HICKEY / chapter eight
The next day, I set out to find Ryder. I know that we ended things badly last night, but I wanted to apologize and also tell him that I now remember what happened at the party—or, well, some parts of it. But when I got to school, he wasn't anywhere in the halls and I didn't know where his locker was so I decided to wait for lunch, but I didn't see him in the cafeteria either. Finally, at the end of class, I waited for him in the parking lot.
Still, there was no sign of him.
Maybe he was at football practice? That could be it.
When I get home, I go straight to my room to text Nikki. I didn't have any homework and didn't want to sit at home for the rest of the night. Nikki was probably out of school by now since her school lets them out earlier than us so I text her asking if she was busy and if she could hang out. She replies to meet at the end of my street.
Having a best friend who had a car and was only a call away was pretty cool.
After fixing myself up a little, I head back downstairs and peek into the kitchen where my mom was. Trying to sound as honest as possible, I call out, "Hey, Mom, I have to go back to school. I forgot that we had a meeting with my groupmates for a project."
She looks over her shoulder at me. "What time will you be home? I already started up dinner."
"I'm not sure. You guys can eat without me, I might be home late."
"Be safe, okay? If you see your brother at school, tell him to come home right away. Your dad and I want to eat with at least one of you."
Before turning back to her cooking, Mom shoots me a smile that almost makes me feel guilty. Almost.
Nikki meets me at the end of our street. When I get inside the passenger's seat, she turns to me with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
I have to stop myself from groaning. "Oh no. You have that look."
"What look?"
I sigh at her.I know exactly what the look she's giving me means; it's the look that means she has a plan to have fun. And by Nikki's definition, 'fun' is loud music and hot guys and maybe a little bit of alcohol.
"That look that means you're gonna get me in trouble."
She scoffs. "You get into enough trouble without my help. But listen, there's this guy from my school who told me about a party a kid from your school is throwing."
I shake my head. "I told my mom I was going back to school to finish a group project. I don't think coming home at one in the morning will make my lie believable."
"We'll be home by seven, I promise!" she tells me, starting the engine. "Come on, Eva, we'll just drop by. Please."
"Is the guy who told you about the party hot?"
I can tell that she's trying hard not to grin. "And really nice."
"Seven," I tell her sternly. "But first, let's get some dinner. I'm missing my family's dinner for you, you know."
"You're the one who asked me to hang out," she points out.
We eat dinner at a fast food and then we're on our way to the party. I'm not exactly dressed for a party, still wearing my clothes for school, but it's not like I can go home to change. Elliot was still at practice, but my dad was probably already home by now.
At least I didn't forget to wear a shirt that hid the hickey.
When we get to the house of the guy throwing the party, there were only a few kids already there. Nikki parks the car and we both get out. A bunch of guys were setting up a cooler in the front yard and there was music coming from inside the house.
"So where's the hot guy you came here for?" I ask her as we head into the house.
"I didn't come here for him," she says defensively even though it was obvious that she was looking for him in the crowd. "School has seriously been stressing me out for the past few weeks. I need to de-stress.
"Whatever you say, Nik."
Eventually, the party really starts. Kids start coming in and the music starts getting louder and more upbeat. Since it was Friday, there were way more people than on other weekdays. I recognize a lot of kids from my school and Nikki also spotted a few kids from her school, including the hot guy she told me about.
She tells me that she's gonna say hi to them so I decided to drink my first beer of the night. I make a promise to myself not to drink more because my parents will still be up when I get home and I don't want them to smell beer on me.
And also maybe because I don't want a repeat of what happened the last time I drank.
When a familiar group of guys walk through the door, I almost spit out my beer. I know them as guys on the football team with Elliot. A few were even still wearing their jerseys, probably coming here straight for practice. I look for my brother but don't spot him—no surprise there. He was most likely already at home having dinner with Mom and Dad.
But they aren't what makes me almost spit out my beer. In the crowd of football players, I spot the guy I've been looking for all day.
Ryder is the last of the group to walk in. He's still in his jersey like the other guys and his blonde hair looks wet. A guy near me shouts something to the team and they all shout back, laughing. Ryder joins them, his smile lighting up the room.
I almost approach him then and there but then quickly realize that that probably isn't a good idea. I can understand why there weren't already rumors about our hookup since that party was hosted by a student from another school, but here with all these kids we went to school with, we had no chance. Rumors would be everywhere tomorrow and Elliot would be the first to hear of them.
That makes me wonder how the team puts up with my brother and Ryder's rivalry. I can imagine them in the field, shooting glares at each other and refusing to pass the football. Or maybe they just ignore each other altogether?
The thought almost makes me laugh.
I wait until the guys disband and start heading to different directions to approach him. Once he was fairly alone (though not completely since a few guys hung around), I whisper, "Ryder!"
His head snaps up and his wide eyes meet mine. I was still a little embarrassed of how we left things last night but I needed to talk to him. Hopefully, the party would be too fun for anyone to notice our little exchange.
I gesture for him to follow and then head out to the front yard, where a few kids were hanging out. Still, we were safer talking out here than inside. Fortunately, he followed me. I would've ended up seriously embarrassed and stupid-looking if he didn't.
I stop walking and face him. "I, uh, didn't see you at school today."
He runs a hand through his messy blonde hair. "I guess I was just busy."
"If I knew any better, it was almost like you were avoiding me," I say jokingly.
He casts his eyes downward, and that's when I realize that he really was avoiding me. My smile immediately fades.
"I just wanted to apologize for last night. For you know, being a bitch and everything." He just stares at me, not saying anything, so I laugh awkwardly, taking a step back. "Well then, I guess I'll see you."
"Wait."
I turn back to him.
"I don't get it," he says so quietly that I almost don't hear him over the music from inside the house. "You should be mad at me. For fuck's sake, you should hate me."
"You should hate me!"
"I like you, Eva."
I do a double-take, sure that I hear him wrong.
"And your brother might just end up killing me," he continues, letting out a shaky laugh. "But you know what? It doesn't matter. What difference does a few punches from him make? I'll still like you at the end of the day. This time, I'm not giving you up."
I don't reply; I don't think I can. I'm too frozen in place, staring at him with wide, shocked eyes. What the hell did he just say? I open my mouth to say something but no words come so I shut it back. Ryder stares back at me, biting his bottom lip.
"Look," I say, breaking the awkward silence. "I just wanna make one thing clear, okay? You didn't take advantage of me."
It takes him a moment for my words to sink in. "But you were drunk—"
"I remember being sober enough!" I say, frustrated.
His eyes widen in shock. "I thought you didn't remember?"
"Not everything, but some parts. I kind of had a flashback last night after you drove me home. I don't remember the end of the night, but I remember us in the kitchen..." My face heats up. "What I'm trying to say is that you didn't make me do anything I didn't want to."
"Are you sure, Eva?"
I nod, thinking that he would put up another fight and insist that he did just like all the other times before, but instead a small, slow smile makes its way to his face.
"Okay then." His smile could literally melt me right then and there. I can't help but smile back at him. "You should get back inside."
"There you go again, telling me what to do."
He laughs, blue eyes shining. "Sorry."
I laugh as well before turning to head back to the party. Nikki was probably too busy flirting with that guy from her school to notice that I wasn't inside but I had to get home anyway. It was almost seven and I didn't want my mom finding out that I lied to her. I knew that even if Nikki was having fun, she'd drive me home. She was just that kind of friends.
I'm about to head back inside when I hear Ryder call out.
"Oh, and Eva?"
"Yeah?"
"I see that the hickey's fading."
I can't see the hickey but I look down anyway before quickly adjusting my shirt so that it's hidden. It's been two days since he gave this me so it was probably a light shade of violet now. If I'm lucky, it'll be gone before next week ends.
As I take one last look at him, I bring my fingers to the hickey. I can't feel it but I know completely well that it's there.