*****
I slammed my fist into the punching bag in front of me aggressively, only stopping to kick it instead. The past few hours had started out as a normal training session for me with a few different exercises until I just felt angry and made my way to the punching bags. After that, I had not moved from the area for a while and had broken a few things, but it seemed to be helping yet not at the same time because I was still mad and frustrated.
Before coming to the gym, I had tried doing some work. I couldn't sleep so I had decided to run over some pack work that had piled up in my absence, but I couldn't really concentrate on it so I ended up there at two in the morning.
I had been hitting this particular punching bag nonstop for the past thirty minutes, I was certain of that. What I wasn't sure of was whether I was hitting it to exercise, whether part of me just wanted it to be Nicholas or whether I was trying to gain strength by going at it for as long as possible and liked the feeling of my aching wrists and knuckles.
I don't know. I guess part of me felt like I deserved to get hurt because of how weak I was. I sure hated it. I hated the fact that despite being there for the past two hours, I still felt weak. I hated myself for being unable to return to normal.
I grabbed the punching bag to stop it and listened to my breathing as I looked down at my hands on either side of the bag. My knuckles were bruised and that only made me angrier at myself. Still not healing properly...
"Who's there?" I called. I had heard someone from outside – it was the reason I had stopped punching the bag. I may have been weak, but I seemed to notice everything around me so much more. I heard every noise, noticed the slightest movement.
"Eli, what are you doing? Doesn't training only start at six?" I heard Ben's sleepy voice.
"I have work to finish later." I didn't turn to look at him. I could smell that Ashton was with him.
"Shouldn't you be resting?" Ashton asked.
"Why? I'm fine. I've had enough rest." I said. I would think I had with the sleeping for two days after they found me thing.
"Did you do that?" Ben asked. I looked past my current punching bag at the four broken bags on the mat across the room.
"Uh... we need new bags anyway, these aren't very... durable," I mumbled.
"Eli, are you okay?" Ashton's hand touched my shoulder and I had to stop myself from tensing or grabbing it to fight him. I had not realised how touchy everyone around me was until then.
"I'm good. Just wanted to get some exercise." I said letting the bag go. I clenched and unclenched my fist as I watched the bruises on my knuckles heal slowly. There we go... But the black around my eye was still there, and there were the stab wounds that were healing so slowly they needed stitches. Burn scars. Not even Ashton's blood had helped me heal. I pulled my sleeves down over my wrists and covered my palms, fisting the fabric in my hands before I turned to face my friends. "You made any progress with finding them?" I asked.
"We know that they haven't taken a plane anywhere, but that's about it," Ben said. "We'll see if one of the witches could track Nicholas with some hair from his brush or something." I nodded.
"I'm sorry, Eli," Ashton said. "My dad told me not to say anything, after everything that happened just because people knew about my mom's blood –"
"I understand, but you know we wouldn't have told anyone," I said. "You should focus on apologising to Tamia."
Sean's mother, Izabella, had the same type of blood he did and other packs had found out long before we were born when she was a teenager. Our pack and Izabella had been attacked so many times just to get a hold of her blood so of course Tamia, Ben, and I would not have said a word to anyone, even if he had not asked us not to.
"She won't see me," he whispered.
"I'll get her to," I said making him smile. I chuckled.
"You sure you're alright?" Ben asked.
"Yes." I said beginning to get annoyed by everyone asking that, "I've been in fights before. When have I not been okay?" I asked, my voice not hiding my annoyance.
"Right, right." he raised his hands in surrender, "You gonna train with us?" he asked.
"No. I should get back to finishing the paperwork." I said.
"Come on, you always train with us," Ashton said.
"Maybe some other time," I said.
"Are you avoiding us, Alpha?"
"I said not now, okay?!" I snapped. They looked stunned and I stepped back. He was joking. Damn it... "Uh... I... I'll see you later." I walked by them and made my way outside.
I shook my head once I was alone and took a deep breath of cold, morning air.
This isn't normal Eli; you're acting shaken and weird. Stop it.
I jogged home but it seemed I couldn't turn it off and I was ready to fight the whole way there.
I walked into my house relieved since my head was starting to hurt because of my new anxiety and felt my heart skip as I was suddenly engulfed in arms. I stared towards the hall and saw my dad smile at me before he disappeared to go upstairs with the coffee in his hand while my mate's face still hid in my neck.
I bit my lip lifting my arms to hug him but stopped as I felt his energy and patted his back lightly instead. I wanted to hug him back, tightly. Part of me was so happy to have him near me again. The other part... resented him... He felt so strong...
"I missed you." he smiled looking at me before his smile fell slightly as the concern in his eyes intensified and he lifted his hand. I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers just so that he wouldn't touch my face. I stared at our hands savouring the warmth his hand radiated and the feelings it brought to me while trying not to focus on how he felt so much more powerful than I knew I now was.
"Can we hang out later? I have... I have work to do." I said. "It-It's just that it's all piled and –"
"No, I get it. Sure." He smiled.
I nodded leaning toward him but I stopped short of kissing his cheek. Instead, I squeezed his hand mumbling that I would see him later before I let it go and made my way to the office that used to be my father's.
Once inside, I shut the door behind me and stepped back staring at it. I looked around suddenly not liking the room. It didn't have a window, it felt like the cell. All I needed was a cage and cuffs that chained me to the wall to be right back where they put me. I jumped slightly hearing a buzz and looked at the light on the desk that signalled that someone was outside the office. I gave an aggravated sigh rubbing my arms before I opened the door.
"I thought you would want some." Karabo held up a mug of hot chocolate filled with tons of cream and marshmallows that shaped a smiley face up to me. It made me smile. He hadn't changed a bit in the time we had been apart.
"Thank you, Karabo," I said taking it from him.
"You're welcome." He kissed my cheek. Wait... Was he trying to bribe me into not doing work?
"Is it working?" He smirked. I stopped and realised he had linked to me and so heard my thought.
"Sorry..." I mumbled.
"It's fine; it was worth a try. I'll wait," he said pulling the door shut.
I shook my head staring at the mug in my hand but I felt my smile fall when I smelt wolfsbane. I knew it wasn't in there, of course it wasn't, but my hand wouldn't move the mug towards my mouth. I sighed putting it down on the coffee table before I took a seat at my desk and began working. Or at least trying to work; I just couldn't concentrate on it so I began Googling pictures of baby animals and animal memes.
I 'worked' for a few hours until I felt really bad about not drinking Karabo's hot chocolate – I had disposed of it secretly when I took a bathroom break and told him that it tasted amazing when I spotted him in the kitchen with my parents. I turned off my PC deciding to actually hang out with him, even though I was really dreading being near him. I left the office and jogged upstairs to take a shower before I walked down the hall.
"Tamia?" I knocked on my sister's door lightly. Luckily for me, she was still avoiding her mate and the door swung open. I chuckled seeing her in her pyjamas. She must have been really upset; Tamia not dressed at 1 PM was a new sight for me. She had done her hair though. "Danté." I pushed by our sister to hug him where he sat on her bed while he squirmed and tried to push me away from him.
"Have neither of you showered?" I asked.
"You only showered because you want to impress your mate." Danté rolled his eyes.
"Shut up. Could you tell him we'll leave in a few minutes?" I asked.
"Why? What am I getting for doing it?" He asked.
"Seriously?" I asked as Tamia laughed.
"You get to tell him bad things about Eli."
"Mmm. Sure." Danté smirked. I stared confused as he walked out while our sister giggled.
"Why did you say that?" I asked.
"He wouldn't have gone if I didn't. What's up?" she asked.
"Uh... I need help... Could you cover... this?" I asked pointing my sleeve-covered hand to my eye, "I-I don't want anyone in the pack seeing it." I mumbled.
"Of course." I looked away from Tamia to avoid her pity-filled gaze as I sat at her dresser while she grabbed her makeup kit. Tamia did makeup part-time while she went to school.
"I can't believe he did this." She whispered rubbing some wet stuff on my face. It was clear so I was confused about what she was doing but figured it needed to be done if she thought it was necessary, and it smelled nice so whatever.
"He wants to be Alpha," I replied.
"So? I wouldn't hurt the person I care about, even if I desperately wanted what they have."
"What?" I looked at her and she pulled her hand back.
"Nicholas." She said, "He was really into you." she added.
"No, no he wasn't." I lowered my brows. What a ridiculous thing to say.
"Eli, he was into you."
"No, he was not. Come on, I would have noticed... and he would have said something." I said.
"Wow. This whole time I thought you didn't say anything because you didn't wanna hurt his feelings. Ash is right, you're so oblivious to anything but work." She said before gasping, "Do you think he did all of this to get back at you?"
I opened my mouth but confusion overtook me. No... I would have noticed... He did not like me; he just wanted to be Alpha...
I looked down as all my encounters with Nicholas ran through my mind. When he invited me to go skiing with him when we were teenagers and I told him I needed to work, how he somehow ended up seated near me in every class we had together or gave a shy smile (which I termed his constipation smile in my mind) whenever I spoke to him with no one around, the times I forgot my lunch when we were in school and he gave me most of his or even made me some because he knew I forgot to eat quite often since I was so distracted, when he asked who I was taking to prom and I told him I was working and he said he was too so we ended up running errands together all night and he did not complain for a second and just seemed oddly happy to be working. Holy shit...
I shook my head slowly as I looked back up at my sister. "I... I didn't know."
"I know... How do you hurt someone you love because they don't feel the same? He's sick." Her eyes shaded into the yellow they became when she sifted and I lifted my hand to her arm to calm her down.
"Hey, I'm good." I smiled to assure her.
"No, you're not. Not after they –"
"Tamia." I cut her off, "It's just wolfsbane and a few scrapes. Nothing I haven't been through before." I said. She stared at me uncertainly. "I promise, I'm really good," I added.
"Alright. Just... tell us if you're not okay. You don't always have to be so strong, Eli."
She was wrong. I had to be. I was not me if I was not strong. And if, for a second, I seemed weak our pack would be threatened. Everyone kept asking if I was okay so clearly, I was failing at proving it. I needed to act more like myself.
"I can't help it," I smirked and she laughed. "Now help me cover this."
"Okay." She finished up my eye before I got up and went downstairs.
"Ready?" I smiled at Karabo who was alone in the living room.
"Yeah." He smiled.
We left deciding not to take a car and walked all the way to town. He touched on the incident but I quickly brushed it off by asking what he had been doing since I left. He told me about normal things like pack work and his mother. I could tell he was avoiding anything bad to keep the conversation light-hearted.
"This is the high school I went to." I pointed to the building as we walked by it.
"I bet you were one of those typical sporty blond jocks in movies. Bully, dates the head cheerleader, fails everything except gym." He joked. I tried to laugh.
"No, actually. I was one of those typical sporty blond jocks that played chess and passed every class because even though I was allowed to skip school all the time because of the pack, the headmaster is part of our pack and demanded the best or I would get an earful until I fixed it. Also, the head cheerleader had this weird on-and-off thing going with Ben because I had no time for that." I said. Ben was always known as the super-romantic guy because of his addiction to romcoms and the amount of effort he put into random dates. He was very dedicated and creative when it came to that.
"No time for dating?" he smiled.
"Yeah, work was first." I definitely would not have noticed if anyone liked me in high school, I was almost always too busy to even hang out with my friends. Not that I minded, I always loved Alpha duties.
"Still is," Karabo said.
I gave a smile and he returned it, though it did not quite reach his eyes as he looked down. I took his hand to make him feel better and watched as he stared at our hands before tightening his grip around mine. I was happy it made him happy even though to me, it just pointed out what was wrong with me now.
We walked around for a while longer before deciding to get some food.
The restaurant we ended up at was a dimly lit little place that was not too busy because it seemed to be suited more for evening dinners. As soon as we walked in, Karabo ran to the table in the back with a booth that was pretty much hidden from everyone and I shook my head amused while following him into the secluded corner. I sat down and looked around not really liking the dark atmosphere as it felt like it was closing in on us. I turned to Karabo as he slid up next to me.
"Hey, Eli." His voice was soft as he leaned close to me making me raise my brows at him.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"It'll be okay..." he said taking my hand. I glanced down before looking back at him.
"It's already okay." He grinned and I returned a tight-feeling smile.
I barely listened as he began telling me about what surprised him about this side of the planet and talking about my family. I wasn't sure what to feel as I watched him. I had missed him so much and now that I was near him... The mate pull was there, everything I had felt I could still feel, he still made my heart race but I felt dethatched somehow.
Would he be happy if I let him take the Alpha position at Galaxy? Was he happy knowing there was now a clear distinction between our levels of power? Even if everyone else just thought I was hiding my power, he was my mate. He could probably feel that I wasn't; that this was it. That something had changed, something was wrong. I didn't want to resent him... but being near him made me so mad. So mad at him for no reason. I wanted to be close to him but I didn't want him to take my place. I was being selfish. Clearly, I wasn't strong enough to be Alpha anymore. The thought only made me want to be further away from Karabo. This wouldn't be happening to me if there wasn't another Alpha right beside me that could replace me. No, he had nothing to do with it. He had never said anything about taking my position within my pack, he didn't care about that. Well, it didn't matter whether he cared about it or not if it was destiny.
Bullshit, Nicholas did not know what fucking destiny was.
"Eli? You there?" Karabo gave an awkward chuckle as I snapped out of my thoughts and returned my focus to him. He looked like he had been trying to get my attention for some time.
"Oh – uh, yeah..." I sighed pulling my hand from his to run it against my thigh as I felt rather fidgety, "No... I thought I could do this but I really have so much work to do and catch up on, I can't focus on anything else." I lied.
"Oh..." he said, "It's fine. I get it, obviously. I'll be here for a few more days, we can hang out when you're done with work." I felt my heart clench at his fake grin but nodded in agreement.
"Thank you." I gave his shoulder a light pat choosing not to kiss his cheek even though that was my first thought. "You coming?" I asked standing up.
"Nah, you know... I-I wanna explore more so... I'll be back later." He said as he gave a shrug.
"Don't get lost," I said. He nodded with a chuckle.
I left the restaurant and let out another sigh as I began to walk home. Halfway there, I decided I didn't want to go home and settled for running through the forest. I wished I could shift, but since I couldn't, I just ran until my legs began to get weak and ended up stumbling and falling onto my knees. I was exhausted as I turned to sit against a tree and let out a frustrated shout at how easily I had gotten out of breath. I leaned my head against the tree but my breathing quickened as I caught the smell wolfsbane and feel pricks on my arms. I opened my eyes but shut them again immediately seeing someone swing their fist at me. The impact never came and I covered my eyes with my hands.
No one's here. I'm alone.
I dropped my hands and looked around hearing something lock. I was still on the ground against a tree. There was nowhere that sound could have come from. I was alone, right? I shook my head standing up and looking around, my hand sliding into my pocket to grab the pocket knife I never left home without anymore. I should get home...
I jumped as something suddenly went off loudly but sighed as the noise continued and I realised it was just my phone. Reaching for it showed Ashton's name flash on the screen but I just ignored the call and turned off my phone. I wouldn't feel so on edge if I was strong enough to take on whatever came at me. I just had to work harder at regaining my strength. I decided to do a few more exercises while I was out there before I went home.
*****