"My darling," she said at last, "are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of your life?"
"I don't mind at all," I said, "it doesn't matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you."
-The Witches
Burns
Life was so much easier when I was a Bear. We built cities out of ice, one even more beautiful than the other. There were ice plains to explore, and the only things we had to worry about was Claw Beasts.
Fire World had its own challenges, but the Fire Tasters were on top of the food chain there. It was an easy life, bathing in the lava fields, inhaling the sweet incense of Walking Flowers, covering our skin in ashes to both keep the parasites at bay and camouflage our presence.
Earth is different. It has a way of changing you. Such a strange world. And yet, somehow, it outshines the others.
Arashi is quiet the entire drive home. He's always quiet, but this time I feel like he's giving me my privacy. Nate made a good choice, suggesting I take him with me, even though we haven't socialized much. He doesn't joke or try to distract me. Instead he keeps focused and leaves me to my thoughts.
I stare out of the window at the people roaming the streets. On the outside they look every part human. Only they're not. We are not. Sometimes I forget I am one of them. We are just as bad as the parasites on a Fire Taster's skin, leeching off other creatures to sustain ourselves.
It's sickening.
I killed someone.
Why is it only now that I can see my kind for what they are?
I killed someone. His name was David and he had a family. Parents, siblings, friends. Now he's gone. Just like the humans that were Rain and Storm and Patt.
What about Ocean and Core and Scales? Who were their hosts before? Are they really gone too?
My best friends.
Killers.
"Stop living in the past." It's the first time Arashi has spoken in hours. I glance at him. His eyes are still on the road and his expression is emotionless, but it was his voice.
I sigh. "We shouldn't have come here."
"But you did," he states, "there is no changing the past. You live in the now."
"I know," I mutter. But knowing it is one thing. Accepting it is something else.
We park the van in its secluded spot. We're home again and something releases in my chest. A few more minutes and I'll see Emma again. Will she be very angry that I left?
Night has already fallen and we use the cover of darkness to rush towards the hide-out. Rachel is the one in the lookout post. She raises an eyebrow when she sees us. "No supplies? What have you been doing?"
Arashi doesn't answer her, but walks past us without a second glance. Rachel rolls her eyes at his departure. "Charming as ever," she mutters and turns to me. "So? Where have you been?"
I sigh. I'm not really in the mood to talk. I'm tired. I've just said goodbye to my best friends, knowing I'll never see them again. They will move on with their lives, moving to new planets I will never see. So much for exploring the universe. I never would have thought I'd abandon a Calling, but I suppose I have a new Calling now; the protection of the remainder of mankind.
Imagine that, me, a Protector.
"Burns?" Rachel asks to draw my attention.
"Where's Emma?" I ask in return.
"Not sure," she answers, "I've been up here for a while. Try the game room."
I nod at her. "Thank you."
"Burns," Rachel calls when I walk away. When I turn, she hesitates. "Is everything alright? There's no more trouble coming?"
I force out a smile. "Everything is fine. There's nothing to worry about."
***
I stand in the doorway of the game room, watching the others. No one seems to have noticed me yet, but that suits me just fine. It gives me the time to observe them. My human family. How they have changed my concept of life.
Such a strange world.
When my eyes land on Emma, a warmth spreads through me and I can feel myself smiling. That is my answer. She's worth it. She's worth giving up on exploring other planets. She's worth staying for. She's worth living my last life for.
I know I will never find another planet that will make me feel this complete ever again. I have found my home. The only tragic aspect is that of all the species we Souls have discovered, humans have the shortest lifespan, aside from the Spiders.
I've never lived a shorter life, but I've never lived a more fulfilling life either.
Yes. It's worth it.
Blake is the first to notice me since he is facing the door. When Emma sees he's distracted, she turns around to follow his gaze. She looks at me and I see relief in her eyes. Was she really that worried?
Forgetting the game they were playing, Emma stands up from her seat and walks over to me. "You're back," she says softly.
I nod. "Yeah. I'm back."
She bites her lip and studies me. "What happened Burns? Where did you go? Why didn't you want me to come?"
I take a deep breath and swallow. I'm not sure what she sees on my face, but she takes my hand and pulls me with her down the tunnels. At first I thinks she's taking me to our sleeping space, but we pass it and walk down another familiar tunnel.
Her sanctuary.
Our sanctuary.
Even though this tunnel is less stable than the others, we find our way effortlessly and soon enough I'm greeted by the small crevice and the sliver of stars through the ceiling.
We sit down on the small ledge. Emma waits patiently for me to speak.
"I didn't mean for you to worry," I say, "I just... I needed to do this alone."
"Do what?" Emma asks quietly.
I stare at the sliver of stars. How long have I travelled between them before coming here?
"Say goodbye," I whisper.
She doesn't say anything, but I can feel her eyes on me. Her hand slides over mine and I grip it tightly.
"I had to," I continue, this time my voice is breaking, "I had to cut ties to keep us safe. I can't lose anyone else, Emma. I can't."
Her free hand cups my cheek and turns my head to face her. There's sadness in her eyes. "I know," she whispers.
"They wouldn't understand," I say, "I had to make them believe I was leaving. Me and Sky. I told them we were leaving the planet."
"Burns," Emma sighs sadly, "if you're not happy here... if you want to be with your friends... I know how much they mean to you. I would never ask you to stay here if you'd rather be somewhere else. I trust you. I know you would never betray us."
"No Emma," I tell her, "don't you see? This is my home. I told you, didn't I? You give my life meaning. I don't want to be anywhere else. You are my home." I pause before I say my next words. "I want this to be my last life. No more new planets. Now new host bodies. I ...I want to be human, Emma."
She looks at me sadly. "Burns..." she whispers. There are tears in her eyes. "I wish I was a Soul, so that I could explore the universe with you. But I'm just a human. I will die. You could live forever. You told me Souls don't die as long as they have a functioning host body, they can keep on living. Why would you give that up for one short life?"
"Because that one short life means more to me than all the lives I could have lived," I tell her, "it's worth the sacrifice."
"But your friends, Burns..."
I look down. "They have each other. I'll miss them, but I know they will be fine. They're Souls."
Emma shakes her head. Tears fall freely down her face. "What did I do to deserve someone like you?" she whispers.
"You're you," I answer while wiping away her tears. A watery smile appears on her face. "And you're you," she says, "and I love you for it. I just don't want you to regret this."
It's my turn to shake my head. "I regret many things I've done before I met you, but not this. Never this."
She leans towards me and kisses me. That feeling from before returns, a sense of belonging. A sense of home.
Yes.
Definitely worth it.