When Jungkook woke up Saturday morning, he didn't want to move.
He felt hollow. He felt empty. He felt devoid of everything. But at the same time, he felt like he was so heavy he would just sink into his mattress.
He didn't understand it.
He stayed on his side, knees brought to his chest, his fingers curled into his pillowcase as he stared at the wrinkles on his bedspread. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. The words were playing over and over and over in his head but they weren't having the desired effect. He was still going further and further away. He still felt like someone was squeezing his chest.
Jungkook didn't feel like pretending today. He knew he would fail.
When his mom knocked on the door, causing him to nearly jump out of his skin, he sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair.
"Jungkook," His mom's voice was delicate. He didn't hear her take a step, so he assumed she just poked her head into his room, the door open just a little bit. "Breakfast is ready."
He took a breath before forcing an upturn of his lips. Then he looked over his shoulder.
"I'll actually be going out with Taehyung later, so I think I'll skip breakfast."
His mom tried to hide the surprise on her face, and failed. She also tried to hide the immense joy on her face, and she also failed at that.
"Oh, well, do you need anything?" She couldn't mask the excitement in her voice either. Jungkook shook his head. "Okay...I'll leave you to get ready."
She shut the door and Jungkook fell back onto his bed. Maybe going out today would be a good thing, maybe it would distract him and keep him from self destructing. But still... He really, really, didn't feel like moving. He didn't feel like he could.
Jungkook's phone lit up from where it was face up on his bed. Jungkook reached for it, his hand surprisingly steady, and picked it up to see he had a message from Taehyung.
Taehyungie~
I have things to do this morning, so I won't be able to walk with you to the cafe
Jungkook felt something in him drop.
Taehyungie~
Here's the address don't get lot
Taehyungie~
lost*
When Jungkook put the address into Apple Maps, he was relieved to see that it wasn't too terribly far from where he lived. It would take about twenty minutes to walk there, twenty-three exactly according to Apple Maps.
He could do that, right?
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Jungkook, in fact, could not do that. His phone had died due to the fact that he had been looking at people's art all night on Tumblr and hadn't charged it. So, when he got halfway and the phone screen went black, his stomach fell and his heart rate spiked.
But, he remained calm. Even as people walked past him on the sidewalk, casting furtive glances at him, and even as cars sped past on the street. He stayed calm, even though he was stuck somewhere he hadn't been in years, with no one to help him and no way to reach out for help.
Okay, so he was very far from calm, but he wasn't panicking. Yet.
Instead of letting himself succumb to the rapid beat of his heart, he kept walking. He was hyper aware of the fact that any turn he makes could be the wrong one, so he carefully looked down each street before making his decision. He tried to remember the street names, the directions that he had read, but his mind felt blank.
Thirty minutes later, Jungkook was still walking, his breathing coming rapidly. He hadn't ran or anything, but he felt like he had with the way his body was reacting.
He didn't recognize anything. He was lost. He was lost and no one would find him; no one would help; he was lost and stuck and such a screw up. Why hadn't he thought to charge his phone? Why couldn't he remember a few simple directions?
People were still walking past, but there were more now as it got later in the day. He didn't feel safe, someone could hurt him and no one would care. Jungkook's hands were cold but he felt hot, so hot, and he couldn't—there wasn't—
Jungkook slowly sunk into a crouch, his hands on his head as he tried to control his breathing. Panicking will do nothing, panicking will do nothing, calm down, calm down. But he couldn't. He knew that he was lost, that there was no way to get help, and that he could be stuck out here until late that night. The thought absolutely terrified him.
You're overreacting Jungkook. Stop it.
But he wasn't safe and he didn't know which way home was. Jungkook closed his eyes. He felt like crying in frustration. How could he be so useless? He hated himself. He was stuck. He was—
"Hey, kid." Someone poked his shoulder. Jungkook's eyes immediately snapped open as he fell backwards, landing harshly on the concrete.
Jungkook opened his mouth to say something but nothing would come out.
"Are you okay?" The boy leaned over him, his brown eyes concerned, his orange—yes, orange—hair falling in front of his face. Jungkook felt like his lungs were compressing. "You look a little pale."
The boy lifted a hand, the back of it coming towards Jungkook's head. What's happening, what are you doing, is he going to—Jungkook flinched, hard, and the hand stopped moving, barely a hair's width away from his forehead.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" The boy dropped his hand to rest on his knee as he looked at Jungkook, his head tilted slightly to one side.
Jungkook swallowed. "It's fine." His voice felt strangled as he forced himself to his feet and dusted the back of his pants off with trembling hands. He still couldn't breathe. "It's okay."
"You sure?" The boy stood, and Jungkook noticed the orange-haired man was shorter than him. Jungkook nodded. "I'm Jimin, by the way."
Jimin....? Why did that name sound familiar?
"J-Jimin?"
Jimin raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"Do you know Taehyung?" Jungkook's face heated up as soon as he asked the question. Just because this guy's name was Jimin did not mean he was that Jimin. Jungkook probably just screwed up and embarrassed himself and who knew what this stranger thought of him now.
"I do, actually." Jimin said. "I was supposed to meet him and a couple of other friends at a nearby cafe but I'm really late."
"Kim Taehyung?"
He nodded. "I'm assuming you know him. Do you want to walk with me to the cafe? You can meet with him too. Maybe get something to eat."
Jungkook had a flash back to the awkward walk with... Soyeon? Jiyeon? He couldn't remember her name, he just remembered that he didn't like her very much and that the walk was painful for him.
"Uhm," Jungkook trailed off, looking up at the sky. "O-okay?"
"Really? Because you sound confused." Jimin had a small smile on his lips when Jungkook looked back down. Jungkook fidgeted with his fingers behind his back and chewed on the inside of his cheek, something he really needed to quit doing.
"I am." Jungkook said, but then his eyebrows drew together. "Wait no, I'm not confused I—"
Jimin stood. Jungkook hadn't known what he was saying but the words died in his throat.
"Let's just go, uhh, what's your name?" Jimin smiled at Jungkook.
Normally, Jungkook would've said no and found a way himself even with the panic lingering in the back of his throat. Normally, he wouldn't even be talking to some random stranger on the street.
But, Taehyung knew him, right? And anyone who would stop to help someone had to be nice, right?
He slowly nodded. "My name is Jungkook."
Jimin's smile widened and spread to his eyes. "Nice to meet you Jungkook, I'm Jimin."
"You already told me your name." Jungkook mumbled. But he was focused on something else. He was focused on the fact that his breathing wasn't excessively rapid, and that his heart didn't feel like it was doing suicide sprints from rib to rib. Sure, both things were still irregular and he still felt panicked, but not in a way that was unnormal for him.
However, each bit of his skin was crawling with mistrust and fear. He didn't know what was going to happen, and that was what scared him most.
But he still let Jimin lead him towards the cafe and to where his friend was waiting.
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An:
So I wasn't going to post this until I finished chapter 7 but oh well. I hope you liked it, next chapter should be out soon don't quote me on that tho man idfk
Goodnighttt (or good morning or afternoon depending on where you live) Thank you for reading 💖