HICKEY / chapter ten
The next day, I'm at my locker when Ryder approaches me. I close my locker and turn to him, then see that he was fidgeting nervously.
"What's up?" I ask worriedly.
"Elliot knows," he says so quietly that I almost miss it. "I told him."
"You did what?" I exclaim, horrified. "When? He never mentioned anything!"
He looks torn, guilt evident in his features."Yesterday after practice."
My mouth drops open. After the heated kiss we shared yesterday, I kind of forced Ryder to get to practice even if he was already late. I didn't want to make Elliot even angrier and I didn't want him to get into trouble with their coach.
"I know you didn't want him to know but I had to tell him. If this makes him hate me more then it doesn't matter, really. I just wanted him to know the truth."
My brain takes a few moments to process all of this. We didn't talk much when Elliot got home from practice yesterday and things were a little awkward but other than that, Elliot acted like everything was fine.
He knew about it since yesterday and yet never mentioned anything, never even gave me clues that he knew! Why hasn't he confronted me about it yet? And why wasn't Ryder sporting a black eye right now?
"I feel terrible," I say, leaning against my locker for support. "He must hate me."
"I'm sorry," Ryder says, not meeting my eyes. "But he doesn't hate you. He hates me, maybe more now than before, but never you." He takes a step closer, making the butterflies in my stomach erupt. "If he beats me up for liking you then let him beat me up."
"I've already seen the aftermath of your fights. I don't want to see it again."
Ryder chuckles softly. "Some things need to happen, no matter how much you don't want them to."
"A fight doesn't need to happen," I say, sighing.
"Maybe it does," he says softly. "Elliot needs someone to blame. I'll let that someone be me."
The bell rings, signaling that it was time for first period. I adjust my bag on my shoulder and sigh. We should really talk more about this, but we we're gonna be late if we do that right now. And I might be the rebellious one in my family but I'm not cutting class.
Ryder opens his mouth then closes it again. "You should get to class," he says, shooting me a small smile before turning away to head off to his own class.
It feels like forever for the day to end. I wanted to eat lunch with Ryder, but I felt like if Elliot saw us, it would just make everything worse. Plus, I knew that once other people saw us, they'd ask a lot of questions. I wanted to avoid that until I could talk to my brother.
When the final bell rang, I went straight home. Elliot had practice so I tried to do my homework while I waited for him to get home. But the torture of waiting wasn't nearly as bad as the look on his face when Elliot saw me waiting for him in the living room. His face immediately turned from blank to something I couldn't read.
"You knew," I say quietly. "Why didn't you tell me you knew?"
"Does it matter?" he says coldly.
"Elliot." I take a step closer. "I'm sorry for not telling you, okay?"
"He took advantage of you, Eva!" he says, his voice quiet so that Mom won't hear us from the kitchen but harsh enough to make me flinch. "He took advantage of you and you didn't fucking tell me!"
"What are you talking about? He never took advantage of me!"
"He gave you that!" He pushes my hair aside roughly so that the hickey was showing. "You were fucking drunk!"
"I wasn't drunk," I say, letting out a heavy breath. "At least not when we... Look, Eli, he didn't take advantage of me. How could you think that? I get that you don't like him, but do you really think of him as the kind of person who would do that? Do you really hate him that much?"
"It doesn't matter what I think! What matters is what he did! He even admitted that to me himself."
"He admitted that to you?"
"Yes!"
What the hell, Ryder? I look at my brother with all the truth my eyes could muster, hoping that he believes me when I tell him, "Well, it's not true! I swear, Eli, I was sober enough to make my own decisions."
"You couldn't even remember the party the morning after! Or was that just you acting so I wouldn't find out?"
"I wasn't acting," I snap. "I drank a few more beers after we hooked up. That was what made me forget! You can't blame Ryder for something I wanted."
He lets out a harsh laugh. "You wanted him, huh?"
"Yes, I did. I still do!" I sneak a cautious glance towards the kitchen, where our mom was. Fortunately, she hasn't heard us whisper-shouting at each other yet.
"What is it with that guy?" The bitterness in his voice makes my heart drop. "He always gets everything. My girlfriend, the team captain spot, and now you?"
"He doesn't have the team captain spot yet," I say quietly, remembering how Ryder had told me that he would be fine if he got the spot or not.
Elliot was quiet for a few moments before he took a deep breath. "I've always known that it was Sophia who kept trying to get close to him. If anything, I was kind of thankful that he told me the truth. If it was any other guy, they probably would have took the bait and lied to me about."
"I'm sorry she hurt you."
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Eva." He looks up at me, forcing a small smile. "I guess I was just too hurt to accept all of it, but it's been so long. I need to move on, and maybe I already sort of have. I mean, I can't blame anyone but myself for what happened. Sophia may have betrayed me, but I let her."
"It wasn't your fault!"
"Not all of it," he admits sadly. "But I should've known better, trying to tame a girl like her."
I give him a cautious look. "And Ryder?"
"I'm not on board with you two dating but I'm also not gonna get in the way," he tells me bluntly. "But Eva, do me a favor?"
"What?"
"Stop sneaking out and just ask Mom and Dad for permission." Elliot shakes his head but I can see the smile playing at his lips. "And don't expect me to be nice to Finnick or anything. I still think he's an asshole for giving you that hickey."
And with that, he turned around and went upstairs.
The next few days after that were pretty quiet. Elliot and I didn't talk much but it was more because of him being busy with school and football than with him being mad at me. I think that although he might to be used to the idea of me and Ryder together, my brother has accepted it.
As I was on my way to my locker after the final bell, I spot Elliot walking towards me. I shoot him a smile.
"Hey," he says, returning my smile. This makes my smile turn into a grin. "Are you heading home?"
"Yeah, you?"
"No, I have practice." He gestures to the gym bag he was carrying. "Could you bring this home with you?"
"Sure." I take the bag from him and sling it over my shoulder.
"Uh, actually, Coach is announcing the new team captain today."
"Really?" I can't help but feel both excited and terrified. I know how bad Elliot has wanted this since he started high school. "Are you nervous?"
"Yeah," he says, running a hand through his hair. "But you know, I'm pretty excited, too."
"I don't know for sure if he picks you, but he'd be an idiot not to."
My brother laughs and after all the drama this week, it makes my heart feel full. "Thanks, Eva. Are you gonna walk home? My bag's kind of heavy since it has my shoes and stuff. You should take the bus."
"Actually..."
I look over his shoulder to see Ryder leaning against my locker, watching us from a distant. Ryder's been the one driving me home these past few days. I keep scolding him about being late for practice but he says that he manages to drive me home and get to practice in time since my house isn't that far. I'm not sure if he's telling the truth, but my heart flutters whenever I see him waiting for me at my locker after school.
Elliot follows my gaze and understanding crosses his face. "You should get home, then. Tell Mom I'm gonna be home late."
"She already knows," I tell him, laughing.
"And tell Ryder good luck later," he says before turning around to leave.
I stand there for a few moments, watching my brother get lost in the crowd of students. Ryder finally snaps me out of my shocked state when I feel him touch my arm. He's standing beside me now.
"Hey, you okay?"
I shake my head and smile. "Yeah. Elliot says that Coach is announcing the new team captain later."
Ryder nods. "Yeah, I heard. You wanna head home or are you going somewhere else?"
"Home," I tell him. We start to walk together to the parking lot. "Elliot says good luck."
He does a double take before letting out a soft chuckle. I grin at him and he opens the door for me. We get inside his car and before I can put on my seatbelt, I feel his lips on mine. I kiss him back with as much intensity and heat.
After a few moments, he pulls away from my lips and starts kissing my neck. Pulling back, I start laughing. "What are you doing?"
Ryder stops kissing my neck long enough for him to look up, a smile that lights me up like fireworks on his face. "Giving you a hickey."