It was Monday, and Gwen decided she would finally go back to school. She thought it would be easy, but it wasn't.
Blurryface was furious at her. He screamed at her all night for trying to get rid of them and tried to tell her lies. It took Gwen's entire soul to not give into the voice.
She was scared of herself, her immaturity. She realized that fear might be the death of her, not depression. The only reason she put up with Blurryface is because she was scared to get rid of them. Who would she be if Blurryface went away?
She had dared to hope that Blake hadn't forgotten about her in the time she was gone. She wondered if he looked the same, even though it had barely been two weeks. She wondered if he had moved on. He was one of the hot guys in the school, it wouldn't be hard to forget her compared to the other girls.
She hadn't slept a minute, but she was more determined than ever to speak to the boy that was able to tear her heart. If he did it before, maybe he could do it again.
••
"Blake, you look like shit." Adam told his friend as they walked around the halls.
"Why, thank you. I was basing my look after you." Blake snarled, not in the mood for Adam's crap.
"Did you sleep last night?" Adam asked, noticing the dark circles under the boy's eyes.
"No." Blake replied simply. The truth was, he hadn't slept in over two nights. He was thinking about Gwen most of the time.
He felt crazy. He had his heartbroken before, but he never reacted like this. He yearned for the blonde-headed girl. They were only sixteen and seventeen, but he felt something with her. Something that he never wanted to go away.
"Adam, shut up." Christina said. She grabbed the pretty boy's hand. "We'll see you later, Blake." the girl gave him a pity smile and dragged Adam away with her.
Blake sighed. He should just get over it. But somehow, his heart wouldn't let him. It still didn't blind the doubt he had in his mind about his relationship with Gwen, though.
He shoved his rusty locker shut and walked to math class. This was his favorite class, only because Gwen was in it. When he eventually came back to school, he learned that Gwen hadn't been showing up either. He feared the worst, but what was he supposed to do? She told him to stay in his lane, so he was.
The last thing he expected was for the blonde beauty to be sitting in her usual seat by the window, but life apparently likes to throw him the unexpected, because she was there, looking as beautiful as ever.
••
Gwen twiddled her thumbs as she sat in her math class, waiting to see those blue eyes she found herself thinking about all the time.
Doubt took over the girl. He probably doesn't want to speak with me. I totally blew him off. I told him to stay in his lane. Why did I do that? He probably hates me. But, beside her thoughts, she wasn't letting her mind get in the way of her life this time. She was going to be in control for once.
She could feel someone glaring at her. She instantly felt nervous. Maybe she hadn't covered her scars well enough, or she had something in her hair or on her face. Then, she looked up to realize it was him. Blake.
He looked tired. You could see his dark circles from a mile away. He slouched, looking defeated and fragile. She almost gasped when she saw him.
Did I do this to him? Gwen thought to herself.
They just stared at each other. They showed no emotion, but their heads were going crazy with thoughts about each other. She wanted to jump up and cry on his shoulder, or kiss him on the lips until both of them couldn't breathe. But, she couldn't do that. Finally, she looked away. She knew what she had to do, even if it meant giving up everything she worked so hard to hide.
The class was painfully long, more than usual. She could feel Blake's eyes piercing her soul, and she longed to look back at him. But, she had to keep her cool.
You can do this, Gwen, she told herself, despite her voices telling her otherwise.
The bell finally rang, which made Gwen feel nervous. It's now or never.
Blake was packing up his stuff. Gwen hurried and picked up her things, then basically ran towards the cowboy. Not knowing how to say hi, she poked him on the shoulder.
He looked at her with wide eyes, like he was not expecting her to contact him. She gulped, anxiety flowing through her veins.
She gave him a piece of paper with directions. "Meet me here after school." Gwen squeaked, and walked away before Blake could say anything.
He looked at the paper in confusion. His heart was beating too fast, maybe because it was nervous or it was in love. All he knew was that he was meeting her outside of school, even if it was the last thing he would ever do.
••
Gwen waited anxiously at the abandoned gazebo behind the trees. It was usually calming, but she was so nervous that nothing was calming.
She was on the edge, she has been for a long time, but now, she was finally falling off the cliff.
She left school earlier so she would have time before Blake arrived, if he arrived. She kept having to remind herself that he may not come. She wouldn't know how to deal with that. Blurryface will laugh until she walks into the middle of a highway, and she didn't want that.
Everyday, it was a battle between her mind and her heart. Her depression and herself. Blurryface and her authentic self.
She heard walking, and looked up to see a tall figure with messy brown hair and ocean blue eyes. Her breath hitched.
Don't do it, Blurryface screamed. They were yelling in her mind and she wanted it to stop. She wanted to scream and cry and hold her head until it finally did stop. But, she stayed strong.
"I need to talk to you," Gwen chocked out, Blurryface making it hard to breathe. "It's important."
Blake stayed silent.
Gwen sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for telling you to stay your lane. I didn't mean to say it, I was forced to say it. I shook hands with the dark parts of my thoughts and now I'm stuck in my own hell." the girl started to cry, but continued. "I like you, Blake. As naive as I am, I may even love you."
Blake walked up to her and sat by her side. He looked at her with curiosity. "I love you, Gwen. But, I need to know what's going on."
Gwen's tears increased. "I'm depressed, you know that. I probably have other problems, too. But, I'm not getting help. I haven't told anyone any of this. But, I'm dying, Blake."
She continued. "I have a voice, their name is Blurryface. They tell me how the world is. They make me live in fear, sadness, anxiety and depression. They tell me what to do. Like, when I told you to stay in my lane, they commanded me to do that. I have no control."
She rolled up her wrist to reveal dozens of scars, some new and some old. "It told me that this was the only way to feel, to hurt myself. They killed the rest of my body, so I was numb. I only felt something when I would cut, and it was pain." Blake lightly touched her arm, with care and worry.
"But, then you came. And, I don't know what happened. All of the sudden I was feeling something other than pain. I was happy. I was excited and passionate and free. The thoughts minimized. You were all I had, Blake. And then I fucked it all up. I told you to leave and I'm sure you forgot about me. I poisoned you with my doubt."
"Sunshine, I could never forget about you." Blake whispered sincerely, looking into her eyes with love.
Gwen molded into his body, crying into his shoulder. "I want to die, Blake. I've been on the edge for such a long time and I'm about to fall off. I need help. I need you."
"I'm with you, Gwen. Always and forever." he rocked her as she cried.
"It's going to be hard. I'm going to doubt you, but please bare with me. Don't forget about me." she cried.
"Never," Blake said back with so much promise in his voice.
The two were quiet for a moment, trying to figure everything out in their minds.
"I think you know what I have to do." Gwen chocked out sadly, tears streaming down her face.
Blake nodded, slowly standing up with the girl. He kissed her cheek before he took her hand and started walking.
They drove away, off to the hospital, where Gwen would be safe.
|-/
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