Rylee's Pov:
'Have you ever met someone so special that you felt you weren't even good enough to look at them? Felt like they could do better by just talking to someone else? Wonder why they were hanging out with you so much when you know their other friends are most likely perfect kids. Yet every time you were actually around them, you felt better about everything that was bad about you. Being around that person made you feel like a totally different person. Wishing they were there every minute of your life. Want to change how you are to people and how you see them... hoping they like you as more than a friend...'
My thoughts were abruptly halted as I heard the car door slam; the boys jumping out and ran into the house. I sighed as I leaned my head on the steering wheel. My head was being constantly swamped with all these random thoughts. It was becoming a challenging thing for my sleeping patterns. Ever god damn minute of the day, my mind was on her and how she was... making me change. I groaned as I unbuckled the seatbelt and got out, noticing Autumn shutting her door as well. I had to calm myself down as I felt my heartbeat race quickly. This was just looking at her... now talking...
"Hey." She gave me the most innocent smile. I closed my eyes for a moment as I tried to give her one back.
"Hey yourself." She smiled again as she walked in step with me. 'Would she freak out if I told her what was really on my mind?' Oh my god my brain just needs to shut up.
"So, you really don't mind if he stays the night here?" Her voice shook my thoughts once again. I looked over at her as I took my sunglasses off. She was looking dead on, towards the front door. I smiled.
"You can stay too, if you want." I said in the neediest sounding voice. If it was possible without her seeing, I'd slap myself for it. I watched as she nibbled on her lower lip slightly. My body must have erupted or something because I was becoming extremely hot just watching her do that.
"Uhm... I don't know if that's a good idea?" She said in a small voice. I was about to ask why, when another voice interrupted me.
"Finally, you're home!" I looked over to see Brooke sitting on my front porch, standing up as we walked closer. "I've been waiting for the past hour!" I gave her a questioning stare as we approached her.
"What are you doing here?"
"Uhm, hello?! We were going to hang out tonight girl!" I looked at Autumn and she just rolled her eyes and walked passed us into the house. Brooke scrunched up her nose as she watched her. "Who's that bitch?" I felt myself grow annoyed.
"Don't call her that, and I don't remember making plans with you tonight, plus I have two games this weekend. I don't have time." She looked slightly appalled.
"Jesus, just fuck her already and get your head out of your ass." She stated as she flipped her hand back and placed her hands on her hips. I rolled my eyes as I sighed in frustration.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me; I know what you're up to. She's some new meat to munch on then you're gonna drop her. You do that too all the girls you like. I mean I heard what you and that Ashley girl did behind the gym. This girl playing hard to get?" I stood there shell-shocked. Not just at what she said, but because of the partial truth behind it. I closed my eyes as bunch my hands into tight fists.
"Just leave, ok? I'm rather busy." I said as I tried to walk past her, but of course she grabbed my arm.
"Dude, come on. It's Jacob's big house party tonight!" She exclaimed. I sighed again.
"No, I'm staying indoors tonight. Sorry you waited so long for the bad news." I shut the door on her face and turned around to see a baffled Autumn... "Uhm... did you hear all of that?"
"I should have known better." She laughed. My brows furrowed as I tried to pull her to me, her shoving my hands away from her. "Don't even. Joel come on, we have to go home." She called for him as she walked deeper into the house. I groaned in annoyance as I tried to catch up with her.
"Oh my god, would you listen to me?" I begged as I followed her up my stairs, her still intent on retrieving her brother, I was ignored. "Autumn..." I grabbed her arm and dragged her off into my room, shutting it behind me and leaning against it, her glare on me as she stood away from me with her arms crossed.
"Why? Why would you play me like that? So I was right all along? You just wanted to get in my pants because you want to prove straight girls can fall for girls too? Well good for you, you got what you wanted, can I please leave now?" She looked as if she was about to cry, but I didn't move away from the door in case she bolted away from me. Why was I caring about this so fucking much? I glared at her with just as much anger, my fingers digging into the door behind me.
"What the fuck? I can't believe you honestly think I'd do that to you!" I blurted out. Her face wavered slightly, but her eyes looked even more upset.
"Uhm, hello? I just heard what she said! You had sex with some girl at school! At school of all places? Then you come to me and want me too? You mess with girls emotions for fun! I'm not going to deal with this... you've already confused me enough as it is, Rylee. Why the.... You know what forget it. I should have known this was how you were." She sighed as she closed her eyes, pacing around my floor. I felt a knife slice through me, my chest trying to collect oxygen. 'Stop caring about this; you don't give a fuck about people's feelings. You're tough and uncaring about girls emotions because of the drama they bring!... fuck my life.'
"I'm not like that anymore..." I murmured as I slumped against my door. She looked at me with a painful expression. She sighed and turned around looking out my picture window, her hands running in her hair.
"Yeah... okay. People don't change within a week's time..." I threw my glasses on my bed as I stood up and walked up to her, overly happy that she hadn't turned around. It was as if she knew I'd do it... I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned my head on her shoulder to whisper in her ear.
"How can I prove it to you?" I asked as I tried to seem sincere. She turned her head to look at me, her eyes displaying nothing to me.
"I don't want you to prove anything, Rylee. If you're looking for a 'good fuck' don't look for it in me... because I'm not like that. Regardless if we ever... go beyond well... kissing and such." I was so angry, and I didn't really understand as to why. I pulled away from her and rubbed the back of my neck in annoyance.
"Fine, whatever." She turned around and looked at me. I wanted so badly to still be upset with her, but for some reason when I looked at her expression, I understood why I couldn't be. "If you want to go home, I'll understand and all." She took a seat at my window bench and eyed me curiously.
"What I don't get, is why you even like... I guess want me? Or whatever it is. When you can obviously get anyone you want." She said as she leaned her head against the wall, not looking at me now. I was fidgeting as I stood there, not really knowing what to say to that.
"I... well I mean.... I can't get whoever I want. That's uh... not really how it worked..." I murmured as I took a seat opposite from her. She gave me a quick glance then looked back out the window. I looked out too and noticed the boys practicing karate on each other.
"You force yourself on them?"
"Er... not really... I mean yeah kinda... but not in a bad way?" I was digging such a deep hole...
"Oh." She pulled her legs up and rested her head on it. I wanted to just shrivel up and die on the spot when she wouldn't talk after the longest time. "You said earlier, that you weren't like 'that' anymore. Yet just a few days ago apparently you... uh... did stuff with that one girl? How did you change so fast?" She was finally looking at me, but now I was too nervous to look back.
"Uhm... I don't know." What the hell? Was that really all I could say? I sighed mentally as I rubbed my thighs in frustration.
"Okay." Her voice sounded off and seemed to have a bit of sadness to it. "Well, I'll pick him up tomorrow." With that she stood up and was heading for my bedroom door. Every bit of me was telling me to get up and stop her, but one part of me was stopping me. 'You said she could whenever she wanted, so shut up and get over it.' When she shut my door behind her, my chest hurt.
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"Wake up, Gisslen!" I snapped out of my head just in time to watch someone score a goal on me as if it was an empty neat. I groaned in annoyance as I was ready to be grilled by my team-mates.
"What the hell?" Dylan threw her arms up to exaggerate her meaning.
"Way to go, idiot." Another girl said as she ran back up field. I looked over to the sidelines to see our coach throwing a playbook on the ground. The score was now 2-1 with us in the losing. I could not get my game face on to save my life. It was Sunday, and I still haven't talked to Autumn. I felt so out of place and frustrated that I couldn't focus on todays and yesterday games.
"That's it." The coach called a change up as I was pulled from the game for Dylan to play Goalie and Maria to take her place on the field. I took a seat on the bench as I threw my sunglasses on and put my ear buds in, leaning back against the bench hoping I could be ignored, fat chance. I could tell the coach was glaring at me, but at the time I wasn't really caring about that. She took a seat next to me as she watched the game continue on. "What's wrong, Rylee? Do you have emotional problems? Are your parents fighting? Did you get dumped?" I rolled my eyes as I watched Ashley pass the ball.
"No." I was sweaty and really wanting a shower about now.
"Then what's the problem? You're normally all over the field and a great goalie. We have the California Soccer Tournament in just two weeks. If you play well there I honestly think you'll play for the SoCal Team against Norcal. But..." I turned my music up slightly so I couldn't hear her anymore. I sighed when she pulled the ear buds out though. "Do you not care about soccer anymore?"
"I do." 'Just not right now...'
"Then what's the problem.... Run left Kelly!...so?" I looked up at her to see she had an actual sincere expression on her face.
"There's nothing wrong." I think she knew I was lying, but she finally gave up when a girl on the team was red carded. I pulled my phone out of my bag to see no texts; at least not from the person I wanted to text me... I was bugging out over this so bad, and I hated every moment of it.
The game went on without me for probably another hour, the score ending with 3-2, us in favour. My ears were really starting to hurt from the nonstop blaring music that was playing, but I didn't care. I love me some Faber Drive... As we grabbed up our gear and headed to the bus, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned to see Ashley standing behind me with a bashful smile. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as all the girls kept going to the truck, earning a glare from Maria.
"Are you sick?" She asked. I took the earbuds out and put my phone back in my bag as we stood there.
"No, why?"
"Oh, well because I've never seen you play like this before... some of the girls were mad on the field about it, saying stuff like, 'She needs to get over it and play.' Or 'She's never played this bad.' And more." I wasn't sure if I really cared about hearing this, but I turned around and headed for the bus. "Is it because we haven't... ya know?" I stopped walking and stood there with a confused and annoyed look on my face.
"What?"
"Uhm... haven't talked about us?" Oh my god... I turned around to look at her and pushed up my sunglasses.
"Do you think we're dating or something?"
"Well... we did like... hook up?" She shuffled her gym bag slightly. I sighed as I looked at the ground.
"We aren't." I said as I turned around to head back to the bus to once again be stopped. I closed my eyes as I felt my head craddle down. She had wrapped her arms around me and placed her head on my shoulder. Right there for a split moment, I pictured Autumn doing this exact same thing to me, so I felt myself relax slightly. However, my beautiful dream crash landed as she spoke in my ear.
"Please can we? I thought what we shared it was...amazing... and I've had a crush on you for the past year." Past year...? I've only known this girl for 2 months... "And I know you're a flirt and like to uhm... well do things with other girls and guys, but I think we have a lot in common." 'I don't even know you and you know nothing about me...' "We'd make a cute couple..."
"Can you let go of me?" Was all I asked. Her arms slacked slightly, but didn't fully release me.
"You... don't think we would?" Her tone was so... I don't know.
"I don't date-."
"Come on girls!" The coach roared as she leaned out the school bus. I yanked away from her, turned back to give her a look then headed onto the bus. As I took a seat in the back, I placed my bag next to me so she'd get the hint I just wanted to be left alone. She gave me a depressed look then sat next to Maria which I barely heard whisper, 'Don't bother with her, she's a whore and would cheat on you anyway.' I rolled my eyes and did my usual ritual; sunglasses and music.
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"I can't believe you did that." Brooke complained as we walked through a crowd of people at some dude's party.
"Did what, exactly?" I asked, even though I already knew what she was referring to. This party was so lame, there were people playing beer pong, caps, making out with other drunk people, and some couples off fucking somewhere I'm sure. I felt a sigh escape me as we walked over to our little 'group'.
"Ditched me to hang out with that girl! Who is she anyway?" She asked as she took a seat in Dillon's Lap, her boyfriend I guess. I took a seat next to my close friend, Danni and grinned at her.
"Who cares, let's just have a good time, get shit faced and call it a weekend, ok?" I said as tossed around the shots.
"I hear that!" Danni laughed as she downed hers. Everyone laughed and agreed. I really just didn't want to be here right now, but why let them know that? I didn't have the want to be around my friends tonight, I really just wanted to call Autumn and apologize and tell her... what? What exactly was I planning on saying?
Everyone around me was starting to get buzzed, wasted, shitfaced, high you name it. Once everyone was perfectly fucked up, I decided to head out. As I grabbed my keys, someone's hand stopped me, forcing me to look up. I cringed as I noticed it was Jamey.
"What do you want? Why are you even here?" I snarled at him, walking out the front door. Of course he followed after me, with my keys still in his position.
"This is my brother's friends house and I'm not going to let you drive while you're drunk, I'm not that fucked up." His voice sounded disappointed. I leaned against my Durango and raised an eyebrow at him. He had on a simple pair of jeans, a collared American Eagle shirt, and a jacket. In other words, he looked better than in those stupid Karate outfits I always saw him in.
"I'm not drunk, don't worry about it." I said as I looked up at him. He had this odd look on his face when he handed me back the keys. I ran a hand through my hair and chewed on the inside of my cheek.
"What's wrong?" He asked. Why was he so god damn nice? Why couldn't he be like the rest of guys I've hooked up with and just not give a fuck about anyone they were with?
"Nothing." Lie, he knew it too. I was glancing at the ground when he wrapped his arms around me. I struggled to get him off me for probably a good minute, but him being the stronger one didn't do much for me. I gave up finally, my arms falling at my sides as I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.
"I know you more than you think, Rylee. I could always tell when something was wrong with you, even though you hide behind that nonchalant look." He whispered in my ear. "If there's anything wrong, I'm all ears for it." He let go of me, resting his arms on my biceps. I looked up at him slightly then averted my eyes.
"Can you just let me go? I really just want to go to bed right now; get away from everyone. I promise I haven't had a single drink or hit tonight." I gave him an honest stare. He looked at me with eyes than I couldn't understand for the life of me, but I knew it scared me at the time. He let go of my arms and opened the car door for me, a perfect gentleman.
"Have a good night, Rylee." He said as he shut my car door, walking back into the house filled with hormone crazed/drunk teenagers.
As I drove home, all I could think about was her. She was consuming all my thoughts, and I was loathing it. I had never been so hooked on anyone, ever. I was obviously the type that would meet a girl/guy, hook up for a max of a week, then move on to the new piece of meat. I thought it would be the same with her, but as I got to know her, spending way more time with her than I have with my own friends, I found myself changing dramatically in these past few weeks. The idea of just wanting sex was actually grossing me out.
When I pulled in my driveway, shut and locked my car, I didn't notice that her car had been parked by the curb. I walked in the house, noting that the time was past 11, and headed up to my room. Once my lights were turned on I nearly fell over in fright and awe as I was looking straight at her now, the girl who had been on my mind for the past 3 days straight.
"Hey.... Uh... your mom let me in. She said you'd be home by midnight or so..." Her voice sounded scared as I watched her stand up from my window bench, walking over to me slowly.
"How long... have you uh, been waiting?" I asked, wanting to smack myself for sounding like a scared ten year old. She gave me a small smile and shrugged her shoulders.
"Probably an hour...? I don't know I lost track of time I guess." She said as she walked up to me now, no more than few feet away from me. I held back the urge to wrap my arms around her.
"Why?" Was the only thing that came to my mind. I watched as she bit her lip in thought. I went over to my bed to sit, hopefully not implying something but just wanting to sit down because my head was lightheaded and I was scared I'd most likely look stupid. To my surprise though, she took a seat next to me.
"I don't know. I felt like an asshole just leaving you on Friday. I didn't want you to think I was using you and stuff, because I'm not." I was confused.
"Using me for what?"
"Watching Joel...?" She thought that's why I wanted to be around her? I sighed as I laid down in frustration.
"I didn't even think that. Not once had it come across my mind."
"You're really fragile, aren't you?" It took me a moment to fully understand what she had asked and I still didn't get it.
"What are you talking about?" She smiled as she laid down next to me, her head propped up in one hand.
"You try to hide your emotions so people can't see how you're really feeling." I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"And how am I really feeling then?"
"I think you're nervous and scared." She said with confidence etched in her voice.
"Over what?"
"Over, being close to someone."