Chapter Ten
The day before Zayn was supposed to arrive for his visit, I got a surprise. A very unexpected surprise.
"Jeremy?" I said, baffled, once I answered the door.
"Hey," he beamed. His coffee colored hair was disheveled and looked like he didn't even bother to comb it, but he still looked attractive nevertheless.
"Um," I said shifting uncomfortably on my feet. "What are you doing here?"
"What, you mean you don't want to see me?"
"No, no it's not that I just-"
"I'm just kidding Pear," he said flashing me a heart stopping smile. " Actually I was on the road with a few of my mates but, they ditched me."
I put my hand over my mouth in shock. "What?"
"Yeah, I don't know. Something about not enough room in the car? We made a stop just down the road because I had to use the bathroom but when I came back out they were no where in sight."
"Oh my gosh, that's terrible." How could someone be so heartless to do such a thing? That's cruel; leaving you someone in the middle of a city they don't know.
"I know," he sighed. "And I know it's a lot to ask, but I don't know anyone here and I don't have any money with me but, could I stay here?"
I bit my lip and started thinking how terrible of an idea that would be. What would the girls think? And Zayn? He's visiting tomorrow and I'd rather him not walk in and spot my ex-boyfriend lounging on my couch.
Jeremy must've noticed my apprehension because he quickly added, "Only for a few hours. I just need to rest for a bit is all." And I was still hesitant but another heart-stopping smile formed on his lips and I couldn't deny his company.
I held the door open as he stepped in while I mentally thanked the universe that I had gotten my own hotel room. Jade was the one who had made the suggestion and caused my face to turn the same shade as her lipstick when she said it was because she didn't want to know just how much I loved Zayn. The other girs laughed but also agreed, and that was that.
He took a seat on the couch and after making sure the door was securely locked I did the same, my body occupying the spot next to him. I turned on the telly, but the flashing across the screen was soon forgotten as we indulged in a conversation that somehow turned from innocent into something from the past.
"You know, I almost proposed to you back in high school," he said abruptly. I was taken back and almost spit out the water I wasn't drinking.
"What?"
"Well, I wasn't serious about it," he told me, "but it did cross my mind on several occasions."
"Like when?" I questioned, my curiosity taking over.
Jeremy thought for a moment. "Like when you first met my parents and on the way there you were so nervous you were shaking. It took me nearly twenty minutes to calm you down and once you were settle my parents greeted us at the door and instantly fell in love with you as much as I did." He recalled with a faint smile. I started to grin as well, but instantly wiped it off my face when I remembered who I was with and the topic of our conversation.
"I can't remember the other specific times when I thought about it, but it was usually when I'd catch you smiling, or when you'd be rambling and I wouldn't pay attention, but instead focus on your stunning blue eyes, or the way you would absentmindedly start twirling your hair around your finger."
"Why did you leave," I asked suddenly.
"What?"
"After I came back from the X Factor your mom said you left; why?" I needed to know. It's been eating me away from the inside and I had to know why. I may never get the chance to be fed an answer again.
"I, I didn't want to hold you back," he spoke quietly.
"How would you've held me back?"
"If you would have came back and I would've still been there I know you would have stayed, and I didn't want you to do that. You would have been sacrificing everything you have now and that would have been the worst mistake of your life, so I let you go. It's what was best for you."
"You sacrificed an education just so I wouldn't sacrifice my future" I asked incredulously.
"No, no I graduated early and got a two year degree in software engineering," he assured me and I felt a little better, but not much.
I gulped and I could feel the tears start pooling into my eyes. I was convinced he fled because he didn't want anything to do with me, I never expected for it to be because he wanted what was best for me.
"Did you regret it," I asked hesitantly. I needed to change the subject right now, but there were too many questions I've been seeking answers for for the past four years.
"The only thing I regretted was never chasing after you."
"Do you still regret that?" I really needed to stop talking
His voice was a whisper when he answered, "Yes."
My heart started pounding in my chest and I noticed just how short the proximity between our faces were. The invisible barrier put between us was just a few inches, and it would be so easy to break it, just one last time to see-no! You don't love Jeremy anymore, I reminded myself, Zayn. You have Zayn.
"I have to go to the bathroom," he said suddenly. I assume he noticed the lack of distance between us and remembered that we both have our own lives now-without each other. I'm well aware of that but god what am I doing? I was ten seconds away from cheating on my fiance for an old lover. I can't allow myself to turn into that girl. I don't even have feelings for Jeremy, they're all for the brown eyed boy with the voice of an angel.
I put my head in my hands and inhaled deeply. I don't know why my subconscious is so cloudy today. No matter the reason, it really needs to clear up and make room for the sun that is my better judgment.
Zayn Zayn Zayn Zayn, I chanted in my head. You love Zayn.
Zayn, his voice echoed through my head as the sound of a fist rapping on the door was heard. I stood up from the couch and, assuming it was one of the girls I swung open the door.
Zayn Zayn Zayn Zayn Zayn Zayn- "Zayn?"
"Hi Perrie," my fiance greeted with a cheeky grin.
What?
"W-what are you doing here?" I asked gulping down the lump in my throat. He wasn't supposed to be here until tomorrow, why is he here?
"I wanted to surprise you by flying out a day early," he responded, "aren't you glad to see me love?"
"No, of course it's just that I wasn't expecting-"
"Perrie? Perrie?" Jeremy's voice rang through the room and I held my breath. Jeremy. I spun my head around an there he was; my ex boyfriend plain in sight, staring right at Zayn.
I turned my attention back to the guy in front of me, who had his jaw clenched and eyes that were hard, but held the obvious hurt. My throat started closing up, making it possible for only a few words to escape.
"No Zayn it's not what it looks like I-I can explain, we're not-he's not-" but I didn't get to finish because he cut me off.
"How could you?" His voice was so timid and broken that tears escaped my eyes.
"Zayn, it's not what it looks like, I swear," I said desperately.
"I'm sure it's not," he spat, "I'll leave you two alone to finish what you started. Sorry for interrupting"
"No Zayn, no I-" but he stormed off, throwing the flowers I didn't even know he was holding to the ground. By the time I came out of shock and started chasing him down the hallway and towards the lobby,-and away from someone I should have left in the past-but it was too late and he was no where in sight when I burst through the hotel door and flashes filled the vision that wasn't clouded by tears.
I made myself move just to get away from the paparazzi and inside the building. I knew this story would be everywhere by the time tomorrow hits, but I didn't give a shit. I just lost the best thing that had ever happened to me, and it was completely my fault. I knew I never should have given Jeremy my number at the bowling alley. Why didn't I just listen to my conscience before? I'm an idiot. A complete idiot, and the only one to blame is myself.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered to myself, in a voice as broken as my heart, as I sat in the middle of the lobby, sobbing for the love I had damaged so deeply, I may not get a chance to repair it.