Cayde snapped his fingers in front of Tessa's face, dragging her from her thoughts for the third time in the hour alone.
"Sorry," she murmured, meeting his eyes apologetically. He opened his mouth to comment, but backed off before he could speak a word.
It had been two days since the incident with Damian, and for two days she had worried and thought about it. It had been two days of wandering the Warlock halls and badgering Ikora with no luck. So, she had decided to train with Cayde, but clearly, it wasn't doing anything to distract her from her thoughts.
"Have you gotten shadestep yet?" Cayde asked her, hands on his hips. Cayde and Ikora insisted she didn't need to train with them anymore. At the level of Cayde's personal scouts and not far behind Ikora's hidden, she knew she didn't need to train with them. But working on her own, there was always something that didn't click. Ikora told her she just needed time, time to get used to being a Guardian and to accept and master the Light on her own. The pieces would fall into place eventually. She didn't want to wait that long, and besides, it reassured her to have another pair of eyes watching what she was doing. It was easier to prove to herself she was doing stuff right when Cayde and Ikora told her she was doing it right. And Cayde was always open to an excuse to get out of boring work.
"I– shadestep?" She frowned, opening her mouth to speak again as Cayde let out an exasperated sigh.
"C'mon, Tessa," he groaned, "do you think we wear exotics to look pretty?" He asked, gesturing frustratedly at her Graviton Forfeit. "Shadestep is one of the most valuable skills a hunter can learn. You're wasting your time if you don't know what it is." He told her, looking disappointed.
"I know what shadestep is. I've been trying, but I can't get to it, like it's out of my reach." She explained, equally, if not more frustrated.
Cayde only stared at her, looking unimpressed.
"What?" She snapped irritably, "It's not my fault. This isn't like the other classes, being a nightstalker doesn't come easily to me." She said, softening her tone.
Cayde sighed, but nodded, "I know." He said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. He could tell she wasn't just angry or upset, something was putting her on edge, gnawing at her. "I know." He said again, "But I'm going to help you get it. Besides, it's not like the other classes came easily either."
"Easier than this one." She mumbled, Cayde only chucked lightly. But it was true, the other classes hadn't exactly come easily. It had taken her a long time not to panic when using arc, and for a good few months while she was working on her gunslinger subclass she couldn't a target with a handcannon to save her life. Cayde had started doubting her relation to her mother. Now, she quite liked handcannons. She'd even bought a Hawkmoon from an agent of the nine.
But those had felt different. Like she could see the end goal in her mind and all she had to do was make a path. Now, she didn't even know what the end goal was. Sure it was being a nightstalker, but what did that really mean? What did it mean to her?
"Let's go over it, okay?" Cayde said, "In the past, it's helped for you to know how the movements work, right?" She nodded. "Then let's talk about that." He suggested, "What do you know about shadestep?"
She bit her lip, trying to visualize the movement in her mind. "I've seen it done," she said, "it's like the person uses the void to carry them somewhere, only they're not going fully into it, parts of them are still there."
"Not exactly, in fact, its kind of the opposite." Cayde explained, "The Guardian goes wholly into the void, what you see isn't actually the Guardian, it's pieces of the void. You travel through the void to get from one place to the next. It's sort of like you go into the void and whatever was in the spot you took moves into where you were. It holds your place, so that you can come back."
Like jumping into a pool, she thought, only the water you displace takes your place outside, rather than the water level simply rising.
"Makes sense." She said with a nod, following his explanation, committing it to memory.
"Hunters can only manage short sessions at a time, and moving through the void is much harder and takes much more light than just standing still. That's why it's such a short movement." Cayde explained.
"Could a Warlock do it better?" She asked, "Given their Light?"
Cayde shook his head sharply, "A Warlock might be better at standing completely still in the void, but even then it would be difficult for them to even breathe. Only Hunters can really move through it."
"Oh." She said with a small nod. She couldn't help but smile at that, Cayde was always happy to point out the ways Hunters were superior to the other classes. She was beginning to think Cayde's ego was higher than Ikora's IQ, and Ikora was probably one of the smartest people on the planet.
Once Cayde had focused her mind, there was no stopping her– at least not after she managed to do the movement. They worked for hours, until Tessa was shaking, having dove for another round at shadestep and promptly faceplanted, unable to tuck into the roll quick enough. Cayde only sighed, making his way over to help her up.
"Y'know," he was saying, "I've been thinking this, and saying this for about an hour now; you're done, kid." He said, looking down at her as she groaned in pain and shucked off her helmet, rolling onto her back
"Oh, you're calling me 'kid' now?" She asked, smirking as she wiped blood from her lip. She'd accidentally bit her lip when she'd fallen. Not a smart idea.
"I can call you kid if I want to call you kid." He said, "I am multiple centuries older than you, you know."
"Does that mean I can call you 'old man?'" She asked. She'd moved so she was sitting on her left foot, her right knee pulled up so she could rest her right elbow on it.
"Hey, now, Zavala's probably got a few years on me."
She gave him a pointed look.
"For someone who just faceplanted on the floor, you don't have the right to give me that look." He told her.
"Oh, piss off and go eat some prunes, grandpa." She said, waving him off. Her words were bitter, but she didn't actually mean them, and she knew he could tell she didn't.
"You'd better watch your tone, little lady." He said, apparently he'd decided against helping her up once she'd called him an old man. Now he was heading for the door, his hands in his pockets as he sauntered towards it. "If you speak that way around Zavala he might ground you." He told her. "Bye-bye now." He said sweetly, raising his hand to wave.
Tessa rolled her eyes, but only once the door had shut behind him did she slowly stand up, her legs shaking. She retrieved her helmet from where she'd tossed it, when she pulled it off after faceplanting. Cayde had her doing all her practice in full armor– to teach her what it'd feel like to do the maneuvers in a combat zone, only without all the shooting. She'd wanted to discard her helmet earlier, because for the last hour and a half Echo had been telling her she should stop, going so far as to zap her fingers with little bolts of arc. After he'd done that, she'd come out of the void wrong and had hit the ground, rolling a few feet before collapsing on her stomach in a heap. Once look had Echo swearing he'd never do it again.
When she'd managed to stand and feel comfortably balanced, she started back to her apartment in the communal housing areas. She preferred them to the strictly Hunter areas. There were too many egos packed into one housing section in the Hunter areas. And Hunters were really loud. Her legs were still shaky as she walked, but it was nothing out of the ordinary, as Guardians were known to push themselves to the brink of exhaustion. Ghosts typically were on the fence about it, but it was a valuable skill to have, being able to fight for even another minute could be the difference between life and death.
She reached her apartment and headed immediately to her bedroom. Nudging the door open with her foot, she began shucking her armor carelessly onto the floor. Echo transmatted it to the closet, as he was a much more organized person than she. In her thin underclothes, skintight footed leggings and a long sleeved shirt that hooked around her middle fingers and had a turtle neck that went all the way up to her jaw, she flopped onto her bed with a sigh. She began crawling under the heavy blankets, reaching down to toss off her shirt when Echo hovered into her view.
"What was with you earlier?" He asked, "I gave you the smallest shock and you looked like you wanted to eat me."
Tessa released her hold on her shirt, smoothing it down as she sat back up. Her mood grew darker, and she felt her hands starting to shake again, so she hid them in the blankets. She'd managed to shove the angry thoughts from her mind, through training and taking with Cayde, but now they came back full force, and she couldn't see any reason for sympathy.
"Echo," she said quietly, "Did you ever wonder how I first died?"
Ghosts are extremely expressive for the first few years after they take on a new Guardian. They were programmed that way, and as Tessa looked to Echo, she could see it clear as day. He knew he'd messed up. It was so clear in his expression, but for some reason, this didn't stop her. It didn't calm her anger that shouldn't have even been directed at him, especially when this was his first mistake.
"Did you ever think it might have been impactful?" She was glaring at him so harshly, but he didn't deserve it. Yet she pushed on. "Did you ever think it might have been traumatic for me? That it would have hurt me? That it would have made me afraid or damaged? Did you ever think–"
"Stop." Echo was glaring back at her now. "I made a mistake, and you have every right to be angry at me, but I do not need a lecture. I didn't–" he paused, as though he was taking a breath, gathering his thoughts. "I didn't ask you because I knew it was a sensitive subject. When I revived you– before you were conscious, I thought I was going to have to get help, there was so much darkness, it was clinging to you like a skin. And when I was able to wake you up, you were so panicked. I thought that by not asking you I was sparing you from having to go back into it. There's always things you can keep from me. I may be your Ghost, and knowing everything might help me know you better, but I trust you to keep secrets from me. I'm not here to pry into your private thoughts or invade your privacy. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."
Tessa looked on the verge of tears, and she was. She'd never thought of it from his point of view. How could she have gotten so angry at him, when all he wanted to do was help her?
"I'm sorry I yelled at you." She said, wiping her eyes hastily. "I shouldn't have. I'm really stressed out. I though that when you revived me I wouldn't be afraid of it or something, but you shocked me and it brought me back and I panicked. I thought– it's horrible of me, but I thought that maybe you'd done it on purpose, to shake me so much that I couldn't keep going."
"So you kept going to spite me." Echo said quietly. Tessa nodded, sniffling and wiping her nose.
"I'm so sorry." She said, "I don't know how I could have thought that."
"It's alright," Echo said, and there was a beat of silence before he continued again. "When a Ghost and Guardian are properly bonded– meaning only I could do this to you– the Ghost can look into the Guardian's memories and thoughts through the Light, assuming their bond allows it. Your mother and I would do this a lot, as a way to silently communicate. I almost used it when I first revived you, but I didn't want to invade. I figured I'd tell you about it later, once we'd been together for a while."
Tessa imagined this, drew the memory to mind and imagined herself making it into a little ball of Light, casting it towards Echo for him to see.
The memory hit him like a slap. Untrained, she practically chucked it at him, but he caught it, barely. He was viewing it from her eyes, feeling her body and emotions as she sprinted through the snowy field
Echo couldn't easily place were she was, car shells and mountains of snow reminded him of Old Russia, but otherwise, he couldn't get much of a view of the scenery. What he could see were piles of rubble, and a mound ahead of her, probably car shells and rubble under hard packed snow and ice, clean of any footprints.
She was crying, her tears practically freezing to her cheeks as she ran, her whole body was shaking, wind and snow blasting at her, ripping at her clothes and hair. The Fallen were just behind her, gaining as she scrambled over car shells and bolted up the icy mound, slipping at the top and skinning her hands as she slid down the other side. She scrambled to her feet, continuing forward again, letting out a mangled sob when she twisted her ankle.
Echo knew she wasn't crying from the pain. He could feel that. She was crying out of fear. She'd accepted the fact that she was going to lead the Fallen away from her friends, and she would likely die doing it, but she was terrified. Echo had never felt more ruthless fear, yet still she ran, because her love ran deep as well. But she was so scared.
Now, he could see where she was headed. Ahead of her was a steep drop off, slick with ice and snow, a few car shells had already crashed down into the chasm. It was dangerous, but maybe she'd make it there, and maybe they wouldn't follow her in. She had led them far enough already, it would buy her group a few minutes to escape.
She scrambled over a snow bank, sliding down just as a bullet shredded through her skin, just below her bony shoulder. She'd had her arms raised for balance, so the bullet had cleared through a spot just beside her shoulder blade, more towards her underarm, though it did catch the side of her shoulder blade slightly. She screamed, crashing to the ground, clutching her shoulder. She scrambled behind a pile of rubble, debris from a collapsed building, thrown into a pile. She covered the wound with her hand, or at least tried to, letting out a little whine of pain, as much as she would allow slip through her lips as she clenched her hand around the spot. She had to keep moving. She had to.
A roar echoed through the field, off the the mountains nearby, and her fear was enough to jolt her to her feet. Then she knew she couldn't stop. She made a mad dash for the chasm, stumbling and tripping on snow and hidden debris. Her whole body ached from the cold, and her shoulder screamed, but she kept going. She put one foot in front of the other and refused to stop.
She reached the drop off and threw herself down, throwing her weight back and raking her fingernails down the slope, as she rolled onto her stomach, desperate to slow her fall. When she crashed to the bottom, her ankle barking in protest, her fingers were bloody, her hands shaking, a few of her fingernails were missing. But she didn't rest, she scrambled inside one of those rusty shells strewn throughout the chasm as if they had been discarded like rubbish. Her entire body shuddered as she did her best to be quiet, holding her breath as she peered at the top of the slope.
A minute passed, two. The Fallen paced the slope, but didn't come down after her. Go away, she thought, go away!
She didn't dare breathe as a vandal stared down at her, his cold gaze locked on the car she hid in. Another minute. Two. The vandal looked away, then reluctantly moved, disappearing from the ledge, slowly following his companions away. She waited as long as she could bear, then slowly began to shift, moving to back out of the car.
A freezing clawed hand closed around her ankle, and she screamed as she was yanked from the car, thrown on the ground so hard her head spun. She hardly saw who stood above her before blades slammed into her torso, her chest, that spot between her ribs. Blood pooled in her mouth. But it was worse, electricity slammed into her body with those blades, but it wasn't quick. She shook and screamed until it stopped her heart, and she lie still.
Tessa was shaking when the memory ended. Echo could practically hear her heart pounding.
"I–" she managed a shaky breath, tears had spilled over her cheeks and she slowly wiped them, "I was afraid of electricity and shocks and all that stuff before that happened. It was irrational. My friends would have those cheap little shock toys and I couldn't even pick one up, even if I knew it wasn't going to shock me. Once I was plugging something in, a charger or something, and my finger was on the metal. It didn't even hurt, but afterwords I broke out into full on sobs."
"That's why you had such a hard time bladedancing." Echo said quietly. Tessa shook her head.
"I was good at bladedancing. I could do it right away, but it terrified me. So I pretended I couldn't do it. I cried because I was afraid, not because I was frustrated."
"When Cayde and I got angry, Ikora made us back down. Did she know?" Echo asked her, his voice still quiet.
"No. I think she had a hunch I was afraid, but I never told her about it." Tessa sniffled again, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
"I'm sorry." Echo said, almost too quiet for her to hear. "I should have known. I should have seen it. I should have realized."
"It's not like I told you I was afraid." She said, "Especially so irrationally."
"No, everyone has fears, Tessa, irrational or not. It was wrong of me to assume that your fears would only trouble us if you presented them to me." Echo said, he sighed, something he did despite the fact that he didn't breathe. "Even after all my years of service, I am still a work in progress. I will try to be better. Perhaps you can forgive me?"
Tessa nodded, "Of course." She promised, "It's not like I've been the most open with you. I'll tell you next time. And you can pry a little if you'd like." She said, gesturing at her head. "I trust your judgement."
"I'd prefer you just told me, or, if you can't, showed me where to look." Echo truly didn't want to invade. Tessa's mind was hers and hers alone. He was t about to dig through her thoughts and memories, even if she'd just given him permission.
Tessa laid back down on the bed, rolling onto her side and saying, without looking at him, "Can we talk about this later? I'm tired."
"Okay." He agreed. "Goodnight." He said, then went from the room, deciding it would be best to leave her alone for a while. He knew she'd be alright for the time being, he'd found that she tended to calm down in her bed, tucking herself amongst the heavy blankets, sometimes reading or just laying on her back and spreading her Light around herself and feeling the solid world around her, safe and real.
He hoped that when she fell asleep, she wouldn't have any nightmares. He hoped for that every night, but now he hoped for it even more, as he'd punished her so much already.
A day later, Damian headed through the Warlock halls, a book for Ikora in his hands. As technologically advanced as they were in the Tower and in the Last City, Ikora couldn't be bothered to read all the books she wanted through the Warlock's personal online library. She liked to feel the books, to have the knowledge physically spread out under her hands, so he had to bring the books to her. Constantly. But he shouldn't be complaining, it gave him a job outside of killing alien races, and it gave him an opportunity to study, history, technology, Light. Anything he could get his hands on. So it wasn't that bad.
He rounded a corner, his mind wandering until he spotted Tessa, wandering down the hall. As he turned back the way he'd come, he caught her eyes for less than a second, and noticed a small limp in her step as she raced to catch up with him. Not that it mattered to him, as he picked up his pace and did his best to ignore her hurried steps towards him.
"Damian, wait!" She'd stopped running, but struggled to keep up with his long legged strides.
"Go away, Tessa." He said, not looking at her.
"I want to talk to you." She protested.
"And I told you to go away." He told her.
"Please-," She was falling behind him, but she took a few running steps to catch up. He quickened his pace.
"Go away, I don't care about what you have to say." He told her, and as he had quickened his pace, she had fallen behind again.
"Damian!" She lunged for his arm, yelling his name, to catch his attention, to slow him down, to get him to look at her.
He whirled, yanking his arm out of her grip, his eyes blazing fire. "You don't need to tell me that you hate me. You don't need to tell me that I'm an abomination because I already know." He growled, his tone harsh, vicious.
"What?" Tessa asked, her expression a twist or shock and hurt.
He barked a laugh, grinning viciously at her, "Don't play dumb with me, I saw you. You were so horrified you couldn't even speak."
"That's not-" He was already walking away, and again she ran after him.
They'd reached the end of the hall now, Damian had whirled on her standing a little ways from the pair of double doors leading outside. He shoved through them, and Tessa caught the stares of some of the Warlocks as she hurried after him. The doors led to a balcony overlooking the wilds beyond the City. Damian was leaning against the railing, facing away from her.
"That's not what I was going to tell you." She said after the door had clicked shut behind her. She stared at the back of his head, wishing he would just turn around. Wishing he would just listen for once.
"Oh yeah? Well, I don't want to hear it." He said.
"I-"
"Go away, Tessa."
"I was going to tell you-"
"Leave!" He shouted, whirling around to face her, angrily pointing at the door behind him. Tessa grabbed his wrist before his arm had even stilled from his hurling it towards the door. She ducked behind him in one smooth motion, pinning his arms behind him.
"You will listen to me right now." She hissed.
A gust of wind blew past them, Damian yanked his arms away from her, but made no move to fight back. Instead, he turned to face her and crossed his arms, expectantly.
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I asked you to talk about something personal and I shouldn't have done it." She said, he was silent. "I could tell you didn't really want to talk about it, but I was curious so I asked you. That was my fault."
"So... You don't hate me?" He asked after a moment.
"Of course not, you jerk! But it seems like you hate me." She said, frowning at him.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "In the past people have discovered my past and hated me for it. I saw your face when I told you and I thought you hated me."
She shook her head, "I just- I was surprised. Why did you even tell me that, anyways?"
"You saved me, the other night, from my panic attack. I figured I owed you some truth, and I couldn't handle you calling me a freak if I didn't tell you."
"I'd never call you a freak." Tessa said softly.
"People say stuff like that, but there's always something they don't take into account." Damian said, and she couldn't place the look in his eyes as he glanced out at the wilds beyond the city walls.
Author's Note
Hello again! This update came lot quicker than the others typically come, so I'm proud of myself there. The reveal as promised is in here, I hope you all like it. The next chapter isn't as sad via internal conflict, but I'm finally going to introduce some external conflicts that I'm sure you all will recognize. I've already started typing that, so I hope to get that up soon, and hopefully I can make these chapters a little bit longer, as they're on the short side as of right now. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, don't forget to vote if you like it, and feedback is always appreciated. Thanks!
Art Credit to itsmakomankanshoku on tumblr.