Ashlynn
I didn't slept well that night either, not after what had happened. I tried to convince Matthew to get some sleep, but he insisted that he was fine. Either way, I refused to sleep while he was awake.
I sat with him by the fire, after we made the announcement that construction on the wall would start in the morning. He kept telling me that he wasn't tired, but he was exhausted. His eyes were so red that they probably could have glowed in the dark, and the circles under them kept getting bigger and darker.
"Just go to sleep, Matt."
He shook his head. "Not while I can help it."
"Please, Matt. You can't survive without sleep."
"No." He said through a yawn. "I'm fine."
"No you're not." I glared at him. I knew he wasn't fine, his speech was slurred and he was barely keeping his eyes open. "It's a miracle that you got through today after staying up all night last night, but if you stay up tonight too you'll be as good as dead tomorrow."
He just sat still and said nothing.
"Matt!"
He looked, wide eyed, at me. "What?"
"Did you hear what I just said?"
"Yes. Sorry." He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "I just-" Then he trailed off.
After a moment of waiting for him to finish his sentence. "Matt?"
"Yes?"
"If I sleep will you sleep too?"
"You'll just be watching me- to make sure I fall asleep." His words were slurred and quiet.
"No I won't, I promise." Obviously I didn't mean that. Of course I would watch to make sure that he sleeps.
He sat silently again. His eyes were closed so I could tell he was drifting off.
"Come on, Matt." I whispered.
His head fell down and he jolted to consciousness again.
"Okay. That's it." I told him.
"Hmm?"
I wrapped my arms around him as gently as I could. Then, I put one hand behind his head and began to slowly lower him onto the mat; luckily, he was halfway unconscious, otherwise I know that he wouldn't have let me lay him down.
Once I had gotten him completely down on the mat, I sat down next to him. He was completely relaxed; it was comforting to see him so peaceful after all that had happened today. I didn't want to move; after all, this was the first time I had seen him since I met him where he was so perfectly calm. Even when I first met him, his lighthearted demeanor was a cover for his frustration and fear, but now there he laid, undisturbed by the whole world around him.
For a while I just sat and watched him. It was my turn to watch over him while he got some rest. I didn't want to sleep, not after everything that had happened that day, so I decided I would stay up as long as I could.
After a few minutes, I stood up. As I was walking away I heard Matthew's voice behind me. "Liv?"
I turned around to see his eyes barely opened. From the little crack between his eyelids, I could tell he was looking at me.
"Yeah, Matt?"
"Stay here for a while." He said in a soft voice.
I nodded. "Okay." I walked softly back to the mat and laid down next to him. "Go to sleep okay?"
He nodded. "I don't think I have a choice really."
I chuckled. "You don't."
He smiled at me just before drifting off to sleep again.
For a while, I just looked at him. Everything felt right at that moment. He was okay, and for that moment that was all that mattered to me. For that moment, nobody else was there, Samuel and Aiva and that creature weren't there. There were no problems, but, as always, it was only for a moment.
I looked towards the door to see Ashlynn. She had opened the door and was looking around to make sure nobody was following her. Most everybody was asleep, so she must have thought that nobody would even see her slip out.
I almost didn't follow her, but then I saw what was in her hand. She was carrying a knife. I didn't know where she had gotten it, or what she was going to use it for, but I had a strong feeling that it wasn't good.
After taking one last look at Matthew, I stood up quietly and walked after her. I reached the open door and saw her sitting on the ramp of the ship, holding the knife in her hand.
"Ashlynn?"
She jolted at my voice and turned around quickly. "Oh, you." She forced a smile and turned back around. "You scared me."
"What are you doing out here?"
"Nothing. Just go back inside, Olivia."
I sighed and walked up to her. "Ashlynn, what are you doing with that?"
She was twirling the knife around in her fingers, like it was just a pencil or something. She peered up into the sky as we spoke, not even paying attention to the weapon in her hand.
She said nothing. "Ashlynn, please. Whatever you're planning on doing, I'm begging you to reconsider."
"Look at that." She pointed her finger to the sky, completely disregarding what I had said.
I looked up into the sky to see a shimmering, silver sphere. It was breathtaking; it took me a moment to realize what it was, but I figured out that it was New Eden.
I had learned in science classes that even though New Eden was just like Earth- except with more buildings-,from the ground of the home planet it would appear silver because of the synthetic atmosphere. I had never realized how beautiful it was, until then.
"Wow." Was all I could say.
"Isn't it beautiful?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it is."
"It's a lie."
I looked back down at her, confused. "What?"
"It's a lie. The planet is so beautiful, so appealing. It makes you want to go there and live there forever, but once you get really close you realize that it's full of evil. People are evil, Olivia, and so is everything else."
I just stood there in awe. I didn't know how to respond to what she was saying.
"My family wasn't given a chance. Every single one of us was infected, and everyone of them died except me and Tyson. I thought that him and I would have a chance here, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. That was a lie too. Now he's gone, and so is every other reason for me to keep going."
I sat down next to her. "Ashlynn, I'm so sorry. I have no idea what you're going through, but I know that there is still a chance here. We can keep going, all of us. We're your family now."
She laughed. "I don't care."
I looked up at the planet in the sky. She was right, these last few weeks have been horrible, and all we got for it was exile. One of us was dead, and I couldn't help but wonder what would become of the rest of us.
"I just can't get myself to do it." She said, glaring at the knife as if it were responsible for everything wrong in her life.
"That's because you know that it's not time for you to die yet." I told her. "You know that even though right now it hurts so much, that you still have a life ahead of you. Deep down, you know that."
She chuckled. "I guess so, I just don't want to live that life."
"Maybe not, but neither do any of us here. It would be so much easier if it would all just end, but we all realize that there is a reason to keep going."
"Oh yeah?" She turned her glare to me. "What is that reason?"
I hesitated. I had no idea what it was. I guess maybe deep down I did know, but I could put it into words.
She laughed. "That's what I thought." She clenched the knife in her hands. "Just go inside and close the door. It needs to be shut and you should just forget me."
I looked at her with a broken heart. I didn't know how to stop her, but I didn't want to just give up on her by going inside. "I can't stop you, but please consider the fact that there's still a chance for a life here."
"Just go inside, Olivia."
With a heavy heart I stood up. I desperately searched my mind for anything that would change her mind. Suddenly it came to me. "Each other."
"What?"
"That's what the reason is. Each other."
"That's stupid."
"No it's not." I sat back down. "All we have now is each other. We have to be there for one another, just like I'm being there for you now."
"Just stop."
"No. Ashlynn! I'm not going back inside without you."
She shut her eyes and clenched the knife harder. Tears started streaming down her face.
We sat in silence while she cried. I wanted to say something, but I knew it was best to just let her have a moment. For a while she just sobbed into her hands; I hoped that she was reconsidering, but all I could do was hope.
"This was going to be it." She began.
"What do you mean?"
"Back on New Eden, I tried once. I just ended up in the hospital. Tyson made me promise I would never do it again, and I did. Now he's gone so it doesn't matter, and yet, I can't bring myself to do it."
I stayed silent. I wanted to give her her time to get her emotions out.
"You know, even when my family was alive, Tyson was all I had. The rest of them didn't care if I died or not. Tyson was the only one who even visited me at the hospital. He literally carried me there, because he was the in who found me, he didn't have a car, and the ambulance wouldn't be there in time." She continued to cry. "Nobody told me not to do it the first time. Nobody tried to talk me out of it, but here you are coming a complete stranger and you care enough for some reason to talk me out of it. Why do you care, Olivia?"
I hesitated. I didn't know why I cared, but I did. "Like I said, we're family. We have be there for each other now."
She nodded and wiped away her tears. "Okay, Olivia. I'll keep trying for another day, and see where it goes from there."
I smiled at her. "Okay."
She stood up and began to walk towards the door. She hesitated. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." I said warmly, still sitting on the ground.
With that, she hurried inside. I looked at the ground next to me and saw that she had left the knife behind, which comforted me knowing that she wouldn't try to hurt herself inside.
I put the knife in my pocket and went inside. I was tired, but I felt fine. Ashlynn was okay for another day. I hadn't thought about it in a while, but I still blamed myself for Kyle's suicide. Convincing Ashlynn to give her life another shot maybe relieved some of that guilt; after all, I was powerless to save Kyle, but I had the opportunity to talk her talk her out of it. I might not have made her life any easier, but at least she knew now that she had somebody to care for her.
With the heaviness gone, I went inside. Thankfully, Matthew was still sleeping, so I laid back down and watched him sleep.
Maybe it was weird, maybe it wasn't; I didn't really care either way. Seeing him so peaceful made me feel warm inside, added to the fact that Ashlynn changed her mind, at least for now, about suicide.
"Matt?" I whispered to make see if he was awake or not.
There was no answer. The emotions I felt for him overwhelmed me. As I laid there and looked at him, my heart was beating so quickly and my stomach was filled with a strange feeling that I hadn't felt since Kyle.
He made me feel so safe, even when he wasn't even conscious. He was strong, not only physically, but emotionally. Everything about him was so comforting when I needed it.
In school, after Kyle died, the other guys were all too happy to be the one to comfort me. Maybe that's why it took me so long to be okay again, since I knew most of the comfort that I got from school was just a grab for my attention. But as I looked at him, I felt that everything would be okay, and he didn't even have to say a single word to me.
I decided it was true, all of the feelings that I had been pushing aside were true. Maybe they were silly and unimportant now, but I knew what they were.
As he laid silent, I decided to say it. Even if he couldn't hear me. "I love you, Matthew Sallow."