Choi Minki POV
I lay back at the dorm bed and just keep staring at the ceiling. Today is not a good day for me again.
After the announcement of the weekly rank, I get really frustrated toward myself.
Why am I the only one who left behind the others?
I already giving my all everytime they gave me a task, but still ended up on the bottom, while Baekho-ya, Minhyunnie and Jonghyun-ah rising up.
Should I give up now?
Honestly, the more disappointed fact is not just about my lower rank but also the way Jonghyun-ah looks at me..
Ever since we joined this show, he didn't talk much to me again.
At first, I know that he might want to create an image that we are here competing against each other, we are rival, that's why he want to make a distance toward me.
He said that to me when we were stayed in the same room at the beginning of this show. That he can't helped me because cameras are everywhere and people will definitely create an issue if he got caught helping me facing my difficulties.
But now I think that's just an excuses that he made up.
Maybe he wants a break-up.
Maybe he's tired with me.
Maybe he had enough of having a boyfriend like me.
Even when we are sit next to each other, we look like a stranger.
He only talk to Minhyun and ignoring the fact that I sit next to him.
What should I do now?
Should I find another boyfriend?
Should I start to love someone new?
Geez, these thoughts making me can't sleep at all.
There's a rehearsal on the afternoon, but how can I sleep when my mind is full of him and our relationship?
Usually, when I can't sleep, I'll call him or talk to him, or even sneak into his room, lying next to him until I sleep.
But we can't do that anymore, can we?
I sit on the bed.
Maybe I can have a clear mind if I drink something warm, then I can go to sleep.
I silently moved down from my bed on the upper part.
When my feet touch the floor, someone asks me, "Minki-hyung, you're still awake?"
It's Lee Gunhee.
He rubs his eyes but still lying on the bed.
"Yeah. I can't sleep. I'm gonna make a tea for myself, you want one?"
"No, I just want to rest." Gunhee replies lazily.
"Good night then," I smiles and walks toward the door.
The corridor is already empty and quiet the moment I stepped out from the room.
I walk straight to the pantry to make a cup of tea for myself.
My mind currently thinking about how Jonghyun and Minhyun are getting close to each other day by day.
I know it's ridiculous to be jealous with our friend, moreover we've been friends for more than five years now. But I really want to be on Minhyun's position right now.
I want him to look at me, talk to me and care for me like he used to do before we went to this freakin' show.
I shake my head as a disapproval for having that kind of thought.
No, I can't be like Minhyun.
Minhyunnie got everything that makes him ideal as a boyfriend.
He's tall, charming, handsome, cute, smart, have a great voice. Compared to me, I am really nothing.
"Ouch!"
I shake my hand quickly, I got very lost on my own thought that I don't realize that the hot water already overflow from the cup and wet my hand.
It feels really hot on my hand right now. Maybe I get a scald after this.
"Are you okay?"
I startled at that familiar voice and turns around to see Jonghyun is standing at the pantry's entrance.
Calm down, Minki. Calm down.
I have to repeat those words inside my head right now because my heart is beating so fast.
"Oh, I'm okay. I just want to make a tea. You want it too?"
He comes to me and staring at my hand. Then grabbing my hand and taking me away.
"Wait, where do you want to take me?" He doesn't say anything and keep dragging me until we reach the restroom.
He turns on the faucet on the sink, taking my hand and letting the cold water poured on my injured hand.
"You should be more careful, what would happened if your hand got injured? We still have to performed this week."
"It will be okay. I will got eliminated anyway, so....."
"Why do you say that?" He seems not expecting me to say that.
"I'm not suitable with this kind of show. I don't even know why I'm here anyway...."
"For Nu'est. We came here for Nu'est," he remind me once more.
"You and Minhyun came here for the sake of Nu'est. I don't know about Baekho but I.. I came here for nothing. I'm a humiliation for Nu'est. I'm not worth it. I'm not even worth to be by yourside anymore." I take my hand away from his grip.
"Don't even think like that!"
"That's the fact, Jonghyun-ah. I realized that already."
I step out from the restroom, leaving him behind.
Now I already lost my mood to drink a tea.
Maybe I should just go back to my room. I should just try another method to make me sleep, like counting the sheep or listening music until I fall asleep.
But he walk behind me, calling my name and I stop when he call me as Ren.
How long has that name being buried inside myself now? Now everyone calling me as Minki.
"Why are you thinking like that?" He asks me once more.
"Come on, stop it. Stop denying it." I turn my back and facing him once more.
He stand there, the drop of sweat falls from his black hair, he seems tired but his soft eyes is staring straight to me. I must admit that he look so damn sexy right now.
If this is our sweet little dorm, I would already hug him and won't let him go.
But I can't do that here. I can't stay close to him because he'll only keep pushing me away.
"I'm not denying it, Minki." He hold my hand, right before I'm about to open the door to my room. "Why are you keep saying something negative like that? It's not like you...."
"You better go back to your group, don't act like you care for me," I glare at him.
"Minki, please, if you have something on your mind, talk to me."
I pushed him away. "Move away. I want to sleep."
"Minki!"
"You won't understand it, Jonghyun-ah!" I managed to open the door and close it right in front of him.
I move my head up so this tears won't fall down from my eyes.
Ah, why am I feel so weak right now?
Why am I even crying?
I take a few step to my bed, then I realized that someone isn't asleep right now.
"Hyung, you should just settle down your problem." It's Park Jihoon.
"No, it's alright." I climb up to my bed.
"Minki-hyung, Jonghyun-hyung is a good guy, he will definitely listen to you. You guys are friends, right?"
I lay on my bed.
Friends.
Yeah, we are friends. We should just stay as a friend. No more or less.
"Hyung, why are you guys fighting?" Now it's Gunhee who's asking me that question.
"Nothing. It doesn't matter now. Let's get rest."
"Next time, don't fight in front of our room, we can clearly hear what you are talking about," Jihoon says that makes me realized my mistake.
"I'm sorry for that. Now let's go to sleep. We have a rehearsal tomorrow."
I take my blanket and covering my body with that blanket.
----------------------------------------------