Ashley's Point of View:
Andy came over to me.
"What's wrong?"
I just shook my head. He sat down next to me.
"H-he kissed me." I sobbed.
"Who?"
"Ben."
I looked at his face. His eyes went wide.
"And he told me he loved me."
"What?!"
I nodded.
"I'm gonna kill that boy." Andy mumbled.
"Andy, relax."
"Why should I? He's been hitting on you for all these years and once you start dating Jinxx, he gets jealous and tells you he loves you."
"But Andy! I think I love him back!"
"WHAT?!"
"Shhh. Please. My head hurts."
"No, no you don't."
I nodded.
"I don't know what to think right now. I'm so confused and hurt and scared."
He hugged me and kissed my head.
"It's ok, Ash. You need to think. Want me to leave you alone?"
I shook my head.
"Please stay. I need you right now."
He nodded. "I'm here. Don't worry."
I cried a little more before calming down.
"What do you think I should do?"
"To be completely honest with you, follow your heart. What do YOU think you should do?"
I sighed.
"I don't know. Is it bad that I love both of them?"
He shrugged.
"Well, it's not bad or good. It's ok, though. Go with your gut. Your a smart girl, Ash I would know, so I know you'll make the right decision."
I hugged him.
"Thank you, Andy."
"No problem, kid. I'm always here to talk, ok?"
I nodded.
"I know. You always have been."
"Always will be, ok? I love you, sis."
I smiled.
"I love you, too, Andy." He hugged me one more time before getting up.
"Oh, and Andy?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell Jinxx I'm ok?"
He nodded.
"Thanks."
I turned around and hugged my knees again. What am I going to do? I felt like dying right there and not having to deal with any of this. Why do people love me? Wait, HOW do people love me? I'm a mess!
I thought more about what Andy said. Go with my gut. Well, my gut is telling me to never go back to that bus and forget everything that just occured and pretend everything was ok. If only it was that easy.
I began crying again. Wow. All this over two guys. I feel like such a girl right now. I remembered I had my iPod in my pocket. I took it out and untangled the black headphones, putting them in my ears after. I went to my Black Veil Brides songs and pressed "Saviour." It hurt a little to listen to, but I thought it would help. It normally does. The lyrics made me feel like Andy really understood me when, to be honest, I don't think he does.
This is harder than most people think. Being loved hurts sometimes. It got towards my favorite part of the song. The one that helped. The lyrics Andy sings when he screams were my favorite words to hear. I was so scared and worried. I didn't know what to do.
I noticed my iPod was on shuffle when "Not The American Average" by Asking Alexandria. It was a fun song to listen to, so I kept listening...until it came to the part when Ben sings. I closed my eyes and listened. They weren't helpful or soothing like Andy's words were, but his voice was. I pulled my headphones out and just sat. It was dark out by now. I heard Motionless In White playing onstage. I listened and then just closed my eyes. I was tired, but I didn't want to sleep in the grass. I didn't want to go back to the bus, either, though.
I was frustrated. I was so overwhelmed with emotions my head started to hurt. I knew the exact way to get this to stop and make myself feel better, but it was risky. I know it's gonna hurt people, but I think I have to. I heard Motionless In White's set end. I got up and ran. I ran until I reached Ricky.
"Rick." I whispered. He turned around.
"Hey, were you crying?" He asked, coming closer to me.
I shook my head. "Forget it. Just...I need you to do something for me."
"Like?"
"Ok, you know how you used to self harm?"
"...Yeah."
"Do you have any razors left?"
"Ok, why are you asking me this?"
"Because...I need one." I said, far below a whisper.
"Oh, no you don't. I'm not letting you do that to yourself."
"Please?"
"No! What's Andy gonna think?! Better yet, what's Jinxx gonna think?!"
"Ok, Ricky, stop yelling."
"I'm sorry, just...why do you need do this?"
I shook my head. "Forget it."
"No, wait."
"What?"
"Tell me, please?"
"Later, ok? But I promise I will." He nodded and walked away.
I guess I'm on my own.