I was brushing away the dust from my court yard when it happened. I had broom in my hand. I do this every morning before going to school. Mother had been inside doing chores. You might be thinking, Father is in custody and we didn't get to see him. It has already been a week! Why are we acting normal?
Trust me. We are everything but that. It has been a week since I have had a good night sleep. I stayed awake every night thinking of all the possibilities to get Father out. But every time I'm met with blank screen in front of my mind. I thought of sneaking in the palace and ask King the last permission to see Father. I even thought I should sneak inside the prison house guarded by the soldiers. Yes I know where it is.
But I brushed the thought away. It's not like the King would kill Father, right? I mean, Father is loved by everyone, and he is most dear to the king. He would not punish father, right? This was the thought that gave me hope. That gave my mother the hope that my father will return soon. Everything will be normal.
Mother was working. Preparing meals to welcome my father. She has considered that the King would make decision on her behalf. I want this to happen too. But I have this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right.
A soldier approached. Panting. He stopped at the gate and took deep breaths. I kept the broom aside and brushed away the dust off of my hands. His head looked full of sweat. He swiped it away from the back of his hands. He strengthened himself as I stood raising an eyebrow at him. I knew him very well. He had been one among the fortunate beings that loved Father as much as the King himself. You won't find him very religious from the looks. His long beard, moustache, and bald head gives him the look of a villain.
"Vrinda dear, I.. I don't know how to say. Please call your mother." he said. But his voice had a touch of grief. It was as if he had just witnessed death of someone dear. It doesn't feel good. My heart sank. Something isn't right.
"What is it uncle?"
He shook his head, "call your mother. This is very urgent." I looked at him. His eyebrows down. His face looked dull. His voice told me something has gone terribly wrong.
I gulped and nodded. I rushed inside. I could hear the sweet humming of Mother. I'm not sure what she sang, but she seemed hopeful. She seemed happy after a week of disturbance. I stood on the door and looked at her. I have this feeling that this message would not make her happy. I can tell from the looks of that soldier.
I hate the times when I become reason for someone else's misery. I sighed and knocked on the door from my knuckles. She turned back and smiled.
"Vrinda, what are you doing here? Did you clean the court yard? We have so much work to do! Your Father might come any minute!" she rubbed her hands and went back to chop the vegetables.
"Mother," I said in a small voice. How can I tell you Mother that Father might not come back? I bit my tongue to control my tears.
She sighed, "what is it Vrinda? I have so much work to do! Please be quick."
I gulped. Here I go. "Soldier came with a message. And he asks for you."
She stopped cutting vegetables. I could hear her shaky breath. I gripped my saree and closed my eyes. "I don't think it's a good news mother." I wanted to say, Mother, I don't think Father is coming back. But how do you think would she react? How would you think I can ever utter those words? He is my father. The person who nourished me with both spiritual and parental love. How can I say those words out loud? "We should go Mother," my voice cracked.
She stood. Paralysed. I couldn't tell if she was crying since she faced her back on me. But she took multiple breaths and turned. She smiled at me, "Vrinda, how do you know it's a bad news? Let's go. Maybe King wants to surprise us." she turned around. I could see her bright eyes as she imagined Father being released from the prison. I can't help but feel disappointed.
I just nodded and turned around. I knew the news wasn't good. I knew it.
We rushed to the palace with soldier. He didn't utter a word. He couldn't meet his eyes with Mother.
"Is he alright?" mother asked.
"I don't know. Let's go before it's too late." what does he mean by that?
I shook my head and crossed the main palace gate with them: my anticipation kept increasing. I could no longer see people scattered around the palace with a smile on their faces. It was strange. Where was everyone? Even the servants, who used to brush away the palace grounds, seemed to have disappeared all of a sudden. The grand temple seemed to be empty. I couldn't even hear the tingling sound of kartal and melodious voice of the pandit. Everyone seemed to have disappeared.
When we passed the fountain just before the main palace hall, I expected us to rush inside. But instead, soldier kept walking and passed the hall. We followed him down the narrow path.
Was he talking us to the grand punishment ground where criminals are supposed to be beheaded? I gripped my saree. No! That's not possible. My father is not a criminal. He has done many services, sacrificed several things for this kingdom. He can't be criminal, right?
I shivered from the alternative possibilities. My mind kept reeling on the worst case scenario. What if Father is punished life imprisonment? Or worst, death? I shook my head desperately to get away from the images of possible future. No matter how much I tried, I was being reminded of those to make me tremble more. My legs started to feel like jelly while walking. I no longer had the strength to keep up.
I looked at mother and the soldier. They had picked up the pace.
I took deep breaths and started to mutter Narasimha Kavach mantra in my mind. Relief washed over my mind thinking Krsna is here. I could depend on Him for the both spiritual and material protection of Father.
The narrow path was surrounded by bushes on one side and wall on another. I guess we were taking a shortcut but it seemed unending. Maybe it's because of my anticipation of knowing the truth.
Finally, I could see people standing on the end of the narrow street. We rushed faster and walked into the group. The arena had been exactly like a stadium you guys know about, only few acres bigger.
My heart thudded loud when I realized my fears had come true. It's indeed the punishing arena, something that I hadn't seen yet. I looked at Mother and I understood she could walk no longer. I took a deep breath and held her hands tightly as we walked among the sea of people. But I guess we weren't the only ones having sad faces and teary eyes. Mostly everyone was crying.
I fixed my eyes on the stage where the criminals are mostly beheaded. I could see a black man wearing dark blue robes stood with a huge iron swords. And then my eyes landed on the criminal that was supposed to beheaded today: Father. He sat in meditation crossing his legs. He had his hands on his knee and eyes closed.
I gripped Mother's hand tightly. Wait, it must be a mistake. Father can't be up there. I started breathing fast as I searched for the King. I found him looking on the ground. He rubbed his forehead but his eyes were fixed on the ground.
No, King must be making a mistake. Maybe I should tell him that he had caught the wrong person.
I left my mother's hand and nearly ran ahead. I passed several people and I think I stepped someone's toe. I could tell that from the yelp I heard in my ears. But I cared less about it. I walked past the sea of people and came ahead.
Only if I could get a chance to talk to the King. My heart was beating fast. I needed to act quickly. I looked over at Father. It has been a week. His body was covered with same saffron robes. But this time, he didn't have ornaments on. Tears started to build up in my eyes. If I don't act fast, I might not see him again.
I moved over to where King was standing, keeping at least three feet distance. I opened my mouth but nothing came out except air. My hands were trembling. No, I can't lose Father. Who will tell me stories every night to put me to sleep? Who will teach me debating skills? Who will scold me if I've done something wrong? To whom can I rely on for everything? I didn't even know when I started to cry.
I looked at my father and saw him gazing down at me. My heart jumped in my chest. He was smiling. I rubbed my eyes but I didn't stop crying. I wanted him to see how unhappy I was. I wanted him to do something. But instead, he just smiled.
I couldn't understand why he was smiling. I knew he had strength to get up and leave. King was his disciple. He could've ordered the King. But instead, he is getting ready to be beheaded?
Perhaps Krsna wants him to come, I heard a voice from my heart. Somehow, the thought was relieving to me. Somehow, I could understand this is Krsna's plan. He wanted Father to live an eternal life. I was little calmer when I looked at Father again. As if reading my mind, he nodded at me and closed his eyes again.
The next thing that happened was really unexpected. It revealed me the things that Father could do, of which I didn't have any idea.
Father started to glow. His face shone in the color of gold. But it didn't stop. The color brightened, reminding me of fire. But even fire might have become embarrassed by now because Father started to glow even more than that. It was as if the sun itself has decided to land. It was so bright that I could no longer see his face.
I covered my eyes. I wanted to see him. I knew I wouldn't anymore. I wished to see him, just last time. I tried to open my eyes but the glow felt like pins attacking the orbs. I closed them again.
"Father! Don't go!" I let out a whimper. But it was of no use. I should've uttered those words sooner. The only thing that could given me solace enough to stay on my feet that Krsna has come and He is willing to take Father to the eternal abode. But I was still trembling. I needed my father. I was desperate. Frantically I opened my eyes and they landed on the empty space instead of Father. The red ashes flew everywhere and I could see grey colored dust on the ground.
He is gone. He used the ancient technique of dying: krodhagni. My heart sank and I started screaming. Soldiers held me from behind but I struggled. I knew I wasn't powerful. I stopped struggling soon after realizing that my desperation wouldn't return my father. I fell on my knees and cried.
Krsna, if You're listening, please take good care of him. Please don't let him come in this world again. Please give him so much love that he become blissful for eternity. My mind started to repeat these sentences more than once.
I remember once when I had been depressed just because I fell and broke my knees in my childhood. Father had approached me. He consoled me and said, "it's normal to cry and get depressed because of adversity. But in reality, this world is full of problems. The more you get depressed, the more you'll get those. Instead, you must learn to rise above and see these problems from the eyes of someone higher than you, me for example. You can always rely on me, Vrinda. Never forget that."
I let out a whimper and cried more at that memory. How would I rely on you Father after you've decided to leave?
I really wasn't in the situation of doing anything else. But my eyes shot open when I heard a soldier saying something about war. I walked over to the King to hear the conversation clearly.
"...the war has started my King. I don't know what has gone wrong. The sacrifice you made. It was for nothing. They are still determined for it. They have come my king. Please do something!"
The desperation in his voice told me that situation was no where near good. I looked at the King. He must be even more devastated than me. Perhaps Father had secretly ordered King to take this drastic step. Otherwise why would King make such an order to behead Father? He loved Father after all. King treated him just like his own father. Did Father sacrifice his life just for nothing?
I didn't know how I got courage to speak these words, "we should fight my King."
The King stared in the space and looked at me. I could tell he was as disturbed as I and Mother was. Wait, Mother! I turned around and found her standing just behind me. People had left the arena already.
Was I crying for hours?
"My King!" I heard a familiar voice and i stepped back. It was Chiran.
Chiran fell at the feet of King. "I apologise. I tried to pursuade them!" His voice trembled as if he had seen a spider.
King tightened his fist. I could see his demeanor changing from frustrated to rage. He grabbed Chiran's collar and pulled him up. They were face to face. "Tried? You just tried?" his voice was so threatening that I could feel chill traveling down my spine.
Chiran gulped and he raised his palms to protect himself from King's rage. But King tightened his grip. "I know you're upset. Believe me! Even I'm frustrated. It wasn't me who backstabbed you, it was His Highness Leon. He wanted this war. He used me." he trembled more.
But his words made King even more angry. "Sure. You are some commodity that can be easily used. Look, Chiran. I'm sick of your games. Considering the situation, I'm leaving you. Otherwise, you would've been beheaded right now."
King threw Chiran on the ground and looked at the soldier, "make sure ladies, children, and older ones are safe. Bring them to my secret passage and keep them locked in until the war ends. Fetch them all the basic supplies. I don't know how long it will take." and he left.
°°°
Okay tell. Me, who cried after reading this? Because I did. Anyway, comment your views.
Pooja.