Phil needed to know if Dan was okay, he wanted to be there but there was something inside that didn't want to be there when Dan woke up. He wanted to Dan to fight for him. But clearly that wasn't going to work out, he walked back to is apartment unsure on what to do to himself
Dan woke up in the hospital bed. The nurse told him some stranger off the street had called in an ambulance after Dan threw up blood. Dan had alcohol poisoning. Dan tried to insist that they discharge him as he didn't really have the money to pay hospital bills. The couldnt help but listen. They advised him to keep off alcohol and Dan could have laughed. But, all he could think about was how he had hallucinated Phil on the street. He missed him. His heart hurt so much. That's why he drank so much, so his heart ache went away.
When Phil was calm and settled, he pulled out his phone ring Dans parents and explained to why Dan was in the hospital, he needed someone else to see him before he did otherwise he'd act like he cared too much.
Dan decided to stay the night in the hospital. He curled up on the soft bed and sighed. His heart was heavy. He felt like he truly had no one in the world. He wish he at least had his phone with him so he could distract himself and not think about it too much.
Phil lay on his back hoping that Dan was okay, alive, not in critical condition. His heart and head hurts from fighting and he doesn't know what to do with himself, he feels alone with nobody to call unless he was to phone Alex, but he didn't want to bother him
Dan was okay once moment and the next, he was incredibly nauseous and throwing up blood. He had no idea what happened; The nurse ran in and immediately pulled Dan onto the ICU, calling his emergency contact in his wallet, phil.
Phil was shaken out of his haze of worry and confused to a phone call, he look over to see an unknown number calling him "hello?" Phil curiously answered, hoping for it to be a junk business try to sell him something so he can end the call and go back to sleep
The operator quickly explained that Dan had been moved to the ICU and someone had to be there, and Phil was his emergency contact. Dan was glad they put him on a bunch of sedatives. He didn't wanna be awake anywag.
Phil was shaking. He was Dans emergency contact? But even more seriously Dans stage was critical, how much did he drink within the last week? Phil paced as he waited for the taxi as his car had no fuel, when the taxi arrived he felt sick with nerves as he arrived at the hospital
There was a problem with Dan's liver and stomach lining. But the reason Dan had been throwing up blood was his stomach. It was serious, yes, but not so much that it wasn't not manageable. The doctors could fix dan. It was just bit of a pain. Especially with a patient with Dan who was on the way one route to becoming malnourished.
Phil walked into the sterilised environment of the Hospital before being a lady sat down at the large desk "hi how may I help?" She asked sweetly "Hi, I've been contacted by the hospital about my friend who has been admitted here, I was his emergency contact." She nodded at me as I nervously and cautiously spoke "not a problem there sir, what's his name?" She asked "Daniel Howell." Phil responded "Okay sir if you just head down that hall down there and take a left there will be a door number with 09 on it, just wait outside there and I'll notify the staff you're here." She smiled, Phil thanked her as he walked slowly to the room Dan was in
Dan was in bed in the ICU. He insisted that they couldn't treat him because he didn't have any money to pay all the hospital bills. But they ignored his weak requests. He whined as a nurse grabbed his thin arm and injected something in his arm, making him whimper.
Phil was sat outside as he waited for the nurse to let him in, he was tired and shaky and his mind was racing with how bad the situation must be if he had an emergency call. His breaths got shaky just thinking about the worst case scenarios. Phils head was in his hands as he felt years beginning to run down his cheeks. He can't loose Dan, not yet
When the nurse told him his emergency contact was here to see him, he frowned. Oh no. Phil? He couldn't bear to see Phil. He requested more morphine, claiming he was in pain so it could knock him out.
"Philip Lester?" A small voice said as his head whipped up quickly, wiping away his tears as he looked at her hopefully. She looked away slightly before coughing. "You can see him for a bit before we decide on how and what treatment is best right now for both his health but also his finance." She said softly as she headed towards the door "he's very drugged up on what we are going to call the maximum amount of morphine we can give him, so he's either going to be passed out or dazed." She warned opening the door
Dan was passed out when Phil walked in, just how he wanted. He didn't think he could handle Phil yelling at him. He looked pale as a sheet with dark circles and hollow cheeks. He still somehow reeked of alcohol.
Phil watched Dan as he lay there looking lifeless, he wasn't, that was proven by the fast pace of the heart monitor, phil walked over to the chair by Dan and held his hand softly and he brought it to his head as he cried "why was I rang? Can you tell me what's wrong with him." Phil asked the member of staff with a pained voice
"He has alcohol poisoning." She explained. "His liver is severally damaged. But it seems that he doesn't really eat anything so the repeated vomiting and alcohol consumption has eroded some his stomach lining. He had been vomiting blood all night."
Phil nodded "thank you." He said not really wanting to speak because he knew he'd choke on his words, he let go of Dans hands and began to stroke his fingers through Dans greasy hair, Phil thought he did the right thing kicking him out, making him think about what he had done so it could all change but Dan fucked up so bad his body and liver was on the line. Did Dan even realise Phil was the one who called the ambulance?
The next time Dan woke up, someone was playing with his hair. He groaned softly. He tried to open his eyes but everything was too bright. His throat felt too dry to say anything. His head was spinning and his stomach hurt.
Phil had been crying softly at Dans side, "you stupid fucking idiot Dan." He whispered angrily before jolting his head up at the muffled groan that Dan let out "excuse sorry sir we just need to sort him out again now he's waking up, could you please wait outside again?" She asked politely, Phil wanted to protest but he just nodded and walked out of the room
Dan looked up and it was the nurse again. A doctor walked in and checked on his vitals. They tried to get Dan to talk again and he did manage to speak full sentences. The effect of morphine was wearing off.
Phil watched from his seat the hurried sound of movement inside of the room with a doctor walking in and out. "Phil, his morphine has slightly worn off enough for him to speak but he might say a few random things as he's still on quite a high dosage." She explained as she Phil into the now quiet room
Dan was now sat up against the hospital bed as a nurse helped him drink water to soothe his throat. "Phiw?" Dan asked the nurse in a soft whimper. She didn't understand him as she blamed it on the drugs as she headed letting Phil in.
Dan still looked very out of it, his eyes half open and his face pale. He felt sick to his stomach, he walked over softly to Dan as he sat in the chair the nurse moved for him "Dan, it's me." Phil said softly as he looked at Dans eyes squint
Dan looked at Phil and his eyes widened a little. "Phiw? For real?" Dan croaked out. He felt like he was hallucinating again. He wasn't too sure.
"Yes it's me - for real?" Phil said unsurely to why Dan asked if he was real, he just presumed it was the morphine "how are you feelings bud?" Phil asked trying to get some sense out of Dan
Dan frowned as he tried to register Phil's question. "Floaty." He said. "And tummy knots." He hoped that made sense to Phil because it made sense to him.
Dan let out a slightly illegible mumble of words but Phil understood, "it's okay, you fucked yourself up pretty bad hon." Phil said with a sad time laced in his voice
"I'm bad." Dan sniffled and looked down, his entire expression falling to piece with hurt and pain. "So bad. Should die."
Phil nearly choked on his own spit, although Dans voice was weak and slurred he heard his words so clearly they rang in his ears "Dan- no- don't be so dramatic-" phil stuttered not knowing what to say
Dan shook his head repeatedly and tears surfaced his eyes. He was bad. He fucked everything up constantly. "You're happy, I'm gone." Dan slurred.
Phil shook his head turning away from Dan, "Dan no, listen to me, you fucked yourself up and do you know how worried sick I've been? I did this so you would change, so you would think about how we could fix this." Phil said a little sterner, growing defensive
Dan didnt understand what Phil was trying to say. He just blinked at him. Phil looked angry. Dan pouted a little. He didn't like it when Phil got mad at him.
Phil looked back at Dan, who stared at with his doey, puppy dog eyes. His eyes were filling with tears but not quite falling. "Never mind you're not gonna understand." Phil said shaking his head "it's not right to get mad at you, I'm sorry." Phil said as he held Dans hand again
Dan looked down at their hands and melted a little visibly. "My Phiw?" He asked softly. His Phil cared for him and looked out for him. But the Phil in front of him only screamed at Dan and got mad at him.
Phil didn't really know what to say, what did Dan mean by "my phil" he just smiled unsurely and rubbed his thumb over the top of Dans hand
"My Phiw." Dan said with confidence and melted completely, smiling a little as he looked at Phil fondly.
"I'm just Phil hon." Phil said as Dan related himself, he sighed knowing Dan was not going to be able to afford the treatment as his subscribers when downhill after his content did
The doctor came in and checked Dan's vitals and gave him an injection, making Dan whimper. Then, he turned to Phil, "We'll be able to fix his stomach lining with medicines and such but his liver... It really doesn't look good."
"Well, what do we do to help him?" Phil snapped harshly "sorry that was rude, I'm just worried sick about him." Phil lectured himself as he coughed awkwardly "what's going to happen if he can't get treated?"
"Easy, there, I'm just trying to help." The doctor said before adding, "We've done a couple tests and we've come to the conclusion that the best thing to do right now is take a portion of his liver out. It won't be too much, so he won't require a transplant. But it will cost a lot." The Doctor said a little more impatiently
"How much - exactly?" Phil said with a sick feeling in his stomach, "but before that what will happen if he doesn't have the operation?"
"There is a high possibility that he will develop an autoimmune disease. Which basically means that his immune system with recognize his own liver as a foreign substance and try to destroy it." The doctor said. "And costs can be around 6000 pounds."
Phil let out a gasp, he didn't have this kind of money lying around and neither did Dan. "So basically your saying that if he doesn't have this £6000 treatment, he could - die?" Phil asked shakily
"Well, yes. We could delay the effect of the autoimmune disease but the more time we waste, the portion of his liver he has to loose, increases." The doctor said. "And he's already malnourished. Look, he's already critical." The doctor pulled down Dan's eyelids and his eyes and a yellow tinge. Even Dan's nails were slightly yellow.
Phil couldn't loose Dan, and the more time they waste the more expensive the treatment gets and the more ill Dan gets. "Do it." Phil said with a shaky voice "Do what you need to do." He said as he looked at Dan, he couldn't even bare to think of loosing him "I'll get the money just do the surgery." Phil said reaching his back pocket with his wallet
"No - don't do that." Dan whined, but his words came out as nothing but a mess of a slur
"We need to prep the room so he should be in for emergency surgery in 20 minutes." The doctors said before walking out. Phil stood up and began pacing around the room, he didn't know where to get the money from to pay for this, it was so expensive. He could feel his nerves jolt up; he didn't understand why but he grabbed his phone and dialled Alex's number
Dan groaned as he got prepared for the surgery. God knows what was injected in his arm. All he could see was Phil pacing and talking to someone on the phone.
"Alex I don't know what to do he's going to die eventually if I he doesn't undergo this surgery and I said I'd pay for it but the most I have is around 2500 quid." Phil sobbed down the phone, he was shaking at this point
"Shh, it's okay, I'm sure I can give you some." Alex said gently. "I have almost 20,000 quid. 6000 is a small amount to save someone's life."
"What the fuck? No I can't take money off you, it's such a lot of money-" phil stumbled on his nervous words
"You can. I have no one Phil. The reason why I was crying today was because I lost girlfriend and my niece to a car crash last week. I don't need all this money. Please take it." He said.
"Alex I am not taking your money you barley know me?" Phil said trying to choke back his words, why was Alex being so nice "it's too much money Alex"
"It's nothing. Please, your friend will die." Alex said. Dan looked at Phil with hooded eyes. He whined and muttered unintelligibly.
Phil was shaking with pain "I will owe you back and more-" phil said before sobbing, this surgery is the only thing stopping Dan from potentially dying
"Don't worry, i'm coming over to– what hospital are you in?" Alex said. Dan looked at Phil and then the nurse above him who took off his hospital gown to examine his now thin chest
"We're in riverside medical hospital, Dans in the room 09 if they ask tell them you're a close family friend." Phil said quickly "I've got to go now though they're just checking up on Dan." He explained
Dan was wheeled out of the room and to the operation room. As soon as he was hooked up with anesthesia, he passed out for good.
Phil worriedly watched Dans unconscious body roll out of the room for surgery. He headed out to the waiting room to meet Alex who would be there shortly, but for now he held himself together sitting down in the uncomfortable metal chairs with his head buried in his hands
Alex did some asking and found Phil. He saw him sat on a chair with his head in his hands and his heart broke. He quickly ran forward to kneel in front of him, "Hey, Phil, it's okay."
Phils head shot up "Alex." He breathed quickly opening his arms to hug him
Alex immediately wrapped his arms around Phil tightly. "Shh, it's okay, i'm here now. Dan will be okay."
"I'm so scared Alex, I'm so so scared." Phil cried into his shoulder, his head tucked under Alex's
"I know, it's okay. It's okay to be scared. But he'll be okay." Alex said as he rubbed Phil's back gently, holding him close. "Don't worry, he'll be okay."
"He's so fragile, I left him alone, I wanted him to fix himself and want to keep out friendship but he didn't, he nearly killed himself! He could have been dead if I didn't find him he could -" phil cut himself off with a sob
"But you did find him, didn't you?" Alex said as he rubbed Phil's back. "It's okay, now. You can fix this. He'll be okay. He'll get better, don't you worry." Alex offered Phil a small smile.
"Alex, I don't know how to go about this? I want to forgive him but then he clearly doesn't give a shit about our friendship, if he did he wouldn't have been selfish enough to drink himself to half death." Phil said shaking his head
"Phil..." Alex bit his lip. "I don't know if it's about you or the friendship. Do you really think it's selfish of him to let his life go to shit and nearly kill himself? I think it's quite the opposite."
"I don't understand though?" Phil said looking up to Alex "when I kicked him out he should have though 'shit, I need to sort myself out and we can be friends again?'" Phil said confused, but the more he thought the more he realised maybe they were as both bad as each other
"I don't think that was the best decision of you knew he was having a hard time." Alex chuckled dryly and sat next to Phil, wrapping an arm around him. "But, then again, I don't know what happened between you two so I'm not going to say anything. I just hope he's okay."
Phil felt a soft comfort in Alex's arm around his waist so he cautiously put his head on Alex's shoulder and sighed "thank you Alex- you don't even know me and I've dragged you into this mess." Phil sighed "anyone would think that we knew each other for years, it seems almost fake." Phil laughed lightly
"Shush you, you helped me out today. And I wanna give back." He smiled and squeezed Phil a little against him.
The surgery lasted for a couple hours. It was relatively simple procedure but because Dan was so malnorushied, the doctors had to be extra careful. Eventually, Dan was wheeled out and back into the ICU.
It must have been a while but Phils eyes shot open at the light shaking of Alex "hon, Dans out of surgery now, they're just waiting for him to wake up now then you can see him." Phil turned his sleepy eyes to focus on Alex "thank you, I'm sorry for sleeping on you I'm shattered." He laughed lightly, their faces closer than normal
Alex's eyes flicked to Phil's lips and back up to him again. "Come on." He said simply and led Phil to the ICU. Dan was inside, looking paler than before. His skin had a light yellow tinge to it. He was hooked up to many more tubes and machines. Barely alive.
Phil felt weird after being so close to Alex, he isn't even know him yet he had a strange desire to be near him. "Are you ready to meet the life you saved?" Phil said nudging Alex's shoulder
"Can't say I'm thrilled but I just hope he recovers. Didn't look too good when they wheeled him out of the OR." Alex admitted.
Phil just kept his mouth shut, how would Dan react to meeting Alex? "Erm-yeah." Phil said as he looked back to see Dans body "oh Alex I don't know what to do." Phil said, his heart heavy
"He'll be okay, give him some time. He is your best friend, isn't he?" Alex said gently.
"Should I let him move back into my apartment?" Phil asked with a confused tone, thinking deeply
"I don't know. First talk to him about it, yeah?" Alex said and hugged him again, he looked like he needed it.
Phil took one more look at Dan before he tucked his head into the crook of Alex's shoulder, "he tried to be so nice to me, he tried to make my favourite meal but I needed space because I was stressed and I pushed him to this point." Phil said crying again
"Hey, hey, it's not your fault alone." Alex said as he rubbed his back gently to soothe him. "It's okay, shh."
I don't deserve you or Dan, I don't know why you even replied to my call? I feel bad for not knowing anything about you and I feel dreadful because the more good I try the more hurt I get in return." Phil rambled aimlessly just needing and waiting for Dan to wake up
Alex just let Phil ramble and talk as he comforted him, rubbing his back and keeping Phil close, until eventually a nurse came by who informed Phil that Dan was awake and he could go see him if he wanted.
Phil looked at Alex with a fearful expression, scared to see Dan again. "Alex I don't know what to say to him." Phil said starting to shake a little
"Shh it's okay, he's your friend. It'll be okay." Alex said gently and held Phil against him.
"C-can you wait out here until I see him, I don't want to freak him out or anything." Phil stuttered very slightly, hoping he wasn't insulting Alex
"Of course." Alex smiled as he looked up at Phil with a kind expression. He hugged him one last time before letting him go see Dan.
Phil opened the door and walked in, shaky in his breath as he looked at Dans half asleep stage, "hi Dan." Phil said softly as he walked over slightly to his bed
"Phiw?" Dan struggled to talk as he looked up at him with hodded lids. He looked like he was barely alive. He tried to reach for him weakly.
Phils worries slowly began to melt away into small butterfly's in his stomach, he sat down the chair and yet again held Dans hand to comfort him, "yeah it's me." He said gently
"W-What happened?" Dan asked. He didn't really know what was going on except for the fact that everything hurt.
Phil was taken aback by Dans words "you've just been in surgery for the past hour or so- for you liver." Phil clarified
"W-What?" Dan's eyes widened. "No money, Phiw." Dan pouted. He felt close to tears, debt was something Dan never wanted to live with
"No no- no debt, a lovely guy I met in the park -called Alex is paying half for it, I'm paying the rest, he's outside if you want to see him?" Phil offered gently
"Nuh huh, just Phiw please." Dan pouted. Who was Alex? Dan's heart dropped. Was he Phil's boyfriend? No. That's not possible. It had only been a month since Dan had moved out, there was no way Phil had a boyfriend.
"Okay but you are going to have to meet him at some point, he's really nice and remember you owe your life to him." Phil said with understanding of Dan wanting on the security of himself whilst he's just woken up but a little irritated at how ungrateful Dan may become
"I'm sowwy. I'll pay back." Dan mumbled and looked down. Fuck. How was he going to pay back? Dan barely had a hundred pounds in the bank. But he didn't like how Phil was looking at him. So he guessed he'd have to do something.
"No- Dan- Hun that's not what I meant it, look we will talk about this another time, for now I just wanna know you're going to be okay." Phil said with a sad smile as he looked into Dans eyes, his hand moving to stroke Dans messy hair back
"O-Okay." Dan said, sounding genuinely shocked. He wasn't used to Phil showing any kind of care for him. Or even smiling at him genuinely for the matter.
Phil stroked Dans hair soothingly, wanting the hold him into a hug but he knew that definitely wouldn't happen for a while. "Dan, why did you do this to yourself?" Phil said a little helplessly
"I just don't like me." Dan's face twisted up as if he'd eaten something sour. "Don't like thinking. Would be better if I was gone." Dan said with a sad tone, Phils stomach dropping
"W-what Dan? Since when?" Phil said a little more hurt, Dan had never been the most confident but now here Dane as talking about killing himself, his heart was slowly being crushed
"Ages." Dan mumbled. "Ha-Hate myself. So, So f-fucking useless." He grumbled bitterly as his eyes teared up.
"Oh Dan, why? You're so precious you shouldn't be feeling like this." Phil said his eyebrows furrowed "why didn't you tell me? What made you think this Danny?"
"I tried telling you but you told me to shut up so I did." Dan mumbled as he remembered the time he has convinced himself to go up to Phil and talk to him about his deteriorating mental health but Phil had been annoyed and told him to stop being dramatic and such. It had broke Dan. He didn't know why Phil hated him so much.
"Wait, you're saying that I'm the cause- of this?" Phil gulped with a guilty expression, his hands dropped from Dans hand and hair as he put his hands clasped around his mouth, thinking back to all the time