I am who I am; and nothing can change that.
At least, that's what I thought.
When I was only 7 years old, bullying began for me. I always had larger eyes than normal, and due to being partially Chinese, they were different then all of the American eyes.
I was always bullied for this, being called; "bug eyed" and "freak". These were the first two words that had ever been used against me.
One day, however, I was at a sleepover with some of my female friends for one of their birthdays. She kissed me. And everyone noticed. Throughout the entire year of school, word spread. I was always called a lesbian and laughed at and everyone would make fun of me or call me gross. I was 9 years old when this happened. A young age.
When I turned 10, things began to change for the worse. I met a teenager who would always shove me or push me for no apparent reason. One day, he even dragged me across the sidewalk of my own home by my hair. He would drag me to the park and shove me against the ground and once even the merri-go-round.
Eventually he moved away but when I turned 11, I decided to join the basketball team. Everyone would yell, "Don't be afraid of the ball, it's not going to eat you!" In this one teasing tone they all shared. This was because I couldn't catch the ball and would always flinch after past experiences of being kicked, punched, and having things thrown at me from bullies.
All of my friends turned against me after this and began mumbling about how they were glad I got held back when I did. One day, I even gained the courage to ask out a male I knew for all of my life. He just gave this disgusted face and told me I was chubby and gross. Days after this, he began to call me names, even shove me against walls in school.
After years of being bullied, I finally broke and tried committing suicide many times and self-harming.
One day, a friend of mine even turned on me just so everyone else would think they were 'cooler'. They punched me directly in the nose. It was a day or two after this that I realized my eyesight was damaged from the contact.
Though after I got glasses, everything just got worse. They began calling me "four-eyes" or even reference me to a bat because most people were scared of me. I would always wear dark clothing and I had long, dark brown hair. I remember one time in 5th grade these two boys were talking about me.
Boy 1: (he actually had a crush on me, apparently) "Can we ask her to play with us?"
Boy 2: He just gave this disgusted face and said, "Ew, no. She's goth."
After that they just began talking about me, the first boy actually trying to back me up while the second would just give more reasons to talk badly on me.
When I turned 14, I had realized I was a transgender male and I was gay. After this got leaked in my new school, people began sending me disgusted faces and glares. After school one day, this boy even pulled on my hood to impress his friend while they both laughed. I simply ignored them and continued walking. Though after the experiences, I've just been suffering severe anxiety and even depression. Even my family doesn't know of any of these.
I've only ever told people I truly trusted about my past experiences of being bullied, and I'm hoping to change that with this story.