» ѕoмeтιмeѕ yoυ can'т eхplaιn wнaт yoυ ѕee ιn a perѕon.
ιт'ѕ jυѕт тнe way тнey тaĸe yoυ тo a place
wнere no one elѕe can «
—anonymous
°°°
Chapter Seventeen
When Asa's eyes followed Carmen's hands as they gripped her journal with the air of a mother finally finding her child, he felt the guilt claw at his insides.
He'd been rash — had acted on an impulse when he had struck the unfair bargain with her. Now, seeing her reaction and realising how personal an object he'd kept away from her, he wished more than ever he didn't always act in the heat of the moment and actually thought things through.
His mother would be so ashamed of him.
"I am sorry, Carmen," he said again, resisting the urge to yank his own hair.
She met his eyes and they weren't exceptionally pretty like Willa's hazel ones. But, god, did they send lightening bolts his way.
"I know," she smiled softly. "Apology accepted."
He nodded, smiling back at her, before it began to grow awkward.
"Right." he paused, looked away, and then back at her. "Guess I better get going now."
"Bye, Asa." She lifted her hand in a small wave and dropped it back to her side, but she didn't move right away. Just like last time, she looked at him wordlessly for a mere heartbeat longer — but what felt like an infinity to him.
An infinity in which he saw a pale moon with a crack splitting it into two. In which he saw a magnificent sun frosting over and sucking the life out of flowers. In which he saw a girl with no face but long, flowing hair as dark as the starless sky.
That was the thing about Carmen, he then realised. She was a goddamn masterpiece who made other masterpieces. And went about with her head tilted to the side like she was painting a whole new one in her mind.
And Asa wanted to take a peek inside. To see if her mind was truly as beautiful as her name. Carmen, Carmen, Carmen.
It must be so colourful inside her head, while his was just a blank slate.
"How are you leaving?" The words left his mouth as soon as a particularly strong gust of wind blew past them. It sent a shiver down his back, and he wondered if she was going to walk in this chilly weather.
"By foot." She answered, the ghost of a smile on her face. Asa had come to realise that Carmen's lips always carried a trace of a smile, like she was just waiting for the moment when she would have to offer one to somebody. As if it was her god-given duty to smile at any breathing, living thing that walked past her.
He wondered then, if more than being colourful, whether her mind was a very sad place instead. A place where none of the smiles she sent everyone's way existed.
It made him want to send a smile her way every second of every day.
"It's cold," he pointed out with a slight frown. And then she did something that set off a grenade in his chest.
She laughed.
No, wait. Not a grenade. Because the feeling in his chest was something light and fluttery, zooming through his chest and his heart in a single strike. Too light to be a grenade, he thought, but also too peaceful to be a firecracker.
He thought of a shooting star then. Just passing through the midnight sky in a single strike, leaving a trail of glowing light in its wake.
He wondered then, if Carmen had a touch of galaxies in her veins.
"My dad said something similar last week," she explained, her voice carrying faint traces of her laughter. "I told him I preferred the walk."
"You like the cold?" he asked. Stupidly, of course. Like the idiot she always turned him into.
"I like the autumn leaves." And right as she said it, a leaf broke away from its branch, fluttered around in the breeze, and then landed on her hair.
It was a sight. Carmen, with her head tipped backwards and her lips stretched into an open smile as her fingers fought to untangle the stem of the leaf from her hair strands.
God, it was a sight.
Asa was losing his mind.
"You collect it for your journal?" he guessed.
She managed to pull the leaf out and then shook her hair, the strands flying around her face before settling down into an endless river against her back.
"Yeah," she grinned and it was like the full moon glowing down at Asa.
Carmen, he'd wanted to say right then, how could you ever believe the moon was cracked?
"I'll drive you home," he said, words leaving his mouth as if he was reading off a script because god knew his mind was too occupied with dark nights and starless skies illuminated by a single full moon.
Surprise flickered in her eyes before her lips curved into a smile again. "You don't have to —"
"I'd like to," he shrugged, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. "You're not even wearing a sweater. And neither am I so I can't offer you mine."
"You have a very nice mind, Asa," she told him then and Asa thought he'd burn by the way she was looking at him.
"Nice mind?" he repeated.
Carmen nodded. "Always looking to help," she tilted her head and Asa's world tilted with it. "It makes me think you have a beautiful inside."
Asa laughed then, because every other logical response had flown right out of his mind. "Come on, we've been standing here way too long. We gotta get going."
But when he'd checked his watch, he realised that only seven minutes had passed since he'd walked out of school and caught up with Carmen.
Seven minutes. And yet Asa could swear he'd caught a glimpse of what infinity felt like.
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Idk why, but this was one of my favourite chapters to write, and the next one too.
Thank you for reading❤
Also, a huge HUGE thank you to everybody who sent such lovely, supportive messages to me regarding the plagiarism issue :') its because of y'all that I could bring myself to republish my works <3