I twist and turn, finally awake after a long night's sleep. After the funerals, I had to deal with all the finances involved in preparing a large funeral for 207 people. I rub the sides of head, a headache forming just from thinking about last night. 207 dead, 207 caskets to pay for, 207 families to bill. I sit up with a yawn and stretch my arms above my head.
I quickly glance over at the clock on my nightstand and see that I have one hour before my meeting with Desmond. A serious disadvantage of being ruler is no time to myself. After the war, I was bombarded with duties and obligations and meetings and paperwork. So. Much. Paperwork.
I grudgingly get up and change into a simple outfit. I roll up the sleeves of my brown shirt and then slip on a pair of socks. I wiggle my toes and look around my room. After growing up in the palace then escaping-twice-I'm back where I started. Every time I walk into my new office, I'm expecting to see Sahil. He practically spent all his time there and now he's in the ground. I sit on the bed I slept in for seventeen years and feel like the past four weeks never happened. I cross my legs and lay back on the bed, I don't feel like a queen, instead it's like I'm still following orders from other people.
A sudden knock on my door has my body groaning as I sit up. I reluctantly open the door, but once I see who's on the other side, I willingly invite them in.
"Hey, Arlo," I say. I haven't had the chance to see him since the funerals, and even then, I wasn't able to talk to him.
"Hey, how's it going."
"Pretty stressed after yesterday," I tell him honestly.
"You did good yesterday," Arlo says. I press my lips together, not quite believing him, "Thanks." Arlo sees my dubious expression and says, "I mean it."
I huff angrily, "I know, but I shouldn't even be in this situation," I look at Arlo. "He forced me onto the throne, Arlo. I didn't want this, I don't want any of this." My voice cracks and I rub my eyes with the pads of my fingertips.
"I know and I'm sorry," he looks down and I can see the guilt weighing him down. "I couldn't even help you." He sounds like I feel and I tilt my head.
"Hey, do not burden yourself with this. You couldn't stop him and that's okay."
"It's not okay though," he says.
I shake my head, "Yes, it is." Arlo looks back up at me and sighs. "Why are you so against ruling anyways?" My lips twist to the side as I think of a way to answer him. Eventually I sigh and go with the truth.
"The prophecy says an ungifted child will become evil-" Arlo opens his mouth to interrupt me, but I hold up a hand to stop him. "Bear with me, I know the prophecy isn't true, but I grew up thinking it was. I spent seventeen years believing that I was going to be evil. Sometimes, I still think that I'm going to wake up and be this horrible person and I don't want that. I don't ever want to be a bad person.
"As for ruling, power corrupts people. The worst people are often the ones in charge. I grew up without power, and now I'm in charge of a whole society, what if it all goes to my head? I'm just afraid that I'll become the tyrant everyone thinks I am."
Arlo gives me a small smile and takes a step closer to me and for the first time, I don't step away. "Power," he says, "Doesn't make people evil." He keeps walking closer to me and his proximity has heat pooling in my cheeks. His stare is captivating and I can't seem to look away from him. "You're a good person, Arie, and nothing will ever change that." Arlo lowers his head a fraction and I can't help but ask, "Are you..." he settles a hand on my cheek making me briefly forget what we're talking about, "Sure?" I eventually manage to say.
Instead of answering, he presses his lips against mine and the soft pressure has my toes curling. Bolder than I ever been before, I lean forward and kiss him back. His hand slides to the back of my head as the kiss deepens. I sigh softly and let my eyes drift close.
When he pulls away, I sway slightly, and smile up at him. His eyes are staring into mine and he's also smiling, "I'm sure." He slides his arms around my waist, completely distracting me.
"About what?" I mumble. I place my head on his chest and he laughs at me. My smile gets wider and I forget about Desmond and Tulsa and ruling. I forget about everything in his embrace and let happiness wash over me.
"About you," he says. "You are going to be a great ruler." He rubs his hands up and down my arms, "The type of ruler who changes everything for the better."
I lean my head back to look at him fully and smile, "Fizza said something very similar to that."
"What?" he asks.
"She said I was going to change everything."
Arlo takes his hands off my arms and steps back a little. "I think that's why Desmond forced you to take the throne. I think he knew that you're capable of changing the whole world. He needed a revolutionary and he found one."
I ponder over his thoughts, but... "Me? A revolutionary?" I give Arlo a look of complete skepticism.
Arlo smiles, and I wish to never see his frown again, "The Revolutionary."
"Another title to add to my growing list of names," I say. I list off the names in my head: The Salvare, The Ruler of the North, The Revolutionary, Arie. I wonder if I'll ever add my real name to that list. The thing about all those names though, is that they all feel wrong. How can I be so much, all at once? How can I be a savior, a ruler, a revolutionary, and an ungifted girl?
Looking at Arlo, I realize that I can't be all those people and still be me. I don't even know who I am, all my life, other people have chosen who I would be. I want to know when I'll get the chance to decide for myself who I get to be.
Mentioning Desmond has my mind snapping back into reality. I don't have time to ponder who I am or if I'm a revolutionary or not. Yet, I gave Desmond time to think of my replacement, to find a different revolutionary, but he still chose me.
"Why me? Why would Desmond choose me?" I ask Arlo repeatedly before stepping away from him. I tilt my head towards the floor as my mind figures out an answer. I start to pace back and forth in my palace room trying desperately to come up with some answers.
I try to think like a leader, like a ruler, like a tyrant. Oh, for the love of all that's holy, that's it! Think like a tyrant.
"He wants to control everything," I say-just like a tyrant would. I calculate all that has happened and start to put all the pieces together. "He wants to control every society, but since he can't physically do it himself, he's going to use us. He can't take all four thrones, so he's going to rule through us. Through me, through you, and through his own son. It all makes sense now, he thinks I'm weak, weak enough for him to control.
"And you," I say and point to Arlo, "you're so loyal to him, he believes you will do everything he asks. Then there's Nome, who is so young and impressionable. Plus, once Desmond reveals he's his father, Nome will fall to his knees to gain his approval. We're all susceptible to deception and to Desmond. He's a tyrant in disguise, Arlo."
While I feel like I discovered that the Earth isn't flat, Arlo looks like I beat him to death. His pale skin is now ghostly white and his eyes are wide and disbelieving. "Desmond wouldn't do that to us," he says. He shakes his head, "...to me."
I watch Arlo as he stares blankly at the wall. I don't know how to convince him of Desmond's treachery. I believe, with all that I am, that Desmond is exactly the type of man to use others for power.
"Maybe he does want to help our kind, but I think he wants more than that." I go over to Arlo and place my hands on his shoulders, "I truly believe that he wants power over every society and using us is the only way for him to do so."
Arlo shakes me off and storms to the door. In a detached voice, he says, "We have a meeting to go to, let's go." Moments ago, we were so close, and now I feel as though we've drifted miles apart, in only a matter of seconds.
"The meeting can wait," I grab Arlo's arm. "Arlo please, think this through."
He shrugs off my hand, "We have a meeting to get to." I stare blankly at him as he walks out my door and like always, I follow behind silently.