"She wore a thousand faces
all to hide her own."
- atticus
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Amanda Lewis always knew one thing for certain. And that was love didn't last.
Because if love really did last forever, then her parents wouldn't have gotten divorced. And her father, he wouldn't have walked out with a suitcase in his hands and told her he was going to be living in a different house.
Because if love really did last, then how could her father have fallen out of love with her mother and instead fallen in love with someone else.
It was all because love didn't really last forever.
And so from a very young age, Amanda promised herself to never fall in love.
Because in some ways, love made people weak. And Amanda didn't want to be weak.
But right now, she was. She fucking was.
Because he hadn't said a single word. And she wanted him to say something, to say anything.
She wanted him to say it was her he wanted. That he wanted her, not his wife.
She watched as he continued to stare at her step-sister's card, casually waving the card back and forth in his hands.
"You know I can't." And there wasn't a single hint of regret in his voice. There wasn't a single hint of care in his voice. There wasn't a single emotion in his voice. Instead, it was the same cold and emotionless voice he often used during business meetings.
And for some reason, she felt like he was making a business deal instead of telling her who he loved. Because he was acting like he didn't care. He was acting like she hadn't just confessed how she really felt. Like she hadn't told him how she truly felt about him. And what she really wanted.
Because what she wanted was what she had always desired while growing up. Because a family was the one thing she had always wanted. And she still wanted that. She wanted a family. A family, with him.
"You can't or you won't?" And her voice wavered slightly. Because she just wanted to know who he wanted. And who he loved.
Because the last thing Amanda wanted was a broken heart.
And she had never planned to get her heart broken. Because falling in love was always out of question.
From the very start, he had made it clear he wasn't looking for love. He just wanted someone to share his bed. But at first, that was exactly what Amanda was looking for.
And she never thought she would fall in love with him.
But it felt good to have his attention, to have his care.
It was never about the things he bought for her or the extra bonus he gave her. Instead it was about the way her heart would flutter when he smiled at her or the way she felt wanted as he would gently hold her. Day by day, she was falling deeper in love.
And she knew her feeling would never be reciprocated.
Because even for Andrew, she was once again the second option.
"I'm not leaving her." His voice had a certain finality to it. And she had always known who he was going to pick.
Because she was used to being the second choice. Always.
Because after her step-sister was born, Amanda was always the second option for her father.
She had been in fourth grade and she had come home from school one afternoon, happy because her mom had promised to bake her chocolate chip cookies. And instead, she found her dad, standing in the living room with a stack of papers in his hands. And her mom, sitting on the sofa, crying.
And he just left. And that was what Amanda hated. Because her father just left. Not only her mother, but also her and her brother behind too.
And less than eleven months later, Amanda, dressed in a pink gown, watched her father remarry the woman he had been sleeping with behind her mother's back.
A few months later, her step-sister was born. And Amanda quickly faded into the background.
She was always competing against her step-sister for attention. And for some reason, Amanda was never good enough.
And so she learned to hide her real feelings. It was easier act like a bitch than to show how much things really did affect her. Because things could only affect her if she let them. And it was okay as long as she just didn't show that they did.
And for the first time, she was finally letting someone see the real her.
But now once again, she was Andrew's second choice.
"Her? You're picking her?" There were no more tears streaming down her face. And her voice, it was angry.
Because she couldn't believe it. She couldn't fucking believe it.
And she laughed pathetically. Because she couldn't believe it. "Her huh? You're picking the bitch that killed your sister."
And she still couldn't believe that he was picking his wife. Because she had stayed loyal to him. Because she loved him. Because she wanted him to love her.
But no, he was picking his wife. He always picked Anisha.
Because Anisha was his first choice.
She gasped suddenly as he grabbed her arm, tightening his hold on her and yanked her so her face was barely inches from his.
"Watch your fucking mouth." It was the first time she had ever seen him this angry. Angry, with his jaw clenched and his eyes swirling with anger.
His grip against her arm tightened and he twisted her arm slightly as she whimpered in pain.
"I never loved you. Did you really think I would leave her for you? Besides, whatever happened to my sister is none of your fucking concern. That is between me and my wife. Are we clear?" He stepped back from her and ripped the card in half, throwing it back at her face. "Fuck you and the divorce papers. I'm not leaving her."
Because Andrew really couldn't even think of leaving her.
Because he really couldn't ever love another. There was only one woman he would ever love with every bit of his heart.
And he wouldn't leave her.
Amanda stood and stared at him. She was confused, confused and heartbroken. It seemed her heart already knew the answer to her next question but her mind refused to accept it. "You don't love me?"
And she tried to hold herself together. But her heart was breaking into a million pieces.
She was angry but also sad. She wanted to scream at him but also beg him to stay.
The only man she had ever loved didn't love her back.
And Amanda always knew this.
Because Andrew Hayes was simply confused. She knew that. For years, it was as if he couldn't really believe his sister was gone. But he still had his wife, even if he was no longer loyal to her. But after he had been made aware of some other facts, he pushed his wife away completely. He no longer hid his anger or his infidelity.
But that was because of things Amanda had done. Because of things Amanda had told him and led him to believe. Things she had said and done because she had been afraid that he would go back to his wife.
But still she was always aware of his true feelings. Because he always loved Anisha. He was good at hiding how he really felt. He was good at lying about how much pain he really was in.
And when she looked closely at him, she could often see the things that were tearing him apart inside. She could see how each day was a constant struggle for him, for him to decide what he wanted and didn't want.
But still, she had really thought that maybe he would give her chance. A chance to be his first choice.
"Fuck. I don't fucking love you. I told you before that all I wanted was someone to be there when my wife wasn't." And his voice was cold and hard. Because he had made a mess of things. And he had no idea how to even start to fix the many mistakes he had made.
"Anisha this. Anisha that. What does she have that I don't?" She was screaming now. And she hated him. She also hated herself, for falling in love with him. "What does Anisha fucking have that I don't?"
Amanda wanted him to love her, just once.
She just wanted to be his first choice. His only choice.
"What about me? What about us?" Her voice still held a hint of hope to it. Because maybe, just maybe he would still agree to be with her.
That he'd still be willing to keep her around. But then again, she didn't want to his second choice anymore.
She wanted to be his first choice.
"I don't think it's worth it anymore. I'm sorry." He awkwardly stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared at the stars.
He loved Anisha. He always had. And it was damn time, he start showing it.
Because he had already lost enough. Because he had already suffered enough. Because his mistakes had already cost him enough. But not anymore.
"We're done Amanda." He shook his head and looked at her.
But he had made it clear from the start that he wasn't looking for love. He already had someone he loved.
He felt bad, kind of. But he wasn't dumb. He knew the exact reason why Amanda had even pursued him in the first place. He knew the reason why Amanda had been interested in him, despite the fact he was already promised to another woman.
Because at first, it had been about the money in his bank account. It had been about his last name. But he hadn't ever expected her to fall in love with him. And he didn't want her to love him.
Because he never could love her back.
He waited for her to say something but the hope in her eyes was destroying him.
Because he couldn't help but remember the many days Anisha had looked at him with that kind of hope. With a shimmer of hope and he had hurt her.
And now, Amanda was hurting just as much.
For some reason, she wanted to hurt Andrew. Because Anisha didn't deserve him. He could do far better than someone like Anisha.
And Amanda, she just wanted to be loved.
She was resentful now. Because he didn't love her. Even after everything she had done to tear him apart from his wife.
She gave him a cunning smile, suppressing her feelings and rebuilding the bitchy and rude facade. Because he couldn't get rid of her just yet. Because he was supposed to hate his wife. Because he was supposed to pick her over his wife.
And Amanda never ever did regret lying to Andrew about what really happened to his sister.
And she wasn't going to let him walk away so easily now. Because the last thing she wanted was a broken heart.
She took a step closer to him and ran a manicured finger along his chiseled jaw. "Your wife, the one you're so still in love with, is nothing but a little slut. A lying bitch and a cheating whore."
"I mean, how do you even know if she's been loyal to you?" She smirked, it was the kind of smirk that made it clear she knew something he didn't.
Because she did know something that he didn't.
Because Amanda always liked being one step ahead.
"How do you know she hasn't been sleeping with Sebastian? Don't they have history together? You've been busy with me. And I'm sure someone must've been keeping Anisha busy." She could feel him tensing under her touch. And she could feel the anger radiating off of him.
Accusing Anisha of cheating could be the final string to her plan. Because Andrew might just leave Anisha if he thought she was cheating on him.
And then Amanda could finally have what she had always wanted. She wanted him.
He slapped her hand away, anger clear on his face. "Don't you even dare think about accusing her?"
"Accusing her? I'm just stating the truth. I mean, no doubt Anisha is beautiful and she could've easily found someone who treats her right. And besides, don't you think she loves Mira a little too much? More than she loves Ryan. What's to say Mira is even yours?"
"Shut the fuck up." Andrew was livid. Absolutely livid. Because more than anything, he feared Anisha would leave him for someone else. Because she deserved someone better.
And he wasn't really sure if she had or hadn't cheated on him. Because Anisha Hayes, just like him, did rash things when she was hurting.
But he didn't want to give Amanda the satisfaction of knowing that he just wasn't too sure himself either. But he had never ever doubted that Mira couldn't be his.
They had been happy together before Mira was born.
And Mira was his daughter. Mira was his and Anisha's.
But Amanda knew she had succeeded. Just like she had the first time.
Because all she really needed to do was create doubt. Just like she had managed to convince Andrew that Anisha was responsible for his sister's death, she could now convince him that Anisha was cheating on him.
She gave him a sly smile as she took note of the confusion and fear in his eyes. And she knew she had him right where she wanted him.
Because Andrew loved Anisha. And love made people weak. And Anisha was his weakness.
"What? It's the truth. If she can lie to you about your sister then she shouldn't have any problem lying to you about your daughter. What if Mira isn't yours? I mean Mira looks nothing like you. Ryan looks like you but Mira? She looks nothing like you. So I wonder, Andrew. Is Mira even yours?"
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And Amanda is back to being a lying bitch. What do you think she did that was bad enough to create some problems between Andrew and Anisha? Well, I'm gonna tell you since everyone already knows. It's the fake medical reports.
But still, she just doesn't seem to understand that she's just like her step-mother, sleeping with a married man and trying to break a part a family. Some of you wanted Andrew to choose Amanda so Anisha could be free. But that would mean Amanda gets a happy ending. And no way in hell, will I give Amanda a happy ending. And besides, Andrew will suffer once he realizes what's wrong with Anisha anyway.
On to the next big thing, who thinks Anisha has cheated on Andrew?
Because she's way too sweet and naive to do something like that. But then again, people really could surprise you. So who really knows what Anisha has been up to.
I mean I know. But I guess you'll have to wait to find out.