"He is leaving, go to sleep my son." I kissed him on the cheek, but Brynjar
kept looking at Ivar.
"You are going to be sorry if you hurt my mother again." Brynjar said with anger and Ivar widened his eyes.
"I am not, I came here to apologize. I have a daughter, I will never disrespect your mother again." Ivar said, he was sad. I believe that he was sorry.
He walked to the door and I followed him, I wanted to know if he will leave us alone. If he does we can live our lives without him, but my heart desires him so badly.
I changed so much over the years, but around Ivar, I was still the same girl, too afraid to tell how I really feel.
"I did not know that your others sons saw that, I am sorry."
"Just go away, please." I begged him, knowing that Ivar has a daughter, breaks my heart.
"I hurt you, I am so sorry." He steps closer to me, I want to kiss him.
"What is your daughter's name?" I asked him, trying to remember that Ivar now has a family.
He loved a woman and she died, she was probably a princess. He still uses the wedding band, he talks about her like she is still alive. That hurts, that kills me inside.
"Bergljot." He said smiling, he really loves her and the mother.
"Do you always wanted a daughter?" I ask him, I didn't give him daughters. The gods blessed me only with sons.
"No, but looking at her makes me think that I have." He laughs and looked down, I didn't give him daughters. This makes me sad and angry, another woman gave Ivar a daughter and he forgot about his sons.
"Please you should leave, King." I told him, I wanted to cry. I was right after all, I am not enough for Ivar.
He nodded and went away, I started to cry. How could we mean so little to him? He stopped looking for us after so little time? Did he looked at all?
......................................
Weeks passed since I saw Ivar that night, part of me wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't. He loved his late wife, he loved his daughter, I couldn't be in the middle of that. He has a family, he has a daughter, he doesn't want or need his sons.
It was spring, the flowers and trees in the forest were beautiful. Brynjar, Eirik and Halstein were playing around the farm. I was feeding our only horse, since a horse is too expensive to keep. I need to think of something fast, the gold and silver from my mother is almost over. And the gold and silver from Alva, I used it all to buy the farm.
I looked and I didn't saw Halstein, my heart started to beat faster. Where is my son? I ran towards Brynjar and Eirik.
"Where is your brother?" I asked terrified.
"We do not know mother, he said that he would walk on the forest." Eirik said pointing at the forest.
I walked them in and I give the dagger to Brynjar, I need to find Halstein before becomes dark.
"Do not open this door unless is me, if someone enters here, you know what to do?" I asked him.
I was training Brynjar and Eirik, I wasn't a shielmaiden like my mother. But I saw her and my father train many times, so I taught them.
"Yes mother." He nods and I leave.
I look for Halstein on the forest, he is not on the river, his favorite place. Gods please, keep Halstein safe.
It was getting dark when I heard laughing from men, it was a camp.
Ivar's camp.
Halstein came to see Ivar, he must have told everything and now Halstein will have to handle Ivar's rejection. I don't want Halstein being hurt because of Ivar, I shouldn't say anything for my sons about their father.
When I started to walk around the camp, I saw Sigurd. My first thought was to go and hug him, but he probably forgot about me too. All of the Ragnarssons did.
"Well, I want you riding me all night, farmer girl." I looked shocked when I saw Ubbe, he was drunk and he slapped my ass.
He also didn't recognize me, but it is probably because he is drunk.
"I am looking for my son, he is blonde, has blue eyes and is adorable." I say to him.
"I saw him with my brother, over there." He points at the tent, when I looked to thank him, he was kissing a shielmaiden.
I started to walk towards the tent, I didn't know how much Halstein told Ivar, so I decided to hear them.
"Why did you wanted me here?" Halstein asked impatient, so he didn't came because he wanted to.
"Your mother looks familiar to me, I want to know who she is." Ivar said to Halstein, hearing Ivar talking to Halstein like he was a grown up made me smile.
"Well, you of all people should know." He said, and I could imagine his smirk. He definitely is his father son.
"Why me?" Ivar asked confused.
"Well, because you are....."
Halstein stopped talking when I entered the tent, Ivar looked at me with guilt. But I only looked at Halstein, I am so happy and relieved that he is safe but at the same time I was angry with him.
He was sitting on a chair, facing Ivar. I kneel in front of him.
"Why did you do that? I looked for you everywhere." I said to him and I hugged him.
"I am sorry, I brought him here." Ivar said to me, I was so mad at him.
"You bring my son and does not warn me? What kind of person are you? No wonder why your family died." I was in front of him, at the moment, I didn't think that he could recognize me.
"Never talk about my family again, whore. You have no right." He grabs my left arm, and he managed to rip the sleeve of my dress.
"Father, no." Halstein screams.
Ivar looked at Halstein and looked at my arm, the look on his face is pure shock. He is staring at the scar that he made, a long time ago. When Sigurd teased him about sleeping with me. When I was a little shy girl, when I trusted Ivar with my life. When everything was simple.
"Steena?" Ivar asked me with watering eyes.