December 1st, 2017
A month. A month since the two kisses that changed me. I escaped from Erik's clutches, running away from him as he tried to seduce me. I've been spending time with Megan throughout the winter break. Contemplating what I should do about those kisses.
"School starts today. You gonna go?" Megan asks, walking into the kitchen, brewing some coffee.
I nod and finish my cereal. "Yeah, just need to straighten some stuff out. Re write that test."
"So strange that he just ran out crying. Scared or something?"
"Yup. Crazy teacher, has something wrong with him." I chuckle and rub my hands.
Yeah, I haven't told anyone besides Erik about that kiss. Next thing you know, he's kissing me. Not going down that road again.
"You gonna go now?" Megan asks and grabs her purse. "Cause I can give you a ride. It'll be quicker in my car."
I roll my eyes and turn around, shaking my head slightly. "My car is just older.And besides, I just need to stay here for a while. Before I go back."
"Of course." She smiled. "I'll see you later for dinner."
I raise my eyebrows and focus back on the television. "Bye."
Megan leaves, leaving the dorm room free. Time to think of what to do. I've been thinking these last month about the two canondrums before me. Two similar problems that both could end in the same way. However, two problems and only one that really warms my heart.
Him. Seeing him every day warms my heart and my body's every fiber. His eyes glinesting in the artificial light of the rooms we're in. I laugh each time I'm with him, my mouth hurting for hours after. He makes me happy, thrilled to live another day...Just to see him.
He saved me. He showed me the way and helped me overcome my times of trouble.
"Raoul..." I whisper and hug myself as I say his name.
What do I think of him? Dreamy, good looking, amazing accent. Everything in my list is checked with him. He's secure, mature, and responsible. Everything a girl wants and needs. If that's so, then why do I question a relationship with him? Dread one from existing.
Yes, he's my professor. It would be awkward to date someone like that. It wouldn't end well. Break up before school ends, gives me a failing grade. Worst of all, he could lose his job. His whole livelyhood demolished because of a hyperactive 18 year old.
"Would he do that for me?" I ask myself, biting my lip and looking around the room.
I want to be with him, my heart wishes to spend time with him. I'm nothing but myself when he's around. I just don't know if we can be together. Not this way.
And then there's him...
Erik, the roomate and other guy in this whole triangle. The kiss of passion on my lips. The everdaring notion to hold me tight, never letting go. His words intrigued me and so did his passion to have me. Almost as if he controlled me, his every move planned ahead of time to have me. I would be his, until he tried to rape me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Now I'm going to pour some wine. How about you take your clothes off?" He smirks and strokes my cheek.
I shake my head and groan, trying to pull away. "E-Erik, I don't like you like that. You're my friend. That's all you'll ever be."
"I don't care what you think, Christine." He began to unbuckle his pants. "One night with me and you'll forget any man you knew."
His pants dropped, showing off the grey patterned boxers. Breathe. You can run, you can escape. You're not wasting your virginity on a man you don't love.
"We're not doing this Erik. It would ruin our relationship!" I yell and try to push him away. "Erik, I'm sorry. I just can't."
He stopped undressing himself, looking down at me. "I need you to stop talking. We will do this! You love me. I know you do."
Frowning, I kick him in the groin. I'm not be forced into an act I do not wish to perform. No, I can't do this. Not with him.
I ran, ran out of the dorm room and to the nearest phone booth. I hid in their for hours, seeing him running around New York only searching for me. No, not him. Not him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I couldn't be with him after that. Never in anyway besides friends. If he promises to never act upon his urges again, maybe even best friends. But no, I won't be with a man who almost forces sex on me.
I'm not an object up for grabs and for men's pleasure. I wish to have my own say in everything I do and say. With Erik, I wouldn't be able to do that. It can't be him. Not anymore...No.
"I'm sorry Erik..." I mumble and trace the stains on the celling with my eyes.
My mind made up? Do I know what I want? Who I want? The correct answer should be no. However, my answer is yes. I know who I want to be by my side. Share each moment with me. Each love, each lifetime. I know...I know.
"Him..." I whisper, sitting up and grabbing my purse quickly.
I have to see him. Even though New York is three hours away. I have to see him and express these thoughts and feelings. He has to know that I feel the same way. How every fibre of my heart and mind feel when I'm near him. I sound like a poet, all these words from my 'soul'. But they're true though. Every single one of them.
"Alright." I lock Megan's dorm room and begin to walk the halls. "Drive to New York and express your feelings."
Shouldn't be so hard.
I soon exit the building and make my way to my 2014 Chevy Silverado.
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I parked my car in my usually spot. I held the steering wheel as I stared at the school in front of me.
"He's in there. Waiting for you." I bite my lip and squeeze the wheel again.
I step out of the car and grin when I saw Julliard again. A month away has made me miss everything about New York. I'm home, and I'll stay. Whatever happens between Mr. DeChangey and I. I will stay.
Entering, the fresh lemon smell of Lysol brought relief to my nose. Philidelphia has a massive amount of smokers. Not a pleasant environment to study.
Looking around, I smile at Ashely as she walked around.
"Hey Ashley!" I smile, this time for real.
Looking up from her phone. Her eyes widening. "Are you okay? Last time I saw you, you went insane."
"Yeah. I was just freaked out. Test axienty." I chuckle and scratch my head.
She rolled her eyes, looking back at her phone."Besides, you'll just pass anyway. You're too smart for your own good."
"Thanks." I smile, showcasing my teeth. "You know where Mr. DeChangey is? Need to speak to him."
She stop texting once again and looked up. "He's in his office. Be careful though! He's having a mood!" She chuckles and walked away.
I furrow my eyebrows and walk to his class. I've never seen Mr. DeChangey mad or depressed. Besides the times in class when he yelled at class. Besides that! He's always been in a good mood.
I walked up to his door, staring at the darkened pine wood. This is it, a months work of thinking. All down to this moment of revealing what I want to do in this situation.
"Mr. DeChangey?" I knock on the door, and step into the class.
My eyes widen and I see him...Him. His beard back as he stared, red eyes at the computers, headphones in his ears. Wrappers all over the floor...My favourite, bacon breakfast wrap.
My favourite food.
I walk in and tap his back, almost wanting to stroke it. That kiss, awakened me. I finally knew what I wanted. A mature man, who has his life together. So basically an older man who most likely has lived a life.
He turned around quickly, pulling his headphones out. His eyes widen and he pulled away. I could see axienty in his eyes as he saw me once more. He's mad, isn't he? Of course he is. I ran out when he was most vulnerable. He hates me.
"C-Christine." He coughs and rubs his eyes. "It's so nice to see you. How was your break?"
I shrug and fiddle my thumbs. "It was good, relaxing almost."
"That's great to hear, I'm happy you've enjoyed your vacation." He bit his lip and looked at the floor.
I only stare at his brown eyes, wanting to pull him even closer. "Did you enjoy your vacation?"
"It was alright..." He kept his view away from mine.
Not how I expected this to go. Mr. DeChangey is the coolest teacher I've met. I thought he wouldn't be awkward, we would be done talking about it by now. He's not well, not himself. We talked and I know him.
He's well kept. Now I see him in sweats and a t-shirt. He never used to stutter, his accent perfect. Now he can't even say my name without looking into my eyes and stopping. Did I do something?
"Okay, I have to get this out in the open...We kissed." I walk closer to him.
He nodded and sighed, scratching his beard. "Yes, and I'm so sorry. I-It was inappropriate and not professional."
"No, don't apologize. I understand where you were coming from. I flirted with you too much." I touch his hand and smile.
We stood for a few minutes and basked in the silence that entered the room. Depressing almost, unable to speak or even talk anymore. All because of one kiss. The kiss that made me truly like him.
His breathe deepened and looked in my eyes. "To be honest, I've been attracted to you since the moment I saw you. The moment we talked."
I let go of his hand, walking back slightly. Reminded me of Erik. When him and I kissed. His lips on mine as he pushed his rage of love on mine. It was amazing, I just couldn't do it.
Looking up at him, I saw someone different. He wasn't forcing me to have filthy sex. His eyes only showed beauty and love that wished to be shared. Shared with me, forevermore. He's not Erik, he's Raoul.b
"Christine?" He asked and stroked my hand slightly. "Are you still there? You've blacked out."
I nod and place my hand on his cheek. "God, that accent. It made me go crazy when I first saw you. All I could think about for weeks was you. Raoul, I've had a major crush on you for months."
His breathing almost stops, a smile on his face. "You're not joking, right? Not pulling any of my strings?"
"Raoul, I'm serious. I absolutely like you. I want to get to know you more. Be with you. Will you be with me?" I bite my lip, stroking his shoulder.
Only a grin was on his face as he kept me close. "We could get in trouble for this, you know?"
"I know, but I want to risk it. I like you. You're okay with risking your career too? Right?" I ask, biting my lip and stroke his beard.
He pulled me even closer, our lips inches apart. "I'm okay risking anything for time with you."
Closing my eyes, I place my lips on his. Kissing him for once, loving every moment of it. He took my hair in his hands, almost weaving through it. Every touch, brought me to even more passion as we collided.
Minutes of kissing, pulling close to each other. I let go and bite my lip, smirking. "I'm gonna be late my class. Don't want the professor getting mad."
"Of course, don't want any of your grades dropping. Movie tonight? A hang out?" He bit his lip, stroking my hair.
I chuckle and shake my head. "Please never say that again. You're way too old."
"You like it! Old men are you thing. I can tell!" He walked out of the office with me, into the class.
I roll my eyes and shrug. "See you tonight, old man." I whisper and walk over to my seat.
Raoul and I. An utter dream that I wish could've happened months ago. But we're together now. And better yet, I get to attend a movie tonight with Professor Raoul DeChangey. Perfect way to kick off our relationship.