I woke up the next morning. For a second, I was disoriented, believing I was still in high school and back to my old life.
Then that wild masculine scent that often sent me into a deep high wafted toward my nose from the wrinkled space beside me, bringing me back to the present.
"David?" I mumbled, blinking and sitting up. He clearly wasn't in the room. I climbed off the bed, heading into the restroom to get myself freshened up a little bit. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and fixed my hair before heading down stairs, following the aroma of breakfast.
For a second I thought that all was good in the world--either that or I was in an alternate universe where my family was happy and peaceful.
Because the laughter that filled the house was a sound I hadn't heard in a while, and I had to ask myself if this was real. I entered the kitchen, only to find my boyfriend cooking with my mother, and my dad drinking coffee at the table. The scene alone made me question my eyes, but I processed more laughter and then...
"You're up!" David exclaimed. Why did he sound cheerful... around my parents?
"Did I... miss something?" I squinted, freezing where I stood.
"You never told us David could cook so well!" Mom said to me.
"Um... well, you didn't exactly give me a chance to get there." I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Okay, seriously, why is everyone happy? Are we back to pretending again?"
"We saw how upset you were last night," Dad explained, standing up and approaching me. "And we realized it was our doing."
"More importantly... we realized you were right," my mother added, nodding at me. "Casper, I know we haven't talked about... the um, affair, but your father and I weren't just pretending it never happened. We've been working on it, and we didn't want to get you and Dawson involved."
I nodded, deciding that I should just agree and go with the flow here. They had a change of heart over night and I definitely wasn't complaining. But I really wanted to know what prompted their 180 flip.
"You guys were so angry about our age difference..."
"I know love, Casper, despite what you may think," Mom insisted. "I saw it last night, so the least I could do was to get to know your boyfriend. Your father agrees."
"And my buddy here knows a little somethin' about sports!" Dad pointed to David, a wide grin stretching across his face.
"Oh, you're buddies now?" My eyes widened. "Wow, okay. You move fast, David; I really thought we had something special."
He laughed and I shook my head. "I should've known all it would take was a discussion about sports."
"Oh!" Mom remembered something, raising her manicured finger. "I finally got him to spill about the rings. I just knew those had to be expensive."
"Seriously, Mom?"
"Fifty-four thousand dollars, Casper. Each. You can't blame me for my curiosity."
I blushed, thinking of a way to change the subject. I'd never asked how much the rings had cost, and knowing it now made me feel... I don't know, guilty. "David and I are gonna dig up something I buried a couple years ago in the backyard. Is that okay?"
"I'd say go for it, but it'll be tough with the snow so you'll have to wait until the afternoon when it melts."
"Okay... thanks. I'll be in my room." David and I looked at each other for a couple of seconds before I turned around and headed back upstairs. When I got to my room, I closed the door and dropped onto my bed, the guilt starting to overwhelm me.
He needs to know. He needs to know. He needs to know. I kept repeating that to myself, but it did no good. I wasn't brave enough to tell him the secret that could ruin us, and I hated life for putting me in this position.
I snatched my phone from its charger and speed dialed my friend. I figured only he would know exactly what to tell me in a crisis such as this. I pressed my phone to my ear, letting it ring until I finally got an answer.
"Hello?"
"I need a glitter-vention," I pleaded.
"Ooh, girl, hit me."
"I'm wracked with guilt and dread, Lucas!"
"Ugh. Boo! You still haven't told him? Cas, you have to."
"Don't you think I know that? How do I drop something like this on him?" I whisper-yelled.
"Okay, I need details. What're you two doing right now?"
I swallowed, my blue eyes darting around my room. "We're at my house. We leave tomorrow, but... look, today, we're digging up this time capsule thing that I buried a couple years ago."
"And what's inside?"
"Love letters and poems that I wrote to my future love when I was a lonely, pathetic teenager riddled with unattainable hopes and dreams. It includes a teddy bear and a necklace."
Lucas sucked in a long breath then took a moment of silence. "Yeah, you're doomed."
"Lucas! Help me!" I whined.
"When you do romantic things with him like this, it may all look like a lie when he does find out. Which, eventually, he will. It's like Judas giving Jesus the kiss of betrayal."
"That... doesn't make me feel any better. Worse, actually; it makes me feel worse."
"Sorry."
"No, I deserve to feel like this. He was supposed to be the first person to know."
"You don't deserve to feel bad, Casper. This fiance of his or whoever is the one putting you in such a complicated spot. I feel like he knew you wouldn't tell David, and that gives him an edge. It makes you look bad, like you're a liar. I'm sure he knows exactly what he's doing."
"Rowan said he had to make sure it was safe," I quietly said, looking toward the space under the door to make sure there were no feet standing behind it. "I think that's why he hasn't been back."
"Please. It doesn't take two months to make sure 'it's safe,' whatever that means. If you ask me, I think he's waiting for the perfect moment to strike."
"But... that could be any day, any moment."
"A greater reason why you should just tell David. If you're not gonna tell him, then you have to find out what day Rowan's gonna show up. Because trust me, I'm a genius; it takes one to know one. He's totally calculating all of this."
"And I thought I was being paranoid."
Lucas scoffed over the line. "This isn't paranoia. It's smart and devious. Omg, you're literally living the life of a Pretty Little Liar. Can we switch bodies?"
I buried my face in my hand, a feeling of helplessness washing over me. "Good talk, Lucas," I mumbled sarcastically. "Enough about my problems. What's up with you? Still chickening out of meeting your blast from the past?"
He huffed. "My meeting with Lucien again is a sacred event that cannot be rushed. My heart is still so fragile and delicate."
"Uh huh, okay. Knowing you, you're going to pounce on him as soon as you land eyes on each other."
"Oh, well duh! I've already planned out what bed sheets we're gonna have sex on. The red ones really speak to me... very symbolic, you know."
"Symbolic of what exactly?"
"My virgin rebirth."
"Lucas... sometimes I believe that talking to you kills my brain cells. So on that note, I'm gonna go eat breakfast and I'll text you later?"
He chuckled. "Okay! Tell me all about your little time capsule adventure. Bye!"
"I will. Bye." I smiled and hung up, tossing my phone onto a pillow and sighing heavily.
**
"I still can't believe my parents softened up to you so quickly," I said to David, moving Mom's tiger lilies aside as we dug through the thick, rich soil. We'd decided to wait until the afternoon to start digging, and thankfully, my mother had protected her plants from the snow's harm. "I shouldn't be surprised; you're lovable."
He chuckled. "They got more than f-five syllables..."
A smile spread itself wide across my face as I gazed at him in surprise. "David, that's amazing. That's really good!"
"It's progress," he agreed.
"Yeah." I kissed his cheek, a familiar happiness settling in my heart. I usually got that feeling whenever he achieved a goal with his speech. It meant we were another step closer toward a normal, lengthy conversation again, without the stumbles and stutters. "Maybe you can read a few of the poems I wrote. Your therapist said reading out loud helps the most."
He simply nodded and I used the miniature shovel to dig further down. "I'm glad we're doing this. I want you to know that no matter what happens... I do love you," I promised.
His eyebrows furrowed, suspecting a hidden meaning in my words. "You okay?"
"Yeah! I just thought you should know--" I stopped when I felt something solid underneath the shovel. Looking into the hole I'd dug, I continued to move more soil out the way until I could see the thick wooden box. "There it is!" I exclaimed, grabbing it and pulling it out of the ground. I examined the box, laughing to myself. "Never thought I'd see you again." I brushed off some of the dirt before putting it aside on the grass.
David picked it up to look at it as I started to fill the hole with soil and replant the tiger lilies. He smiled, putting the box down then helping me with the flowers.
"You know something totally cliche that we could do?" I said.
"What?" he seemed intrigued.
"Sit by the fireplace and drink hot chocolate with marshmallows. Cuddle under blankets, kiss, and make my dad uncomfortable."
He smirked deviously and I matched his mischief, my eyes lighting up at the thought of spending time with my boyfriend and spiting my parents at the same time. They may have claimed they were okay with us but everyone got uncomfortable when they were on the opposite end of some hardcore PDA.
"Can't wait," he responded.
**
Before I could get the chance to open the box with David, my mother asked to speak with me alone. I had a feeling that I knew where this was going, so I decided just to get it over with. She sat me down and even took my hand, and I bit my lip. Okay, Mom, just spit it out.
"I'm sorry."
"Okay. Can I go now?"
"Now hold on a minute. I definitely wasn't done. I know I've hurt everyone in this family, and... I'm ashamed. I promise, your dad and I are working through it. We don't want you or Dawson to think we're splitting up; we're not." She sighed. "Listen, about you and David, it means a lot to us that you're carefree and socializing. He told us you have friends and that's all your dad and I ever wanted for you, especially since your falling accident."
"So you don't have a problem with his age? Or that... he used to teach at my school?"
"I'm going to be honest; I don't think getting involved with your teacher was very wise, but since he's resigned now, I'm sure there's no problem." She smoothed my hair then touched my chin with affection. "Now you can go."
I smiled, standing up. "Thanks, Mom."
Later that evening, after we ate dinner, my parents went upstairs along with Dawson. David and I decided to do as we planned--sit by the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows, and cuddling close under a soft blanket.
So we were alone down here, and I appreciated the time we got to spend together. I placed my cup down on the small coffee table and grabbed the box that hadn't been opened yet. "Wanna do the honors?"
He took a little sip of his hot chocolate then put it down, taking the box from me. I clasped my hands together as he opened the box with its key and we both looked inside.
"Ooh, it's all intact." I took out the little teddy bear. "And that's for you."
He chuckled, accepting the white bear. "His name?"
"Um... Bear?" I suggested with a shrug as he sent me a droll look.
"How original." We laughed. He picked up the locket and opened it to look inside.
"I was fifteen in that picture; don't make fun of me."
"Brown hair," he observed, looking at me and comparing. He nodded. "I like it."
I blushed. "Yeah, this dye was the most spontaneous thing I ever did with my life, thanks to my brother." I took the locket and put it around his neck, kissing his cheek afterward. "There. We'll put your awkward teen photo in there."
That made him laugh before he nodded in agreement. I grabbed a random piece of paper from the box and unfolded it. "This one's just a four-line poem. Here, read it." I handed it to him and he blinked at the words.
I laid my head on his shoulder as he started to read. At least this way he wouldn't see my embarrassed blush.
"My feelings for you run oceans' deep... A love that consumes me is all I seek..."
I smiled to myself as he read, happy he wasn't stuttering or tripping over his words. I didn't say anything as he continued almost effortlessly. "Day and night, my heart longs to meet you... Awaiting a love that is honest and true."
I squealed, raising my head to gaze at him. "You did it! Did you like it? Was it bad? It was bad, wasn't it?"
"It rhymed," he teased. I narrowed my eyes and wrinkled my nose. "I don't like you very much." I snatched the paper from his hand as he laughed at me. I dug through more of the papers and picked up a random one. "Ooh, this one's a letter. I'll read it this time. I titled it As if You were Never Here."
He pulled me closer as I unfolded the page and started to read.
To my future love,
Am I completely hopeless? Am I so lonely that, not knowing who you are, I write to you in fervent anticipation?
Almost as if you were real, as if you were here. As if I could reach out and touch you, speak to you, or even see you.
I spend days wondering how we'll meet. I go to the park often to be alone and to think. I'm hoping we will meet there. The scenario plays in my head over and over again. I'm sitting on the bench, writing a poem to you and overlooking the green pasture. Then you step in front of me, blocking the soothing light of the sun. I look at you and I see a smile that makes my heart melt. But the sun rays manage to burst from behind you, blocking my view from your eyes and the rest of you. Until you completely disappear.
Almost as if you weren't real, as if you weren't there. As if I couldn't reach out and touch you, speak to you, or even see you.
"I like that one a lot."
"Funny, I wrote it just a few days before I buried the box."
"You lost hope? Of finding love?"
Putting the paper back, I closed the box then nodded. "Yeah, pretty much." I sat the box down then leaned back. "Remember when you told me that no one looks for love, and that it finds you instead? You were so right. When I went to college, I was thinking I could maybe make a friend. Just one. I got something greater than that. I got you."
He held my hands, caressing them smoothly. "You made me happy again," he admitted. "You made me fight... to live."
I swallowed, a little nervous to ask him a question I'd had since my mother mentioned it earlier this morning. I cleared my throat. "David, I never wanted to ask you how much the ring you bought for us cost. Then my mom said it was 54 thousand each and... w-why'd you spend so much on me? I-I mean, I hope you don't mind me asking. You don't even need to answer that, really, especially if it makes you uncomfortable."
"Money doesn't mean much w-when you're in love."
"You mean that?" I asked, all the guilt that I felt from today suddenly dissipating.
"It was worth the cost," he reassured.
I put his arms around my waist so I could give him a hug. I sighed against his chest and closed my eyes. "I really love you. And I don't wanna lose you."
"I love you more," he promised.