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While Milo enjoyed the rest of his holiday with Cedric, it was obvious that the two boys were doing their best to dance around the subject that they had indeed shared a kiss, whether it was accidental or not. It had happened and neither one of them could just go on forever pretending that it didn't happen, mainly because neither one of them wanted to pretend like it didn't happen. Even though he had only gone in for a kiss on the cheek, Cedric didn't regret the fact that he had been able to feel the sensation of Milo's lips against his. It was a far better feeling than Milo's lips touching his cheek. It was making things clearer in his mind that it wasn't just a strange phase that was passing on through.
There was something about Milo that maybe he didn't notice before when they had first become friends or maybe it was just something that needed to develop over time. After all, Cedric was older than Milo, meaning things were probably going to happen a lot faster for him than they did with the other boy. But was there something that Milo felt, even if it was something tiny? Was there an ounce of hope there for Cedric? He certainly wished that it would be the case because the idea of nothing happening left Cedric with horrible thoughts.
But what he didn't know because there was no way of him knowing without Milo saying it out loud, Milo was left with very conflicted feelings since the kiss. He had always developed little crushes when he was younger. The first being Gwen when he was just a little boy and then Katie when he started Hogwarts. Neither one of them were anything serious starting out, but there was something that they had in common, both being females. So for Milo to develop those same feelings and ones even stronger in the pit of his stomach the more time he spent with Cedric, it left him confused.
Milo and Cedric were nothing more than conflicted boys trying to wrap their heads around their feelings and their emotions. They had gone from being incredibly comfortable with one another, perhaps even too comfortable, to not being able to even look each other in the eye for more than a split-second without looking away rapidly with flushed faces. While Milo enjoyed the pleasant sensation the fluttered about in his chest, he didn't like how things were changing between him and Cedric in the awkward sense.
He wanted to share in the same conversations that the two usually had in the dorms or in between classes. He wanted to talk about quidditch or billywigs or anything without feeling uncomfortable as they couldn't even make the slightest of eye contact. Milo just wanted things to go back to normal but he also didn't want the feelings to fade either, but he wasn't sure if he could have both. And he wouldn't find out if he didn't talk to Cedric about it.
With Minerva giving the boys the good to go to head back to the castle on their own, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for both of them to talk. However, they had managed to make it halfway towards the grounds and not a word was said between them. Things were not going as Milo had planned as it felt even more awkward than before. Paden, who was resting in the boy's coat pocket even remained silent as he looked back and forth between the two. He didn't understand what was going on with them and it wasn't like he could really ask either.But he could encourage the two to talk by biting Milo's finger.
A small hiss of pain escaped from Milo as he jerked his hand up as Paden disappeared into his pocket. Cedric turned to him looking concerned as Milo rubbed his hand and then looked over at him.
"Are you alright?" Cedric asked him grabbing Milo's hand to look it over. It was quiet for a few moments as the two looked to where their hands were touching.
"A-a-actually, no, I-I'm not," Milo said pulling his hand away from Cedric's and the two stopped in the middle of the pathway. "I'm not okay because we're not okay if that makes sense."
Cedric finally met his gaze and this time, he didn't look away from Milo. "No, we're not okay, are we?" he said softly. "And it's all my fault, isn't it? I made things weird between us because... I didn't mean to kiss you! I was trying to kiss you on the cheek."
"And do you regret it?" Milo asked calmly, leaving Cedric to peer down at his shoes. He didn't answer right away as he used both hands to scratch the back of his head. "Are you sorry you kissed me-"
"No! And that's the problem!"
Milo fell silent as he allowed Cedric to continue on. "The problem with all of this is that I don't feel bad in the slightest. I don't regret what happened unless it means that you and I don't get to remain as friends anymore. That's the part I will regret because I don't want to lose you as a person n my life. But I know that all of this is wrong and I can't get past that-"
"Why is it wrong?" Milo questioned.
"Because you're a boy!" Cedric cried out turning away from him. "You're a boy and I'm a boy...it isn't right...right?"
Milo just continued to answer to answer him with more questions. "Says who?"
"Says the world, Milo! Look around us, what are we surrounded by? Men and women, that's what we see, that's what we are told from day one. So feeling like this is wrong."
"Because it goes against the social norms," Milo said with a nod of his head, " perhaps because to others it may be against their nature. But you know something, Cedric, with the world changing every day, what we consider normal and right, changes every day. In older times, muggles believed that certain forms of treatments were the best methods, but they learned they were wrong. After years of believing something was right, they were wrong. So you may consider yourself wrong now, but who's to say it won't be right down the line? Who says it won't be part of the social norm in due time?"
"And what about during the time until then?" Cedric whispered.
"Over time, many animals have adapted to survive, they develop thicker skins and furs, they change their habitats, and they do what it takes to remain strong. We're not very different from animals, in many ways, we are animals, Cedric. We can choose to adapt to our surroundings and wait for change which may take a long time, evolution was never a quick process. Or we can developer thicker skins and say the hell with everything else. Or, we can be total animals and bite, after all, we were made to badgers, they may look harmless but they are one of the most vicious animals known around the world, provoked or unprovoked."
Cedric wasn't sure if he was getting lectured on the animal kingdom or if Milo was using several euphemisms to discuss homosexuality, knowing Milo, it was more than likely both. Any opportunity to give information about animals and creatures was a perfect opportunity for the boy that he definitely took advantage of.
"What did you make of the kiss?" Cedric questioned him, Milo's answer would pretty much determine everything from that moment. Because Cedric was well aware of what he was feeling, whether he was conflicted if it was right or wrong for him to feel that way, he knew what he felt towards Milo was real. But if Milo didn't feel even close to what he was feeling, there would be no sense in holding onto any sort of hope of anything going on any further.
A smile appeared on the younger boy's face. "Very much like your hair, it was soft."
Cedric swallowed nervously, it wasn't a rejection but judging by Milo's tone there was more that the boy wanted to say and Cedric was waiting for the added piece of telling him no.
"I've never had anyone kiss me before," Milo continued, " besides my mother, or friends and family kissing me on the cheek. I don't think that counts though if that was it, I'm sure we've all experienced our first kisses, I probably had mine with one of my parents before their passing. No, wait, that sounds odd, but I didn't mean in that sense, I meant more along the lines of-
"Milo," Cedric said with a faint chuckle, "I know what you mean but you're rambling again."
"Right, sorry," Milo cleared his throat before he went on. "But that was my first kiss, even if it was an accident and while it was completely unexpected and I didn't see any of this coming...the only conclusion that I could come to up until this point is that I'm glad that you were my first kiss."
"You are?" the other boy could hardly say it in a voice above a whisper as he was met with Milo's smile.
"Yes," Milo nodded his head. "I'll admit, Cedric, I'm confused and I think you are too. I don't know what this means between us or where it will continue to go, but I don't see the harm in seeing where it does either. I think it's something new for the both of us and you know me, I've always been up for a chance to explore uncharted territory. So if you're willing to see how this goes, I'm willing."
"You are? Just like that? What about your mum? What about the other students, aren't you worried about what they will think about all of this? When is the last time you saw two boys holding hands in the corridors?"
"If you're fearful of judgement-"
"Of course I am, I'm afraid of losing my family and friends because they'll see this as wrong," Cedric ran his hands through his hair stressfully, his voice hitting a higher pitch out of frustration and his own panic surfacing. "I don't know how you're okay with all of this."
Milo remained silent, unsure of what to say, he thought he had said the right thing by telling Cedric that he was sharing similar feelings, although he hadn't been really looking for any romance initially in his third year. He was quite content with holding crushes, but he was willing to see where things went with Cedric, slowly. But it seemed Cedric didn't want that or maybe he did and that was the problem with it all, he was afraid that others would judge them and he couldn't bear the thought of those around him looking at him in disapproval.
"Well, Cedric," Milo said in a small voice as he was beginning to feel anxious and confused all over again from Cedric's indecisiveness. "What do you want to do? What do you want to happen? Do you want to pretend it never happened and go back to the way things were before the holidays? Pretend that the kiss never happened, that we didn't even have this conversation?"
"Can we do that?" Cedric asked him.
"I can if you want me to," Milo responded. "Is that what you want?"
Cedric's eyes darted from left to right, not giving his answer right away. His cheek and his lips still tingling where Milo's lips had touched, the tingling only seemed to grow stronger when Milo was near. He didn't want that sensation to fade, he didn't want to say yes, he wanted to hold Milo close to him as his source of security. But that didn't happen.
"Yes, that's what I want," came his answer, although he instantly began to feel regret as the words left his mouth. He saw Milo's eyes trail down to the ground, any hint of a smile faded and remained gone before he looked up again.
"Okay, Cedric," he said after a deep breath and exhale, " if that's what you want. Okay."