Baekhyun tore off the hood of his jacket from his head, shaking away the rain droplets that had latched onto his hair. He was tired, eyes baggy, fatigued and worn from sleepless nights lying awake in the loud dark. Thunderstorms were beginning to irritate him. It was one thing to have rain gently pouring down from the night sky to lull him to sleep, but the thunder was beginning to keep him awake. His brain couldn't escape from his thoughts, the unrest and the impending feeling of stupid, childish insecurity and damaged feelings that he thought he had locked safely away.
The late bell rang, meaning he'd be marked down on the chart for being tardy. It was going to be the third time in that week alone, which would've raised flags for his teachers, but knowing Baekhyun, they probably wouldn't have cared. To them, it was his habit, a tendency he was too immature to fix for the better. As Baekhyun entered the cubby area on the bottom floor, he could already see their faces, disappointed and annoyed as if they hadn't been noticing him showing more effort to make himself present since he began dating the school's starlight basketball jock or praised him in the last few weeks for scoring better and higher than most of the kids in his class.
It was a headache and so was everything.
Bending down, Baekhyun slipped off his sneakers, unwilling to bother untying them beforehand. He opened the door to the cubby and, without reacting, watched as five letters fell from the inside, hitting his feet. He silently noted how last week there were only three, and in the weeks before then, it had only been one. Sighing, the brunet put his shoes inside, and replaced his footwear with the appropriate school shoes.
After closing his box, he knelt down and picked up the letters. Though decorative and deceiving at first sight, he already knew what was inside. He stood up and walked to the nearest trash can, pausing. It wasn't like him to throw away things unread, despite its content, especially when it was specifically addressed to him.
They were all the same. Every week, like a repetition of recycled words, and every week Baekhyun would read them as if they were new before placing them deep in the bin.
You're just a number like I was. Did he tell you he loved you, too? Have you slept with him yet? Probably not if you're still together.
Baekhyun ripped the delicate letter in half and put in the trash.
This isn't beauty and the beast. What kind of happy ending do you think you're going to get?
Again, he tore the paper and threw it away. Baekhyun repeated the process several times with the other letters until he was standing in the empty hallway silently. As the world around him moved on, the sound of lectures echoing through the school, he hung his head, hand through his hair, taking a moment for himself.
His feelings for Chanyeol was definite. There weren't many things he was sure of including his future or what he truly wanted out of life, but he knew that Chanyeol was someone he loved... And yet, that love was beginning to feel heavy, and Baekhyun never really liked carrying heavy things.
Granted they made up, kissed, and foreplayed just nearly a week ago, it felt like every time they fought and reconciled, nothing ever felt truly fixed. It all felt temporary, and that was what bothered Baekhyun about everything. Why did it never feel right? Something always felt wrong...
The sound of footsteps in the hall snapped Baekhyun's focus. If it was an administrator, he'd simply be pulled into the office where he'd hear the same lecture about student duties and time management over again. To his luck and relief, it was Kyungsoo who came from the corner, lips tight and sharp as he walked over to the brunet, examining him from head to toe.
"Why're you late again?" the president asked.
Baekhyun shrugged. "I overslept."
"You need to stop oversleeping," Kyungsoo muttered under his breath. He took notice of the way Baekhyun's eyes focused in and out. "Have you been taking up more hours at work?"
Without verbally answering, Baekhyun nodded.
Kyungsoo's jaw tightened. "Why are you suddenly working harder than before? You've been missing class, and when you're actually here, you end up sleeping and being sent to the office." He paused. "I don't like seeing your name in the documents handed to me by admins."
"I'm graduating, Soo. You don't have to worry about that, at least." Baekhyun shook his head to shake the water off his hair.
"Did you have time to eat breakfast?"
"I was already late. I had to get here before I missed the bus again." Baekhyun saw the way Kyungsoo's expression turned sour. He frowned, annoyed. "I'm late because I oversleep, and I get slapped on the hand for it. Why do I have to get treated like a damn criminal for skipping breakfast so I could get here faster?"
Kyungsoo refused to answer. Instead, he cocked his head towards the hallway. "I'm not treating you like anything," he said. "You were going to be late regardless. You should've taken the time to grab something."
"I was in a hurry," Baekhyun muttered, dismissing him as he began walking. "I was preoccupied, too."
"What on earth could you be preoccupied with?" Kyungsoo asked, his eyes low as he walked along side the brunet. "You never answered my question. Why is work suddenly so important to you?"
"I'm saving money."
"Are you going to move out?"
Baekhyun shook his head. "I'm planning a trip..."
Intrigued, Kyungsoo raised a brow. "Will I be invited?"
"No."
"Then I supposed that jock of yours will be."
Baekhyun gave a small nod.
The trip was only for them, like a small getaway. Though it'd have to be a bit into the future, far past other nuisances like prom and other school events, it was something that he wanted. It would allow them to exist for a time being, together and untouched by the world around them.
With his stomach growling, Baekhyun grimaced, ignoring the way Kyungsoo glanced at him with an all too knowing look in his eyes. He was too tired and mildly hungry to think too much else about anything. For certain, he began thinking about being absent from his first period and secretly going back down to the bottom floor to get something from the vending machine as soon as Kyungsoo went on with his own way, but as if he could hear the wheels turning in the transparent space of Baekhyun's mind, the student body president took him by the hand and tugged in the direction of a hallway far from the brunet's homeroom.
-
-
Though warned and vehemently threatened to keep at least a thousand feet away from the brunet's class, especially during breaks between each class, Chanyeol still felt it in his bones to check every once in a while on Baekhyun. The past few days had been okay, despite the fact that every time he saw Baekhyun absent in a certain period, he felt obligated to check two hours later so he could appease himself with the sight of the small male sitting in the back, falling asleep.
It took everything within him not to overstep the boundaries Baekhyun had made sure to establish. He knew that eyes were always on him. He was hard to miss with his height and overall appearance, and the amount of people who looked his way when he was inside Baekhyun's classroom was not a large feat. There were moments, small, fleeting but painful moments, when he wanted to press his lips against the latter's cheek, but knew that it would've been against the other's wants.
It wasn't unusual for Baekhyun to be gone from school, missing a few periods scattered along the month, but something was happening and Chanyeol couldn't figure out what the hell it was that was bothering him so much. The brunet wasn't stupid. His attendance records were perfectly calculated, allowing him to miss the maximum amount of days, periods, and lectures in school without having to face extreme actions against him, but things were beginning to phase into a new chapter.
Baekhyun's eyes were beginning to appear heavier not only due to the lack of sleep which Chanyeol had tried to appeal for in the hopes that the brunet would heed him and sleep earlier, but also from issues he wanted to keep in the dark. He wasn't emotional, and he wasn't entirely active with his tone of voice and expressions, but Baekhyun was fading more and more into himself, unwarranted of how many times Chanyeol whispered his love or kissed his lips. It never seemed like it was enough.
It was only after second period when Chanyeol looked inside the room, eventually actually stepping inside to briefly greet the kids who were calling his name. His eyes, however, kept darting to Baekhyun's empty seat.
Cutting off the male student he was conversing with, Chanyeol gave an apologetic smile, which the boy understood. Everyone in the room were all silently aware of the connection between the two, making it to no surprise to anyone when Chanyeol asked, "Did Baekhyun come to school today?"
At the shake of their heads, Chanyeol slumped his shoulders before smiling and accepting the situation. "He hasn't been showing up recently, has he?" he said, though the words were more directed at himself in self-reflection. Without waiting for the others to answer, he bowed out and turned on his heel, walking out of the sparsely occupied room and bumping right into a small, lightweight body that fell back immediately after impact.
"Shit."
Upon realizing who it was he had accidentally collided with, Chanyeol moved quickly to bend down in an attempt to help the male back up, but his hands were slapped away the second they came into view of the other.
"I'm sorry," Chanyeol offered, taking a step back so the student body president could have the space that he mostly likely wanted. The proximity between them was uncomfortable. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Kyungsoo growled, his eyes kept down as he spitefully slapped the dust from the floor off his knees. "You have two eyes, Park. Use them."
"I just came from the classroom," Chanyeol said, trying to appeal to the latter, "so I didn't see you right when I came around the--"
"And what business do you have loitering around this area of the school?" Kyungsoo interrupted, eyes finally raised to slash right through Chanyeol's stare. "As I recall, this isn't your classroom."
"I know it's not. I was just--"
The corner of Kyungsoo's lips twitched, cynical and hard to read. "Checking up on Baekhyun like some dog? Not surprising."
As Kyungsoo tried to walk on, past the giant jock who stood in his way, Chanyeol gripped his hands into fists and continued to prevent the male from continuing on in the hall.
"Has anyone ever told you how rude you are?" Chanyeol whispered harshly, his patience dried and temper rising. "Because you are."
"Would you like a gold star for pointing out the obvious?" Kyungsoo snapped back in a low voice. "Unlike you, idling around your boyfriend's homeroom, I have errands to run for this god forsaken establishment--"
"I don't understand why," Chanyeol began, ignoring the president's ramble and pointless excuse to remove himself from the situation, "you have to be--I don't know--unnecessarily rude with your comments."
"Do you not feel like you deserve my treatment?"
"No, I don't--"
"Then that's why you're wrong. You don't understand and you don't know where I stem from," Kyungsoo said, his voice sharp and hard.
"He's my boyfriend, Kyungsoo." Chanyeol felt himself shaking. "And I'm his."
"And this is what you're doing?" Nodding aggressively to the homeroom class, Kyungsoo sneered. "You're standing around wondering where he is. That's a little sad, don't you think? Being a boyfriend and all, you have no damn clue where he is."
"What're you--"
"I told you this before, but I'll remind you since you're absolutely stupid and incapable of picking up on small details." Shoving a finger at his own chest, Kyungsoo glared. "Regardless of what you call yourself, I'll exist for as long as you're too damn blind to protect Baekhyun yourself. And quite frankly, this is just my personality, so though I'm not extremely fond of you, I don't take a liking to much of anyone, so quit being a whiny bitch about how I talk to you. You're not that special."
"I would think that I am special considering how many times you've stuck yourself into my business with my own boyfriend," Chanyeol muttered, making a grab for Kyungsoo's arm. The boy's discomfort had no effect of him. "You had no right telling him about my ex-girlfriend. You had no right to any of what you did to try and take him away from me."
"Take him away? It was an intervention, because, to face the facts, Chanyeol, would've been too difficult for you. You probably wouldn't have told him," Kyungsoo threw back. "Why mention the past when the present is going so good for you, right? Well, wrong. You can dance around another poor bastard, but don't you dare give Baekhyun half truths. You want him? Have him. I'm only here because you're too busy being in the moment while he's ripping up papers of your stupid past."
The grip on his arm loosened, and Kyungsoo took advantage of the opening, ripping his arm from the giant. He took a step back before turning his head, drawing Chanyeol's eyes with him in the same direction. From a nearby corner, Baekhyun appeared, his jacket off, sporting a plain white shirt instead. Even in the distance, Chanyeol could tell he was exhausted by the way he was walking, keeping his eyes down or closed half the time while making sure not to accidentally graze against anyone by his fault.
"I'm not one to give you advice on anything, Park," Kyungsoo started just before Chanyeol took a step forward, "but it'd do you well to stop acting like a blind rat."
With one last glance back at the cryptic male, Chanyeol left him, walking straight to Baekhyun who saw him and didn't immediately smile in welcome. Instead, he darted his eyes past Chanyeol, following Kyungsoo's back until his boyfriend covered his view unintentionally with his torso.
Out of habit, Chanyeol leaned down for a kiss, but a second later, remembered their surroundings. Muttering an apology, he pulled back and put a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it in awkwardness.
Baekhyun only shook his head, trying to keep his lips from curving upwards. His attempts, however, were not enough to go unnoticed. Grinning, the basketball jock tapped the tip of the brunet's black boots with his own sneakers.
"I thought you might've been skipping today," Chanyeol said slowly as they started walking back to Baekhyun's homeroom. "I would've called you during lunch break or something, you know, just to check up on what's going on. Maybe you were sick. I don't know. It was raining so I just thought... Are you okay? You look tired."
Giving a nod, Baekhyun reassured him. "I'll be fine. Just a little tired."
"A little?" Chanyeol questioned, brows drawn as he leaned in to examine the latter's face. "Have you been sleeping? Eating?"
"No--to both," Baekhyun briefly answered, gently pushing his face away. "But it's alright. I just came from Jongdae's office. He let me stay there for the morning."
The displeasure in Chanyeol's eyes was evident, but Baekhyun refused to acknowledge it.
"But why haven't you been sleeping at all in the first place?"
Blowing out a breath, Baekhyun shook his head, wanting to do away with the topic. "Let's talk later. Break's almost over and you need to make it back to your class." Stopping just five feet away from his classroom door, he turned around to face the annoyed giant. "Are you still coming over after school?"
"Of course," Chanyeol answered, his voice still giving signs of irritation. "I have things to talk to you about, too. It's--"
Cutting him off, Baekhyun nodded. "Okay. That sounds fine. Just bring homework, or whatever to keep yourself busy while you're there." He contemplated for a second on how he should depart, but everything that came to mind was far too intimate for his taste, especially in the establishment. Settling on gentle touch to the player's arm, Baekhyun smiled. "See you later."
Chanyeol's attempt to touch his hand arrived too late. The latter had already pulled away. "Bye..." he said, receiving a single wave from the brunet before disappearing into the room.
-
-
The rain hadn't stopped pouring by the time school ended, leaving the grounds muddy with scattered pools of water in every unfortunate dip in the ground. The lack of practice gave Chanyeol an opportunity to leave earlier than usual, but despite his free and open schedule, Baekhyun held the two of them back, running an errand that was supposed to be quick, but ended with both having to stay an extra thirty minutes.
As he sat in the office, patiently waiting for Baekhyun to emerge from his advisor's office, he thought about what Kyungsoo spewed at him earlier in the morning. It was still unclear to him what the student body president meant by papers of his past. As far as he knew, Baekhyun was well aware of his past and they were well over it. The issue was done and peacefully buried. There was absolutely nothing else he had kept to himself, but Kyungsoo ever ability to reach into the farthest depth of his mind was beginning to make him feel paranoid about every single detail.
The sound of the advisor's door brought his head back up, pulling him from his thoughts as Baekhyun walked out with a folder in his hand. Cocking his head to the door, the brunet led the way out and slipped his jacket back on him while Chanyeol held his bag, patiently waiting for him to take it back into possession.
"Did you get what you needed?" Chanyeol asked, eyeing the folder inconspicuously.
Nodding, Baekhyun hummed. "I did. Took them long enough."
"What did you need to get anyways?"
Baekhyun took his bag from Chanyeol's hands and slipped the straps on his shoulders, pulling the hood of his jacket out from being crushed against his body. "Assignments and the status of my graduation. Also, amongst those, entrance exam testing dates. Really fun and worth my time."
"The sarcasm in your voice is so subtle, Baekhyun. I could hardly notice." Chanyeol swung his arms by his side, the umbrella in one of his hands gently grazing the floor. "Why do you say it like that? Don't you want to go to college? A university?"
"I can...if I want," Baekhyun said, shrugging. "My life isn't solely dependant on a piece of paper handed to me by a man who won't even know my name. I can always rely on my physical appearance. I've been told that I'm very good looking when I try."
"You are. Always. Even when you don't try," Chanyeol said, expressingly. "Every day."
Laughing, Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "Thanks. I might have a chance on one of those unorthodox sites. Find myself a rich old guy who's into young Korean men. Live off his money in exchange for sex or something."
"You will not go on those." Chanyeol pursed his lips. "First of all, no. I mean, if you want to get married to a rich guy, then wait a couple of years and I swear I'll be on Forbes. And second, please don't have sex with old men for money. Just don't."
"What's wrong with old men?" Baekhyun asked, looking up at him. "You're going to be old some day."
"True," Chanyeol admitted, "but still. If you want to have sex with a rich old guy, then wait. I'll be both."
"You're so god-awful," Baekhyun groaned, rubbing his eyes and pushing his hair back. "But fine... If you want to wait until you're old and rich to have sex, I have no objections."
"I didn't say I wanted to wait that long."
"It's already been said and done." Lacing their fingers together, Baekhyun pulled him along until they reached the school's front exit, meeting the rain immediately after exiting the building. Looking up at the dark grey sky, he grimaced. The weather, though grim and depressing seemed like a crystal clear reflection of what he was feeling. "Is your umbrella big enough for us?"
"Of course it is!" Chanyeol proudly answered, holding up the umbrella in his hand. "I bought this for us. After remembering how poorly you packed for that rainy camping trip, I figured you weren't the type to bring an umbrella to school. You're more unpractical, I guess you could say."
"Just open the stupid thing, Chanyeol," Baekhyun softly scoffed, looking away when his boyfriend flashed him a grin. "We're going to miss the bus."
"Ah, right." Temporarily letting go of the brunet's hand, Chanyeol unwrapped the umbrella from its hold and surprised the both of them when it suddenly popped open. After giving Baekhyun a small smile, he grabbed his hand again. "I'm going to need you to stick really close to me. Wouldn't want to you to get wet."
"Uh huh."
"This isn't the time and place to get dirty, Byun Baekhyun," Chanyeol teased as he led them on the sidewalk, walking moderately fast, but slow enough to be cautious of the little puddles. "Save that dirty mouth for later."
"You're getting more and more disgusting every day," Baekhyun said, raising his brows. "What happened to the basketball airhead that used to get embarrassed all the time?"
"He got his first blow job and he decided he liked it a lot, okay?" Chanyeol slowed down. "But to be clear, I'm not always thinking about sexual things, if that's what you want to know. That's not what I think when I think of you. See, I have this process."
"Do I even want to ask about this?"
"Yes--well, I'm going to tell you about it anyways," the basketball player said, shrugging as they passed the school gates. "This is how it works. First, you pop into my head. Then I wonder how you're doing. After that, I get a little nervous, see, because then I have to make a decision. Do I call or do I text you to ask if you're okay and if you ate already or not. Once you reply to me or reject my call, either way, I'm relieve because you're still alive, so I can move on to step four..."
"Which is?"
"Wanting you to be right next to me. And even then, I just want you to be there, not necessarily doing anything to me, but just..." Pursing his lips, Chanyeol looked down at him. "You make for really good company even when you're not talking, you know? I could lie with you all day, not saying a thing, and it'd still be productive."
They took a right turn and pressed closer the the body next to him due to the narrower sidewalk. "That's sweet of you..." he mumbled, fingers tightening. "You want to know what I think when you pop into my head?"
The immediate blush that appeared on Chanyeol's face was kind of cute, but it was another thing Baekhyun would always keep to himself. "What?"
"I think...." Pausing, Baekhyun cocked his head. "I think, wow. I'm dating a guy that represents everything that I hate. Why am I doing this?"
Chanyeol pressed his lips together. "So... you hate me?"
"I hate everything that you represent," Baekhyun said clarified. "First, you play a sport. Basketball, of all things. Nothing that really has any intellectual value, which makes you the stereotypical dumb jock who struggles in Physics. But that's fine, because I still love you. Second, you really love school, a failed system that has yet to be reformed to fit the modern era and twenty-first century. And yet, I still love you even though you love a legal prison holding for fourteen to eighteen year olds. You're clingy, you're sappy, you're clumsy, you're very much into public displays of affection, and you're inexperienced."
Chanyeol blinked. "But..."
"But I still love you..." Baekhyun finished, his eyes kept on the gray, wet concrete. "I love you even if it's starting to get hard. I'm still holding on because...I still can, I guess."
"Baek--"
The loud screeching of a vehicle cut the giant off, and immediately after, Baekhyun began pulling him along, walking out from under the umbrella to hurry to the bus stop on the other block. The subject became forgotten as they found themselves in the moment, running in the rain with an umbrella doing them no good against the wind.
Baekhyun was the first to get on the bus, as Chanyeol had to close the ruined umbrella before climbing on, but the time it took for him to do so was enough for the brunet to wipe his eyes as he found two empty seats. Then, when Chanyeol walked down the aisle, he called him over using his hands, afraid of the cracking of his own voice.
---------------------------------
a/n: prom prom prom prom prom prom prom prom! (Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaa~~~ Do you guys remember the drabble that started lnad lol)
( I just remembered i never shared the initial prom drabble or random short story that started my idea for LNAD..... I'll post it and move it to the front of this book
- Fara 6.12.17 )