Chapter 4: You're a Man?
My mom always told me I acted too impulsively and didn't think things through. I usually denied that claim and tried to prove her wrong, but it turned out moms really do know best.
When I'd first spoken to Christian Ryder on the phone – and, well, essentially roasted him – I'd honestly thought it wasn't a big deal. I mean, how bad could this be?
How bad could this be? Seriously, what was I thinking?
I'd been avoiding social media and the internet in general ever since my little on-screen encounter with Christian. That was probably why I'd failed to notice my shenanigans on Hollywood Tonight had gone viral, at least until Tori sent me the links.
And when I say it went viral, I mean viral. The videos circulating received millions of hits in just one day, along with hundreds of thousands of retweets and shares on social media. Honestly, it seemed great at first. Christian's mortification was reaching a bigger audience, and it was just as funny the second time around.
Then I realized that as these videos became more and more popular, I became more and more popular. Well, not me, per se, but the idea of me: Christian Ryder's Mystery Girl, as I was now being called. The title actually made me kind of want to vomit.
I knew someone was going to rat me out and reveal my identity sooner or later. The name wouldn't last forever. Still, it was irritating to know there was a whole wave of people who knew me as nothing more than that pompous Sasquatch's "mystery girl."
It was only a matter of time before someone who knew me decided they wanted to make a bit of cash by selling me out to the press. I gave it a day before I was discovered.
***
I hoped Tori understood what a huge sacrifice I was making for her. While it was true that I owed her one for not letting me to go to Hollywood alone, even thankfulness wasn't enough to forget about the fact that I was squished between two sweaty, large men who wouldn't leave me alone. They looked pretty alike, except one had a gap-tooth and the other looked like he had just bathed in Cheeto dust.
"Hey, toots, are those real?"
I looked over at Gap-Tooth with disdain. My boobs weren't even monstrously big, at least not big enough to question whether or not they were real. What the hell was wrong with him? "If you do anything to check or even move an inch, I'll break your hand."
That made Gap-Tooth shut his mouth. Cheeto, not so much. "Looks like we got a lively one over here," he said. "I like that in a girl."
"One look at you and already I can tell that you're the kind that likes anything that's female and breathes," I said, staring straight ahead, hoping if I didn't make eye contact they'd leave me alone.
Cheeto just laughed. "She wants me," he said to his friend, as if I wasn't sitting directly between them and couldn't hear every word they said.
"I bet she wants me more," Gap-Tooth said.
"Do you know what I want?" I interrupted.
"What?" they both asked immediately.
"I want to be able to breathe through my nose again. Is that going to happen anytime soon? No, because this is a four hour flight and you two seem to be unfamiliar with the concept of deodorant. Since my wish can't be granted, your wishes won't be granted, either."
Our conversation was mercifully interrupted by a young girl. She looked to be about nine or ten years old. She tapped me on the shoulder and when I looked over at her, she just stood there and stared at me without speaking.
"Um... do you need something?" I asked.
Her eyes lit up. "I knew it! You're Christian Ryder's Mystery Girl, aren't you? Can I have a picture with you? Is your name really Emily?"
Not quite, little girl. Not quite. "Where did you hear that?"
"The internet. Is it true?"
Cheeto reached over and snatched my plane ticket out of my hand. "No, her name is..." He squinted at the small letters. "Nick Belmore. You're a man?"
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in frustration. I really, really hoped Tori was having a better time than I was, even though I was officially mad at her for leaving me here.
It all started when I arrived at the airport with Tori's family. Tori and I checked in first. On our way to security, Tori crashed into someone – a very cute someone. They both stumbled, and I barely moved out of the way in time.
"Sorry!" Tori said. "I'm sorry! I should watch where I'm going! I'm—"
"No, no, it's fine," a masculine voice said. "I ran into you. It's okay."
Looking over, I realized this guy was kind of... well, he was kind of hot. Tori realized this at the exact same moment I did. Her face turned red and she lost the bit of cool she'd had before, which sadly wasn't much to begin with. "S-sorry!" she choked out.
He smiled at her and shrugged. "It was my fault. I'm the one who ran into you."
Tori opened and closed her mouth several times before settling on another, "Sorry."
If anything, this stranger just seemed amused by Tori's awkwardness. He smiled again and stuck out his hand. "I'm Nick."
Tori finally composed herself and smiled back, taking his hand in hers. "I'm Tori."
Looking back and forth between them, I realized I needed to get the hell out of there and give them some privacy. They hadn't taken their eyes off of each other since they'd started talking. "And I'm the third wheel. I'll just go over there..."
They both smiled at my comment but didn't dispute it, which made me realize just how unwanted my presence was. The fact that they were still holding hands was also a pretty overt sign that I needed to slyly make my retreat.
I made my way over to Adrian, Tori's older brother, to give Tori and this Nick guy some privacy. He had just checked in and was waiting on his parents.
"Whoa, is Tori actually getting lucky?" he asked.
"Looks like it. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from her," I teased.
"What? No, dude, I've got plenty of skills with the ladies! Just watch."
I would have told him that wasn't necessary had I not been a sadistic girl who enjoyed watching Adrian humiliate himself. He was no Joey Tribbiani.
"Hey, baby, how you doing?" Adrian called out to a girl who walked by.
When she barely glanced over at him, I burst out laughing at his failed attempt.
"Shut up," he grumbled.
I stopped laughing when I saw Tori running towards me at full speed. Tori never ran full-speed unless something was chasing her. Actually, much like me, Tori never ran, period. This couldn't be good.
"Sophia! I need your help!"
I looked at her suspiciously. "With what?"
She stopped running when she was right in front of me and smiled innocently. "I have a favor to ask of you... You know, have I told you how pretty you look today?"
"I'm wearing baggy sweats and a baseball cap. I really doubt you have."
She frowned at me before reaching over and taking off my cap, stuffing it in her bag. She tried to force me out of the baggy sweatshirt I was wearing, but I resisted. "Tori, what are you doing? I could be recognized!" I wasn't about to board that plane without a decent disguise.
"Do you know how hot it's gonna be on that plane? I heard their air conditioner is broken."
Sweet Jesus, they expected me to sit through a four hour flight with no air conditioning? Could this get any worse? As I would later find out, yes, it could indeed get worse.
I considered her words for a moment before sighing and shrugging off my sweatshirt, clumsily removing my sweatpants afterwards. To be honest, I was already a little too toasty for comfort, but paranoia had stopped me from doing anything about it. A t-shirt and jean shorts wasn't the best disguise in the world, after all.
"At least give me the hat back," I said.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Now, there," she said, taking the sweatshirt and pants off of my hands. "Have I told you how pretty you look today?"
I made a face at her. "Yes. Now what is it?"
"And have I told you how much I love you?" she added. "And what a great, great, great, great, great best friend you are?"
"Tori, cut to the chase."
"Well... you know the guy I was talking to over there? Nick? The really, really cute and sweet and gentlemanly one?"
"Let me guess. The two of you have fallen madly in love and want to go to Vegas to elope?"
"No, but you're close."
This made me back-track. "I am?"
"No... but Soph, we have a connection! I can feel it! We're meshing so well, and we've exchanged numbers, but we just have so much to talk about right now, and I really want to see him for a little while longer, and I know Nick and I are both headed for L.A. but it's a big city and I don't think we'll see each other that often, if at all, and–"
"Tori, for God's sake, get to the point!"
"Willyoupleaseswitchseatswithhimbeforewegetontheplane?" she blurted out, speaking so fast I barely understood her.
"What?"
"I know. It's crazy. And it's a lot to ask. But it would mean so much to me, Soph. Please? I'll make it up to you, I promise!"
"Tori, what if he's a serial killer?"
"Does he look like a serial killer?"
I gave her a look. "Did you learn nothing from Taken?"
She rolled her eyes. "I want to sit next to him on a plane, not invite him to our hotel room. Besides, my parents and my brother will be there."
I sighed. She had a point. "Alright, fine, but you owe me."
"I promise I'll make it up to you," she swore, nodding solemnly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She grabbed me and hugged me tightly, nearly squeezing the life out of me in the process.
"You can thank me by letting me have some oxygen," I choked out.
"Sorry!" She let go and happily squeezed my arm. "Oh! Here's Nick's ticket. I still have yours in my bag, so I'll give it to him in a second." She grinned at me, squeaked, and then ran back to where Nick was standing.
As I turned away, I got a really bad feeling about the switch. All I could do was pray that my new seat was decent. I didn't care if it wasn't first class. As long as I was seated next to someone tolerable, I was fine.
I went through the usual routine before boarding the plane. Because I was trying to be positive about all of this, I was caught completely off guard when I boarded the plane and found myself situated between two perverts.
And that was how I ended up with the worst seat on the entire plane. If I didn't get an award for this, there was no justice in this world.