A.N. I'm back cause why not?
Peggy's funeral time. Tissues at the ready. Sorry if this is really long. I owe you after the long gaps I've taken.
RIP Peggy Carter
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I packed a bag as quickly as I could and drove to Peggy's house, where she was found. I left the team in the hands of Steve. They all agreed not to talk about the accords until after the funeral; which would have to be in the next two days because of the accords. It hurts that we can't take our time and say goodbye properly but it must be done otherwise I lose my job and the world in more danger than it already is.
I arrived in around half an hour and could see the cops were outside, only there to check to see if there was no foul play.
I spotted Fred and George sat on the kerb, in each other arms.
"Fred, George." I called, getting out of my car. The boys heard me and instantly stood up. They both walked towards me and grappled me into a hug. I hugged them both tightly, a few tears escaping my eyes. I rubbed their backs with my hands and just held them. When Daniel died, they were all heartbroken, now Peggy is gone, I'm the only adult figure they have left. I need to be there for them. Like I was for Tony all these years. They needed me for than ever.
We came out of the hug and I saw they both had tears rolling down their cheeks. I wiped them away and weakly smiled at them, letting them know I was here for them.
We sat back down on the kerb as we waited for the cops to finish up. One officer came out and confirmed there was no foul play and she died peacefully in her sleep. He asked if I wanted to see her, knowing who I was. My heart stopped, seeing her would most definitely make my heart hurt, but I needed to see her. As soon as I nodded, the officer told us to go the hospital wait for him to so he could take us to her.
We thanked the officer then headed straight to my car and to the hospital.
I held the boys' hands as we walked inside, following the officer who talked to us before. Patients and nurses walking by saw me and wondered why I was here. Some must of saw the state of me and knew not to ask.
Soon enough, the officer lead us into the morgue. I took a deep breathe as I could see her grey curls from around the corner. My grip tightened on the boys' hands, knowing I was about to see the dead body of my best friend.
"Whenever you're ready, Miss Gomez." The officer smiled at us. I nodded to him and he left us to it. I found myself slowing walking towards her body, with the twins behind me. Within a few seconds I could see her whole body and I broke down. I took my hand out of Fred's to cover my mouth as the tears started again. Fred felt this, and put his arm around me, so he was till near me.
"Oh Peggy." I whispered, seeing her body. She was so pale and looked so peaceful. I wanted to go touch her but I was scared to. I thought if I did she would break and I didn't want to break her. She may be gone for us, but at least she's back with Daniel. Together in heaven.
We only had a couple of minutes with her as we needed to move quick if we were to give her a funeral in time. I explained to the boys why we had such a short time frame to do it in and they completely understood.
Even if we did have to rush, all my heart and love would be put into this funeral, like Peggy did with everything. I will not let these accords take anything away from this funeral, we are going to remember the wonderful life of Margaret Peggy Carter. Nothing will ruin it.
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The church was booked, the coffin was bought and everyone I could think of was invited. Some of team didn't think they needed to be there because they didn't know her at all which was fine with me. I just needed Tony and Steve to be there. She impacted both their lives, they needed to be there.
I just wished Bucky could come. He deserves to be here.
The morning of the funeral came by quickly and I felt numb. This was it. This was the goodbye. I stood in the bathroom me and Steve shared and looked at myself in the mirror. We had booked hotel rooms, so we were closed to where she would be buried.
As I looked at myself, I hoped she would be proud of me and that she would agree with the decisions I'm making. I would hate to think I was letting her down by doing the things I'm doing.
"Hey." Steve appeared behind me, he wore a black and white suit and tie. I couldn't think he looked good, cause we were saying goodbye to our friend. "The cars are here. You ready?" He asked me. I nodded and stuffed tissues into my bag, knowing I would need them. "You got your speech?" He asked. I had worked through the night to write a speech worthy of Peggy's funeral. I decided not to write it down, but to bring it all out of my heart. Using memories and the impact she had on me to say goodbye. No bunch of words would every be good enough to say goodbye to her.
"Yeah." I turned and smiled at him. Steve, as always saw right through my smile.
"I'll be right next to you the entire time. My shoulder is ready to be cried on." He told me, taking my hand in his, and stroking my engagement ring with his thumb.
"Thank you."
"Anytime." He placed a light kiss on my forehead before leading me out to the cars outside. Fred and George stood next to the car in the front talking quietly to each other. I hesitated getting into our car as I looked at them. "You okay, hun?" Steve asked, following my eye sight. "Oh." I looked back at my future husband and knew what I had to do.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I need to be with them today. Is that okay?" I asked.
"Of course, Ash. Go, I'll make sure Tony's fine." He smiled at me, leaning down to kiss my lips.
"Thank you. I love you." I told him, kissing his lips once more.
"I love you too." He sent me a smile before I headed towards the boys.
"Mind if I come with you?" I asked them, interrupting their conversation.
"Mum wouldn't want you anywhere else." George smiled at me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I smiled back at him, and followed them into the car.
The car journey was slow and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster with every corner we turned. My hands were taken by Fred and George once more as we arrived at the church. We all took deep breathes and left the car.
The boys had asked me and Steve if we could held carry her coffin in and our of the church. We agreed immediately.
I needed to use all my inner strength to not cry as I carried her. I was carrying my best friend, someone who helped me become the woman I am today. If it wasn't for her, the world would be in much jeopardy. And that would not be a good thing.
Once we walked her in, we placed her gently down and headed to our seats. I sat at the front with the twins as Steve, Tony and Sam sat behind. I looked behind, checking on Tony.
He smiled at me making me smile back and turn to the front again.
A few hymns were sung before people started coming up and talking about her.
As every person told their own stories of her, I kept going back to my own. I remembered the time when she sat with me for hours when Andrew Fury died. She brought ice cream even though she wasn't that big of a fan. I remember her going into labour when we went out to lunch with her and Jarvis; the actual butler Howard had. I remember Jarvis panicking and her actually being calm and telling him to 'not get his knickers in a twist'. I remember Daniel rushing into the hospital and not leaving her side once he was there. I will never forget the feeling I went though when she asked me to stay as she gave birth. I had never seen a baby being born before, it was disgusting but beautiful at the same time.
I also remember after the twins were born, going outside to take a breather and Howard showing up. I remember him talking about having children, him telling me he could allow me to be safer for having kids, his kids. I will never forget telling him no and to forget about us. It worked out for the best, he had Tony. God knows who'd he'd be if he was my son.
"Ash." I was nudged back into the room by Fred. "It's your turn." He smiled lightly at me. I nodded, taking a deep breathe before standing up and heading to the front.
"Miss Ashley Gomez." The priest announced to the room.
I cleared my throat and looked out onto the room full of people here for Peggy. The church was full and all because of Peggy.
I reached into my heart, and said what was in there.
"People always say that I was the one who inspired them to become better, inspired them to become stronger. And without me they wouldn't be here today. I know people would always wonder who did that for me, they never asked so they never found out. Until now. The person who inspired me, who made me stronger, who made me who I am today was Margaret Peggy Carter. She inspired me long before I was injected. And at a time when women were seen as weaker, she stood above them all. Lipstick in hand, heels on her feet, doing the work they couldn't. And she never called on me. You may read that she called on me and I answered faster than a cheetah. But the truth is she never needed me. She was a super without the injections and the training. She didn't need all that. She was her and that was more than I could ever be." A few tears appeared in my eyes, and I tried to rub them away but more came in their place.
"It was her I always went to when I didn't know how to handle a situation. And no matter how important or stupid it was she listened and she always seemed to be right with whatever answer she had." I looked down at my feet as the next line was hard to say. I looked back up to the crowd, a tear rolling down my cheek. "She was the mother figure I never got to have in my life." I could see Steve being hit by that. He always knew how much I wanted to know my mother. It was always a hard topic for me. "And I know I'll never be a mother myself but I hope I can be the mother figure that you have been to Fred and George. Fred and George." I started to address them, they smiled up at me, wiping tears that they had. "These two beautiful boys. I promise you, Peg. I will always be there for them when they need me. As long as they need me. You and Daniel don't have anything to worry about." It was coming to the end of my speech, so I looked at her coffin, and pictured her once more in my head.
"Beautiful Peggy. I will try and not let you down, I know I have in the past, many times. But I will make sure I never again let you down. I wish you were here, telling me what to do. I wish the world saw you as I did, the greatest woman who ever lived. Sorry to disappoint the press but it isn't me. It will always be her. I love you, Peg. Don't be grilling Daniel too much when you see him. I'll make sure the world remembers your name and all that you did. I'm gunna miss you so much." The tears started rolling after that. I wiped them away, and headed back down to my seat.
I could see some people crying in their seats, Tony wanting to cry but not. I sat back in between the twins and they both kissed my head.
After me came Sharon, Peggy's niece. She talked about her and said something that spoke to me. She quoted Peggy saying, 'Even if the world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye and say no, you move.' That was relevant now. I will do just that Peggy.
Once it was done, we carried her back out and into a car. I told the boys I would be right back as I needed to thank to the priest. I did that, but found myself just sitting in the church just thinking about Peggy.
"I hope I'm making the right decision about these accords, Peg. You would know what say. Damn you." I said to myself.
"You okay?" I looked up to see Tony standing there. I hadn't talked to him all day, i should be asking him that.
"Yeah. Just needed a few. You okay?" I asked him, standing up from my seat.
"Yeah. Your speech was something. Came from the heart, I can tell." Tony told me, placing his hands in my pockets.
"You could have spoke too." I offered him a speech slot but he denied it. I didn't question him, it was probably all too familiar for him.
"I didn't need to. Plus what you said was far better than anything I could have come up with."
"Still. You should have said something." I said, not wanting to push him.
"Well I didn't. Don't make me regret it." He warned me. I nodded, not going to being it up again. "Something that you said in your speech. About being a mother figure to the twins. You missed me off that." This surprised me. I knew I was trying to be a best friend to Tony, but a mother? I didn't notice. "If you were my mother, I would not complain one bit. And you know how much I miss my actual mother." I know I would never ever be the mother Maria was to Tony, she was his mother, why would I wanna take that? But we both knew I could be somewhat similar. "She was number one but you come a close second." He smiled at me, making me smile back.
"Thanks Tony."
"Anytime, mom." I scrunched my nose up at his joke.
"No. Don't call me that." I warned him before heading out of the church. Not wanting to hear him call me that again.
"You might as well be." He argued as he followed.
"Nope. Never again."
I walked away from him, not wanting to hear him say that to me. I didn't deserve to be his mom. Maria did. But Hydra took that away. Arseholes.
I greeted the twins once again and walked with them to the car, on the way to bury Peggy. It went quite quickly, as I just wanted today over with now. As much as I wanted to keep it going and say goodbye forever, I couldn't. I needed to move on and quickly, as the accords would be signed tomorrow.
I sat at a table in the window of the bar as I thought about the accords. I shouldn't be thinking about that now, I should be thinking of Peggy. I smiled watching Fred and George talk to Tony; the first proper time they've had to talk to him.
A martini was placed in front of me as Steve took the seat in front of me. We both wanted to talk, but we didn't know what to say.
"You didn't write that speech did you?" He finally spoke. I shook my head, not saying a word. "I never knew you viewed her like that." I didn't answer as I just sipped my martini and looked out the window. "Doesn't surprise me though." Steve turned to look out the window too, trying to make light of the small talk he was trying to create.
"Bucky should be here." I finally exclaimed. Not taking my eye off some cars as they were passing by.
"I know." He just said. Looking down at his water, almost blaming himself that Bucky isn't here. I secretly hoped as I looked out that Bucky would appear. Like he heard that the funeral was taking place and he would think to himself to at least watch from a far. But, I couldn't see him. "I made a call to that hotel we were looking at and they said they'd be ready whenever we were." Steve switched to wedding talk. I didn't want to talk about that either.
I never did get to show Peggy my dress. She'd never know what I would look like when I walk down the aisle. She'd never see us together as husband and wife.
"Do you want me to leave you? Give you some time alone?" I finally looked at Steve, and felt really bad I was pushing away like this. "Or would you rather go to talk to someone less boring?"
"You're not boring." I told him, putting my full attention on him.
"I'm drinking water whilst there is a whole bar of alcohol behind that bar. Is anyone else having water?" He motioned to everyone in the room, making me look to see if anyone was drinking water.
"Marissa is." I informed him. Marissa a school friend of Sharon's, who knew Peggy pretty well.
"Yeah but she's pregnant. Doesn't count." Steve reminded me that Marissa was indeed pregnant. The father? We don't know.
"Just do you Steve, no one cares you're not drinking beer. We're here for Peggy, not a drinking contest."
"I know, I know. I'm sorry." Steve apologised, pushing a bit of ice in his water down the bottom of his glass with his straw.
"Are you okay, Steve? I feel like everyone's been asking me that but not you." I leaned foreword, elbows on the table.
"You knew her way more than I ever did."
"But you still knew her, very well too. Then all of a sudden you miss 70 years and she see when she's grey and a couple of years from her death. Isn't that a bit traumatising?" I asked, like a therapist. I wanted to know what was going in my future husbands head. Like he does with me.
"Not really. It's not like you thrust me upon her as soon as I woke up. I knew she was old and I expected her to look the way she did. I didn't expect her to be ill though." He started to explain.
"Neither did I. I thought she was too good to be forgetting things. I was wrong though." I smiled at Steve, giving him some reassurance. He smiled back, and took my hand in his.
"You did all you could. You couldn't stop it." Steve reassured me. I looked at him and nodded, agreeing there was not much I could have done about her dementia. I intertwined my fingers with his and just held his hand. I hope these accords don't rip us apart. I really hope they don't.
"Hope I'm not interrupting." Fred was indeed interrupting us as he stood over us.
"You okay, Fred?" Steve asked. It was cute seeing him care about the twins, almost had a father twang to it. Nope! Forget you ever said that, Ashley!
"Yeah. It's just I want Ashley to meet someone if that's okay with you, beef man?" I laughed at his nickname for Steve. Beef man, cause he's so beefy.
"That's fine with me, stick man." I was shocked at Steve's come back nickname. Stick man cause Fred is skinny. Not too skinny though, he's healthy don't worry.
"I don't like him anymore, don't marry him." Fred seriously said, although I knew he was acting.
"Whatever you say, Fred." I stood up, patting Fred on the back and taking my mojito in my hand. "Be right back short stack."
"Take your time, weird face." I was internally awwe'd as we hadn't had that interaction in years. I'm glad he remembers.
"Be cute later, please." Fred pulled me along as I laughed. I waved to Steve before being stopped at the bar where George and a mystery man was stood. "Now, don't freak out and I'm sorry I never told you. Ashley, this is Ollie, he's my boyfriend." I widened my eyes at boyfriend. I looked from Fred to Ollie, then back to Fred.
"You came out?" I asked him. Okay, for the record I knew he was gay. He was never interested in girls, always checked out the guys. I'm glad he's embracing who he is.
"Hang on? You knew?" George asked.
"I had my suspicions." I told them, moving foreword to say hi to Ollie. "It's wonderful to meet you, Ollie." I shook Ollie's hand, greeting him.
"Rule number one: Never keep anything from Ashley, cause if you do, she'll figure it out anyway." Tony stood at the other side of George, whiskey in hand.
"Crap." Fred cursed.
"It's wonderful to meet you too, Miss Gomez. Fred has told me a hell of a lot about you." Ollie smiled.
"Good things, I hope. And please, call me Ashley."
"Oh, very good things. Don't worry. And of course, Ashley." Ollie seemed nice, I'll have to get to know him more to see if he's good for Fred.
"So you knew and never said anything?" Fred asked.
"Well you never told me. I didn't think you wanted to make a big thing out of it. Is there any reason you couldn't tell me? Did your mom know?" I questioned.
"No. It's all on me, Ash. I promise." Fred pointed to himself. "I should have told you I know, you of all people would never have had a problem. And she did know, but she may have forgot. I don't know." Fred looked at his feet, feeling bad he never told me. I walked up to him and hugged him lightly.
"It's okay, Fred. You took the time you needed. Just a reminder, you can tell me anything okay?" I pointed to Fred then to George.
"I know that." George told me.
"I did tell him multiple times he should have told you before this." Ollie spoke up, walking past me to put an arm around Fred.
"I get it, I should have told her. I'm sorry, again. Ash. Can you ever forgive me?" Fred seemed to bed. I laughed and kissed his cheek.
"Of course, bud. Now, how long you been together?"
We chatted to Ollie for about an hour, they'd met at a fun fair where Ollie worked on a stall. They met up a couple of times then started dating. They've been together around a year and a half. I'm so proud of Fred for accepting who he is and loving who he wants to love. We chatted some more before I decided to excuse myself and go back to Steve. But, he was talking to Sharon so I moved to Sam and Nat instead. Like the engagement party, we had a shot each. Made okay by the twins. I then talked to people who knew Peggy but didn't know me. She sounded like my Peggy even after all these years.
The night was coming to a close, so I heading back to our room after a heavy day. But once again, Sharon was talking to Steve, and for the first time ever, I was jealous she was standing so close to him. I guess no women has ever bothered cause they know he's with me so I've never had to be jealous. But Sharon? I don't know, she seemed too close for my liking. He would never go there though, I know that. Don't I?
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A.N. Ashley is jealous! OOo i wonder what's gunna happen.
You guys are actually lucky; my disk reader won't read the CW DVD so I had to wing this chapter. Glad I didn't really need the film for this bit.
Again, sorry it's long. I got carried away. I do that when I make my own chapters.
Anyway, thanks for your patience with me. I know I've not been the best author, I'm gunna try and be better. I promise.
We'll be back on CW story for the next chapter, if my computer decides to play the dvd.
- Emma x