Songs:
In My Arms - Jon Foreman
Love Bug - Jonas Brothers
Just The Girl - The Click Five || (I completely forgot about this song and how much I used to love it. I rediscovered it this weekend and re-fell in love with it!)
| fifty-two |
Sometimes, the universe is out to get you. At first it may seem like all of the odds were playing for you, and your life was moving along perfectly. But one day everything that you thought to be good and true in your life decides to reveal it's true colors. It then shows that real life isn't sunshine and lollipops. That there are dark clouds that gloom above from time to time. It is a reminder of the reality of life. That being simple; not everything is going to work out for you. That life will throw you curve balls. Those curve balls are going to hit you so hard that you will be left sitting on the cold, hard ground dumbfounded that you were naive enough to believe that everything was always going to be good. The simplicity of this is that life will hurt you. The old saying couldn't be closer to the truth: reality is a bitch.
Ava sat on the roof of her apartment for the past few hours. The sun had not risen yet. The air around her was crisp yet bearable. The morning breeze nips at her nose. She wraps the blanket closer to her; an action that she has mastered over the years. She sits alone even though Harry is sound asleep just a few floors down from her. His presence brought a crazy amount of peace to her soul, but she was hungry for some time to herself. She had managed to slip away from his tight grasp around her half naked body, and was able to sneak up to her favourite spot in LA.
Her fingers are holding the envelope tightly. She debates whether or not it would be best to open it up and make a game plan. She had been debating over the past hour if it would be a good idea to talk to him. If it would be beneficial to her well being. She had been making a mental pro and con list; the con side taking on a massive lead.
She inhales a deep breath. Her exhale becoming shaky, the nerves getting the best of her. "Come on Ava. You can do this. It's just an envelope." She says to herself. With another inhale of breath, she opens the envelope.
Inside are a few pieces of paper that have been paper clipped together. She unfolds the bundle. Inside is a picture of her dad. His bright hazel eyes a perfect match to her own. The picture that she had engraved into her mind since childhood of her father is still the same. However, a few grey hairs and wrinkles around the eyes have made it’s way to the surface. He looks the same but older. She can’t help but smile at the resemblance she shares with him.
Behind the photograph is a piece of paper that lists out the many novels and series’ that he had written. Ava remembered when she was eight she had asked her mother about her father. She asked the simple questions: what was he like, what was his job, was he nice. Her mother would go on and on about how great of an author he was. That his dream was to become a famous author. When Ava had told her mom that she wanted to be an editor and even a writer, her mom broke into tears. She kept saying that “you are just like your dad” and a series of “he would be so proud”.
Thinking about it now, she couldn’t help but wonder if he would truly be proud of her. If he knew that she had managed to get an internship at a top newspaper would he be happy. Maybe he did know. Perhaps he did and wasn’t proud. That thought alone made Ava’s heart tumble to the pit of her stomach.
She shook it off and looked at the other papers that were paper clipped. There was a small slip of paper that was clipped behind the list of his works that had listed his contact information. His address, e-mail, and number were listed below. Everything that she would need to contact him was in her fingertips. Yet she still felt hesitant. She didn’t know if she would be intruding on his life. “He didn’t even want to see you in the first place. He left when he knew you were coming. Don’t even bother,” her subconscious kept screaming at her. But the more that she thought about it, the more she wanted to see him. She had questions that needed answers.
Ava took the paper with his information out of the clip. As she did so, a small sheet that was folded up fell out. Intrigued as to what it may be, Ava picked it up off of the floor. She unfolded it slowly.
It was his biography.
Using her phone as light, she began to read more about her father. A small smile grazed her lips as she read about who her father was. He was born in a small town on Vancouver Island. That she had already known. Him and her mother had been childhood sweethearts. They began dating when Etta was only fourteen and they got pregnant with Ava when she was seventeen.
She continued to read the short biography that had been written about Flint Hastings. Little snippets about his schooling, how he received his masters degree in New York when he was thirty. But it was the sentence near the end that made Ava drop her phone to the ground.
Flint Hastings lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife and nine year old twin daughters.
He was married. He had two daughters.
Ava felt her whole body grow numb. The words kept repeating in her mind: his wife and nine year old twin daughters. He had moved on with his life. Everything began to make sense to Ava. Why he didn’t stay to talk to her, why he not once went after her. He had made a new life for himself outside of Ava and her mother.
He didn’t want her. He didn’t care.
Her vision began to grow blurry. The tears ran down her cheeks; the heat of the tears burning her cold cheeks. She felt her body shake with each tear that fell downward. The world became a blur to her. Her body felt numb to the crisp morning air that nipped through her thin pajama shirt. Her muscles ached as the hard ground bored into her skin, but she didn’t care. The pain that ripped through her heart hurt more. This was a pain that she had never felt before.
She felt betrayed. She felt broken. This feeling had been worse than when she first learnt that her father was alive. This was different. The pain that she felt intensified with each second she wept.
Her body thrashed against the hard roof by the hiccups that escaped her lips. This was not a cute cry. This was the ugly-Kim-Kardashian-snot-dripping type of cry. Suddenly she felt her body be wrapped by two strong arms. She didn’t bother to look up to know who it was that was holding her. The scent of mint and pine had been a dead giveaway.
-
Harry had woken up to a cold, empty bed. He looked around the apartment searching for Ava. He had began to grow worried with her disappearance.
He looked around the living room with some sign as to where Ava may had disappeared to. As if on cue, a faint sound of someone crying came through the small opening of the living room window. Immediately Harry knew where Ava was. The roof.
Harry had found himself running up the steps to the top of the roof. She was crying. He didn’t know why, but he knew that he had to be there. He had to hold her and soothe her. Whatever was going on, he knew that it had to have something to do with her father. The thought alone made his blood boil.
He opened the door swiftly and saw Ava curled up on the ground in the fetal position. Her body was shaking as she cried. His legs automatically ran over to her fragile body. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.
“Baby,” he whispered softly into her ear. “Baby, shh. It’s okay. Don’t cry.” One of the things that Harry hated the most was seeing Ava cry. When she cried it was a result of Harry not protecting her. He had made it his number one priority in life to keep her safe and protected. But seeing her lying on the cold floor in only a pajama top and shorts, shaking because the tears are too much for her, was a result of his failure to protect her.
“Please don’t cry.” Not one did his grip on her loosen. He held onto her while whispering words of comfort into her ear.
“He has a family.” She choked out.
“Who?” He asked even though he knew the answer to his question.
“My dad.” Her voice was low and raspy, a direct result to her violent whimpering. “He has a wife and twins and he hates me. He doesn’t want me to be in his life. He has new family. I’m so stupid!”
“You are not stupid.” Harry lifts Ava easily onto his lap. She wrapped her legs around his torso and held onto him with a solid hold. His hands began to rub up and down her back. His touch was light but strong enough to soothe her shaking body. “You are far from stupid.”
He begins to leave gentle kisses on her shoulder. His hands still tracing soft patterns along her back. Her cries had settled down into a soft whimper.
“Why did he not want me?” She asked not expecting an answer. “Am I that terrible of a daughter? Is it because I was touched? Is that why this is happening to me? First I lost my mom and now this?!” Her soft whimpers broke into a loud sob.
“No. This is not your fault. Don’t ever say that, baby. Don’t ever think that you being taken advantage of was your fault or that your mom’s death was a result of that. That was not your fault.” It hurt him to know that she was blaming herself for everything bad that happened in her life.
“I’m not worthy of a dad. I’m not worthy of anything.”
“Stop!” Harry pulled back slightly and pressed his lips against hers. He kissed her with as much passion he could muster. He pulled away slightly so that his lips were only hovering over her own. “You are worth it. You are so fucking worth it.” He whispers against her lips.
“Why do you love me?” Her voice cracks.
Harry smiles against her lips and kisses them once more. He lets out a small chuckle. “There are so many reasons to why I love you Ava. So many reasons.” He kisses her cheek and the tip of her nose.
“I love your passion for books. I love that we could sit, read, and debate over books. I love that you watch A Christmas Story and eat Chinese food at Christmas. I love it when you bite your cheek when you are thinking or when you’re nervous. I love how you run your fingers through your hair when you are deep in thought. I love your hazel eyes and that I could get lost in them. I love your quirky side. I love your wit and sense of humour.” He pauses. “I love that when you look at someone, you give them all of your attention so that they feel like they matter. I love that you make me feel like I matter. No matter how many times I’ve messed up, you still care about me. I love that you were able to break down the walls that I worked so hard to build up. And as many times as I shot down your attempts to get to know me, you never gave up. I love that you haven’t given up on me yet. I love that you fucking love me back.”
“You could do so much better than me.” She whispers.
“Not even close. You are beautiful, funny, and so damn smart.”
“My dad didn’t even want me.” A tear escapes and runs down her cheek. Harry lifts his thumb and wipes it away.
“Your dad is a fucking moron for leaving you.”
“I love you Harry.” She didn’t know why he cared about her so much. She didn’t understand why he hadn’t left her for someone better yet. She was an orphan who had been tainted with. She was nothing special. Her demons kept tormenting her. Ava couldn’t help but believe that one day the demons would be right and that Harry would get up and walk away too. Just like her father did.
“Please don’t leave me.” She whispers against his lips.
“I would never leave you baby.” He whispers back.
They stay in each others tight embrace for another hour. Not once did they break apart. The sun began to rise and the crisp morning air began to warm up. Ava didn’t know what to do anymore. She didn’t know if she should leave her father be and not bother. But a voice in the back of her mind kept telling her to give him a chance; to not give up. That there were answers to the questions that she had. And even though it would hurt- she had Harry to hold her through it all.
-
The rest of the day consisted of their classic set up: Chinese take out and Netflix. It was Harry and Ava’s go to activity, and neither one of them could complain.
“Love, please. Not this one again.” Harry wined.
Ava giggled as she took another bite of her noodles. “But I’m sad and this is my favourite movie.”
“But Dirty Dancing? Really? Wouldn’t you rather watch Back to the Future?”
This conversation wasn’t something new for them. Whenever they would decide to watch a series of cult classics, Harry would always push for something that wasn’t a girly classic. “These movies make me look like a pussy,” he would alway say. But no matter what, Ava would always win their argument. He blamed it on her puppy dog eyes.
“If you let us watch Dirty Dancing, then we can do whatever you want.” She pleaded.
“Whatever I want?” Harry’s eyes flickered with amusement. A cheeky smile began to appear on his pink lips.
“Yes, baby. Whatever you want. Now please - the movie is starting.”
“I’m holding you to that babe.” He breathed into her ear causing a wave of goosebumps to appear on her skin. He began to leave wet kisses along her jaw line. She pushed him away with a giggle.
“Harry, stop! Not now. After the movie.” She moved to the farther side of the couch and placed a pillow between them.
“Oh come on, love. This pillow is not needed.”
“Yes it is! You’re distracting me.”
“Oh?” He smirks while crawling over to her. Harry bit his lip and began pull her close to him. She tried to fight him off, but he was much stronger than her. “But I’d much rather kiss you.”
“Haz-”
Suddenly a buzzing came from Harry’s phone. Ava jumped up away from his arms. “Hey! Excuse me mister. Number one rule to movie night - phones off.” She tried to scold him but a smile began to take over instead.
“Sorry.” Harry scrambled from the couch and gave a swift kiss to her forehead. He found his phone on the kitchen counter.
“Hello?”
“Harry Edward Styles! You had a launch party and didn’t tell me?” The voice yelled on the other line. “Your own cousin? How dare you!”
“Rose?”
“No, it’s Cousin It.” She snarled back.
“What are you yelling about now?” Harry leaned against the wall and watched Ava sit on the couch. She had a box of Chinese food on her lap, and a massive grin on her face. One of his favourite things was to watch Ava watch movies. The way that she got so engrossed into a movie was one of his favourite things to see.
“Are you even listening to me?” Rose yelled once again.
“Fuck Rose, do you not have volume control?”
“How did you not tell me about your launch party? I would have gone.”
“I was busy. Sorry.” Truth was, Harry had completely forgot to invite her.
“What? Too busy sleeping with that slag you met on the bus?” Harry automatically regretted telling Rose about Libby. He knew that she would bring her up and remind him how much she did not approve of his rebound.
“Don’t talk about her. I mean it.” Harry growled.
“What- trouble in paradise?”
“She’s gone.”
“What?! She’s dead?” Rose shriek. Harry couldn’t help but laugh at her assumption.
“No, moron. She’s gone from my life.”
“Did you find out she had a disease or something?” He didn’t need to see her to know that a massive smirk was plastered on her pale pink lips.
“No. Ava happened.”
Silence came from the other line.
“What do you mean Ava happened?” She asked gently.
“We are kinda back together.” He awkwardly answered her. Again, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Rose that him and Ava were back together. He just completely forgot.
“And you didn’t think to tell me? You’re such an asshole, Hazza.”
“It’s been kinda crazy over here. But she’s here so I gotta go. Bye Rose.” But before Harry could end the call a scream came from the other end.
“She’s there?! Put her on the phone Haz!”
“No.”
“Come on! I haven’t talked to her since you left. And I need to yell at her too for not telling me that you two idiots were back together.”
“Not a chance.”
“Get her on the phone. Now.”
“Fine.” Harry knew that if he didn’t give her the phone now, she would continue to pester him until he did.
Harry walked into the living room. Ava looked up from her spot on the couch. “Here.” Harry stuck the phone out and Ava looked at it with a confused expression.
“Who is it?”
“Rose.” A loud squeal came from Ava, in which startled Harry almost causing him to drop the phone.
“Geez! What is wrong with you women and your yelling?” Ava only rolls her eyes before she pauses the movie and grabs the phone from Harry’s tight grasp.
“Rose?!” A series of “I miss you’s” and “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you!” came from both ends of the phone. Harry didn’t want to endure listening to loud girlish squeals and decided to leave the room. He grabbed a carton of sweet and sour pork, and walked into Ava’s room. He grabbed a copy of Wuthering Heights from her bookshelf and began to read. The only sounds being the muffled giggles that came from the other room.
-
A/N: 1. I am the worst! I am so sorry for taking forever to update. I wrote this chapter earlier and accidentally deleted it. BUT- I love this version of it much better. Ha.
2. I decided to update Adore once a week until Winter Air is over. I’m not sure how many more chapters of W.A. are left but it’s not many. So be sure to go over to Adore and read/vote/comment and add it to your libraries.
Vote/Comment/Follow - I love you all! For realz. You all brighten up my day with each comment that I read from you all. It is the best.
Ps: Making business cards is some serious business. I’ve been making some for my photography business, and it’s been crazy. Oy! Ha!
PPs. That's her Dad on the side. HELLO Flint Hastings. AKA: Alex O'Loughlin