Harry
Shame isn't even the word to describe how I'm feeling right now. Certainly I thought that seeing Alex meet my mother and father would be difficult since she's the only person in the world who knows everything about my relationship with them, but it had felt even worse than my imagination.
Seeing her trying to please them, feeding them with little lies that I surely understand, but right then only angered me, was painful. My mother of course accepted everything she said. She was always weak for girls. Sometimes I even wondered if she had want another girl instead of a boy. As if she could make up for her mistakes with Liz and make it better with me. The same goes for Alex who she believes has no job. If that would have been me, I would never hear the end of it, but Alex can get away like it just like my precious sister who wasn't even home for Christmas.
Christ, it still pisses me off and mostly because it caused for another argument with Alex. The things I said were out of line and most of them not even meant for her. But I said them and I know she doesn't forget easily. Turning around in bed, I find her looking at me, just as awake as I am, but I'm glad to see there is no anger on her face. She looks happy and it makes me smile too.
"Want to order room service?" She asks and I nod my head, watching her naked body get out of bed. The way the palmtree I tattooed on her all those years ago stretches over her back mesmerizes me just as much as it did the first time I saw it. I want to tell her all the compliments I have in me, all true, but I know it won't help her forget. All I can do is stay calm and prove to her that I'm here like I have been trying to do since she's back. Only failing a couple of times, I remind myself. I hear her talk on the phone, ordering some breakfast before she lets herself fall back in bed again.
The moment she slides under the sheet, I get out and put on some boxers and search the room for a robe only to be disappointed. Whoever will bring in the food will have to deal with my almost naked body.
I shoot Alex brief glances as she settles back in bed, but she still looks happy. Maybe my words didn't have the effect I thought they had. They did shake me up though, that I was able to say them, hurt her, when I love her so much. She thinking that she wasn't worth staying shook me and for the first time in awhile I felt tears prickling behind my eyes and I let them come. I showed her my emotions hoping that maybe that way she can see how much I love her and how much she means to me. It worked and I have to say, the sex afterwards was as fine as ever. The knock on the door keeps me from tackling her on the bed again and I open it to find an older man pushing a trolley inside.
"Did you get room service at your mother's?" Alex asks as she lies naked under the duvet.
"It wasn't a hotel," I tell her, tipping the waiter.
After we're alone in the room again, I hand her a serving tray filled with pancakes, fruit and yoghurt. We both settle under the sheets and I lean against her as I take a strawberry to place it in her mouth.
"So you never had breakfast in bed?" She wonders and I shake my head.
"No, we needed to be down at seven-thirty every day except for Sundays. Then it was nine."
"Nine?" She sounds shocked. "How awful."
"It was. It all were stupid rules without any good reasoning. She always said it was because of the cook and the maid. As if they didn't want to sleep in sometimes."
"You never went down later?"
"Yes, that's when I learned to cook and take care of myself. My sister can't even fry an egg, she's simply go down to eat and fall back to sleep after," I tell her, feeling the anger I feel for her slip back in.
"Have you and your sister been in touch lately?" She wonders and I shake my head. "Why not?"
"She changed for the worst. Ever since I came back I somehow expected her to pay attention to me but she didn't. She met you and knew of you but she never once called to ask how I was doing after we broke up. She has her life in Manchester and I think my mother is finally realizing that although she always believed that she was doing right by the book, she lost her along the way. And I'm doing everything she hated and I'm still here for Christmas."
"I can't believe I met them. Ellie and Dave. So weird."
"About that," I start after swallowing his bite. "I'm still sorry for last night. It wasn't right for me to compare you to my sister. I only felt that way because I could see my mother treating you the same way as she treated her."
"I know," she mumbles. "It was refreshing to see you angry though."
"Missed it?"
"I missed this more."
"What?"
"Lying in bed, having breakfast. I wish we could just stay here all day. To me that's the best part about Christmas. Doing nothing all day. Can't we just stay a little longer?"
"We can, but we both agreed to coffee with my mother before we leave. I'm fine with cancelling but..."
"Yeah yeah. We can't do that and you know it."
"I could always try," I tell her.
This time she places a strawberry in my mouth and I want to just throw away the tray and take her again, but I'm hungry and so is Alex. We both finish our food but then take just a little more time enjoying the end of Christmas.
****
Alex
"Why do you think she wanted to meet again?" I ask Harry as we take a seat in a coffee place. It's warm and cosy but not something I associate with his mother.
"Because you had to tell her we were staying for the night."
"Which was your idea, not mine," I tell him and he rolls his eyes.
"I know. And it was nice, wasn't it?"
"It was," I say, not being able to hide my stupid grin. Most of it was fun. Most. "Did she pick this?"
"No," he laughs. "I did. I used to come here a lot. My old work is just down the street."
"Really? Can we stop by later?"
"Depends on how this goes," he says grim and in that exact moment the door opens and his mother steps into the café.
She looks different than last night, but I guess I do too. Last night I went all out in a fancy dress combined with heels. I even straightened my hair and put some make-up on. Right now I'm in jeans, a jumper and my hair is in a frizzy bun. Not to mention that I didn't even bother to look at my face this morning. I was running late because Harry was being too damn sexy for his own good.
His mother did had time to put on makeup and she's not wearing jeans, but more informal clothes than she wore last night. Again I find her looking like she belongs on an IV-drip and I wonder how she looked while she still had chemo's and needed Harry's bone marrow to survive.
"Hello," she says sitting down and I awkwardly half sit down again as I wanted to meet her. I should have remembered that last night she only gave me a hand and didn't even hug her son.
Afraid to say something wrong (in Harry's eyes then) I decide to keep my mouth shut and only greet her with a smile. Last night when we said our goodbyes she insisted on meeting us again outside of the house. I could sense that she was aiming for dinner or lunch, but Harry made clear that he didn't have much time. He has to work again tonight.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" Harry asks straight to the point.
"Can't I at least order?" She questions right back with one raised eyebrow.
To me she looks intimidating, but over Harry she has lost that power. "No. Spill."
She drops down the menu and takes a deep breath. "Fine, if this is how you want it. Your father and I are getting a divorce."
A little shock runs through my body and I wonder how it must feel for Harry. Ten years ago he might have wished for these words to come out of her mouth after her husband cheated, but now I'm not so sure. He doesn't say a word and looks stunned.
"I know that's quite the bomb to drop on you after all we went through, but I feel it is time."
"Why now?" He questions her, pain clear in his voice.
"The stocks are finally up again. I'm selling him my part in the company which gives me enough money to start a life somewhere else."
"I should have known that's the reason," Harry huffs. "It always has to do with money."
"It used to be," she says sighing. "But things have changed."
"Yes, the economy is stronger than it used to be. So now you can finally be strong too? You should have left him then. Now it only makes you look dumb."
Every time Harry throws another insult at her I expect her to snap, but she keeps herself together. I can tell by the way she talks that she has prepared herself for Harry to behave like this.
"Harry, I have been sick. I still need to go to the hospital every three months for tests. And every time that I am there by myself waiting for the results I'm not thinking about money. I'm thinking about how long I will have to live. If I'll ever see a place where I'm happy and my children are happy. Having money is one thing, but I've learned that there are more important things than that."
"Took you long enough," Harry blurts out. "Are you really using your cancer as an excuse?"
"Harry," I whisper softly in hopes to slow him down a bit.
"I need this divorce, Harry. Being in a house with your father is what I believe made me sick. It poisoned my mind from the moment things went wrong and yes, I'll happily use cancer as an excuse for opening up my eyes. I'll never get better there, so I'm moving away. I need to work on my health and that includes my relationship with my children."
"Good luck with that," he says and I place my hand on his thigh. He looks to me for a moment and I hope he can read in my eyes that I understand him, but also hope that he's open to the idea.
I have to realize that if it were my mother- I don't think I would ever be open to the idea of bettering our relationship but we never had one. I think that Harry always had a better relationship with his mother than his dad. If it was him sitting here he would have my full support, even with his sister, to turn his back on them. But something tells me that he loves his mother and she owning up to her mistakes that Harry hates her for is something she deserves a little respect for.
"I'm looking for a place to live in the country side. Closer to Manchester and London. Now I won't be bothering you two, but I want you to know I'm there. For you two and Lizzy."
Harry snorts to that. "Liz is a lost cause."
"To you it may seem like that, but she is doing okay. And I don't know how much time I have left. I'm constantly scared that the cancer will come back. I feel like a ticking time-bomb and I need to know that if I die tomorrow, I have done everything in my power to fix my mistakes. I'll never give up on my children again. Not like I did with you, Harry."
"Well," he says and I hear that it makes him emotional to hear her say this. It makes me too considering I have seen him struggle with her rejection so much. "That's funny coming from someone who didn't even bother to call me myself for my bone marrow."
"It wasn't like that. At first I was too afraid, thinking you would never let yourself get tested. So I asked Lizzy to call you since you two were in touch sometimes. You know that by the time you asked me to ask you myself, I was too weak."
"Yeah, yeah," he says in a way that indicates that they have talked about this before.
"I mean it. I have had years to come to this conclusion, I realize that. But things go the way they go right?"
"They do," I say, finally opening my mouth.
"And Alex, you don't want to know how happy it makes me to see Harry with you. Harry might look like he's always angry with me, but through it all he has told me about you. You complement each other in a way that is rare. Everyone can see that and I hope you do too."
Harry and I look to each other for a brief moment, a shy smile falling over us. He looks straight ahead soon after and I know he's trying to play it cool for his mother, but I feel like they just had a little breakthrough.
"And I couldn't help but overhear you two yesterday when you said that I baked Harry apples. I must say that I almost forgot about it, too. The time before the business had a freefall is blurry for me. You made me remember it. I just hope he hasn't have to do it too often since I did it when he was feeling sad."
"Just once," I tell her, shifting in my seat. For some reason I want to tell her about that day, but I keep my mouth shut since I don't think Harry will appreciate her knowing.
"Good," she says with a smile. "Harry told me about some of the stuff you went through. I'm sorry you had to lose your father and mother in such a short period of time."
"Thank you."
I look over to Harry who is getting a bit red in his face because clearly he had full on conversations about me after we broke up. It only makes me smile.
"I'll let you guys to it now. I know you are busy with work. Now, I also know you don't want me to interfere, but if I ever can help with your own shop, I will. I'm great at real-estate, I have contacts with different galleries. Just so you know."
"I'm fine, but thank you."
She smiles and I don't think she really smiled yesterday or during our conversation today. "Have a safe trip back."