Newt had gone fuckin crazy. I knew he was slipping from reality but I couldn't tell how far. I was loosing my own mind after all.
The first day that they all left, Newt and I were cordial enough. We ate meals together, talked or just sat around in the Rec Room together. I had found a pack of cards but Newt and I didn't know any games so they were kind of useless. And cards didn't come with instructions or game plays either. Just to keep my hands busy, I shuffled them while Newt stared out into empty space.
I didn't remember Newt. Hell, the first time I had seen him had been out in the Scorch when we had threatened all of them but even there, in that moment, Newt didn't seem like a bad guy. He was fearless, a leader. People listened to him when he talked and went to him for advise. I got all of that off a first impression so it should have worried me more when he began to withdraw from everyone but most of all, when he began to withdraw from the only other person he might see for the next couple of days.
Newt didn't show up for breakfast the next morning. I figured he might have slept in a little longer so I waited in the kitchen for him to come stumbling in. I didn't have anything better to do and I didn't want to go wake him either. But as eleven o'clock rolled around, I got a little nervous. I headed straight for the boys dorm.
"Hey Newt! You in there?" I called out, lightly knocking on the metal door. There was no answer. "Say something sarcastic if you can hear me." Still no response. "I'm coming in so you better be asleep and not changing or something." I grasped the door handle and pushed it open, entering the boys dorm.
Newt was lying on his bed, fully changed in the clothes he had on yesterday. Had he moved at all since coming in here after dinner last night? His eyes were a little bloodshot but I wasn't sure if that was from lack of sleep or something else. He didn't even turn my way when I walked in and sat on his bed by his legs.
"The least you could have done was say, 'I'm alive Raven. You don't have to worry about me.'" Newt didn't smile, didn't even sigh. He just continued to stare at the ceiling. I looked up, wondering if something was up there. There wasn't. "You're creeping me out a little here Newt. Don't tell me you've lost all your marbles already."
"No but I'm going to. I can feel it." He murmured. So at least he was still coherent but it was still creepy as hell.
"How can you feel it dummy." I said, trying to joke around with him. "All you have to do is not work your brain too hard. That way the illness can't sink too far into your brain. Sounds nice right?" Newt slowly turned his head to look at me and I got this intense vibe from him.
"No matter what I do. No matter what you do, we're both going to die of this disease. We're going to be just as fucking crazy as all those cranks and there's nothing we or any of our friends can do about it." I swallowed hard.
"Well can you at least not be so morbid about it?" I asked him. "I know we're going to die but lets at least have some fun with it."
"Have fun with what!" Newt shouts, sitting up so fast that I jump up off his bed. "Why should I joke about my imminent death! Like it's something I shucking asked for! Well it's not. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be a part of these stupid Trials. I didn't ask to become a leader in the Maze. I didn't ask to be killed!"
"Neither did I." I remind him but Newt has this far away look in his eyes, like he's not really seeing me.
"There's no point anymore. There's no point to anything." He just stared at the empty beds across from him for a little while before slowly laying back down.
"Umm.. Anyways, I came in here to ask if you were hungry. You should eat something. You barely touched the food last night." Newt didn't reply. "Newt, you need to eat." He gave no indication that he was listening to me, that he could even hear what I was saying.
Eventually, I left his room. I ate lunch without him, roamed the empty halls all by myself and eventually took a nap in the girls dorm before waking up just in time for dinner. I prepared the weirdly packaged ration food for Newt and I, determined to get him to eat something. The packages have things like dried fruit, nuts, water and then usually some sort of dehydrated meat and vegetables. The box says to just add water to both of these things to make them taste better but it doesn't do much.
I take two of these boxes to the boys dorm and open the door without even knocking. He's exactly where I left him, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He's in the same position too so I don't think he's moved since I've last been in here. "Get up." I tell him. "You're going to eat and you're going to fucking like it." I set his box on his stomach but he doesn't move to take it or remove it from its place. I sit down on the bed next to him and tear open my package of salted nuts. "What the hell is wrong with you? You can't go a whole day without eating."
"Why not? That's what W.I.C.K.E.D did to us before they sent us to the Scorch."
"They didn't feed you guys for a whole day?"
"Try several days." He muttered. "We all thought we were going to die from starvation." I didn't tell him that they left food for us in that stupid building they locked us up in. I figured it was another variable. Maybe they thought girls couldn't last as long with food, maybe they thought the boys could. Who the hell knows.
"Well Thomas, Minho and Mallory are going to yell at me when they come back and find that you're skin and bones so you better eat something or i'll shove it down your throat and make you eat it."
"You can't make me do anything Raven." He says in a small voice. "Nobody can make me do anything anymore."
"Will you stop being so cynical. You're putting a damper on my mood."
"Then get out!" He snaps at me, siting up and causing the box to topple off his stomach and onto the floor where the food spills everywhere. I stand, frowning at him.
"You better clean that up. I'm not your mom."
"Yeah well, I don't even know if I had a mom. Maybe they grew us all in test tubes." Newt grumbles as I leave. I don't respond. I don't know how to.
The third day they were gone is when everything went to shit. It's also the day they came back. If they had left the city a little earlier, maybe Newt wouldn't have left.
I had woken up early. I had been tossing and turning all night, thinking about everything Newt said and eventually, when I couldn't take it anymore, I got up to go eat. I didn't make it to the kitchen though. A large noise disrupted me from my thoughts. It sounded like someone hitting the sides of the Berg.
Making my way to the cockpit, I found that Newt was already there, checking the outside cameras. He didn't look at me as I came up next to him, checking the monitors. What I saw surprised me. It was people. Well, not really people but those Psychos from the Scorch. Cranks the Gladers called them, though I'm not sure why. Why didn't they use actual words like Crazies? or Psychos like we did?
"Where did they come from?"
"We're in open space." Newt said in a deadpan voice.
"Yeah but what's beyond this airfield, what's beyond those woods? They're can't be civilization out there right?" Newt didn't answer, he moved closer to the controls. I focused on the Psychos. What the hell were they doing? Banging on our ship was going to get them nowhere. Could they tell people were inside? There weren't any other Berg's outside anymore, it was jut ours. Where had the rest gone?
There was a loud groaning sound that I recognized immediately as the hanger door lowering and I stiffened, looking toward's Newt. The Psychos on screen began moving towards the back of the Berg. They were going to board. "Newt!" I shouted at him, trying to move to the controls. "The hanger doors are..." He shoved me back.
"I know. I opened it."
"Are you fucking crazy!" I shouted at him. "They're going to kill us!"
"We're dead already!" Newt shouted. He was bigger than me and even though I could probably take him in a fight, the Psychos would have boarded the Berg by then. I needed to get the weapons. I needed to fight them even if Newt didn't want to.
"You're insane." I hissed before taking off running towards the weapons room. I needed a launcher, guns if necessary. I couldn't let them take this Berg or kill us. I grabbed a launcher and shoved a gun into the waistband of my pants before rushing back to the hanger. I arrived just in time to watch the first Psychos try to climb in. Newt was watching them. "Don't fucking move!" I shouted. The man paused and gave me a slightly toothless grin.
"There's a pretty lady up in here." He called back to one of the other men.
"If you come any closer. I'll shoot you." I warned.
"You're the ones who lowered the hanger door sweetie. We took that as an invitation to come in." Said a balding women with dirty, stained clothes. I think she was only balding because she had been tearing her hair out. They smelled rank and I almost wanted to throw up as their collective stink penetrated the filtered air of the Berg.
"He opened it. I told him not to. Now leave unless you want to be seriously injured." The group exchanged looks with everyone and laughed.
"Is he crazy too then? Is he like us?"
"We both are" Newt said.
"Shut up! We're not like you." I snapped at Newt, my finger pausing on the trigger of the launcher. I hoped I had good aim.
"Yes we are. Where are you guys going? We want to go with you." I wanted to hit Newt upside the head. In fact, I almost did.
"We're not going anywhere you idiot. We have to wait for our friends!" I shouted at Newt.
"You two should be with you own kind. We're heading to the Infected City to die."
"The what?" I demanded. They still hadn't moved further into the Berg but I was becoming wary of the man on the edge of the group. He looked the closest to Gone. His flesh looked like it was peeling of his skin and you the blood on his clothes looked almost.. Fresh. Was it his own?
"It's where the government drops off all us unwanted folks. It's not that far."
"I'll go." Newt said, walking towards them before I could stop him.
"What about you pretty lady?" the ugly man asked before I could tell Newt to get back up here with me.
"I'm not fucking going with you now stop joking around Newt! Come back here!"
"You should come sweetie. It's no good for you to be here alone with your sickness."
"I'm not alone!" I shouted, shaking the gun around. "Come on Newt this isn't funny!"
"I'm not trying to be funny Raven! Now are you coming or not?" He demanded.
"No." I reply immediately. I shot off the launcher, trying to aim for Newt. The others would never forgive me if I let him walk away. But my aim wasn't good when we were escaping W.I.C.K.E.D and it was just as bad now. The grenade missed him by an inch. It sailed past his shoulder and hit one of the women who screamed and started to convulse on the ground.
Before I could get another shot off, the man that had me wary, launched himself through the bay doors and charged for me, down on all fours. I screamed as he jumped me and pinned me to the floor. Hitting him with the but of the gun as he tried to eat a piece of my face, I was able to push him off as he howled, clawing at my clothes.
I jumped up and started running as everyone began shouting, at me and at the man who attacked me. I ran all the way to the weapons room and locked myself in. If they broke in, if they even thought I was worth it, I had a literal arsenal as my backup. And come for me they did, all of them screaming about how I was going to die a horrible, slow death, one that I would aware of, that wouldn't consume my mind until the very end.
I screamed at them to go away, to leave me alone as I slammed my hands over my ears. Everything they were saying was true. I was going to die. All of my friends were going to watch. I should just go with these crazy people but that was an even crazier notion. Newt was calling me an idiot, saying I was only hurting them by staying that I might as well leave before I hurt anyone but I screamed and screamed until I could only hear my own voice and then I took a deep breath and cried.
Five hours later, Mallory and Ashoka found me and I knew that they would never forgive me for letting him go like that.
A/N:
Sorry I'm posting so late guys!! Pre-concert jitters!! And not post-concert sadness lol hope y'all enjoy this part and if you're confused, everything will be made clearer next week!!! Stay tuned xxx