The next day I went to Matt's apartment to make sure everything between us is ok. Not really!
I'm just looking for a reason to see him again. I felt bad for hurting his feelings and on top of that our awkward run-in in Walgreens.
I had hoped he wasn't home just so I could get a bit of relief but for some odd reason a part of me wanted him back.
Although I'm crazy about Damon, I'm having a hard time letting go of my past. I clenched my fists tightly by my sides, biting my lips nervously hoping that this goes by faster.
The door opened slowly and a figure appeared behind the door. The young girl appeared to look my age—probably a college freshman like I am, showed off her big bright smile and long flowing kinky curly fine jet black hair. She was wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his navy blue Tommy Hilfiger boxers. Might I add they clinged on tight to her body. Jesus, she looked curvy and fabulous. She's pretty and looks like a charming person. I had no idea Matt liked a bit of chocolate in his vanilla ice cream.
She reached out to shake my hand. I had nothing against her so I accepted.
"Hey..." I said slowly. "Is Matthew...here?"
"Uh, he left a few hours ago. Are you a friend?" She replied.
"Yea, I hope," I giggled awkwardly. "Where'd he go?"
"Something about a meeting. I wasn't listening really," She laughed. "He should be back soon. What's your name?"
"Jaide."
"I'm Léaa. Nice to meet you."
"Yeah, same." I looked at her she looked at me. "I hope you don't mind me asking but are you his girlfriend?" She gave a displeased facial expression as if the thought of her and Matthew being together was something sinister.
"Oh no, I'm his graphic designer." She said in forfeit. "We're super close in a professional kind of way. I come by and help him sometimes."
Oh, then why are you wearing his boxers? There's something that unexpectedly had had to happen for her to be in his clothing. But then again, she could be telling the truth.
"How long has he been in New York?" For some reason, I didn't believe Matt when he said he came back home to visit his grandmother. I could tell he was bullshitting.
"He's been here for two years now, why?"
So he lied to me. Okay! Her eyes oogled the environment before meeting mine again.
Then out of nowhere she gasped. "Oh shit, Jaide, I remember your name."
Okay...
"Yeah, he talks about you a lot. He always tells me you're his dream girl. Oh man, I'm saying too much." She jokingly covers her mouth.
"No, you're not." I said. "What else did he say about me?"
"Well, not really that much but he does wish he married you already."
I, Jaide Abrianna? A wife?
"Really?"
"Yeah, I know that man is in love with you. Why'd you guys break up in the first place?"
"...I-" I was politely cut off.
"You don't need to explain. Shit happens. I've been there before." She stepped aside. "Do you want to come in?"
"Uh, no thanks. I'm actually suppose to be somewhere right now."
"Girl, I ain't gonna kill ya. Come in, let's chat, have a drink. I've been working all day. I need a distraction." She lures me in.
Matt's apartment is still warm and cozy, except, I can tell he's not in the right state of mind because everything is pretty much everywhere.
She sat me down and talked but as we talked she changed back into her clothes and got all cutesy and girly for what looks like a night out with some friends. She had great fashion sense. Her outfit looked like something out of Vogue Magazine.
I think she was sleeping here as well. She pulled out a huge duffle bag that had a bunch of clothes and shoes in it.
"You're sleeping here?" I asked bodly.
"Uh, I'm roomies with Matt. I'm always out of town so I don't get to be around him as much."
"Ohh." I said in a low tone.
She applied lip gloss on her lips and flipped her hair around to get back its volume. Her phone vibrated like crazy. She must be one popular being.
She picks up the phone laughing and giggling on the line.
"I texted Matt. He should be on his way. Do you think you could wait here alone?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." She ran toward me and hugged me tightly.
"Okay, well I gotta go. It was so nice to meet you. Be safe, okay." She blew an air kiss and went out the door faster than lightening.
A few moments later Matthew arrived and he didn't look surprised to see me.
"So, you're the 'surprise' Léaa said she had waiting for me?" He said in a deep tone.
"I wanted to apologize."
"For?" His toned changed as if he was confused with my actions.
"For hurting you."
"Jaide," He laughs. "You didn't hurt me. I'm not hurt. Actually, I don't feel a thing."
"Well, I do." I said melancholy.
"What do you feel?"
"Guilt."
He smirks briefly and softly rolls his eyes.
"No need to feel guilty, CareBear."
"But I do."
"Okay, apology accepted."
"I didn't plan for things to go this way. "
"I know." He said giving me one word answers.
"So, we should start fresh. We can be friends!"
"Okay."
"Alright."
"Yep." He takes off his hoodie and tosses it on the couch.
"You didn't tell me you had a roomate."
"That matters?"
"...Uh, yea...I guess." I replied.
"Okay, now you know."
There was quite some silence between us. He was on and off his laptop which looked like he was designing a few projects. He even made a few orders and demanded his manager to see him soon.
"Why'd you lie to me about being in New York?" I ask.
In the middle of what looked like a rough draft of an email, he looked up from his laptop and stared at me bewildered.
"What?"
"Why'd you tell me you just moved here, I don't know, like a month ago? You've been living here in secret for two years which means you knew I was here."
"Jaide, where is this coming from?"
"Léaa told me, you've been in the city for the past two years. That kind of time is used to find people you want to keep in touch with." I proposed. He closed his laptop.
"What are you talking about?"
Why do I always have to repeat myself.
"Léaa said you've been here for the past two years! Two!"
"That's none of your business."
"Matt..."
"Man, why does it matter to you? As far as I know that doesn't concern you."
"It does because you, Matthew, lied to me. That gave you enough searching and rehearsing."
"Jaide, I've been spending time building my craft. Believe me, I was not worried about you or anyone when I came back. Do not feel entitled. It was for business!"
"Lies!"
"Don't you have a boyfriend? Aren't you expecting?"
He was heading into his bedroom. In the midst of scurrying around I watched him toss clean clothes from the closet into a suitcase.
"I came back to New York to chase my dreams. I don't care if you don't believe that. The reason why I didn't tell you the whole truth before is because I didn't feel like telling you that. We're not married! Also, congrats on the little one. I'm sure he'll be an excellent father." Matt said while neatly organizing his belongings.
"Jesus, Matt, I'm not pregnant."
"I'm not trying to be rude but why are you here exactly?" He asks heading towards the bathroom. He comes back out with a comb, a shampoo bottle, toothpaste and a toothbrush. He looks at me with a brow raised.
"You know why!" I said.
"I really don't." He replies.
"You went silent. It's like you don't even know me."
"What you should've done was keep the silence between us. It's pretty clear you're into someone else and it ain't me. I don't wanna be anybody's second option. I get your upset about whatever...it is but we gotta move forward. You chose who you want, Jaide. It was really nice seeing you again." He proposed before he zipped his suitcase shut. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have a flight to catch."
"Where are you going?"
"To meet my family. I haven't seen them since the divorce." His face fell.
I walked up to him and held his hand.
"What?"
"Yeah, Patrick and my mom separated. Since then its been pretty chaotic and I feel like an asshole not staying with my mom over a stupid clothing line."
He laughed at himself purposely to cope with his family's separation.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to burden you and I didn't feel like talking about it. I just wanted to see you again and take a trip down memory lane...so."
"I—"
"But the past is the past and I tried so. Anyway, I wish you the best." He rubs the side of my face softly with his thumb. "I hope he's everything you wanted." He kissed me on the cheek.
"I'll drop you home. You came all this way in the cold. It's freezing outside." He led the way out. As we headed to the parking lot I don't know why but it felt like the right thing to do was go with him.
The entire time on the way back to my apartment I was silent. Matt and I always have something to talk about. Naturally, we could be ourselves in front of each other but this time it's like someone blew out the candle.
He stopped running the car when he made a stop in front of the building.
I crossed my arms like a child with a tantrum except my face wasn't scrunched up, it was expressionless. I stared blankly at the glass and started picking my leather jacket.
"Jaide."
"I'll go with you!" I turned to him.
"What?"
"I'll go with you."
"Stop."
"I'll run upstairs and pack my things right now."
He held my hand tightly, looked me in the eyes, and calmly said:
"You've got your entire future here. I'm not going to take that away from you. Plus, your dad, he's going to kill me."
"But I—"
"If it's meant to be we'll come back to each other. I know, I feel it right here." He pointed at his stomach and rubbed it.
——
Suddenly, I got this strange gut feeling of absence, like every little thing around me was crashing in slow motion.
I felt shitty and insecure. All my confidence went out the window.
Later that day, the energy in my room seemed different. It was oddly quiet in the neighborhood too.
The intense worry in my gut was rattling in my stomach like a snake. I stopped worrying about it and continued to mind my business. I brushed it off anyway. I went for a shower under the warm New York water, rinsing and washing myself clean until I felt the need to come out. I had washed my hair too, untangling my knots with a wide-toothed comb staring at my reflection through a foggy mirror.
The steam started leaving the bathroom so the cool air was making the atmosphere much more chilly and the mirror more clearer.
The clearer the mirror got the more I noticed something standing behind me. Tall, in all black, a mask, a hoodie, and gloves appear out of nowhere and crept up on me. I my gasp was so fierce I felt my entire heart leap out of my chest. The comb fell out of my hands and the person came forward with a knife at my throat and held it there.
"Don't fucking scream!" The voice sounded dead and demanding. "Move." The person warned. I couldn't say anything because it had felt like my mouth has been closed shut.
"You scream and I'll decapitate your head right now."
"Please, I'm just a kid."
The person did not seem to care and had not said no reply. "You want money---"
"Shut the fuck up." It's was nearly two am in the morning. No one is coming in or out of the building, plus I do not know where Zoe is.
I was grabbed by the neck in the hands of a stranger who held who dragged me down the stairs in my towel. I was pushed into the back seat of a van, which smells hauntingly gross that I almost puked the lunch I ate earlier today.