an 85 year old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said "take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
the next day the 85 year old man reappeard at the doctors office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
the doc asked what happened and the man explained "well, doc, it's like this--first i tried with my right hand, but nothing. then i tried with my left hand, but still nothing. then i asked my wife for help. she tried with her right hand, then with her left, stil nothing. she tried with her mouth, first with teeth in then with teeth out, still nothing. we even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."
the doctor was shocked! "you aksed your neighbour?"
the old man replied "yep, none of us could get the jar open!"