Phil felt pride and happiness when he saw Dan smile again "oh my god I've missed that dimple." Phil said as he pinched Dans cheek softly as he laughed
"Hey, you can't pinch my cheek! I'm an adult!" Dan protested but only smiled wider as he looked up at Phil.
"For one you still have the same squishy cheeks you did when you were 18 and two I'm your best friend and I can do whatever I want." Phil said as he poked Dans simple again as he met Dans eyes
Dan rolled his eyes and leaned his cheek into Phil's touch, smiling up at him. He had missed Phil to much. The littlest touch made him melt.
"I love seeing you happy Dan, don't every forget how much I love you and how much you mean to me, if I ever lost you I'd probably end up taking myself to hell with you." Phil said with a sad laugh trying to get Dan to listen
Dan looked up at Phil in shock, having a hard time believing his words as he just blinked at him.
"I don't expect you to listen or believe me with the way I treated you but I want you to know that this friendship means more than anything to me." Phil said pouring out his feelings
"Thank you." Was all that Dan said. That's when a nurse came in with a plate full of food. Dan immediately turned his nose up and turned away. She sighed as if she had dealt with this before, "Mr. Howell, you have to eat." Dan didnt reply as he kept his head turned away.
Phil shook his head "he's a stubborn one isn't he." He said to the nurse "here if you give me to food I'll make him eat it he might listen to me." Phil joked
"Alright." She sighed and handed Phil the tray before walking out. "It's not happening, phil." Dan said immediately and didn't face Phil
"Daniel Howell don't you dare say that." Phil said unthreateningly, "you have some bomb ass lunch fish and chips I'm jealous." Phil said "come on Dan, don't make me have to bribe you." Phil said grabbing a chip on the fork and holding it in the air
"Last night when they fed me, I ended up vomiting blood, so no thank you. Not going through that again." Dan shook his head.
Panic flooded through Phils body, "you were vomiting blood again?" Phil sat back "shit." Phil said placing the food down "give me a second." Phil said getting up to find a nurse for more details
Dan watched phil leave and pouted. A nurse spotted Phil and sighed, "He's not eating, is he?"
"I didn't even have time to make him but why is he vomiting blood again? Surely after this £6000 treatment this should have stopped already?" Phil said nervously and shakily with anxiety flooding around his body
"Well, that's because of the stomach lining problems, not his liver, so the operation doesn't fix that." The nurse says simply.
"How long will this go long for and what are the damages for this?" Phil asked getting more and more anxious
"No idea, I'm not the doctor." She shrugged simply, "I mean, I was there with him last night when he threw up blood and had like 2 panic attacks, it didn't look good."
"I'm not paying all this hospital fee for you guys to not be looking after him! You have an education and the doctor should have at least told you something." Phil said "send the doctor to Dans room as soon as you can." Phil said before storming back in stressed and angry
Dan looked up at Phil with big eyes filled with concern when he saw how angry and annoyed Phil looked, "What happened?"
"Nothing hon don't worry, now I need you to eat this food for me, I know it's horrible but you need to digest some of it to survive." Phil said sadly as he sat back down grabbing the fork
"Nope, not happening," Dan shook his head and said, "I don't wanna throw up blood again."
"How if I do this-" Phil paused as he grabbed under Dans chin turning his head to look at him and kissed him lightly on the nose "every time you have a mouthful I'll give you a lil nose kiss."
Dan's whole face went bright red. He just blinked at him and melted. Before he knew what he was doing, he was nodding.
"Good im glad I've figured something out." Phil said with a smile "here comes the aeroplane." Phil said sarcastically as he held the fork of food by Dans mouth
Dan rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to take a little spoonful. He felt silly but cared for. He chewed on the food before swallowing.
Phil waited for Dan to stop chewing before his kissed his nose, over exaggerating a "mwah." As he pulled away, getting more food onto the fork as he waited for Dan to open his mouth
"You're ridiculous." Dan blushed and opened his mouth anyway for another bite.
"Anything to make sure my bestie is gonna be better." Phil said as he kissed the end of Dans nose again with same exaggerated noise, however in the back of his mind he was desperate for that Doctor to come in
Dan could eat two more bites before turning away, "No more, it hurts so bad, I can't." Dan whined.
"Okay okay that's fine, I'm proud of you for eating at least this little bit." Phil said softly, I'll go give this back to the staff yeah." Phil said standing up with the plate going to find the nurse
Just as Phil was walking out, the doctor walked in to check on Dan and give him his daily meds.
Phil walked back into the room to see the doctor, letting out a sigh of frustrated relief "Doc can I please talk to you out here." Phil said politely but nothing can stop the evident frustration
"What is it?" The doctor mumbled non chalantly as she went through some vials of medicine.
"Dan was vomiting blood last night and one of the staff told me it was to do with his stomach line being damaged, is this dangerous for him? Will he need a second surgery? Will this be a terminal thing?" Phil said with millions of worried questions
"Well, we're not sure," She said as she looked up. "We're giving him medicines to help with the lining but we aren't sure how bad the damage is, so we can't say if operation is required or not."
"If he does need more surgery then how much is that going to cost?" Phil said with a slight growl, he was going to cry he couldn't put Dan through more surgery
"Around £4000, including post surgery care." She said as she looked at him with pity.
"When will I be informed if he needs the surgery?" Phil said with a now shaky and weak voice, he was struggling to stay in this game
"As soon as we figure it out." She said before walking away. Dan was whining, needing to find somewhere to lean over, he felt like he was going to be sick any second now.
"The boy can't eat without vomiting, how long is it going to be til you guys know? He's going to eventually starve to death if he carries on like this, he could barley manage five mouthfuls of food." Phil said desperately calling after her
"We're giving him food through tubes, he won't starve." The doctor, said, clearly sounding more irritated with Phil.
"Yeah but why is he still in so much pain I hate seeing him like this I can't let him go through another surgery he's suffered enough." Phil said in a desperate whine
"Mr. Lester, I suggest you let us do our job." She said and walked away. Dan had already thrown up blood. All over his chest with blood dribbling down his mouth
Phil wanted to scream but he had to remain calm for Dan, but walking in to the sight of Dan made his stomach drop "hey hey hey sush it's alright." Phil said grabbing a bowl from the side for Dan quickly as he pressed the button which called for the nurse in an emergency
Dan cried silently as he spat out more blood down his neck. A nurse rushed in and immediately called for the doctor as well. She pushed Phil out of the room and got to work.
"No you got to let me in he can't be on his own - please." Phil said as he tapped on the window, watching how they handled Dan with delicate care
"Sir you can't be in here." she said as she shut the door on his face. Dan was crying in pain as he spat out more blood.
Phil didn't know how much of this he could handle, his head was heavy with horrific thoughts that Dan would never get better and that he'd suffer like this for a long time, Phil needed Alex but after the awkward experience this morning he didn't know if ringing him was worth it
It took a few more minutes to return Dan into a stable condition. The doctor paged another gastrointestinal specialist to come look at Dan
Phil watched the busy movement surrounding Dan, people coming in and out constantly. He needed to be in there with him, he needed to know that Dan was going to be okay
Dan had worked himself up from breathing to quickly and moving too fast to eventually make himself pass out. Two doctors talked beside Dan's bed as the nurse finally exited
the room.
"Nurse! Sorry I don't know your name but please can you tell me what's going on with Dan." Phil said with concern lacing in his every word
"He's not in a good state." She said. "Daniel keep vomiting blood so we can't give him food anymore. He can only be fed through tubes." She explained
"Do you know by any chance when he can go back to eating normal foods?" Phil asked knowing Dans not going to enjoy more needles
"I'm sorry sir but I'm only the nurse, there should be a specialist Doctor in soon though and he will go through everything with you." She smiled politely and walked off as the pager on her belt rang.
Phil couldn't do it, there was so much stress and confusion that he needed comfort, he dialled the number waiting for the person to pick up "hello?" The familiar warm voice down the phone rang "hi mum, is there any chance you could talk?" Phil said with a weak voice
"Of course sweetie, what's wrong? You don't sound well," She said on the other end with a frown
"It-its dan mum he's in so much pain and I don't want to put him in for another surgery and he can't eat and he's vomiting blood and I'm so helpless mum." Phil said as he started to cry leaning against the wall, rambling nonsense
"Wh-what's happened to Dan?" His mother gasped as her eyes widened. "Oh my god, what's going on?"
Phil explained as best as he could to his mum, his words rambled and broken as he cried. "Mum what do I do I can't do this to him anymore." Phil wept down the phone
"Oh honey, it's not your fault." She said. It broke her heart to hear her son in so much pain. "It's alright. Dan's your friend and all you can do is be there for him. He loves you a lot and if you both persevere, it'll all be okay."
"Mum he's not going to do it, he won't he's not strong enough for this, not yet." Phil cried "he's badly surviving now let alone go through another surgery." Phil whimpered
"Honey, please, he's in good hands. He'll be okay." She said desperately. "Just so your best to keep him happy."
"I'm scared mum." Phil said weakly, "I'm so so scared he's not going to get through this and I'm going to loose my best friend."
"Philip Micheal Lester, you're not loosing anyone!" She said almost demandingly. "He's going to be alright!"
"He's not mum! I'm more than sure he's on the verge of death." Phil said as he was shaking, his legs bouncing up and down nervously
"Honey, if he's taken care of then there's no way he won't get better." She swallowed thickly.
"It's not whether the doctors are good enough mum-" phil said taking a shaky breath "its if Dan is strong enough."
"Dan is strong. Especially with you there. He will make through it you support him." She said.
"Mr. Lester?" A voice came from behind "one minute mum I've got to go now, love you." Phil said quickly as he turned to face the doctor "I'm sorry to hear how stressed you are but I'm here to explain the situation." The Doctor said to Phil as he turned around
"So, turns out, the situation is a lot worse than we expected." The doctor said. "We thought we could salvage his stomach lining with medicine but it's not working. Now, there is a non surgical procedure to help, which is essentially medicine but more stronger. But we aren't sure if it will be enough. Surgery is an option too. We could try the medicines but we aren't sure if they will be as effective as surgery."
"You're kidding me." Phil said, his eyes watering as he stared back to the ground "how much pain is he in now? How much more pain is the new surgery going to bring him? What's the chance that he's going to be okay afterwards?" Phil said numbly rambling questions
"He will be okay after the surgery." The doctor said with pity. She looked genuinely sorry for Phil. "If you decide to opt for the surgery, it'll be done in this week."
"Let me confirm with my friend to double check we can pay it for him, but other than that just do it, it's whatever it takes to get him better." Phil said with a sad sigh "thank you Doc, you're the only person here who actually knew what they were saying."
"It's alright." She smiled. "Doctors are people who don't know anything half the time, so go easy on us? We're just trying to help."
"I'll take it easy on you when I don't have to pay over £10,000 to make sure my friend doesn't die." Phil said with a grumble, standing up "excuse me I need to see Dan." Phil said
She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He was acting like she was personally taking all his money but she gave him the benefit of doubt and let him go. Dan was in bed, half awake, constantly blinking away tears of pain.
"Hey Dan." Phil said "oh you poor thing, i hate seeing you like this." Phil said on the verge of tears going by his bedside, "you're being so strong I'm so proud of you."
"Fuck the stupid lunch, I knew I shouldn't have eaten." Dan grumbled as tears fell from his eyes.
"I don't know what the doctors have told you but you're not to eat anymore, you're going on the drop." Phil explained "but my pride for you is unreal I'm so proud of you for doing this."
"You... You think too highly of me." Dan grumbled. His stomach hurt so much it was unreal. It felt like he was burning up from the inside.
"No I'm not." Phil said taking a deep breath "Dan i don't know what the doctors have told you but, I need to tell you this but you have got to promise that you will be strong for me." Phil said with a deep breath
"What is it? Am I dying? " Dan laughed dryly to lighten the mood a little, although, it wasn't really funny
"No hon I won't let that happen until we're both grey and old together." Phil said with a sad smile "the doctor has informed me that you'll need one more surgery to make you better, it'll be to replace the damaged stomach lining to make sure you're not vomiting blood anymore."
"A-Another surgery?" Dan's blood ran cold as he looked up at Phil with big eyes.
"Yes but Dan if you go through with this then you'll be better even quicker, you'll be able to eat again and you can go home quicker." Phil said as quickly as he could
"But, another?" He whimpered as his while face turned white. He didn't want this at all.
"It's practically painless Dan, it'll stop you throwing up blood it'll be over and done with by next week." Phil aid as calmly as he could, phil mind kept wishing that it had been him going through this
"I-" Dan swallowed thickly. "just fuck it. I don't have any money. I can't take any more from Alex either."
"Dan, please, I can pay for it." Phil lied "I need you to do this for yourself and if that's not enough for your parents and maybe, if I count, for me?" Phil said hopefully
"Fuck it. I don't want to live through this shit" He whined as he shut his eyes
"Dan don't you dare say that." Phil growled "you are going to be strong and I'm going to be there though all of this and you are going to get better." Phil said with a lot of passion and frustration
"Phil, look at me." Dan sighed and looked up at him tiredly. "I have no one. My subscribers left, I'm a disgrace to my parents and you, us... We aren't the best friends we used to be. Stop wasting all your money on me and let me go."
"You do have subscribers, they can see you're in obvious pain from your videos, you just need to come back with a bang to get everyone talking, you're not a disgrace to your parents Dan you haven't even talked to them in months, we may not be the best friends we used to be but there's nothing wrong with trying Dan. I love you and it will kill me ten times more to leave you and watch you suffer so if you dare think I'm just going to leave you then you can think again." Phil said emotionally
"Oh Phil..." Dan looked down, feeling a little guilty for causing all this trouble. "But what about the money? I know you can't afford it. And neither can I."
"Look there's so many ways I can get the money you don't need to worry about that. I'm willing to do everything in my capability to get you through this hell but only if you promise me that you'll be strong and won't give up if shit gets too hard." Phil said looking into Dans weak and dark eyes
"O-Okay." Dan mumbled softly and shut his eyes. He didn't want to do this. He felt so small and weak.
"Dan I know when you're lying,you always look away from me." Phil said sadly "please Dan I need to get you through this, I can't loose you and you need to realise that." Phil said choking on what is pretty much the verge of tears
"I'll try for you." Dan opened his eyes and looked up at him, he didn't like seeing Phil cry.
"Dan don't try for me, you've got to do this for yourself." Phil said with a gulp "I love you so so much and you're so dear to me I want to see you get stronger and better." Phil said "god this sounds like some fucking cheesy film." Phil said laughing as a tear rolled down his cheek
"Don't cry." Dan pouted and weakly reached up to cup Phil's cheek. His arm felt so heavy, especially with all the tubes injected into it.
Phil looked at Dan and his words made him cry more as he pouted to Dan, trying to weakly smile "I'm not crying I swear." Phil said, his hand going to reach Dans hand that held his cheek
"When did you start lying to me?" Dan whispered and ran his thumb over Phil's cheek to wipe away a tear.
"I want to be strong for you Dan but I'm so scared that you're going to give up." Phil opened up "I have a horrible feelings that you're going to give up and I'm going to loose you again." Phil whispered as he looked at Dan with tears rolling down his cheeks
"I don't want to hurt you. But the longer I'm alive, the more I keep hurting you." Dan mumbled as he tried to wiped away phils tears.
"Dan, so what if you hurt me whilst your alive, but if you where dead Dan it wouldn't hurt me." Phil said squeezing his eyes shut, his head picturing scenarios of Dans death as he cried slightly harder "You being dead would bear enough kill me Dan." Phil said as he tried to blink back the heavy tears, his nose starting to become runny "if you ever died I would be so incomplete; you're the biggest part of the my life that I treasure and need to keep the most."
"Phil, shhh, dont cry, please." Dan said desperately and tried to pull Phil closer weakly. It took too much effort. God, he was so weak. "I'll go through the surgery. Please. I'll do my best for you. "
Phil lifted Dan closer to stop him falling "please be strong, I know you, Daniel Howell, are a lot stronger than you think you are." Phil said crying
"C-Can you hug me?" Dan asked as he felt his own tears fall down his face. He felt so broken.
Phil didn't hesitate for a second to pull Dan in for a hug, holding Dans body gently but firmly in his arms, his chin resting over Dans shoulder as more tears rolled down his cheeks "I love you Dan." Phil said with a sniff but the sound of the door opening alarmed him slightly, his head turning around to see Alex standing in the doorway with a bunch of flowers
Dan didnt even notice Alex as he weakly wrapped his arms around Phil and let out a shaky breath, "I-I love you."
Phil gently pulled away from the tight hug, helping Dan lay back down as he gulped slightly at the sight of Alex in the doorway, a look on his face that Phil couldn't quite put into words "A-Alex?"
"Hey, I just thought I'd surprise you." Alex said awkwardly. "I guess I'm interrupting something?" He walked forward with the flowers in his hand and Dans heart dropped.
"We just found out that Dan needs another surgery." Phil said sadly, "but thank you." Phil tried to smile painfully at the sweet gesture of Alex
"What? What's wrong?" Alex's eyes widened. Dan didnt want to listen to it all so he screwed his eyes shut. He wanted some time alone.
Phil looked at the pained look on Dans face, Phil gathered that he didn't want to hear it another time "I'll tell you outside, Dan hon get some rest yeah, have a nap and I'll be back in a sec." Phil said before grabbing Alex's arm out of the room
Alex was confused but he let Phil drag him out. Dan was very grateful for Phil leaving. "What's going on?" Alex asked as he immediately hugged Phil tightly, he looked like he needed it.
"Alex his stomach line is worn away so anything he eats he throws it back up, but blood follows with it." Phil said he held Alex close, smelling his fresh cologne "he needs surgery to replace it Alex and it's £4000 and I can't pay for it again! I'm so fucking useless." Phil said as he inhaled and exhaled quickly
"Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay, i'll pay for it. Dont worry." Alex said gently and ran his fingers through his hair gently. He didn't like Phil being so sad.
"N-no! You're not paying for anything else I'll just get the money- somehow." Phil said refusing to take any more money from Alex. He began to feel more relaxed at the feeling of Alex running his hands through his hair, memories of yesterday coming back leaving him to smile calmly against Alex's chair
"Shush. I will pay for it. I don't need you to take any more stress. All you need to focus on is supporting Dan." Alex said and gently kissed his forehead.
"Alex you can't do that you've known me- what 2 days?" Phil said although he knew it was true there was something between them that felt so, familiar and warm.
"Doesn't matter. I care about you." He said as he cupped his cheek and gently pressed his lips against Phil's. Neither of them knew that Dan was staring at them wide eyed.
Phil felt relaxed and soothed at the feeling of Alex's warm lips, he felt safe. He placed his arms around his neck kissing him back softly. He didn't want to pull away but a smile that erupted made him break this kiss, staring into Alex's eyes "It's too early to say I love you, but I can't safely say that there's a feeling close to love."
"It's like you can read my mind." Alex chuckled softly and cupped his cheek lovingly as he kissed him again. Dan felt tears brim in his eyes as they ran down his cheek despite himself. He hated this. He couldn't believe it.