For the past couple weeks, I have been following a consistent schedule: wake up, eat breakfast with Arlo, inform Desmond on everything I know, train, weapons practice, eat lunch with Winn, more combat training, war planning, dinner, and sleep.
Everything has been well, until today. Today, I die...well, technically the day I was supposed to die. The execution Sahil scheduled for me is at noon today.
When I woke up, I was overwhelmed with dread. Now, I stare blankly at my food and push it around with my fork. Arlo hasn't said a word to me, but continues to glance over at me every five seconds.
I stab a piece of broccoli and attempt to bring it to my mouth, but halfway up, my hand falls limp to the table. I can feel the weight of my impending death on my shoulders.
Logistically, I know there's no way Sahil can come and get me and still execute me at noon, but I can't escape the endless possibilities of what would've been. I would have been killed for no reason. Sahil would've ended my life to stop a prophecy he knew was never going to be fulfilled.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Arlo grumbles. I shake my head, not saying nothing, but saying that I don't want to talk about it.
"Don't shake your head, use your words." I sigh because what is the point of hiding the truth? "I'm supposed to die today." I turn my head towards him, "my execution is scheduled at noon."
He nods, "you're not dying today."
"I know," I say. "It's unsettling though. I should feel immortal, like I escaped death, but I don't. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff and Sahil is seconds away from pushing me down."
"You're safe here," he says.
"Again, I know that, but for some reason, I can't stop feeling like I'm on death row." Arlo pushes his plate away and puts his elbows on the table. "I don't know how to make you feel better, but I can give you a distraction." He sounds weird and I don't understand what he's talking about, so I ask him what he means.
Arlo doesn't look at me, but he does start talking. "I had a brother," he says. While the crowd in the cafeteria roars with voices, I stay quiet. It's the first time he's revealing information about himself to me and I don't miss his use of had instead of have.
It's like a give and take between us and for the first time, he's giving me a part of himself. "He was two years older than me," Arlo continues. When he stops there, I urge him on, "what happened?"
"Desmond found us when I was eight years old and he tried to get us both out of the South, but he couldn't. My brother, Phoenix, he was shot by a racer. The racer took to the sky and had a clear shot at Phoenix and...he took it." Arlo's voice becomes unsteady and he takes in a shaky breath. I put a hand on his shoulder, an act of comfort, and Arlo looks at me.
"You asked me why I trust Desmond so much." I nod and he continues, "when my brother died, I didn't blame Desmond, like at all. But Desmond felt guilty and he blamed himself. I remember that day like it was yesterday. When me and Desmond were out of harm's way, he kneeled in front of me and apologized. He had real tears in his eyes and he truly felt horrible that he couldn't save the both of us. He was the first person to ever try to help me and my brother, the first person to care about us. It's easy to be loyal to a man like him."
My hand tightens on his shoulder as I search for adequate words. I never had anyone, so I never truly lost anyone. I guess there's my parents, but I never knew them, so their absence doesn't sting like it should.
"I'm sorry," is what comes out, but I know it's not enough. Sometimes words are useless and this situation requires more than words, but I'm at a loss of what to do.
"I know," he says softly.
I remove my hand from his shoulder, "I don't know how to comfort you, I've never had to comfort someone before." I say as an apology.
"You don't need to comfort me," his voice is steady again and his face is expressionless.
"Yes, I do." Distraction, maybe? He distracted me, maybe I should do the same to him.
I shift in my seat, lean towards him, and press my lips to his cheek. Electricity mixes with nerves and I start to blush. I pull away and shock is written across his face. "Thank you," I say.
"For what?" He whispers.
"For telling me something about yourself." After hearing about his brother, Arlo is finally starting to make sense to me.
"No problem," he says.
"Was he ungifted, like you?" I ask.
"Yeah, that's why I never believed in the prophecy. I grew up with someone whose existence shattered the whole thing." I nod, understanding more of what he went through.
Arlo looks down at my food and changes the subject, "Y
You better finish that, your meeting with Desmond starts soon." I spare a glance at my unfinished food and push it away, "I think I'm going to head out early."
"Not hungry? You barely touched your food." I shake my head and pick up my tray. "Do you need me to walk you there?" Arlo asks. "No, thank you."
"You sure?"
"I think I can find my way." I have been following the same schedule for weeks, so it shouldn't be a problem.
"Okay, don't get lost," Arlo warns. I smile gently and say a quick goodbye.
Walking the halls by myself is strange, but luckily I'm able to find my way. I spot the door to the meeting room and check my watch. My new watch is gold and tiny, but it shines brightly in the dimly lit tunnel. Desmond gave me the watch the same day he gave me my schedule. He said I am never to be late and stressed how important punctuality is. When I read the watch, I realize I'm only a few minutes early.
I step up to the door and raise my hand to knock, but hesitate when I hear voices from inside. The voices are so loud, that I can almost hear them perfectly through the wall. When I hear Nome's name, I gently press my ear to the door and listen in.
"-all positive," Desmond says. His voice rings clearly pass the door. "He's too young!" The second voice is a frustrated Tulsa.
"I don't care; I want him on the throne!" Desmond responds. My gasp is muffled by my hand. My eyes widen and I close them to fully concentrate on Desmond and Tulsa's conversation.
"He'll be rejected," Tulsa claims.
"That's a risk I'm willing to take," Desmond says. My eyes flick open and I dash away from the door. I don't want to push my luck because Tulsa could swing through that door any minute.
I turn a corner and put my hands on my knees and I struggle to wrap my head around what I just heard. Desmond is willing to risk Nome's life. Why? Why does he want Nome on the throne?
I have to tell Arlo, maybe he will have an answer for me. This also explains why Nome had taken so many tests. Desmond probably wanted to make sure he was physically able to take the throne. Winn might also benefit from knowing that little piece of information so I'll tell him and Arlo together.
My head snaps up when I hear the meeting room door open. Tulsa says a quick goodbye to Desmond, but it was far from being a nice farewell. She's definitely angry with Desmond and I can understand why.
I detach my grip from my knees and stand up to my full height. I make my face as impassive as I can and walk to Desmond. When I get to the meeting room, I knock softly on the door, half hoping Desmond decides not to open it. The door swings open immediately and my hope flies away like a feather in the wind.
"Come in," he says. I don't detect any of the frustration I heard in his voice when he was talking to Tulsa, so I'll take that as a good sign.
"Can I ask you something?" I say.
Desmond looks surprised, but he spreads out a hand, "go ahead." I rub the back of my neck nervously, "have you found someone to take the Northern Throne? Someone that's not me?"
"Why? Have you changed your mind?" There's a tinge of hope coating his words, but my no sends a strong wind and his hope flies away, chasing after mine. "I figured," He says. "And no we haven't found someone yet."
"I don't want to concern you, but you're running low on time."
He nods, "I know, but we need to be careful with this decision. This war will change everything and it all starts with the North. Whoever we put on the Northern throne will become a revolutionary, we need to be careful with who we choose."
"Do you have any thoughts on who could rule?" I just need to know that Desmond is thinking about possible replacements and no longer wants me on the throne.
"A few," he says. "Any more questions?" he asks me.
I shake my head back and forth, "Not at the moment."
"Good, take as seat and tell me more about the palace."
#
When I finished my meeting with Desmond, I skipped my training and went straight to see Winn. It took me awhile to find out where he was, but I eventually found him in the cafeteria talking to some girl. I don't want to interrupt his conversation, but I need to tell him what I learned.
I gently tap his shoulder to gain his attention and squish the panic that is crawling at my throat when Winn and the girl turn to look at me. "Hey, Arie," Winn says.
"Umm hi," I glance at the girl, "sorry to interrupt, but-"
"It's no problem, I'm Fizza, Sterling's sister." I look back and forth between the two and ask, "Sterling?" All my time here and I've never heard that name.
Winn speaks up, "Oh, he's my boyfriend. And Fizza, this is my friend Arie, she's-"
"Oh, I know who she is. The infamous Ungifted from the North. I knew who she was the second I saw her eyes." Sometimes I wish I could switch out my eyes for new ones.
Winn clears his throat, "Do you need something?"
"Umm, when you have time, can I talk to you?" my gaze cuts to Fizza, "privately? I don't want to be rude, but it's important."
Winn looks suspicious, but says, "Yeah, sure. Just let me finish up here and I'll meet you in your room."
I smile gratefully, "Okay, I'll meet you then." I start to walk away, but turn at the last second, "It was nice to meet you Fizza, maybe I'll see you around."
She smiles a full, white, bright smile, "It was nice meeting you, too." I smile, hoping maybe after this war, I can finally settle down and make some new friends.
As I walk around the tunnels, looking for Arlo, I wonder about war. How long does a typical war last? How long will this war last? Will I even make it out of the war? I shrug my shoulders, frustrated with the abundance of questions and my lack of answers.
Arlo told me that his room is two tunnels away from mine, but didn't provide any more detail than that. I search the tunnels, but pass all the doors. There are no names on the rooms, just numbers painted on the doors. The number on my door is 86 and it's painted in gold. All the other numbers are painted in red, but apparently people love making me stand out.
I'm too afraid to knock on the doors so I continue to pass through the hallways. I sigh, annoyed with my weakness. I can't be weak forever so I stop in front of a random door. I raise a shaky hand and move to knock on the door, "Arie?"
My head snaps to the right, where my name came from. I lower my hand swiftly as I see Arlo walking out a door from the other side of the tunnel. I almost opened the wrong door, I shiver slightly and walk over to Arlo.
I look at the door behind him, "Number 63, knowing that could've saved me a lot of time." I say with a smile.
"What are you doing here?" He asks me. I look away from his door and into his eyes. "I need to tell you something."
"Now?"
"If you're available, yes." I say.
"Okay." He doesn't leave so I'm going to assume he's free. "Okay, we're meeting in my room." I start to lead the way and Arlo asks, "we?"
"Yes, Winn is coming." I don't look back at Arlo to see if he cares, I do almost stop walking when I see Winn waiting at my door. I rush to him, "I'm sorry you had to wait. Finding Arlo was a lot harder than I thought it would be." Thinking about it now, I should've asked Winn if he knew where Arlo lived.
Winn smiles and I say, "You don't have a mad bone in your body, do you?"
Winn shrugs, "I try not to." My lips shift to a grin and I open my door.
The two boys follow me in and I start to pace and talk at the same time. "You know how Winn said they did tests on Nome? Well I was going to speak with Desmond like I usually do, but I overheard him and Tulsa talking. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard Nome's name and I couldn't help myself."
I stop pacing and turn to the boys. When I spot both of them staring at me, my mouth freezes. I shake my head and force the rest of the words out, "They want Nome to take the throne." I close my mouth and press my lips together, patiently waiting for one of them to respond.
Both Arlo and Winn speak at the same time, "Are you sure?" Arlo asks me while Winn asks, "Isn't he too young?"
I answer Winn's question first, "Yes, he is too young, way too young." I shift my gaze over to Arlo, "and yes I'm sure, I heard Desmond say he wants Nome on the throne. What I don't know is, why. Why would Desmond want a child in charge of a whole society?"
Arlo stares at the ceiling, "Why Nome? I mean, out of all the children in the East, why him?" Arlo looks down at me, "What makes Nome so important?"
I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know." I turn to Winn, "Do you know anything about the results of Nome's tests?"
Winn shakes his head, "No, I only know that he's physically healthy."
Arlo speaks to Winn, "Do you have any idea what makes Nome so special or why Desmond wants him on the throne?"
Winn repeats his earlier head movement, "No, he seems like every other child we have."
I sigh in frustration and Winn notices, "Look, I'll ask around and see if I can get some answers."
I give Winn a smile, "You would do that for me?"
"Of course, I'm actually very curious, myself. I'll even talk to Nome later and see his opinion on things."
"Thank you," I tell him. I am so grateful for the opportunity to get some real answers. I can't exactly go up to Desmond and ask him about it because even though he said he would tell me everything, I know he was lying.
"Welcome. The second I find out anything, I'll find you and let you know." Now, he's the type of guy who is honest and is someone I can count on. He says he has to go and when he leaves, I shift towards Arlo.
I bite my lip and wonder if Arlo is a friend. After what he told me about his brother, I feel like he is a friend. I just don't know if he sees me as a friend.
"Is there something else you wanted to say?" He asks me. My expression must've made him realize that something new is occupying my mind.
"Did you know Winn has a boyfriend?"
He nods and says, "I'm guessing you didn't." No, I didn't and I don't know if that's a bad thing or not. "Do friends usually tell each other about their relationships?" I've never had a friend, so I have no idea what friends talk about.
Arlo seems to get what I'm not saying and looks at me with a gentle gaze, "Yes, that is something friends talk about, but just because Winslow didn't mention Sterling, doesn't mean that he doesn't see you as a friend. By the way he looks at you, I know that he cares about you."
I try to let his words ease my worries about this. "I know it seems childish, but friendship is important to me and I really like Winn."
"And he really likes you. Believe me when I tell you that there's nothing childish about wanting to have friends." I nod and another question pops into my head. I look at the ground, feeling a tad bit shy about asking this, but I want to know.
"What about you?" I ask him. "Would you tell me if you were dating someone?"
I risk a glance up and I swear my eyes are betraying me because Arlo is smiling. He's actually smiling, which is so different from the frown that always occupies his face. His smile is crooked and edges up more to the right and it fills his face with so much...youthfulness. He finally looks like a nineteen-year-old guy, his smile shedding years off him.
"Are you asking me if you're my friend?"
"Maybe," I say, even though that is exactly what I'm asking.
He edges closer to me and I fight the urge to step away, "Yes, we are friends." As cheesy as it sounds, my lips form a smile as wide as his.
"Good," I say. He laughs and now my ears are betraying me.
His laughter rings out and brightens the whole room. I swear if we were outside, the clouds would've separated just so the sun could shine on him. "I love your laugh," I tell him. It's times like these, that I appreciate honesty. Times when the truth does more good than harm.
Expect his laugher soon dies and his lips fall into his natural frown. "Really? I complement you on your laugh and your response is to stop laughing." I shake my head, "You're a strange guy, Arlo." A smile tugs at the edge of his lips and I know he wants to grace the world with another smile, but he's fighting so hard against it.
I walk over to him and poke his arm, "Smile. Laugh. Stop frowning." I list them off like orders and he looks down at me, still attempting not to smile. "I thought you didn't like bossing people around?"
"I think I'm warming up to it," anything to make him smile again. "Please," I ask, "for me?" As if my asking was enough, he gives me another smile, not as wide or as crooked, but a smile nonetheless. I smile back at him and completely believe in our friendship.
"Aren't you supposed to be training?" he asks me suddenly.
Nodding, I respond, "Yes, but I needed to talk to you guys first."
"Well, if you want to stay out of trouble, I would run to the training room."
"What should I tell them?" I ask Arlo. He shrugs his left shoulder and says, "I don't know, tell them you got lost or something."
"I think I'll just avoid answering them, if they ask me anything that is." Arlo looks at me in a nonjudgmental way and says, "So you're against lying, but not avoidance?"
"The truth can be avoided, but I'd rather not diminish it all together by outright lying." Maybe avoidance is just as bad, but it doesn't make me feel guilty, not like lying does.
"Okay, go avoid your questions before you get in trouble." Together we leave my room, but break off in opposite directions. I head of to the training room and act as though nothing happened. For the rest of the day, I settle back into my normal routine and try not to let all my questions slow me down.