself down.
"No no, it wasn't at all. It'd be a great help to have your insight, Erandur. Thank you."
It took the priest a moment to respond, as it appeared he had not been expecting that reaction from me. "It is you I should be thanking. Because of you, I have been able to redeem myself, and the people of Dawnstar will be safe from Vaermina's foul influence for a good while."
"I'm glad I was able to help. It... it feels good to actually have been able to help people, for once. I've spent so much of my life being defenseless and weak, but for once, I was able to do something good. Something right. I want to keep doing that, if I can."
"An admirable goal to have," Erandur responded, "And, considering your actions here, I have no doubt you will be able to better the lives of the good people of Skyrim. I am glad to have the chance to try and do the same. But I don't suppose we'll be able to do much of that, just sitting around in here. Do you think you can stand?"
"Probably. Just give me a minute," I said, slowly moving myself into a half-crouching position before standing fully, my sight distorting nauseatingly for a few moments as I swayed weakly on my feet. "Alright, I'm good."
I received nothing save a flat, disbelieving stare from my newly-made companion in reply. "Well, good enough to get back to the inn, anyway," I amended, forcing a wan smile onto my face. "I feel as if I could sleep for a week. Unfortunately."
That admission seemed to placate the priest, but my addendum caused him to frown thoughtfully. "I do hope our actions here will liberate you from the Prince's meddling as it has with those who were being impacted by her artifact's presence. Though it does not sound overly similar, I must admit, likely because of Vaermina's interest in you."
"Yeah, I'm not feeling overly optimistic, all things considered. But, thanks to you, I've survived a confrontation with Vaermina's favorite acolyte within her own plane, so, at least for a while, I doubt the dreams will seem as terrible."
"So you returned to the Dreamstride, then. Fascinating," Erandur mused. "Perhaps the energy from the destruction of the Skull was enough for her to create a rift within the barriers between planes, through which she was able to summon you into her own."
"I wouldn't know anything about that sort of thing, but it sounds possible. I'm not too concerned with how she reached me, so long as she doesn't do it again. But, if you don't mind, I'd prefer to discuss theories later, in the comfort of a place with a lit hearth and not reeking of the influence of the Prince I've no doubt irked beyond imagining."
"That's fair. Shall we head back, then?"
"I'm—wait," I paused, my brow furrowing as I remembered that my belongings were still likely in the inner sanctum of the Temple, "Oh, gods."
"What is it?"
"Vaermina had the consideration to separate me from items of relatively great importance to me when I was taken into her realm. I believe they're still downstairs," I explained, not relishing the idea of having to take so many stairs and then make what was sure to be an unpleasantly frigid walk back to town.
"In that case, I'll be back shortly. Wait here," the priest announced, heading off before I could so much as protest.
After I got over my momentary indignation over the helpfulness the priest showed me that I felt I didn't deserve, I let out a breath, only now realizing how good it felt to finally get this situation with Vaermina off my chest; I hoped that, later, Erandur might have some insights into what I could do to further stick it to the daedra that had made it her mission to try and destroy my sanity. And, now that I was actually conscious, it appeared I had a lot to digest after meeting the world's worst however-many-greats grandmother. The fact that she was manipulating the Forsworn through their desire for vengeance was, quite frankly, terrifying. I knew better than many just how powerful vengeance could be as a motive - after all, one of my only driving motives after Nightbrook's passing was to avenge him, and even now, the thing I wanted more than anything else in the world was to colossally screw over Vaermina in any way I could. And, as I was starting to realize, being motivated by vengeance proved to be somewhat corrupting.
My thoughts wandered back to my brother, and to his involvement in all of this. Had he been enthralled, too? Was he even in control of his own actions, or was he locked away inside himself - or worse, was he not 'in there' at all? Or, perhaps, had he accepted Rivanon's terms, and was now eagerly fulfilling the requests of a daedric control freak and our mutual psychopathic ancestor? Now, I had absolutely no way of knowing what was going through his mind, and it made detesting him considerably more difficult. My second foray into the Dreamstride had spawned the first real, genuine worry I'd felt for him in a year - I hadn't felt this way since his initial disappearance from home. It was an odd feeling, after being certain he was depraved and ultimately iredeemable through and through. Since I had no way to prove to myself he was even in control of his actions, I found those negative feelings I'd held towards him dissipating entirely. But if she's enthralled him, can I even hope to save him?
It seemed I now had just as many questions as I had answers. But, at the very least, I had a good idea of what I was up against. Though knowing made me even less optimistic about my chances than before, considering I had barely escaped the Dreamstride with my life. My spells were as good as useless against Rivanon. How weak am I to have been that defenseless against her? Or is she just not capable of being harmed within that realm? One thing was for sure, I definitely was in dire need of becoming stronger, especially as I did not doubt she would come for me again, though when, I had no way of knowing. That alone was a terrifying thought. For that matter, I was not yet sure whether or not my mind was fully freed from Vaermina's influence. If it wasn't, I did not know how much longer I would last before I snapped.
Thankfully, Erandur returned, my satchel and knapsack in tow, before I could further pursue these lines of thought, and a twinge of guilt filled me once more as I recalled how heavy my bags had been before my disappearance - I hoped that it hadn't been too much trouble for him to bring them up. An intrusive thought hinted that I was continuing to provide a burden and a nuisance to everyone who had the misfortune to be associated with me. I found I didn't have the energy to refute such a claim.
"I am ready to leave this place far behind if you are," he remarked, his expression stoic and his voice soft as he continued, "The only things I wish to keep with me are either on my person, or stored within my room at the inn. Since I now have the option, I do not wish to remain here longer than I must."
I nodded. "Let's."
"Here, I'll take those," I suggested as I walked over towards him, holding out a hand for my bags, but he shook his head slightly in response.
"No reason to tire yourself out even more, after what you've been through. Really, I don't mind."
"Very well," I sighed, slightly frustrated, but accepted his generous offer nonetheless. I was too tired to argue further, and not sure that anything I could say would change the dunmer's mind.
As I pushed open the heavy wooden doors of the Temple for what I hoped to gods was the last time, I was met with the pale, rosy fingers of dawn creeping up over the horizon, chasing off the inky blackness of the cloudy night sky and leaving a hopeful, salmon and tangerine tinted haze in its wake. I realized that I had stopped to appreciate it, and that it made me feel something, something different than what I was accustomed to at this time in my life. Perhaps the word I was searching for was hope, but that feeling, although similar, was different enough it did not quite match. At the very least, despite everything, I was alive. Even though I knew I had a lot of explaining to do once I met back up with Adir and Kha'Drazza, if they were even still in Dawnstar, I was alright with that. I had learned a good deal from the past several hours, and now, even if they hated me for being dishonest with them, or feared me for my earlier actions, I found I was not bothered as much by that as I was by the idea of continuing to keep them in the dark.Though, considering what I had just done, there would be no opportunity to hide the effects of my actions anyhow.
That was fine. I was sick and tired of living in fear, and willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I stepped out into the freezing snow, trying to ignore the chill against my bare, and, at this point, likely frostbitten feet. With my newly-made and similarly redeemed friend by my side, we began our trek back to civilization in an affable silence, one that communicated more relief and camaraderie than words ever could.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————
Woo, this was a terribly painful chapter to write! Why so, you ask? Well, have you ever written something and then, when you're nearly finished with it, decide you hate it, and then rip it apart and re-write it from scratch? This was one of those chapters. Which is why it took a small eternity to finish, plus college is hell. I wanted this to be half decent, and hopefully it is, though I'm currently so exhausted and probably overdid it on caffeine to the point where I doubt I'm even all that coherent in this A/N.
Because of that, I'll spare you more of my terrible rambling, aside from a notice that, until mid/late December, expect my updates to be this terribly paced. I thought I had a handle on my schedule, and I did - before my classes dropped an H-bomb on all my plans and then I made the terrible mistake of creating and GMing a DnD campaign (yes, yes, I'm a nerd, who would've guessed?).
Well, as always, please do leave a vote and/or comment if you enjoyed the chapter, and see you next time! Good adventuring, dear readers!
-AA