Harry was dragged towards the office, his small legs struggling and stumbling on the hard stone floor of Hogwarts. The cuff of his neck was held with a force, and Harry can't help but acknowledge the fact that Snape was fearsome man to cross.
Why must he be stupid?! Snape had told him time and time again, never disobey his rules. But the pull, the thrill on his young and rather impulsive mind has proved to be too much, and he wanted to find out things that no other student in the whole School even knows. It had brought to Harry a temptation of a kind, one that he knew was to be stuff of legends, worthy of many books-- but he hadn't anticipate Snape. He forgot along the way how Severus Snape was a man who was brilliant, powerful and a Slytherin to top it all. Harry thought he could do it on his own, on his own terms.
"Get in, Potter," Harry winced. The man's tone was not kind in the least. It was rough, rather laced with distrust, and his gaze bore a hole in Harry's heart.
Then, another kind of fear gripped his small frame. It was choking out every inch of confidence and trust in himself.
It was the fear of losing someone that meant to him.
Oh, how Harry wanted to hold the man with his arms, and hear from Snape's own mouth that he still was his ward, that he wasn't to undergo hell and back and hell again. To Harry, it was the worst fear yet, and it made his eyes heat up. He was going to cry-- he knows it. But Harry wanted to get rid of the sudden uncertainties and the regrets that were making his heart heavier and heavier as the seconds ticked by.
Suddenly, he saw Snape's hand slam the desk with a force, and Harry jumped. He was trembling; his hands were sweating and his lips went dry.
"Look at me, Potter."
Harry didn't dare, and when Snape forcefully tipped his head up, Harry's eyes snapped close. He couldn't bare to look at Snape.
Not now, not ever.
"Open those eyes, Potter, and look. At. Me."
Harry shook his head. Tears were already falling down his cheeks like a rainfall; his cheeks were warm. Harry was sorry.
"Open your eyes, boy!" Harry pursed his lips to stop the howl and sobs. His throat went aching as he swallowed one sob after the other.
Snape was never going to love him. No one's going to love a troublemaker. No one's going to love an orphan, a foster child, a freak like him.
But Harry opened his eyes, nevertheless. When he did, he was met by Snape's heated eyes, the black orbs in them swirling. The air cackled like fire, and there was the harsh wind that slapped against Harry's skin. They burned his arms, but Harry did not dare look away.
Then Snape smirked. Harry shivered. The black eyes glinted with mocked surprise. Harry's eyes continued to pour out his tears and Harry was unable to stop them.
"You honestly thought you could sneak out with the Cloak, did you, Potter?" The man's words were scarring Harry's eyes, and Harry felt tortured. "I am impressed by your sheer stupidity, Potter!"
Then Snape was towering over him, his eyes glaring, dark shadows were cast over them. "You think you are well above the rules, don't you, Potter? Living up to dear old Dad's legacy," Snape mocked. To Harry, every word that came out of his Entrusted's mouth was akin to being slashed and scarred to pieces. He felt himself bleed on the inside, even his heart hurt. His every breathing hurts.
"You, Potter, are a spiteful, arrogant little brat. Daddy James would've been very proud of you. I disapproved of that bloody Cloak since the start, but you would dare go gallivating in that blasted, infernal Cloak of yours! Ha! Dream on, you blasted brat! But know this, I am not, and I never will be proud of you! I will never be proud of such disgraceful behaviour. Especially from a ward of mine!"
That was the final blow.
Harry sobbed. The boy clutched the clothes above his heart, then closed his eyes.
Snape smirked in victory. His words had sunk in. Little did he knew that it sunk in much deeper than it should.
Should Severus Snape had been in a sober condition, should he had not allowed his fatigue as an excuse to cloud his judgement, he should not have mentioned the boy's parents, much more tell Harry, an emotionally unstable lad in the stage of his life where he is easily affected by words, where all he needs is a little push, that he had a worthless father. That he was a disgrace to anyone. Snape didn't realize yet at that point, that Harry looks up to him like a son looks up to his father.
Harry was like a sponge when it comes to Snape. He valued Snape's attention, the man's praises; he valued how Snape regards him as. After all, Harry was only eleven. At that age, his mind is easily poisoned by simple words. Harry was like Lily that way; he was easily affected by the power of words.
And one can also realize, at that point, that Snape acted like a Gryffindor; doing before thinking.
If he had thought about the situation, he must've remembered that Harry was not just any student, he was his charge. He was the boy who gives too much value on how Snape regards him as, and to hear those scathing words? It hurted a lot. It hurted Harry's young, kind, golden heart; it hurted his very soul.
Suddenly, the boy's breath hitched. The air cackled and the usually pristine desk cluttered. Harry Potter's eyes turned a shade of lavender, like that of a dragon's, and Severus' hair at the back of his neck stood. He shivered.
Harry slowly stood, his hands curled into fists.
"Shut up."
The boy's tone was low, dangerous.
"What are you--"
Snape was cut by a fierce, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"
Harry's face was red. He was more than angry. He was hurt. He only wanted to uncover secrets, he wanted to be regarded as strong. He was done being weak! He wanted to kill the Dark Lord, he wanted to make Snape proud. Was that so hard to ask for?!
"Shut. Up. My father is not a toerag!" The enchanted windows in Snape's office smashed, and Severus had to duck and cover himself. When he looked up, he saw Harry being enveloped by a blue light, acting like a Protego charm, only that it was impenetrable. The boy's Magic was penetrating his wards, and it was then and there that Snape realized his faults.
It was like cold water being dumped unto him, sending deep alarums in his mind, waking him from his stupor.
He had made a mistake. He had hurted Harry. With words, of all things. History repeats itself. Just like all those years ago, with Lily. Hadn't he had learned enough through experience that words are sharp enough to sever even the toughest of bonds?
Then Severus looked at Harry, whose now lavender eyes were still filled with tears. The boy was angrily wiping them away.
"Har--"
"Don't call me that!" The boy roared. A choked sob escaped the young boy's lips, but Harry continued to glare at him. "You have no right to call me anything!"
"Harry, I made a mis--"
"I said, you have NO RIGHT to call me anything!" The books came flying, whizzing through the air, the parchments were engulfed in flames, "My father--" another sob, and Harry approached Snape, this time towering iver his Protector, his beloved Professor. It hurts even more that Snape was the one who had said that Harry's father was a good for nothing man, "James-- my Da was a hero! He died for me! He is more of a man than you'll ever be!"
Snape eyes widened, his mouth agape. God, how it hurts. It was like he was slapped, again and again. Harry's eyes were still blazing, his now lavender gaze scorching Snape's being.
"I respected you. I thought you were different!" The boy laughed. It sounded like he was out of breath, "I was wrong! I was always wrong!" The magic in the air, emanating from Harry travelled through the room, like destructing waves of a rough sea.
Then Harry added weakly, his head hung low, like a wounded soldier, a defeated warrior, "I thought you'll love me, for me. YOU PLAYED ME! All this time..."
The boy was still crying. "All this time, you were seeing someone else. You were seeing my Da! You thought... You thought, you can manipulate me, don't you?! You thought you can change me into your perfect little boy! Well, guess what, Professor Snape! I'll always be like this! I'll always be insolent, arrogant-- like my Father before me. I'll never make the same mistake of thinking that someone could love me, for me, ever again."
His eyes slowly lost its lavender shade, turning back to green. What remained was a boy. A distraught boy.
The sharp sting of the Magic of Harry's slowly downed and calmed. Harry slowly sagged to the floor, and brought his arms around himself. A rather futile attempt at consoling himself, but for five, six years of being under abuse; verbally and otherwise, he made himself get used to it.
How Severus wanted to drain those dark, depressing, and wrong notions of Harry about himself. He was just... Angry, that's all. He was not thinking! How could Harry think that no one could ever love him?
Snape loved him. Snape loved Lily and James' boy to his core, like a son. He would never-- but he just did, didn't he? He just messed up. He made Harry hurt, feel bad about himself.
He can still feel the hurt of the boy as the last of the Wild Magic died down. Harry was on the floor, crying and murmuring over and over again, "Shut up. Shut up."
Then, when Snape tried to extend a hand towards Harry to confort the child, Harry once more shouted, "SHUT UP! Get away from me! I HATE YOU!"
A flash of light-- white, blinding, and hot-- appeared and Severus staggered back. A few moments later, when Snape managed to open his eyes, the boy was not on the spot where he was supposed to be.
Harry Potter, his ward, and the Son of His Heart, was gone.
----------
A hum. Harry savored the soft, succulent tones of the most familiar of lullabies. He was enveloped by a warmth and gentle hand, caressing his hair.
'Ma?' Harry asked in his mind. Nobody answered. No, he wasn't with Lily. A part of him was dismayed. He wanted to see his Mum, with her fiery red hair flowing through her shoulders, her vibrant laughter that fills Harry with the warmth he longed for. The verdant green eyes, looking like emeralds and sometimes, when the sun hits it right, Harry can feel spring at its beginning, where the soft rays of sun thaws the ice, and the dew drops slowly but surely makes their way to bounce upon the leaves and the flowers and everything becomes once more warm.
But when Harry inhaled deeply, when his head was pressed through the person's clothing, he felt himself comforted. He felt safe here, within the unknown yet familiar person's arms, within the warmth.
Who is this...?
"Harry?" A soft voice, urging Harry to open his eyes, to let the light seep through, "Harry, child. Open your eyes. Open them, Harry. You are here, with me, with us. You are safe."
Then she continued her lullaby. Harry inhaled her sweet, strawberry-like smell. He opened his eyes. He realised he was in a woman's lap, his head resting on them. She still wore her familiar black clothes, her dark brown hair still hidden amongst the habit, and her sweet, sweet, alluring smile. Harry cannot help himself but smile back.
"That's it, Harry, dear. Open them, now.
And Harry did fully. The woman gave her a small peck on the cheek, just like she always did back then. Harry extended his hand and sat himself upright in her lap and smiled brightly as he was hugged back. She laughed, "Oh, Harry. You've never changed, dear child. Do you still remember me? Us?"
Harry smiled through his burst of tears of joy. How can he ever forget?
"Sister Annaliese. Sister Annie," Harry whispered fervently, like a prayer.
"Welcome back, Harry. Welcome home," she whispered back.
-----
Severus sagged against the wall. Four hours. It was nearing dawn, and Severus was about to faint from exhaustion.
For four hours, they searched for Harry throughout the Castle, but he was not found.
Harry... Where are you?
Tears streamed down Snape's face. He felt helpless all a sudden. He never felt helpless ever since the night Lily perished by his own actions.
Come to think of it, Severus thought bitterly as he choked on his own laughter, it was because he was blinded by his stupid immaturity and anger. He was a man to hold grudges, that was for sure, but Snape had long since learned that doing thus had cost him everything he held dear.
And now, look how Fate turned out. He was stuck in the same situation, feeling the same helplessness once again, because he let his temper overcome him, again. He let himself drown in his unreasonable anger and became biased because of it.
How low was he to have used his exhaustion as an excuse to behave like that towards Harry? Harry, a small boy, who ever since then, only wanted to please him.
How can he ever hoped to have had Harry as his son if he was like this; just like his father? He was on the edge of becoming like Tobias as he towered over Harry and drilled the point using his sharp tongue.
Exactly like Tobias was he, he realized, at that moment. He used words that can be compared as to how Tobias had slowly but surely used words akin to what he used towards Harry just a few hours ago. He remembered how those words crushed his self confidence slowly but surely, eating out his belief in himself.
It made him aloof towards people-- an introvert.
And God, he did the same to Harry, didn't he? Even stooping low to comparing Harry to James. He was worse than Tobias, at some point. He knew exactly how Harry was sensitive towards talking about his parents, both his biological and adopted ones. He showed it many times before, how much he fiercely treasured every single memory and information he can learn about them. Snape of all people should've known that.
And he overlooked that in favor of satisfying his want to lash out his anger.
Severus ran a hand through his hair
There was no denying it; he messed up, big time.
He just hoped that wherever Harry was, he was safe, and that the young boy would find in his heart to forgive him for what he had done.
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A/N: Thank you, for staying through with Bran (and me) in his adventures. I would like to take this chance to say, Maraming Salamat po (it means thank u very much in Tagalog, one of our local languages in the Philippines) for the 3k reads! I hope you will stay tuned until the end.
This is a first time, but I would also like to say (more like, encourage); please, please, plese comment what u think about the chapter and the story so far. I totally love you guys! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤