Chapter Fifty One
Nathan's eyebrows crinkle up as my words sync in. "I can't talk right now Riley. My shift ends in two hours, how about then?" he asks.
"What if I don't have two hours to spare?" I slide my sweaty hands over my leg as I try to remove the build-up of moisture. And then my legs begin to violently shake from the nerves coursing through my body. If I don't get the chance to clear things up with Nathan, then I'll spend my plane flight stressing over how I'm going to sort out the situation.
"Give me a moment to discuss this with my supervisor," he says.
"Please hurry," I plea.
"I'll be as quick as I can," he replies. Nathan puts the pen and paper in his apron as he rushes away from the table and back to the kitchen doors. I feel awkward waiting for him and standing alone. I cross my arms over my chest and look continue to look around the restaurant with a half interested face.
Relief consumes me when I catch Nathan's body emerging from the kitchen. He's no longer wearing the black apron but still dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white button down blouse with the company's name and logo sticked neatly over the right breast.
"I've got ten minutes to spare. What did you need to talk about?"
"Ten minutes will have to do," I reply.
Without wasting a precious moment of our thinning time, I make the first move to exit the restaurant. The tables around us have begun filling up and don't provide adequate privacy. So I move to the lobby in hopes of finding a quiet corner or space to share alone. But everywhere I look, I see people standing in groups talking or occupying the waiting couches and other designated spaces.
I weave between bodies and spaces in the lobby as I try to find somewhere. I'm halted in my tracks when Nathan grabs a hold of my wrist and pulls me to face him.
"What are you looking for?"
My eyes don't meet his, they continue to scan the environment behind him as I reply, "Somewhere private to talk."
From the distance I spot a pair of double unmarked black doors, which appear promising. I know it won't present any favours to on looking people when we disappear or reappear later, but it offers the private space I desire.
Before I can suggest these doors to Nathan, he takes charge of the situation. He grabs my hands and tugs my arm as he leads me behind him. The long strides he takes and the amount of people loitering around makes it difficult to keep up with him.
When we get near the doors, Nathan looks around the room and then slips through the doors when nobody is looking. I'm not surprised to find it's a dusty, stinky, dark storage room that's not often used.
"I've missed you," he whispers. The ample light seeping in through the door crash illuminates the outline of a small grin spreading across his face.
"I've missed my pancakes." We laugh. From within the darkness, I feel Nathan grab my hand and lace his fingers within mine. His warm hands make my heart races and small tingles flutter up my spine.
"Where have you been?" Nathan asks. The sad tone of his voice tugs on my heart strings. How am I supposed to leave him? I feel like I'm acting as if he means nothing to me, when in reality, he means a lot to me. And because of that, I need to stop being selfish and say goodbye. Alex is right; I can't hurt Nathan like I've been doing in the past.
"I've just been busy with life. Dad has me running around doing all these crazy things," I try to joke but I feel the tension rising in the air.
"We should hang out tonight, eat pancakes." The mentioning of pancakes makes my stomach grumble and the rest of my insides tingle with happiness. I bet Alex doesn't know my love for pancakes.
"I have a flight early tomorrow morning, so it will be my last chance to see you," he explains.
"That's actually the reason why I'm here." I pause, taking a moment to breathe and calm my racing heart, "I've come to say goodbye."
Despite having these words out in the open, it doesn't make me feel any better. There's still a heavy weight on my chest, crushing my heart. I see the outline of Nathan's head drop. His gesture makes my heart sink further. If I thought things were hard, just seeing him curl away in misery is making my job a whole lot harder.
"Can I say one thing before you leave?" Nathan asks his voice just audible.
"Yes." I gulp.
Instead of words being launched at me, I feel Nathan's solid body quickly press up against mine. The force of him pushes me up against a cold wall. I'm taken back by the sudden gesture, but I don't get a second to comment on it because a pair of soft lips connects with mine.
I'm tempted to push this kiss further and savour the last moment of Nathan, but his body suddenly jerks away and I'm left standing there like a stunned deer caught in the head lights.
My lips still tingle from his kiss and my stomach left in tight knots. This kiss should feel wrong and I should be sick to my stomach, but the desire building up in the pit on my stomach isn't to slap him, but to slam him up against the wall and explore his body.
Alex makes me feel alive with emotions and feelings I never thought I had in my body. He's shown me a whole new side to what my life could offer and a personality and confidence I'd only dreamed about possessing. But Nathan, I feel like my old self, natural, that I don't need to try or distort my imager to please him. They both feel somewhat right and wrong.
Had I made the wrong choice choosing to be with Alex? He might have had that sexy alluring charm only he could possess, but are looks and simular lifestyle choices really something that should determine who I should have feeling for when I have someone like Nathan standing in front of me.
Sweet Nathan with beautiful blue charming eyes and that mop of blonde hair on his head. Could I really decline a man who lights up at the sight of me - the real me, not the one hiding behind a fake mask? But I can't deny that Sienna isn't a part of me or that she doesn't exist. Sienna is a part of me Nathan knows nothing of.
But Alex, he's what I need, what Sienna needs to succeed in this world. He's the kind of person I'm expected to be with. And he's the end product to my decision that I can't change now.
"Goodbye Nathan," I whisper.
I don't wait for a reaction, I grab a hold of the doorknob and yank the door open and remove myself from the room. I leave Nathan behind in the storage room without sparing a second glance. I make my way to the free elevator and disappear from the lobby.
Upon arriving in my room, I have to stop myself from shaking. Had I really just told Nathan goodbye? All of my thoughts wander over to memory of Nathan and I sitting down laughing and eating pancakes. My heart tingles over the fond memory, but the idea of him standing all by himself in the storage room with his sad pouty look on his face immediately breaks my heart.
Pushing forwards, I enter the bedroom and start putting the second outfit on. Slipping into the leggings, I pick up the black crop top and tug that on. I notice the mask resting on the edge of the bed. I stare daggers at it before I pick it up and put it on.
Soon everything will get better; I just need to keep moving forwards.
With my limited time, I rush downstairs to meet Archer standing outside the elevator section waiting for me.
"Did you manage to sort things out?" he questions as he takes my bag off me.
"I have a feeling I made everything worse." Dropping my head, I start playing with my fingers. From the corner of my eye, I catch Nathan slipping out of the storage room and walking towards the restaurant.
He doesn't bother to hide the distraught look on his face - and that makes my insides burn knowing that I am the reasoning for his unhappiness. Was it really necessary for me to break his heart? Couldn't he just be happy with the idea of meeting someone and linger on the idea of her?
"Are you ready to go Sienna?" Something clicks inside of me and I feel the need to console Nathan and make him feel better.
"I'll be back in a second." I dash off in the direction of Nathan, reaching him just before he enters the restaurant.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"I don't want to talk about it Sienna," he grumbles under his breath.
"When you get off your flight, come to mine and we can have a fun night and eat junk food and talk," I suggest.
"I'll think about it." Nathan tries to grin, but it's not promising.
"Okay. I need to go, but I'll see you later," I say with a hopeful grin. Nathan nods his head and slips inside the busy restaurant. I wait a minute and watch him disappear inside the kitchen doors before I retreat to Archer.
"Better?" he questions.
"Alex isn't going to be impressed when he finds Nathan in my room, but I really couldn't say goodbye to him," I confess.
Sienna might not need him, but Riley certainly does. I can't forget him.