||Valeria||
"Shhh Valeria." Chantel hushes me soothingly. "You're safe. It was just a dream sis. You're safe. He is... he's not here." She whispers in my ears.
My hands are shaking. Legs quivering. Lips trembling. Heart banging against my ribcage dementedly. Body soak wet from sweat. My face the cradle of bouts of stinging tears rushing down my cheeks. My eyes are in pain. Burning with cold-burn as a result of excessive weeping. I am overwrought with emotions. My body is overspend. I don't know how much longer I can take this no more. It was gone and I thought all was roses and chocolates. I started celebrating too soon. Way too soon because its back.
But this time around with an excruciatingly painful bang.
It's the same dream. It's always the same dream. It starts with me seeing Chantel at the scene and then I'll start screaming, throwing a tantrum until I'm given an injection that knocks me out cold. Within the same dream I'll wake up to my scream, begging for mercy at whoever it is that has done me unjustly by taking away my dignity. The sounds of his low grunts and curses will dominate the sounds mixed with my screams. His voice included. His words, 'You're going to pay for that you dirt bitch. I've been eyeing you for far too long. I'll have you tonight no matter what.' His voices morphs into a malicious laughter.
Gaining consciousness—still within the same dream—I'll wake up covered in hungry flames that devours everything that's within my reach, somehow with me included. I would scream, cry, run around looking for ways to end the stinging skin from the fire until the dream suddenly fades into Doctor Hoveka's voice, where he's telling me 'You're pregnant Valeria.' And before I know it, I'm finding myself sinking deep into the roaring ocean with salty water attempting to penetrate all and every hole, with me fighting for life and air to breathe.
It's accompanied by Ann and Pius' voices, where I would hear Ann hissing, 'Just... get out of my life. I don't need your poison in my life. Your presence, your sight, everything that involves you disgusts me. You're nothing.' And Pius' voice coming off in disdainful humor, 'I. Hate. You. You were an easy play and now I'll bask in the glory of watching you fall apart all over again.' And before I know it, I'm woken screaming at the top of my lungs by the cold kitchen knife buried deep within my gut, drawing a flood of blood out of my body as it oozes in bits and bits and the burning pain wrecking my already hellacious world apart into another quadrillion pieces—simultaneously.
"I just want it to stop. Please... make it stop." I cry.
"It's okay boo." She murmurs. "It was just a dream. He's not here. You're safe."
"I want it to stop." I whimper. "When will it stop? I don't know if I can take it anymore."
"I know sissy." She says looking gravely pained with furrowed brows. "I know."
It all started last week. Last week on a day that was supposed to be a normal family day out. The worse of all in a restaurant where the memories flooded my mind like a load of high-pressure water being splashed on me. I started whimpering, shaking violently as the tears started cascading down my face ceaselessly. My brain stopped working. Everything in my surrounding stopped making sense. I didn't know what I was hearing and seeing. And it just took one word out of his mouth and a whiff of his cologne.
In just a split second my mood waned from exuberance to a sulky shaky mess drenched with tears, snot and sweat. Because I'd finally met my maker. The person who deprived me of human dignity. He was standing right in front of me and I couldn't move a muscle much less say anything. The questions I wanted to ask faraway. The pain I wanted to inflict a distant dream. Something that became an impossibility at the hands of many possibilities.
My parents were perplexed beyond comprehension. They wanted to know what was happening but I was tongue-tied. No word could leave my tongue even if I wanted to so badly. I was so numb to the extent that I blocked out everything. The only thing I know for sure is the fact I told my parents that he was there. It took them a while to catch on and when they did, hell almost broke loose. My parents identified the perpetrator of my emotional doom as none other than my cousin. My only living cousin. My aunt Sarita's—my mom's sister—only son. Bayron. That's his name.
The person that raped me was my blood relative. The person that destroyed me forever with no return was—is my family. How sick and twisted is that? I feel sick and disgusted and dirty. How could he do that to me? Did he hate me that much? Was it all his mother's doing? Why the hell did he do it?
His voice was familiar. That night. I knew I heard it somewhere but I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. It makes sense now. My mind wasn't making it up because I met him once but no one told me he was family. My parents didn't. My aunt didn't. No one did. And I don't know why. He was an ass with me. The day we met. Hated me for nothing. His eyes only held malice. His words venomous. His demeanor arrogant and miserly. I brushed it off and went about with my life just to find out he's my cousin and my rapist.
God... I can't anymore.
"Please tell me something." I plead softly. "Anything to get my mind off of this. Please."
"Anything like what?" Chantel draws her eyebrows together confusedly. "I don't know—"
"Think." I cut her off harshly. "You're smart. I know you can come up with something. Please come up with something."
"Valeria..." She trails looking all panicky. She's mortified.
"Please?" I whisper. She sighs and turn on her back staring up at the ceiling. "Chantel?"
"I'm thinking." She tells me and keep quiet.
"Okay." I say and also turn on my back.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
"What?"
"I'm asking if you'll you be alright?" She looks at me with a crease on her forehead. "I was scared Valeria. I'm scared for you. I've never seen anyone scream in so much pain. So before I change the topic and come up with something totally unrelated, I want to know if you'll be fine. That you'll be alright because that's all that matters to me now. Your safety sissy. You've been through hell in this few months. So will you be?" She sighs deeply. I don't answer her right away. I take my time before I give her a well thought out answer.
Will I be alright? That's the question I don't know how to respond to because I don't know myself. I have been through pain in just eight to ten months that some people experience in all their seventy blissful years of life.
I was a spoilt brat who hated her parents for nothing. I did all I could to show them just how much and how deep my hatred went. I loved and looked up to a venomous, manipulative aunt that only showed interest in me because I was of some use. I was thrown out of my house. I was living on the streets. Under a bridge for two months surviving on garbage food and sometimes unhygienic water. I begged people to spare me something to survive the day. I slept through thunderous rain and freezing weather in nothing but a thin blanket which didn't even deserve to be called one. I got raped. Lost my virginity as a result to a faceless dog. Someone that's no longer faceless because he has a face now. A name. Bayron. I was pregnant. I got knocked up by my cousin. I struggled with the pregnancy for two months. I almost got raped again by someone who is no longer—Tobi. He didn't make it out of the explosion which I was also part of. Imagine, a building where I was burst up in dust. I lost the baby. I found out my parents which I thought were—are not dead. And that's not mentioning it all. All that happened to me. Me. Did I die from it? No. But it sure as hell was painful. Still is. I'm still experiencing the aftereffects of it all. So if I'm asked if I'll be alright, what's my responds?
"Yes. Yes, I'll be alright." I tell her and for the first time I believe with my being. I'll be alright. I'll make it out of this. We don't speak for a while before I break the silence. "Chantel?"
"Hmmm." She hums.
"Why did you never tell me you were my sister?" I ask her. "Dad says you found out you were his daughter when you were sixteen."
"It wasn't mine to tell." She tells me. "It never was. I promised I would never tell you. He wanted to do it himself. Speaking of which, cut the man some slack Valeria. Why are you so hard on him?"
"He deserves it." I look at her skewedly. "He likes to manhandle me."
"No he doesn't manhandle you Valeria." Chantel objects.
"Oh he does." I retaliate. "Just not in the manner we're used to. The fact he likes manhandling—"
"Who likes manhandling who?" Someone interrupts me. It's my dad. Speak of the devil and he shall make himself known or whatever. "How is she?" He ask Chantel about me as if I'm not in the room. See what I mean?
"Uh, hello. I'm right here if you can't see me." I wave a hand in his face dramatically.
"I know." He looks at me.
"Now why are you asking her about me?" I gather my eyebrows bitchily.
"Because I know what your answer will be." He replies with a cocked brow.
"And what will my answer be exactly?"
"None of your god damn business." He says and scratch his beard. "Those are the only words you've said directed at me. Otherwise, I don't exist for you anymore."
"And whose fault is that?" I narrow my eyes.
"Valeria..." He sighs and press his eyes shut. "I'm sorry. I was just looking out for you. He—"
"Dad how stupid do you think I am on a scale of ten?" I ask him.
"What?" He frowns.
"How stupid do you think I am?" I repeat the question but little bit differently.
"I'm not gonna answer that, okay? And I am sorry. What can I do to earn your forgiveness sweetheart?"
"Bring Pius back to me." I say and whip my head towards the door through which someone just entered. Its Oasis and Victor.
"Hey, champ." My father takes Victor from Oasis' arms smiling softly at my brother. "How's daddy's baby boy doing? Were—"
"I'm still waiting for my answer." I cut off his cooing travesty. In a perfect baby voice that is.
He looks up at me and sighs. "Valeria you know I can't do that."
"Okay, then bring my brother here and get the hell out of my room." I snap.
"What? Why?" He pouts.
"Ewww... don't do that." I scrunch my face in disgust. He rolls his eyes but abide. "And to answer your question. Your presence is no longer required. What were you even doing here? You know I don't like you."
"Oh, to tell you that your sessions with the psychiatrist are starting next week." He says.
"Couldn't mom do that—wait, what did you just say? What psychiatrist?"
"You'll be going to a shrink for your episodes Valeria." He says handing Chantel Victor. "We can't watch you struggle with your PTSD anymore. You'll be seeing a shrink. No questions ask." He states and walks away.
"Where the hell are you going?" I shout. "Come back. You can't drop a bomb like that and just walk away?"
"I thought you said my presence was no longer required?" he cocks a cocky brow. "It's done Valeria. The appointment is already made."
"But I am fine." I try playing the nice card. "I'll be fine. You know I don't need a shrink."
He looks up at the ceiling with mock contemplation. "No."
"Then get the hell out of my room and don't come back." I throw a pillow at him. He just laughs and slip out of the door before the pillows lands. I slump down on the bed with a huff.
"You see how much of a pain in the gutter that father of yours is?" I ask Victor that smiles his adorable toothless smile at me.
"You're such a bitch sometimes." Chantel says shaking her head from left to right. "You're the only person in this world besides your mom that makes Immanuel Jaarson squirm."
"Yeah." I chuckle softly.
"It worked?" She asks me with a soft smile.
"It worked." I tell her. My mind is off of it. Even if it's just momentarily, I would enjoy my time with my small brother and big sister in peace without wanting to ball my eyes out.
"Thanks." I whisper.
"You're welcome."
✴️✴️✴️
"What is it about you getting admitted in the hospital?" I ask Xander leaning against his doorframe with my arms across my chest. "Is it true?"
"Hey you?" He turns on his side with his eyes wide. He was sprawled naked on his bed but not completely naked though. "You came?"
"Yeah, I did idiot." I trot inside the room. "Why wouldn't I? Scoot." He shifts, moving the bedding out of the way for me. I get under the blanket and settle next to him on my side, regarding him quietly.
"I'm just surprised. I thought..." He trails with a deep frown.
"You thought what?" I ask him quietly.
"That you would never speak to me again." He murmurs. "And I don't blame you for it. I understand. It was all my fault. I'm... I just didn't expect to see you."
"Well, I am here now aren't I?" I raise an eyebrow. "Will you stop moping and tell me what happened to you. Why were you admitted again?"
He sighs and sit up straight with his leanly muscled upper body on full exposure. "I'm a mess Valeria." He rakes a hand through his hair.
"Aren't we all?" I ask. "We're far from perfect. Our lives..." I trail off exhaling heavily. "I met the person who raped me." I say quietly.
"What?" He looks at me with an inquisitive frown. "What do you mean you met the person that raped you?"
"Stand up and get dress." I tell him standing up. "I'm hungry and I need food. I'll tell you everything over breakfast and you'll do the same."
"Okay." He gives me lopsided smile. "I miss you V."
"I know you do." I smile cheekily. "I'm miss-able and I am not V anymore. That's my baby brother's nickname now."
"Little brother..." He tilts his head sideways questioningly.
"I'll also tell you about that. Over breakfast. Make it snappy mister." I say and saunter out of his room.
✴️✴️✴️
"This is good like really good." Xander says with his eyes close—chewing gently. "Now I understand why you wanted to become a chef."
"Want. Not wanted." I correct him. "It's still present tense. It's the only thing that kind of remained unchanged and... relevant in spite of everything I went through."
"So it's still a go?" He asks. "The chef-thing? You're still doing it?"
"You can say that. Yeah." I look at him softly. "You?"
"What about me?" He stares at me questioningly.
"Are you still on the same route?"
"To go to med school?" He laughs humorlessly. "Ah! Nuh... I received the acceptance letter two weeks ago. Seems like I did something right in the interview but... I'm... I don't know. I really don't know what I want any more or what I am doing for that matter."
"Aren't we all?" I sigh.
"Pius is right when he says we're fifty shades of fucked up." he chuckles softly.
"Yeah, we really are." I laugh with him. "He thinks he's the only one that's fifty shades though."
"He'll not be Pius if he doesn't." he takes a sip from his juice. "You changed him a lot." We don't speak for a while just giving time to our breakfast before I break the silence.
"How is he?" I ask Xander. "Pius..." Only God knows how much I miss that idiot. How many times did I tell myself that I will make Pius pay for everything he did to me? How many times? And it seems like I never went through with the plan for any. How many times did I tell myself that I hated him with all that I am? But it seems like something else trumped over the hatred.
"He's miserable without you." he stands up and collect our plates from the dining table. "He's just too stubborn to admit how much of an idiot he's for dumping you for leaving the country."
"I don't blame him." I say.
"What?"
"He's been through a lot Xander." I try to defend him. "He's just..." I exhale heavily.
"He's just what?" he narrows his eyes at me. "Haven't we all been through a lot? Is he the only one—"
"I'm just saying." I cut him off. "He just lost someone who meant the world to him and with me leaving it kind of created this sense of loss to him. It triggered something. He's hurt. He's in pain. Xavier left him. I am leaving him. Everyone he loves... we're all leaving him behind. He feels—"
"Alone." Xander interjects with his face buried in his hands seated opposite me on the dining table.
"Yeah."
"How did you know that Pius was talking to me?" He questions.
"Ann." I tell him.
"Oh!" He says and keep quiet.
"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow. "That's all you've to say?"
"What do you want me to say Valeria?" he looks up at me. "To tell you I know how I fucked up their lives? I know. I just... I don't know... I..." he trails and exhale when he can't get anything out.
"Why did you do it? I mean, what were you thinking sleeping with them at the same—"
"Because I'm damn in love with the both of them and I don't what I am supposed to do." He bursts out. "I don't know. I know it's insane and not possible but I don't know who I am supposed to choose, which in fact is no longer an option. They both hate me. Ndeshi is worse. God..." He rubs his eyes.
"Why were you admitted?" I change the topic not wanting to add salt to his wounds. He already looks too trouble as it is.
"I'd a mild OD." He answers after a while.
"WHAT?" I scream pushing myself onto my two feet's. "Please tell me that OD doesn't stand for overdose and something else like... opened-duodenum or something."
"What? Opened-duodenum?" he looks at me weirdly. "Is that even a thing? "
"No, it's not a thing dumbass. I just made it up." I sigh and run a hand down my face.
"It was an overdose Valeria." He looks at me apologetically. "I have been using Phenobarbital..." he sighs.
"Pheno-what? What's that?"
"It's a drug used to control seizures." He tells me. "According to google, it can also be used for anxiety and insomnia."
"Are you telling me...?" I trail.
"Yeah." He looks at me sadly. "I've been having trouble sleeping since Xavier's death." He swallows deeply.
"Wha... how did you even get it?" I give him a speculative once over.
"It so happens being Pete's son has some perks to it." He says sourly. "All I had to do was tell them my surname and they were all kissing my butts."
"Them?"
"The people at the pharmacy."
"But it's against the law to dispense medication without a doctor's prescription unless its self-medication."
"Like I said. Being Pete Kegel's son has its perks." He says and keeps quiet. "The pills are supposed to be taken on an empty stomach before sleeping and under no circumstances are you allowed to consume alcohol while you taking them. Things all of whom I disregarded and did."
"What happened?"
"I took the pills on a full stomach when I wasn't supposed to. Don't judge. I was very hungry and couldn't take it, so I thought I would just go the night without the pills but the anxiety and insomnia kicked in with revenge. The longer I couldn't sleep the more anxious I got. I took the pills against my better judgement to at least sleep to cease the ever growing anxiety. But it didn't help. So I took comfort in booze. Something I wasn't also supposed to combine with the medication. I was okay, I think. For the first few hours but the negative effects started kicking in. I started feeling nauseas and projectile vomited for... I don't know how long but I couldn't keep anything down. Vomiting changed into a head pounding headache that made me want to vomit if just by making a slight movement and that wasn't worse. I felt like I was dying. I called Pius when I couldn't take it anymore and he took me to the hospital."
"You're stupid, do you know that?"
"I'm messed up." He presses his eyes shut with head tilted up. "Being stupid is the very reason I became messed up."
"You're not the only one Xander. We're kind of all in the same boat even if some are more in it than others."
"It's so weird, you know." He laughs softly. "Just few months back in the beginning of the year we had all big dreams but now we're all heading in complete opposite directions to the outcomes we set out for ourselves. What happened? What changed? How did we get where we are today?"
"I wish I could give you answers to all your questions but I am just as clueless as you are."
"You're up. What's your story?" He looks at me expectantly.
"To cut the long story short. My parents are alive and—"
"WHAT?" He exclaims. "What do you mean your parents are alive?"
"That they're breathing, living individuals. Have been for the last how many months. Needless to say that they in fact never died in the first place. They resurrected from the dead with a four month old adorable baby boy which I love so much. It also so happens that Chantel, the girl from the news you told me about is my sister. She's my father's first born. And... I am kind of back to square one. The nightmares, the anxiety and everything else is back again. It was triggered by the person that raped me which I met accidentally. He doesn't know I know who he is but..." I swallow deeply, fighting the upsurge of emotion back to where it's coming from. "I was raped by my own cousin and..."
"Oh, my god. That's so sick and sadistic and just not alright. How are you—"
"I am fine." I interrupt him. "At least that's what I am trying to be. My parents are forcing me to go see a shrink. I don't want to but I have to. I know I have to. So that's it. Let's change the subject. I don't wanna talk about it because talking about it will make me emotional and I don't know if I will be able to stop crying."
"It's okay." He smiles at me softly. "So... are we... like good?"
"We are good Xander." I laugh at his stupidly grinning face. "You're forgiven. You were there for me when I needed you. I need to do the same."
"God. You just made my day." He stands up. "Let's hug in out. In a nonsexual sort of way I mean." He clarifies before taking me into his arms.
"You need to eat. You look like a mess boy."
"Tell me about." He sighs.
"I like your apartment by the way." I compliment looking around the sleek, masculinely adorned apartment. "How much is it?"
"I don't know and I don't care as long its coming out of Pete's pockets." He laughs humorlessly. "I couldn't stay in that house anymore. They're worse than wild animals and... you know what? I also don't wanna talk about it because talking about that will evoke emotions that will push me to intoxicate myself. I don't know what the future holds for me but I know what I want now. I want peace. Even if it's just for a while."
"Okay. Deal." I laugh and throw my arms around him.
Everything happened in a blur from there. One moment we were laughing and just goofing around the house, enjoying ourselves and then next, Xander's door was broken off its hinges and we were surrounded by police in a split second.
"Are you Alexander Kegel?" One of the guards asked Xander. Xander nodded his head dumbfounded.
"Alexander Kegel you're under arrest for sleeping with an underage girl against her will." The smugly looking police officer said handcuffing Xander.
"What?" Xander yelled. "I didn't sleep with anyone against their will. Do you think I raped some—"
"You have the right to remain silent." That same smug goon stopped Xander mid-sentence. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you." The guy said and dragged Xander out of his apartment like a common criminal.
I will never forget the lone tear that ran down Xander's cheek. He looked utterly defeated and destroyed. He was scared. Confused. He had questions. He needed his parents. His mind was jumbled up. It was pretty much observable. But most of all, he looked completely thwarted. Like he'd reached the end of his life. In some light, probably he did. Considering.
It has been two days. Two days without any knowledge of what will happened to my best friend. One of the best people in this world. He was right when he asked what happened to us. How do we survive this? One problem after another. Will we ever be happy? Will we ever know the feeling of peace? Because that's all he wanted but now he's stuck in a cold holding cell without anyone. Someone so intelligent. One of the people with the most brilliant minds I know.
This is messed up. This is insane. Totally out of control. Until when, I want to ask but no one knows the answer to that question.
I sigh deeply and walk down the shore barefooted. Playing with the ocean water deeply buried in my thoughts.
It's New Year's Eve. Finally saying goodbye to this wretched year.
2016!
I'll never forget it in my life because it's the year I've seen my down low. The year I've been the most miserable. Most agonized. Believe me when I say I went to hell and back. I need a brief breather. I need calm. I need happiness. I need Serenity.
I know we're still a long a way gone from finishing. If anything, it's just the beginning. Like my parents said, "You can't stop living just because something isn't going well. Go out and live your life. Have fun in spite of it all. The only thing that matters is that you're living your life. You need to show the world that you're not a loser but a conqueror. You've been through a lot. We all know that. But don't allow it to push you down deep underground. Rise above it all and fight for another day. Stand up and go to the Bonfire with Chantel and Ndeshi. Have fun. Enjoy the last hours of this woeful year that was only filled with torment and anguish. Hoard's are our problem to deal with." Was it long? Very much. Insightful? Hell yes. They're the very reason I am here against my will. Heavily warded, that is. Immanuel Jaarson wouldn't be my father if he didn't put my safety before everything else.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Someone's deep voice startles me out of my heady thinking. I whip my head around with my heart pounding rapidly.
"Pius?" My eyes connect with the familiar looking dark-brown ones. "You startled me dammit."
"Sorry." He chuckles deliciously with his arms raised in the air in mock surrender.
"What are doing here? Are you stalking me or what?"
"Are you?" He throws back.
"What? Why the hell should I do that?" I angle my head bitchily.
"I don't know." He smirks. God damn. That smirks and those damn white teeth. "Probably I am that irresistible to stay away from."
"I was supposed to meet with—"
"Ndeshi and Chantel?" He cuts me off.
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"Because I was also supposed to meet them here." He tells me. "Seems like it was all a set up then."
"God... I am so going to kill them." I hiss angrily. How could they? "I'm sorry. I'd no idea they would do something like that. I'll tell one of the guards to take you back. I'll—"
"Who said I wanted to go?" he asks me snappily.
"What? I assumed—"
"Yeah. That's your problem Valeria." He cuts me off. "Always—"
"No, no. No. Don't you dare do that?" I shut him up. "You were the one that walked away from me."
"What the fuck has that got to do with this?" He snaps with contempt.
"You know what? I'm not in the mood for this, okay? I'm... I can't." I turn around and take off hurriedly, pushing myself forward, one feet after another. I don't even get anywhere before he catches up to me.
"Don't you flippen run away from me?" he slams my body into his hard one, breathing hard.
"You did. Why am I not allowed to? In fact, you should—" Firm, delicious tasting, wet lips pressed against mine roughly shut me up.
"You talk too much." He removes his lips from mine, enveloping his arms around me in a grip.
"Why did you do that?" I ask stupidly.
"Because that's the only thing I've been thinking about for the last five minutes." He furrows his eyebrows looking down at me. "I'm sorry Valeria. I'm an idiot."
"You don't have to tell me that. I know you're." I say sassily. "Otherwise I wouldn't have to deal with your doofus bullcrap."
"Don't interrupt me dammit." He says warningly. "I am talking. Not you. So let me talk."
"Now talk." I say trying to free myself from his hold. "Will you let me go? Please?" He regards my face suspiciously before he admits defeat and let me go.
"Thank you." I breathe and massage my arms gently that were also victims of the arm arrest. "You wanted to talk." I look up at him. I find him staring at my face intently with a thoughtful countenance.
"What is it?" I move closer to him when I can't stand it anymore. He's too emotionally distant and withdrawn. Or more like damaged.
"I'm afraid." He whispers, running a hand through his hair. His eyes are shinning with unshed tears. "I don't know how to make this work. I don't know how not to mess this up. I don't even know how to prevent the inevitable. You're angry with me because I walked away from you that day without giving you chance to explain yourself. And I don't blame you for it because I know it's not your fault. It's me. I am afraid of taking the risk. I am afraid you might wake up the next day and decide you're done with me for everything I ever did to you. I'll not survive that. I know I won't. So walking out on you was my way of protecting myself from heartbreak. It was the perfect excuse for me to walk away. I am afraid Valeria. I already lost someone I loved and it was worse then hell. I can't lose someone else again. I can't lose you too."
"Hey, hey." I wrap my arms around his neck. "It's okay. You're not losing me."
"But you're leaving the country to god knows where." He murmurs in my ears. I let him go and palm his cheeks. He relaxes into them with the saddest eyes I've only seen him in once. "You didn't even give me a chance to prove my love for you and you're already going. Everyone's leaving me. Everyone." God, I don't like this side of Pius. Not even the slightest. I would rather have him cocky and arrogant than an insecure, emotional mess.
"Oh, you stupid boy." I laugh quietly. "You really are an idiot. I am not going now. You still have eight months."
"Eight months?" He asks in a weak soft voice.
"Yes dumbass. I am only leaving after eight months." I tell him.
"Will you forgive me for acting like a dick." He apologizes looking down at me with eyes softer then a puppy dogs. "I am a really stupid, idiot."
"They both mean the same thing. You don't have to use them at the same time." I laugh.
"God, I missed you like insanely crazy." He takes me in a bone-crushing hug.
"You're doing it again." I tell him.
"Whatever." He sniffs, chuckling softly. His deep throaty laughter is music to my ears. "God, I didn't realize how much I missed the way you smell until now."
"What? I smell like something?" I cock a brow.
"You smell like strawberries pumpkin. That's one smell that's forever imprinted in me. So... eight months?"
"Eight months." I repeat.
"I'll try to make it worthwhile for us. For you. That's if you give me another chance?"
"Just promise me you won't leave me hanging dry like a biltong when something you don't like pops up."
"I promise." He smiles his dimple-producing, adorable smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
"We're together in this." I say quietly. "Whatever comes."
"From your mouth to God's ears baby." He says in a low voice. "Can you hear that?" He asks grinning dumbly.
"What?"
"The counted started." He whispers and plants his lips on mine the minute fireworks exploded in the sky with everything and everything around us going into an utter riot. He pulls me closer to, burying me in his broad chest. I feel fulfilled. I feel complete. My heart is at peace. I made it out the worse. The days look brighter. For once I have hope. I can see a future. I've someone. People that love me.
All I've been through was worth it because it showed me I was fighter. That I was stronger than a lot of people gave me credit for. I was a messed up kid. I disrespected my parents at every chance I got. Some if not most of the things was just karma.
I've a lot of fight left in me. I'll keep fighting until I make it out and I don't care if nobody believes in me. That's what Rachel Platten says. Fight song. That was my song through everything. And it'll keep on.
Anyone can say whatever they want but this boy devouring my lips hungrily was—is my destiny. I never believed in fairytales but now I do.
I'm not a book character. I know that. But my journey would've made a hell of a story. The road is still long and hard. Unknown. But I know it'll be better than the year I'm left behind. It was a learning process. I grew. I learned. I cried. Died. Came back to life. And cried again. The cycle continued. But it was all worth it because it made me realize something.
That it takes the heart of a Lion to become an ultimate conqueror.
"Happy New Year pumpkin." Pius pecks me on the lips.
"Happy New Year." I laughed teary eyed. "I love you. Very much."
"I love you too baby." He smiles a face splitting grin with his eyes glistening with emotion. "Only God knows how much."
"We're doing this?" I ask him softly. "The 'us' thing?"
"Hell yes we are." He laughs lusciously. "I like it."
"Which part?" I chuckle, wrapping my arms around his torso as we start we walking.
"The part where 'us' becomes a Valeria & Pius thing."
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