"Dear heavenly Father, we are here today for the saddening loss of one of your angels and beloved of many, Patricia Mallette Bieber. "
The church, where the funeral is being held in, is filled with silence and silent sobs of loved ones as the preacher begins to speak about Pattie. The white church has been beautifully decorated with Pattie's favorite flowers - Hydrangea - which were littered everywhere in honor of her even for such a heartbreaking event. In the middle of the church is Pattie's open casket, revealing her body covered in a purple dress, which is her favorite color. Beside her casket is a picture of her bright smile since she was once a very happy woman. Beside that is a collage of her and her friends and family but the main thing that stands out is a picture of her and Justin from when he was younger. Their hands are clasped together as they both smile into the camera.
The funeral is decorated to the core in honor of a beautiful soul.
Since Pattie was once known very well in the community she lived at as a beautiful person; the funeral held many people who all were grieving over such a person lost. She was known as the bright soul who welcomed everyone and anything, and that's what the community loved to about her. She was what the community needed, but now she was gone. Everybody had to come and pay their respect.
Sitting in the pew to the right of the casket was Jeremy Bieber, who seemed lost in his thoughts as he zoned out what the preacher was saying. There were some that focused on him, but mainly everybody else attention was towards someone else.
Justin.
Justin sat on the pew opposite to where Jeremy was sitting, his facial expression completely blank and unreadable. Zayn sat beside him, mostly watching his boyfriend, who was as still as a statue. Everybody knew that because his and Jeremy strained terms that Justin hasn't seen his mother in a while, so they could only imagine the thoughts that were coursing through his mind. Those closest to Pattie knew what was going on, and they went to the police numerous of times, but the police always responded to it by saying they didn't have any evidence. Her friends found that sickening and ballistic. The only proof that was needed was the fact that Jeremy was isolating her from her friends and family to prove that he was a controlling asshole who didn't allow his wife to have a life. Justin didn't know this, but the police went to and scoped out his parent's house numerous of times to see what was going on. At the end of the day, they would always come out with nothing suspicious was going on. There was no signs of abuse, or control coming from Jeremy.
They knew that Pattie was scared to stand up to her once loving husband because if things didn't go her way, she knew that he would do something to her. So every time that they bring up that she should go to the police, she always dismissed it. That was the main reason why Jeremy stopped allowing her to see her friends. She always said there was a slim chance that they would believe her, and once Jeremy found out that they were trying to make her do that, he cut them off.
Everything was against Pattie it seems.
Zayn usually could read Justin as clear as day, but it seemed like Justin shut down completely. Even when Zayn placed a hand on Justin's leg, the man didn't react. He just stared at the preacher and Zayn along with everybody knew he wasn't paying attention to what the man was saying.
Zayn just wished that he could see inside of his man mind to see what he was thinking. Zayn wanted to help Justin. He knew this was going to be a rough patch in the road for him, especially with the other things going on in his life, and he just wanted Justin to know that he was there for him. He wanted to shower Justin in his love and affection so that the man knew that he had somebody there for him. He didn't want Justin to think that he was alone at this time because he wasn't. Even though Zayn couldn't relate to how Justin was feeling, Zayn wanted Justin to know that everything will be okay in time. With that thought in mind, Zayn squeezed Justin's knee, getting the slightest twitch from the man, and Zayn sent him a smile even though he couldn't see it before turning back to the preacher, who was allowing the first person to come and pay tribute to Pattie. He wondered if Justin was going to speak.
When everything finishes and everybody spoke, the preacher allowed everyone to view the body. Justin didn't speak, and everybody including his father was surprised but understood for the most part. As they went, the majority of the people were crying, wondering why a soul so pure as hers committed suicide. Even when it was his turn, Zayn cried.
But not Justin.
He thought he didn't deserved to cry.
Because he felt like he failed his mother.
-
People surrounded the area where Pattie is being buried, all holding flowers in their hands. The tears that flew out of most everyone's eyes were inevitable because it was just hitting everyone that they would never see her again. There were loved ones comforting each other, and some who just silently cried. Zayn had his fingers intertwined with Justin, tears occasionally coming from his eyes. Justin, on the other hand, just stood there, jaws clenched as he tried his best to hold that stone look, but they both knew he was close to breaking down. His whole body was tense, including the hand that Zayn was holding.
Before they lower Pattie's body into the ground, one at a time, people stepped up to the casket and placed a rose on top of her body. When it was Justin turn, Zayn walked up there with him. Most were surprised by the sight because they didn't know that Justin was going with a boy, but they kept their mouth shut. For a moment Justin and Zayn stood there, and Zayn looked up at his boyfriend who was slowly crumbling down. Everyone thought that Justin was going to break down, but that wasn't the case. Taking a deep breath, closing his eyes and opening them, Justin let go of the flower, watching as it slowly fell onto his mother's lifeless body.
And after Zayn put his flower in as well they stepped back, Justin gripped tightly onto his boyfriend's hand as people began to close the casket. Once it closes, the casket slowly lowers into the ground. Like a freight train, it all hit Justin, and a lone tear made its way down his cheek.
He was never seeing Patrica Mallette Bieber, his beloved mother, again.
-
"Justin."
Justin turned around from where he and Zayn were previously facing and came face to face with his father. Instead of unleashing everything that he wanted to, he just stared at his father, if he could even call him that anymore, with a blank expression. Millions of thoughts were coursing through his mind as he looked at his disheveled father, but he never voiced any of them.
When Zayn looked at the man, he already knew who it was. It wasn't hard to tell because of the similar features the man had with his boyfriend. He wanted to snap at the man, but for Justin's sake, he didn't.
Instead of responding to his father, Justin just slowly shakes his head, tightening his grip on his boyfriend's hand. Zayn knew that Justin was trying to refrain himself, and he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
From Justin's disobedience, Jeremy's eyes darkened, especially when he noticed that Justin and Zayn were holding hands. "Justin," he calls again, and this time he got what he wanted.
A reaction.
"What!" Justin yells, finally losing it. "What the hell do you want, and what the hell do you have to say to me? Why the hell are you even talking to me? Shouldn't you be shaming me like you've been doing before? What's the difference now, that my mom is dead? Well, newsflash asshole, she's dead because of you!" He screamed, and everyone was silent, watching everything unfold in front of their eyes. Justin body began to shake as the adrenaline, anger, every emotion he was feeling coursed through him. "She's dead because of you," he repeated softly, voice cracking as he finally began to break down. But just like that, his wall was back up, and he was seething. "You stripped everything away from her, and because of that, she took her fucking life. Because of you unaccepting and controlling ass, the only women that I had in my life, is dead. You lost a wife, and guess what? You lost a son as well. Don't you ever dare try to contact me again, or so help me to whatever fucking God there is that you will regret it, old man."
With that, Justin stormed away, pulling Zayn along with him. Zayn just stared at his boyfriend with wide eyes, and he had the urge to cry once again. Justin was shaking as they made their way to Zayn's car, and by the deep breathing he was taking Zayn knew he was trying to calm down. When they made it to the car, Justin lets go of Zayn's hand, not speaking a word, and went to the passenger's side as Zayn unlocked the car. When he was there, he just got in and slammed the door close. Zayn let out a shaky breath before opening the door and getting into the car, closing the door behind himself.
Zayn didn't know what to do. It was tense as hell. He didn't know rather he should start the car, or just reach over and tell Justin to let go of all the emotions that he was holding in. He knew that it wasn't safe to do that and that it was best to let everything out at that moment. So he chose the latter.
So when Zayn placed a hand on Justin's shaking shoulder, it was no surprise to him that Justin finally broke down, tears flowing hard down his cheek as he lets out loud sobs and cries, and Zayn swore on everything he loved that his man didn't deserve what he was going through. With no hesitation Zayn threw his arm around Justin, pulling the man to his chest, ignoring the console in between them. He placed Justin head on his chest, and the man just cried, body shaking intensely as he poured out his emotions to Zayn.
"I-It's my fault Zayn," Justin sobs, shaking his head. "I-If I wasn't scared then maybe, just maybe she would still be alive. I failed her Zayn! I failed the only women that I love in my life, and I have to live with that." And Justin continued crying, throwing his arms around Zayn and holding him tightly.
Zayn didn't respond; he just let Justin cry and cry, knowing that this was what he needed. He knew what Justin was saying wasn't true, but didn't address it at the moment because it didn't seem right. So he did what he thought was right at that moment.
He held Justin, comforting the man through the tough time.
-
It's been two weeks since Pattie's funeral, and Zayn felt like everything was slowly crumbling down.
For the most part since then, he stayed with Justin, making sure the man was alright and had everything that he needed. Whenever Justin would break down, Zayn was there to comfort him, and that's how it was for a few days. That was until Justin said that he wanted to be alone. Zayn was hesitant of leaving, but after Justin just said it was good for him to have some alone time, Zayn made the wish come true. Zayn knew that alone time could be good, but that didn't stop him from worrying that Justin would do something to himself, but Zayn told himself to stop thinking like that. He knew Justin was stronger than what he was thinking at that moment.
Though Justin wished to be left alone, that didn't stop Zayn from calling and texting. Occasionally throughout the days he would text Justin, and the man would respond, but after a few days, the responses died down. Eventually, it has gotten to the point where Justin didn't respond to Zayn's text or calls.
Justin also hasn't been to work either. Zayn heard from some of his students that the first day that he came back to work he started crying in the middle of teaching and left. He hasn't been back to work since, and from there on out it was a substitute. The teachers knew what happened, and most of the students, so they sent their condolences to him.
Zayn felt bad for not being there for him, especially when he broke down in front of his students. Zayn knew that Justin likes to put up this strong front, so him breaking down in front of his class probably put the biggest bruise on his ego. Zayn hopes that Justin didn't let that affect him, but knowing his man, it did.
Zayn just wanted to go over Justin and to cuddle him and let him know that he doesn't have to act like everything is okay because it's not. So after work, he had it set in his mind to go over to Justin's house.
-
Zayn pulled into Justin's driveway, putting the vehicle in park before turning it off and taking off his seat belt. He grabbed his things and got out, locking the door behind himself. He then approached the front door, and when he jiggled the doorknob, it was locked. He got his keys and went to the key that Justin got him a while back. He placed the key inside of the lock and unlocked the door. He took his keys out and opened the door, stepping inside of the dark house. Immediately after he did that, he almost gagged.
The house itself reeked, and Zayn was scared for a moment that something died. He closed the door behind himself and stepped farther inside of the house. When he entered the living room, it was a complete mess. There were things thrown around, trash littering the floors, and it was obvious that Justin hasn't cleaned in a few days. He hesitantly stepped farther into the mess, and he debated for a moment if he should do Justin a favor and clean up for him. Before he could say yes or no to that thought, a voice cuts him off.
"What are you doing here?"
Zayn quickly turned around, coming face with his boyfriend, and he let out a relieved sigh but frowned when he took in Justin's appearance. Justin skin was sickeningly pale, he had dark bags under his eyes, and he looks like he hasn't eaten in days because of how skinny he was. Still, that didn't stop Zayn from going over to him, throwing his arm around his boyfriend's neck.
What Zayn didn't expect was Justin not returning the hug, standing tense and still as a statue. Zayn furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and hurt before unwrapping his arms, stepping back and looking him boyfriend in the face, who had an irritated look. "I'm going to ask you again," Justin started. "What are you doing here?"
Zayn looked down at his feet, and once he caught onto what he was doing he looked his boyfriend in the eyes, and if possible, his expression was worse than it was before. "I came to check on you," Zayn mumbles.
"I'm grown," Justin seethes, catching Zayn off guard by his attitude. "I'm not a damn baby."
Zayn swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, looking down as his feet and this time not stopping himself. "I-I didn't say you were; it's just, I haven't heard from you in a few days. You've stopped responding to my text and calls."
"I know," Justin mutters, and Zayn eyes tear up from Justin's harshness. "I stopped for a reason."
Zayn ignored the hurt and masked it. He was getting irritated. "Justin, talk to me," he says impatiently. "Please," he begs. Instead of responding, Justin looks away, and Zayn felt all of his hope fly away just like that. That didn't stop him from trying again. "Justin, please-"
"Damnit Zayn shut the hell up!" Justin yells, and just like Justin said he shuts up, staring at his boyfriend with his wide, teary eyes and Justin continued. "Don't you get it? I don't want to fucking talk! That's why I told you to leave! I need space! You were fucking bugging me and not leaving me alone!" Justin took a deep breath, looking away as he muttered to himself, "God, you can be so clingy and annoying. No wonder why people in your past abandoned you."
And right after that, Justin realized where he made a mistake.
Justin hesitantly met the eyes of his boyfriend, and his heart broke into a million pieces as the tears welled up in Zayn's eyes. He didn't mean to let that out. Hell, he didn't even know why he let that out. He knew Zayn was a good boyfriend by checking up on him, but he just had a lot of pent up frustrations.
And them frustrations just put his relationship on the line.
"Z-Zayn, I'm so sorry for-"
Slap!
Justin winced, and his eyes widened when he felt a sharp sting in his cheek, and he knew Zayn slapped him. He reached up and cupped his aching, red cheek that was very prominent because of his pale skin. When he looked back at his boyfriend, he swore that he was about to die when he saw the anger, hurt, sadness, and betrayal on his boyfriends face. Zayn was shaking horribly, and Justin was scared that he was about to work himself into a panic attack.
"You know," Zayn scoffs bitterly, wiping the tears in his eyes. "I know you're grieving and everything, but fuck you, Justin Drew Bieber." Before Justin could respond, Zayn stormed off, tears flowing down his cheek as he reached the door, opened it, and slammed it close after he walked out.
Justin just stood there, looking at the door as if Zayn was going to walk right back through him, but he knew that he wasn't. As soon as that settled in his mind, he let out a dry heave as the tears began flowing down his cheeks once again, and this time, for a different reason.
He just lost the two most important people to him, and it was his fault.
-
"Justin? Psst, Justin."
Justin woke up groggily as he heard his name being called, opening his eyes. He fell asleep crying, thinking about Zayn and what he said. The look that plastered on Zayn's face haunted his sleep, and he knew that he could never forgive himself for what he said.
When his vision cleared up, his eyes widened in shock, and then he winced at the striking pain in his head. He had a migraine, but at the moment, he isn't focused on that. He's focused to why Alex, his ex, was standing in his bedroom.
"Alex?" He says dubiously. "What the- what the hell are you doing in here?" He ask incredulously. She was the last person he wanted to see. "How the hell did you get in here?"
"I came to check on you. You haven't called to check on Maisie, and also, the key under the flower pot. You should really change that," she chuckles.
Justin looked at her curiously, and then his eyebrows furrowed in irritation. "You need to leave," he says.
Ignoring what Justin said, she asked, "Do you need anything? By the way, you're looking, I can tell you had a headache," she says worriedly.
Hearing the sincerity in her voice, Justin's eyes softened. Was she really worried about him? He couldn't believe it. He found himself sighing. He craved for somebody else to be there with him, but he knew he ruined that, so this was okay for now.
"Water," he croaks, laying back down. Alex nodded her head, a glint in her eyes, as she walked out of the bedroom, and to the kitchen. Justin sighed, closing his eyes, trying to ignore his aching head and his aching heart. Both of those things were his fault, he thought, and for the most part, it was true.
After a few minutes, Alex came back with a glass of water and sat on the edge of the bed as she gave it to Justin. Justin nodded his head in thanks as he took a sip of the water.
"I'll be back," Alex says suddenly and leaves the room. Justin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but continued to drink the water.
As he drunk the water, he couldn't help but notice that the water tasted... weird. He placed the water down on his nightstand. He felt began to feel funny. His mind was becoming fuzzy, his body felt weak, and he became dizzy. He closed his eyes to try to get rid of the feeling, but it was still there. If anything, closing his eyes made it worse.
"Justin," he heard his name purred. He opened his eyes, and they widened as wide as they could when he saw Alex standing there, naked. She made her way to Justin, and Justin tried to stop the advance she was making on him, but his body wouldn't respond. He felt like everything's drained out of him, and he couldn't move a limb.
"W-what, A-A-Alex?" He stumbled, trying his best to push her back as she climbed on top of him.
"Shh," she whispers as she pulled down Justin's pajama pants. Justin kept mumbling stop, but she ignored it. "I'm going to take care of you."
And after that, everything went blank.
-
Sorry, it's short. This was all I had planned for the chapter and I didn't want to extend it lol.
I edited this chapter while listening to Dead by Madison Beer (on repeat). I'm crying.
Huehuehue x3 Don't hate me I'm fragile lol.
Until next time.