I could've never imagine what would happen when I walked through those doors. Especially because I did that often. The McMillan's pub was a place for friends, joy, happiness, laughter and... For me. I couldn't fit in that description. Not at all. Not even my looks called out for a happy person. I was an Ice person. I was alone.
The bar was simple, which was one of the reasons why I liked it. A woman named 'Cana' owned it. Not that I was friends with her, no. She was just known as the woman who drank the most in the whole town. And that's saying a lot.
Anyways, that day, I walked through those doors thinking it would be the same. Thinking that I would stay at the same table, order the same drink, watch the same people. But instead I stayed at the same table, ordered the same drink and watched her.
She, just like the others, was happy. Her wavy blue locks bounced when she laughed with her three friends in a table not that far away from mine.
I didn't care if somebody caught me staring at that girl, we're talking about a girl with... A little more than 20, I guess, just like me. So I didn't care as long as it wasn't her. Look at the friendly smile she would send me would just make me feel bad for not smiling back at her. Yes, because I wouldn't smile. I lost that ability years ago.
As I took another sip of my drink, I watched as one of her friends got up and left the bar. She, too had blue hair. It wasn't as pretty as hers though. She and the two girls who were still there were talking but I just couldn't focus on what they were talking about, not even on the other girls. I really don't know why. I seriously don't know why that blue haired girl caught my attention.
Well, that was an half-lie. She was a beauty. Not that her friends weren't, I can recognize this much: they were all pretty. But even so, none of those two girls were as beautiful as her.
I realized that a few girls were staring at me. I couldn't care less. They knew better than to come talk to me so I simply ignored.
I raised the glass to my mouth, only to find it empty. Only a few drops were left. As I called the waitress to bring me another drink, another one of her friends left. A blonde. Now it was just her and a redhead. These two looked like they were very close to each other, more than the others. I notice that redhead blush when the bluenette said something to her, and at that moment she laughed harder than any other time. Somehow, it felt soothing to hear her... But something was missing in that laugh, something important, I just couldn't put my finger on it...
I grabbed my phone. I had a message.
'It's probably spam.' It wasn't.
It was from the last and only thing that prevented me from saying that I was completely alone. It was from Natsu. He is the only one I can consider my friend. And after what happened to me I'm surprised I still have one. But I'm fine. I know it's better like this. I know it's better if I'm alone cause I think I wouldn't be able to be rejected again. I know I wouldn't. But even so, I don't come to the bar because I'm sad, or to forget everything. I come here because it's the only place where no one comes to me asking 'are you okay?' or 'hey, do you need a friend?' because everyone here knows my story and everyone here knows I can't have friends. Well, now it's almost everyone.
This bar is a little bit old and with all the other better and bigger bars right across the street, only regular costumers enter here, the only reason people come here is to preserve memories. Yes, that includes me. Even if those memories seem to be dissipating. But well, I can't say that's the only reason anymore for I have never seen her here.
I look at her again. She is still there but it looks like the redhead is about to leave. As she leaves the bar I notice the bluenette follow her friend with her eyes until she was out of her corner, take a deep breath and drop the beautiful smile that has been decorating her face since she came in. Her glass is still filled with the same drink she ordered when she arrived. Now I know what's missing in her laugh.
It was fake.
Now I know what called my attention to her in the first place. She wasn't happy like everyone else.
It was fake.
Every smile, every laugh, every time she did that next to her friends, probably not only tonight.
It was fake.
I looked down thinking. She might be sad, but I don't think she is worse than me. I'm not trying to say I'm the most miserable person in the world, I probably am not. I'm just facing the facts. She is a beautiful girl, it's very unlikely that she is more miserable than me. And... In fact... How could she be worse than someone who lost everything?
'Lucky her...'
I finally finished my drink and I thought that maybe take another drink might be a mistake so I got up and was about to leave. Yes, 'about to'.
'About to' because when she buried her head in her hands and started crying, no matter how many ice layers I had covering my heart, I couldn't leave her like that. It's weird because... maybe if it was some other woman, even one of her friends, I wouldn't have done this but... Seeing her cry... It was horrible...
"Hey..." she looked up at me. Her state ruined her perfect beauty. She was definitely not made to be crying. And I didn't want that to happen again. It felt like I could fell everything she was feeling, even though I knew I didn't.
She looked away. I can tell why, I mean, I'm a complete stranger, after all. I knew that if I talked it would only make it worse. I knew the feeling of being in this state. Where we feel like we reached rock bottom. Well, I didn't know for sure she felt that way, I was just guessing. I sat down next to her and put my hand on her shoulders.
I admit, I was a little scared that she would yell at me to leave or look at me with disgust. But she didn't. She just let herself cry on my chest grabbing my shirt. I couldn't care less about my shirt at the moment. I hugged her back.
"Why... Why..." that's the only thing she said between sobs from time to time.
I could hear the rain outside hit the window and producing a deafening sound. But I liked being with her. I liked comforting her. I liked feeling useful to her.
It felt right.
It felt right just having her by my side and I think that, for that little amount of time, I felt happy. Not happy that she was crying, obviously. But happy that I could be here, being a complete stranger but supporting her when none of her friends did. Happy that I could feel the smell of her hair, it was like vanilla and the ocean, happy that she would remember me, for I was sure that even if I never saw her again, she would still be the main subject in my mind for the rest of my life.
When I felt her stop crying I tried to say again,
"Hey..." she recomposed herself and looked at me in the eyes. I think that maybe she hadn't looked at me yet.
"Hey... Juvia's sorry" she cleaned her tears as she apologized.
"It's OK. I know the feeling... I'm Gray Fullbuster" I had to be careful, I still couldn't let anyone too involved with me. I would be just like before and that can't happen.
I didn't smile either, I don't want the people around to see me smiling. Especially because of a girl. Even if they don't talk to me, they still know me. More or less...
"I'm Juvia Lockser." she was looking down but I could catch her smiling. This smile was different. It made me wonder if this one was true. I noticed my heart racing at that thought and the heat rising to my cheeks. I had to get away before I did something I would regret.
"I gotta go." as I grabbed my jacket, I stormed out.
'I know this can't happen. I'll just go home and pretend I've never seen her.' of course I wouldn't do that. I couldn't. As I walked through the almost empty streets I remembered Natsu's message. I never got to open it and, before I got home, I did. It read,
At the bar, Ice Princess?
Sunday I want' ya at home
As if I was going to stay home just cause he said so. He might be my only friend but he can't take the only place where I feel right away from me. And he was an idiot, let's be honest. Then again, maybe he had different plans. Maybe that Flame Head invited that 'Lucy' he is always talking about. We are housemates so it's normal for him to want me to meet his girlfriend. Or... Almost-girlfriend. Whatever, it doesn't matter right now.
When I got home I was confronted with a decision. Should I tell Natsu about Juvia? I-It's not like it is a big deal...
"Ice Princess! You're here!" I heard Natsu's voice. Then again, it was impossible NOT to hear.
"Yes..." My answer was... Not much of an answer... I had my mind on something else.
"So, how was it? Same old, same old?" I took a few seconds before answering his question. I took a deep breath.
"More or less..." he definitely wasn't expecting that, and I wonder if our neighbors are at home now becaus-
"ARE YOU SERIOUS!? GRAY FULLBUSTER DID SOMETHING NEW??"
"No... I just... There was a girl a-"
"A girl!? THE WORLD IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END!"
I went to my room and closed the door on his face. I couldn't stand him screaming. It was really annoying, all our neighbors agree with me. I heard him knock after a few minutes.
"Sorry... But I would like to hear that story!" of course I wouldn't let him enter... If it was a normal day... But... I'll admit, I actually needed his help. So I told him everything.
"Gray, I think you like this girl."
"What? No! I can't! You know that!"
"Gray, come on! That was years ago! I'll be honest, I think it's time to let someone enter your life!"
"You can say whatever you want, I won't take another risk." he sighted.
"Look, I know I'm not always the smartest"- true - "or the one who people should trust to ask for advice"- true - "but I think that this girl really did something to you"- true - "and I think you'll regret if you let her go."
Ok, maybe she really did something to me... But who knows? Maybe I'll really never see her again. But if I do, I still don't wanna risk her getting hurt... Her beautiful face, with pale perfect skin, dark blue eyes, rosy soft lips, wavy hair with the most beautiful shade of blue... She really was something...
"Are you smiling?"
Am I? Am I really smiling? Could she have done something impossible? Could she have done something Natsu tried to do during many years in only a few hours? And...
Can she do it again?