~Dark Lillie~ chapter thirty
Niall’s P.O.V
"Lil, Lil look at me, keep your eyes open okay? Talk to me," I scramble to get in the little cabin, with Lillie limp in my arms. I feel her body curl gruesomely as she vomits again. I curse under my breath as I struggle to find the damn bathroom. We barely fit in there together but I manage to get her to the toilet. Her body forces more vial liquid out, and all I could do was sit there holding her hair back. Probably the worse feeling in the world. Shakily she looks up at me, pale faced, and says,
"F-Fuck, Ni-Niall, I’m so-sorry, I’m s-sorry, s-so-" More vomit.
"Shhh, don’t worry about that now, just breathe please, your safe, that’s all that matters." As upset as I was about her leaving me and being reckless, I had to focus on making sure she was okay.
"Can you stand?" I ask after I’m sure she’s done. She gives a weak shrug. I was scared. She didn’t look herself. She looked empty, frail, broken. It scared me. I try helping her up but she was too shaky and weak to support herself. I had to at least try cleaning her up. I run the bathwater, undressing her. I hold back tears and angry as I see what those bastards left on her. Marking her beautiful skin with bruises and welts. I prayed to god they at least didn’t touch her. But I knew better. Besides the finger bruises by her low waist made it apparent. I wanted to vomit now. But I held it together, for her sake right now.
I soak her in the hot soapy water, wishing bruises washed away that easy. Her shaking at least calms down a little bit. I think washing her hair soothed her as well.
"N-Niall?" She rasps.
"Yes?"
"W-Why, why are you here?"
"Because I love you, Lillie."
"You shouldn’t."
"Don’t say that-"
"I’m serious." She cuts me off. "I put you through hell and treated you like shit."
"You were grieving."
"T-That’s no excuse. I-If I die I just want to say h-how s-sorry I-"
"Woah, woah, Lil your not going to die."
"It feels like it." Tears well up in her eyes as she speaks. "I deserve it though."
"Stop I-"
"No Niall, I do. O-Okay, I-I did awful, awful things." She breaks down now. I can’t help but start to tear up now.
"W-What do you mean?" I try to swallow the lump in my throat.
Before she can answer me, her stomach curls over the bathtub, dry heaving excruciatingly.
"Shit, hold on," I jump up out of the bathroom trying to look for a towel.
"Here Lil-" I stop talking after I see her. It only took me a couple minutes to find towels, but when I came back she was on the bathroom floor, soaking wet, naked, trying to desperately snort coke out of a plastic baggy. All color drained from my face. All the signs became clear now. I think I was just trying to ignore them. Her behavior spoke clearly now. Her craving had full control of her body. I knew this all too well. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. This was one of my worst nightmares. What they turned her into. I had to get her back. I needed to. If she wasn’t already gone.
Lillie’s P.O.V
”What the fuck Lillie!” He shouts, snatching the bag out of my hand.
"I-I j-just need a little Niall, j-just a l-little bit, p-please-"
"Are you fucking crazy!" He goes to open the toilet seat up to throw out the last of what I had.
"No! no-no-no-no! Niall don’t!" I panic, weakly trying to take the bag back.
"Lillie stop!"
It takes all my energy but I block the toilet and try pushing him away. He could probably lift me with one arm and move me if he wanted to, I was being manic though. And I think it scared him a little. I was persistent on getting the bag, but he sees his opportunity to move me out of the way and he takes it. I cry, trying to tackle him down but it was already to late. I hear the flush of the toilet and I can feel my legs go weak.
"N-No! no, fuck, no!" I let him go crawling to the toilet. "What have you done! Why would you do that!" I sob still staring into the toilet. I kept hoping they might come floating back to the surface.
"Lil-"
"Fuck you! F-Fuck you! W-Why, would- I n-needed them! I needed them!" I yell, choking on my own sobs. He just stared at me in horror. He kneels down to my level, trying to pull me to himself. I scream and sob, fighting him off as best as I could. But he clearly was stronger then me and didn’t give up until I wore myself out, falling onto his chest. I must have looked like a hot mess. I was a hot mess. Naked, frail, beaten and a druggy. I wanted to say so much. I wanted to scream at him, to kiss him, tell him how sorry I was, push him away, pull him closer. I was a train wreck. But all I did was sob into his chest. It was all I could do at the moment. I feel Niall start to cry to and pull me tighter to him. It wasn’t just a cry though. He goes into full sob mode. It broke my heart. So I pull him closer as well.
And there we were. Sitting on the bathroom floor holding each, sobbing. Broken. A mess. And at the moment I didn’t care if he hated me or not, it was just finally nice to have him hold me again. To have him here with me. Even if it was really shitty circumstances. I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through this, but it made it easier knowing he was here. For now, that was enough.
~~~
(A/N *Warning; the following might be a bit disturbing*)
”Do you want to talk about it?” Niall asks handing me a cup of water. I sniffle pulling the covers to the bed closer to me. “Was it Sawyer? Did he get you started?”
All I do is nod.
"Did he do that?" He jesters to the bruises that were visible. I know he’d seen the other ones, that were now covered, thanks to an old shirt that was left here.
"No, no. Sawyer was trying to protect me from the guys who did this."
"Protect you?" It came out more like a demand.
"I’m really tired Niall." I try dropping the hint I really didn’t want to talk about it right now. He goes to say something else but stops himself and nods.
"I’ll be on the couch."
"W-Wait, please, stay with me."
He looks down hesitating for a minute. I could tell he wanted to but I could also tell something was holding him back.
"Maybe I should stay on the couch." He says in a small voice.
'I know you hate me Niall, I know but I've-“
"I don’t. I don’t hate you. You’ve given me a lot of reasons to, but I don’t. But right now I can’t look at you without thinking about what they did to you. I just need to take a minute to myself Lillie. Please."
I just nod. He takes a deep breath running his fingers through his hair, then leaving to his couch. I understood what he was saying. I didn’t blame him actually. I had no right to. I was just scared he was going to disappear any minute. Like this was all a dream and I was going to wake up with Chaz or back in that horrible place. In hell. But I should have known that my hell wasn’t that place. It followed me. My craving. My own personal hell. I tried going to sleep so I could at least try to escape it for a little while. But as soon as I woke up from what felt like a second long sleep, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And then my own personal hell came to life.
I stumble up to the bathroom weakly. Feeling like I was going to vomit again I try and move as quickly as I could but everything was disoriented. Not to mention I kept having hot flashes and sweating like crazy. The hall way to the bathroom felt like far ever long. Like it kept stretching on and on. Maybe it was. Whatever was happening it made me dizzy. I tried leaning on the walls but I only fall on my ass. Now everything felt blurry and dark. My throat itched obnoxiously and my nose burned. My craving grew stronger.
"Lillie," A voice whispered down the never ending hallway. It wasn’t friendly. "Want some more Lillie? I know you want more."
It was Chaz. His devilish features came out from the darkness as he stalked towards me. This couldn’t be real. I must be dreaming. I have to be.
"Come on, look at you. Your a mess without them. All you have to do is suck my dick." He laughs. "Show me your body, show me how much you want them."
"No, no," I choke out.
"Let me fuck you and you can have as much as you want baby."
"No! S-Stop it!"
"Why? Because of Niall? You don’t love him like you think you do. You fucked me for drugs. And Sawyer to get back at him. Your a disgusting whore."
"H-How did-"
"I know everything Lillie." He was inches from me now. "I know everything about you. I know how you blame yourself for Marley’s death. And how it was all your fault."
"N-No! Shut up!"
"How you weren’t keeping her close to you like you should have!"
"STOP IT!"
He strokes my cheek making a tsking sound.
"You killed her." He whispers in a velvet tone.
"Don’t touch me! I didn’t! I-I loved her, I-I didn’t, I-I-"
"Lillie, Lillie!" A new voice breaks through. "Look at me, no one is here! look at me!"
Suddenly Chaz is gone and Niall takes his place. I’ve been struggling with him in the hallway for who knows how long. That wasn’t a dream. It was too real to be a dream. But Chaz obviously wasn’t here. I start panicking. Was I going crazy?
"W-What’s happening to me," I sob falling into him. He rubs my back soothingly trying to calm me down.
"Who were you talking to? I heard you fall, and then you started screaming and talking when you saw me."
"H-He wasn’t here? I-It felt so real N-Niall, i-it felt real," I choke out.
"Alright, alright, shhh,"
He pulls me up into his chest, carrying me to the bedroom again. He lays me down, pulling the covers over me like a child. His look worried me.
"What is it?"
He sits down next to me and sighs.
"How are you feeling?"
"Honestly, terrible. Why?"
"Are you having hot flashes? Dizziness? Sweating?"
"Yes all of that, why Niall?"
"I went through something similar once. Your having withdraws from the drugs. There trying to work there way out of you’re system. That might explain why you hallucinated."
"Hallucinated?"
"Yeah. What did you see? or Who did you see?”
I look down, feeling the lump in my throat swell up.
"The guy who did this." I run my fingers over my bruises lightly. He didn’t need to know the other stuff. I feel his whole body tense, but his face stayed soft.
"I’m so sorry Lillie. If I could get my hands on that bastard I wou-"
"I’m just glad your here, Niall."
He looks up at me and sighing. A tiny half smile hides in the corner of his mouth.
"Come here," I say scooting over for him to lay down. He accepts, laying down, pulling my body to his so we intertwined. It felt so natural to have my head against his chest again. To have his hands interlocked with mine. God, I’ve missed him.
I wake up drenched in sweat, shaking, and feeling very nauseous. I check, and Niall still laid asleep next to me. I sit up trying not to wake him. I’ve never felt the craving this bad before. My throat was so dry and my nose burned. I needed it now. I needed something. I couldn’t live like this. I was going to lose my mind. I wanted to get up and get water but I was scared. It felt like something was outside the room. Waiting for me. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I could barely keep my head up let alone getting up out of the bed. The door creaks open slowly and I feel stomach turn up side down. I reach for Niall but he’s gone. Fear swallows me whole. I get up slowly and barely. I have to grab onto the wall just to hold myself up. The hallway isn’t stretched like it appeared to be before. It was actually quite short. A dead end. The darkness was keeping something hidden though. Only when I stepped closer, could I make it out. My heart stopped. Everything just went numb. A crib sat alone in the dark. I could already feel the sob building up in my throat. Stupidly, I take steps towards it. I steadily peek over the crib, regretting it immediately. There, laying in the infant bed, was my dead daughter. Her small body a sickly shade of blue, eyes open dead and drained. I let out a blood shrieking screaming, feeling the vomit threatening to come out at the same time. I scramble backwards, trying desperately to get back to the bedroom. But even there I couldn’t escape it. Her body clung to the end of the bed staring at me.
"Stop! Leave me alone! Go away!" I sob covering my eyes. The baby starts wailing to. Which makes me scream out louder trying to drowned out the awful noise. It was still there. Looking at me screaming. It then twists its head all the way around making unnatural noises. I throw up again, while screaming and sobbing for it to stop. This was hell. It had to be.
"Lillie! Wake up! Your okay, please wake up!"
"S-STOP, P-PLEASE! Oh-oh god, my baby, my b-baby! MY BABY!" I here myself and Niall yell at the same time.
"Look at me! Look, your here, your right here with me, I’m right here,"
He pulls my hand to his chest, and I could feel the race of his heart beat. Barely getting a good look at his face due to my violent shaking, I realize none of it was real. I could barely catch my breath I was sobbing so hard.
"Breathe Lillie, breathe," He holds me tight to him trying to contain my shaking. Trying to hold me together. "Please baby, please try to calm down,"
I hear his voice break softly as I try to control my violent sobs. That only made me choke on them more though. All I could do for right now is sit there with him and sob, trying to get the vulgar images out of my head. And all Niall could do was sit there and hold me through it all.