Can you even imagine how badly he'd react to finding out that we know about the magic?
Merlin flinched himself awake, but kept his tightly eyes shut. He tried to remember his dream, but the more he tried to hold onto it the quicker it slipped away from him, like holding water in cupped hands. He had the distinct feeling of running. He clenched his jaw, trying to focus as hard as he could.
Running. There had been trees lots of trees. And...and bushes. And undergrowth growing all around it. He'd almost tripped on it more than once. A forest, then.
"Merlin?"
But why was he running? What was he running from?
"Merlin, are you awake?"
Because there was someone chasing him but who?
He opened his eyes.
Gwen stood on the other side of the room, wringing her hands nervously and watching him closely. "Merlin," she said, swallowing thickly. "I, um hello."
"Hello Gwen," he said back. He was pleased to find that, while his voice was still rough and quiet, he could actually talk without whispering anymore.
Gwen strayed a couple steps closer, and stopped. Her eyes looked glassy. Merlin hoped that she wasn't going to start crying – he didn't know if he could deal with a crying girl at the moment, even one he cared for as much Guinevere. "Would you, um," she said, "I mean, Gaius said that I should make you eat something if you woke up, so there's some broth. I think, I'm sure I couldn't make you, I just rather think that you should probably –"
"Wow," Merlin said, and he grinned. It felt strangely uncomfortable, to be smiling like that. As if his face had forgotten how.
Gwen, looking very taken aback, said, "Wow?"
"I haven't heard you ramble like that in years," he said. "Also, I'm not going to...to break if you come closer."
It turned out that it didn't matter if he felt up to dealing with crying girls at the moment, because the choice had just been taken from him. Gwen did start to cry then, rushing forward and sitting down on the edge of the bed. Merlin tried to lever himself so he was sitting up a bit more. The act of sitting up, however, was not the best idea that he'd ever had.
He winced, feeling different injuries, half healed and otherwise, pulling at him. His broken arm – strapped down in a sling – groaned in protest at the even smallest suggestion of movement. Gwen, noticing his discomfort, instantly produced another pillow from seemingly nowhere, putting it behind his head so that he was propped up. She continued to cry all the while, wiping at her eyes and apologizing, cheeks red with apparent embarrassment.
She then walked over to where a pot was propped over the hot fire in the hearth. Her hands were shaking slightly as she ladled some broth into it. "Here, you go" she said, walking back over. She settled the bowl in his lap with a towel beneath it, and handed him the spoon. "Do you think that you can manage it by yourself? I could hel..–"
"I can do it," Merlin said, cutting her off. It had been bad enough when it was Gaius. He didn't think he could live through getting spoon fed by Gwen. And, to his immense relief, he found that he was able to manage about half of the bowl before setting the spoon down.
All the while, Gwen kept a stream of meaningless chatter going. When she noticed that he was done eating, she took
"Is it true that you..." she trailed off.
"Is it true that ...?" Merlin prompted. He leaned his back against the pillows. Even though he hurt and could barely keep his eyes open, he felt...content. Although that wasn't quite the right word – maybe safe was closer.
"Never mind," she said, "I just – never mind."
"Gwen," Merlin said, "What is it? What were you going to say?"
"Do you really not remember anything?" she asked, eyes twitching down from his face to the floor and back again.
Merlin almost told her about the dream he'd just had, but didn't. Instead, he shrugged with one shoulder and said, "No not a thing."
She nodded slightly. "Okay," she said, and choked back a small sob.
"Gwen?"
"It's just," she paused, "When Arthur and the knights left, and they didn't come back for such a long time...I didn't think that I would see you again."
Merlin didn't have an answer to that. The last time he remembered seeing Gwen was the day before everything turned on its head. So he settled for just patting her hand again and saying, "How long were they gone for?"
Gwen's eyes widened, and she got a distinct air of twitchiness about her. "Oh," she said, "I'm, um...Gaius said not to make you talk about –"
"No one's making me," said Merlin, "I need to know. Gwen, Please."
"Okay," she said in a small voice, "Um. You'd been gone for just short of around a month."
She paused, watching him closely. Merlin, though he could feel his heart begin to pound a bit harder, nodded at her to continue.
"And Arthur took the knights out with him to go and pay the ransom."
"What ransom?" Merlin cut in.
"Some outlaws," she said, "They delivered a ransom demand with your neckerchief and –"
The man reached forward, yanking the red fabric off from around Merlin's neck. "Tell me, boy," he hissed, his breath smelling like rot and decay, "Tell me something about this thing of yours that'll make sure your prince knows you're alive."
Merlin gasped, jerking slightly as the memory hit him like a slap in the face. Gwen watched him with wide eyes, half of the way reaching out towards him, stopping herself. "Merlin?"
"Oh," he said softly. He felt light headed. But, he forced himself to give a small smile at Gwen, and said, "Um, j-just keep going."
"I don't think I should," she said, "You should probably go back to sleep for a bit."
"No," Merlin said, and it came out more forceful than he'd meant it to.
Gwen, all signs of uncertainty evaporating, cleanly stepped into the role of mother hen. She pulled the other pillow out from beneath Merlin's head. She laid him down flat, and said, "Sleep."
And Merlin, though it annoyed him to no end, was unable to disobey her command, and fell asleep.
This time, he wouldn't remember any of his dreams.
When he woke again, Gwen was gone, and Gaius had taken her place. Merlin wondered if he had some sort of alarm system set up, for the warlock barely had time to think, 'Oh, I've woken up' and the physician was leaning over him. "Merlin," he said, "How're you feeling now?"
Merlin considered. Anyone else he would have just said 'fine' but this was Gaius, and Gaius would know he was lying. "My back hurts, a bit" Merlin said, "And my arm. And my...let's just go with everywhere and everything"
Gaius chuckled slightly. Then, he grew serious. "Guinevere seemed more worried about you than usual. She said you something happened while she was here."
Merlin swallowed thickly. "Um," he said, "She was telling me some of what happened. But I made her, so don't be angry."
Gaius just waited, one eyebrow raised.
"I remembered some things," Merlin said, hating how small his voice sounded. "At least, I think I did. At least one thing."
"What was it?" Gaius asked.
So Merlin told him about the dream with the forest and the running. And he told him about the man with rancid breath who'd taken his neckerchief. When he finished, Merlin stared at his hands and struggled not to break down and sob.
"Merlin," said Gaius, noticing. "This is a good thing. You've remembered something. It's good."
Merlin just nodded, because Gaius was right. He had remembered something. Even though that something was less than a minute, and a feeling off of a half forgotten dream. He supposed he should be happy. He supposed he should be relieved. Instead, it just made him want to pull the blanket up and over his head and cry until he fell asleep. Before, he had, in the back of his mind, so deeply down that he hadn't even realized it, been concocting some sort of idea that it was everyone else who had been tricked. He'd managed to start coming up with the notion that, maybe, it hadn't actually been two months. That it was everyone else who was wrong and mistaken.
But, here was the proof, staring him right in the face. He had remembered something – it was real. Damn it, now it was real.
Hope you like this chapter as I said before I will try and update more often.