Alex
I start off the new year with the longest day I've ever had. It started with a morning shift at the 24-hour shop, where I took over Yano's night shift. As the owner he usually works all the night shifts. To me his life seems sober and sad, but he seems to be content with it. He says that he wouldn't be able to pay us for all the night shifts because it is much more expensive than day shifts. I don't mind. Working at night has never been my favourite thing to do.
But after I finished at three I had to go straight to the bar where I'm about to work my first ever shift. I'm afraid to fall asleep on the tube but somehow I manage to arrive in time. The bar is at the other side of Liam's flat and I understand the appeal of Logan to work here. If traffic is bad or public transportation is delayed it takes me an hour to get home. He can go to work by foot.
From the outside the bar doesn't really look like one but inside it is pretty obvious. It's a mixture of an old pub and some modern touches. What surprises me the most is that it's packed at four in the afternoon. I think most, if not all of the customers, are students enjoying their free time or doing their homework. It's a cosy yet quiet atmosphere and looks more like a coffee shop than a pub.
Logan is behind the bar reading a magazine and his face lights up when he sees me. The last time we spoke was with New Years. He repeated his offer to me and Harry, but we declined again. Judging by his grin he's not feeling one bit bothered by that so I try to overlook that too.
"Alex," he says. "How wonderful to see you. Come here."
A bit uncertain I step behind the bar. Logan comes to stand next to me, his smile still plastered on his face.
"Ever worked in a bar before?" He wonders and I shake my head.
"Never, only a coffee shop," I mumble, suddenly wishing I could work more hours at the store so I wouldn't need this job. I don't have any experience in bartending. Only being the customer.
"It's quite simple. We'll just work this shift together. You'll be fine. As you can see most of them are enjoying the free Wi-Fi more than my qualities. Come sit!"
He points to the corner of the bar where he was sitting on a stool. The magazine he was reading is lying open and I'm surprised by the content.
"You always read this?" I ask pointing the article about how to learn to manipulate people. It is in a magazine full with articles about the brain and its psyche.
"I studied psychology. Since I can't seem to find any work in that department I try to keep up to date with trash like this, and it keeps me from dying of boredom," he says. "But now I have you to focus on. So tell me, who are you?"
"Is this a free session?" I ask him, leaning against the bar.
"If you want it to be. So?"
"I'm Alex," I say sounding dumb.
"And what are Alex's dreams?" He asks and I frown a bit.
I'm not sure if Logan is just taking the piss out of me or if this is his way of communicating. Trying to play it safe I come up with another dumb answer.
"Just trying to stay alive," I tell him and it makes him laugh.
"Sorry, I'm not usually like this," he says. "I'm just kidding. How are you enjoying being back so far?"
Feeling a little more at ease now that I know he's not a complete weirdo, I answer him for real. "The holidays have been nice, but for the rest I won't lie. I miss my old work and my life in Palas."
"I'm afraid that working here isn't going to live up to being a lifeguard," he pauses for a moment and throws away his magazine. "Fuck that. I find you much more interesting. Want a drink?"
"Water," I tell him and he stops by the tap.
"I mean, I know you are trying not to drink, but you have to learn to tap a good pint."
"I can learn without drinking it, can't I?"
"Sure, whatever suits you," he says and he grabs a water from the cooling under the bar. "Do you mind if I drink?"
"I mean, no I don't," I answer frowning.
"Don't worry. The boss doesn't either. He likes me best when I'm drunk. So are you and the boyfriend fine?"
"Yes," I tell him. Although his words from our fight still echo in my ear, I do feel that we're on the right path again. "He was flattered by your offer on New Years."
"I missed you that night, yes. Offer still stands if you want to spice things up."
"We're not lacking in spice."
"I see. Aren't you guys lucky," he says sarcastic. "So absolutely nothing wrong with you two? Perfect?"
"What about you and Sophie?" I ask not wanting to answer his question.
"We are perfect. Sophie is the only one who can deal with me."
"Which is the most important thing in a relationship," I deadpan, feeling sorry for Sophie that she has to deal with him.
"If you ask me, yes. If you can't- what's the point of being together? I mean, I love her to death if that makes you feel better. And I like to think I'm the only one that can deal with her. You know, in a 'she's the one for me' kind of way."
"Yeah, well. That makes a bit more sense," I tell him and his words make me think.
"Now let's start with working," he says, clapping his hands once, pushing my thoughts to the back.
For the rest of the night he learns me how the checkout works, the coffee machine and I master the skill of tapping the best beer. While working and instructing me, Logan is okay, although he sometimes has a direct and weird way of expressing himself. Still, I doubt if I want to stay when he asks me for a nightcap, without alcohol of course, as we clean up the last of the bar.
"Sure you don't want to stay?"
"I'm sorry, but I'm off. It's been a long and tiring day," I tell him and as soon as I think about how early I had to get up and how late it is now, I know it is best to go home.
"That's okay," he says polishing up the last glasses. "I hope you had fun tonight?"
"Yes, thank you. I'm sure I'll manage fine from now on."
"It's not that difficult," he says. "Of course on the weekends it is a bit more busy, but then you always work together."
"Well, maybe I'll see you on one of my next shifts," I tell him and we chit chat our way out of the bar as Logan closes it off.
I explain to him that I only got a small contract as Dean, Nina's sister who arranged this job for me, worked one or two nights a week. I just hope that the next time that I have to work I still remember everything.
"You'll be fine," Logan reassures me. "It's not rocket sience and you have some experience."
"Still, it might be better if I just try to get more hours at the 24-hour shop. Honestly, this is a lot of traveling."
"Are you doubting if you should take it?" He wonders as he waits with me at the bus stop. He of course doesn't need to take the bus as he lives above the bar, but is kind enough to wave me off.
"A little bit," I admit to him.
Harry's words still ring in my ear that I'm like his sister and living off his money, so I want to work a lot to earn money. It's also something that is in my veins to work hard and I'm used to making long days and work several jobs to pay the bills, but maybe having had only one job in Palas has spoilt me and the prospect of going back and forth between north and south London isn't making me happy.
Also working in a bar like this might not be the best job for me in the state that I'm in. Logan might not have noticed it, but it was hard to not simply drink a beer like he did. Just like the bottle of wine that Tessa gave me a while back, I could only stare and felt intimidated by it. Tonight only a few people inside the bar drank, but I can only image what it will be like in the weekends.
"Well, just think about it. Nothing is set in stone," Logan says. "I'm heading off, it is cold. See you around!"
He gives me a wave as he walks away, back to his house and for a small moment I wished I hadn't decided to go live with Harry straight away. Maybe it would have been better if I'd found a room in this flat as well. Live closer to Liam and have a bit more sanity than I've had the past days. It is hard to live with Harry again and act as if nothing happened. As if his ex isn't making a big rentree to his life and I'm not hurt by things he has said. Harry's brain works differently and he forgets everything, while for me words stay with me longer, growing bigger in my head and awaking my demons.
Once in the bus that isn't crowded and therefore bearable I'm able to read some of my text messages. Although Logan reassured me that it's okay to check every once in a while since we don't really have a break, it felt a bit wrong to do it under work time. Like I expected there is some from Liam.
Liam: how is work with Logan?
Alex: logan isn't as weird as I thought.
it was fine, but i don't know if it is the job for me.
Liam: why so?
Alex: just the alcohol around me. being in a pub.
i'm not so sure if its right for me.
Liam: maybe I can look in to some work at the hospital?
Like serving food and stuff.
Alex: please do. I'm just going to text to the boss
that I'm not going to continue or is that too drastic?
Liam: maybe just try one more time?
Alex: yeah you're right.
Liam: will you tell Harry?
Alex: of course, why wouldn't I?
Liam: don't know. Just asking.
Alex: i'm just going to try one more time and if it still freaks me out,
i still have my work at the store. he won't get upset
Liam: okay. Good night! X
I know why Liam's asking if I'm going to tell Harry, but I can't really lie to him. His words about me living off his money still bother me, but I have work and I promised to start paying half of the rent. When I decided to come back Harry agreed that I would just pay for groceries and my own stuff, but that I wouldn't start paying for the house until I had a full time job.
After a long day I finally arrive home and instead of finding Harry already tucked up in bed, he's in the living room and he's not alone. It takes me by complete surprise to see Sage so late in the evening.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask scared something is wrong with her or someone else of our family.
"Oh, it is not bad news," she says quick walking towards me. Harry stands up from the couch and looks to me with a small smile when Sage pulls me in for a hug. "I'm pregnant!"
Feeling shocked to the core as she presses a kiss on my cheek, I don't know what to say.
"She really wanted to tell you first," Harry says.
"Yes, it is still so early but I just couldn't keep it to myself. Sorry to barge in here." She looks me in the eyes as she realizes that I haven't said a word yet.
"Congratulations," I tell her. "I feel honoured that you came so late."
"Oh, I can't sleep anyways, but you look tired. Are you okay?"
"It's just that I started this morning at seven and only just finished work. I'm tired that's all. But so happy for you."
I hug her again and look Harry in the eyes. He looks a bit sad as if he knows that besides happiness I also feel a little bit of pain. Because Harry doesn't want this with me. The joy of starting a new life together. But I don't want to let it bother me.
"Thanks," she says after we've hugged for the second time. "I'll let you sleep then."
I walk her to the door and tell her again how happy I am for her, but I'm even more happy to close the door. Harry still stands in the middle of the living room and I pass him to go to the kitchen for a glass of water.
"She was so hyper, I couldn't send her away."
"That's okay. It's great news, I understand that she wanted to share it."
"Are you okay? You look upset?"
"Do I?" I ask turning around to face him. "I'm not. I really am just tired. It's been a long day and the fucking bus and tube.. doesn't make things better."
"I'll let you sleep then," he says and I kiss him on his cheek.
After a shower and a quick snack, I settle in our bed and wait for Harry to come too. He hasn't asked about my first shift and I want to tell him. But he doesn't come to our bed and I fall asleep before he finally joins me.